Strange Encounters
by Aurvelia Belmort
Summary: AU. War has been wearing out the hearts and minds of its victims. Poverty and hunger are at its peak and the world is begging for peace. As a doctor, Sakura believes she is a steady pillar who stands the middle but when she is pulled into a web of frightening men who stand far above the law; she witnesses the even more gruesome part of war.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

Chapter I

The streets were noisy as always. A certain smell lingered in the air, one of bad hygiene mixed with food. Beans mainly. I scrunch up my nose in distaste. Above us was a dark grey sky ready to pour on us  
I don't have much time, I don't want to be soaking wet when I arrive.  
My eyes when over the crowd of people before me. I can't remember the last time I heard silly banter about nothing and children yelling and playing carefree in the streets. The poverty was heart-wrenching to see and the fearful, hungry faces made it clear that we lived in a harsh, cold era of war.  
Sometimes I'd let my mind wander and wonder if we'd ever be able to relive the past, if we could ever go back and put this all behind us.

I finally decide to move through the crowd so I can make my way to the hospital. I live just outside of the village. A dangerous choice scolded by many but I needed the peace that the outlands provided me.  
I heard too much crying, screams of terror on my duty. I had hushed so many people that only silence could hush me.  
For the moment we were having a brief period of truce. A fresh breath of air for many of us.  
Yet it could not erase the fear that had seeped into our hearts, knowing that this so called truce was nothing more but another trick for both parties to reevaluate their strategies.  
Sometimes I pondered who the enemy truly was. In my duty that line would always be a blur, as it was my job to take care of the wounded. Good or evil. Right or wrong. It made no difference.  
Perhaps that was why I decide to become a medic because I knew I would never have to make that choice. I could never make the wrong decision. At least not morally that is.

I get a few nods and greetings along the way and I always give the same insecure smile back. Suddenly behind us we hear a loud blast. I anxiously turn around with wide eyes.  
In the green mountains, far behind us, a dark black cloud appears. I hear some mumbling and hisses, some sound scared while others sounded angry. Openly outing their disapproval, claiming that our leader had yet again made a false promise of peace .  
There were no further explosions after that meaning there was no battle of some sorts taking place. So it looked rather harmless…  
'Probably a dud…' I mutter, trying to ease my rapidly beating heart.

Sadly people just resumed their normal day lives and no longer stared at dark ashy ominous cloud disappearing into the dark grey sky.  
The truth is we've gotten used to it. Though I knew from my job each and every single one of them had a heartbeat just like mine right now, I knew everyone was just as frightened. We had all lost something by this point.  
I had told many that there was no use to fret about it, that we could only try to keep ourselves and our loved ones out of harm way and keep our mind cool and our hearts strong…  
As I'm about to move, I overhear some people talk.

'They have allied with them,' one mutters.  
'How can you be so sure?' the old man snaps. 'You with the ANBU?' He snickers loudly but no one laughs. He smirk falls and his expression turns more serious.  
'It's been too calm…' the other one replies, ignoring the old man's mocking tone.  
'What do you mean? That was the first explosion in a week!' a young woman exclaimed.  
'Not that,' the man answers with a sad look, shaking his head in disbelief. 'If there was any sign of true peace coming our way they'd have meetings, _brag_ about their _great truce_ in the _papers_! They just ran out of soldiers and are looking for allies… Both sides are!'  
'And you think Kirigakure has finally decided to side with Otogakure?' the old man asked, this time I could hear his voice waver a bit.  
 _  
Fear._

Though he kept a solid stern expression, his blue eyes could not conceal the feeling.

I too could feel my blood run cold. I had nagging feel about it as well, it had been too quiet these past few weeks and I too had picked up on some rumors.  
Yes, while only mild occurrences had happened none of them gave of any true sign of peace coming our way. It had all still been too violent, too hateful. None of the men I had threated had spoken about missions to end this dreaded war. Not ever was there a word about peace said out loud.

I sigh, feeling a heavy weight land upon my entire body. Somehow my feet manage to keep moving.

The smell of ether hits my nostril when I enter the hospital. To some it is truly repulsing but to me it is a smell of that I find strangely delightful. It is an indication of cleanness. It's sharp and clear unlike so many other things in my life.

I keep walking while a bunch of files are given to me, I feel rush enter my body and the need to keep moving forward. Patients that are in desperate need of my help. I ignore the first few cases and see what is, how my mentor likes to call it, on the menu. Nothing new which saddens me because I would much rather not cut off any limbs today or stop internal bleedings.  
I properly put the files back but the one in front, which I had ignored earlier, makes me halt.  
'Urgent matter that is of great importance,' the nurse standing next to mutters underneath her breath to me.  
I glance at her, quirking up an eyebrow. Now I understand her silence, normally she would chitchat about her morning since she would come in earlier then me.

I sigh when understanding what was going on.

Neither of us are big fans of politics since they were the ones to get us into this mess and this old man particularly… I shake my head. It was my sworn duty, my job! I had given an oath to help all beings. Even if it were the enemy I'd still do it, _I would help him_.

Heck, I think to myself, I had even truly done that. I had healed wounded soldiers back to health only for them to get tortured again in prison. And that was just to psychologically mess with them. I never understood how ANBU worked, it was such a dark, gritty organization that I didn't even bother to see into it, I wanted to stay as far away from them as I could.  
Though, I still hated it when they wanted me to hand them over… I'd fight them all the way but never won. I had to lose patients, not knowing where their final fate would end up taking them. Presumably they were left to rot once they had outrun their use.  
Now, one could say I had sympathy for the enemy but that is not true. Far from it. They are just people, doing their job. Following an order that has been given to them.

And of now, I was in charge of the health of one of the people giving orders to _our troops_.  
A person I personally despised, I felt like he only wanted drag out our misery just so he could benefit a bit longer since his position would be dismissible once the war was over.

When seeing him on a picture he was nothing more than an elderly man. Almost harmless really.  
However the influence he had over our Shinobi army was intimidating. My skin crawled at the thought of helping him. I read the problem on his casefile. _Presumable case of severe tuberculosis.  
_  
'Blood results are still in the lab,' the nurse informed me. 'They had to take a detour and decided to seek out the nearest medic with a good reputation…' she said talking about the man and his personal group of soldiers.  
'Me,' I sigh, kind of hating the title they had already given me. 'And what exactly do they want me to do?' I ask, not really knowing where this conversation was going.  
'Remarkable heal him in a matter of seconds… Don't you know? _He's very important, busy man_!' she then sarcastically copies the voice who had said those exact words to her while rolling her eyes at the comment again.  
'We're not,' I sarcastically answer with a smirk. 'We just, you know, take care of _wounded, harmless, civilian people_ …'  
'Yeah, _children_ and stuff,' she spats, 'Those little rots that grow up to be our troops!'  
A silence linger between us for a moment, the atmosphere felt a little electric to say the least. Obviously she was venting her anger the men who had so casually interfere our work and all because they deemed themselves more important than others.  
'Antibiotics should do it, right?' She then slyly asks me, obviously hoping to get rid of him and his men soon.  
'The right one should, yes,' I mutter back. 'I think we have some… Let's hope it immediately improves his health condition.'  
'They want _you_ to _doublecheck_ ,' she then says. I stare at her for a moment, not understanding what she meant by that.  
'What do you mean?'  
'Check his condition, check his blood, check everything!' Flashing me a fake smile, I realize that all of our staffs hard work meant nothing to them. _I_ had to personally do everything.  
'I see…'  
'Doctor Hyuuga will be taken over most of your cases until you're finished,' she said while snatching a few files out of my hands.  
'But I like to keep an eye out on—'Listen,' she snaps at me. 'I know you care deeply for your patients but they have wasted our time and used up important valuable equipment only to then informs us none of the results would matter if it wasn't tended by you personally.'  
I sigh, already hating them as much as she did.  
'Don't worry, Hyuuga will do a fine job as always and I will help him.'  
She swiftly turned around and left. Her heels clicking along the way until they are nothing more than a distant echo.

I stare at the door, a huge white door were we'd keep our most important cases. Cases of life and death. Sick people that were in much need of our personal attention.  
I had a feeling I wasn't going to like the old man much. I already hated him on paper.  
I take deep breath and enter the room. The large room, fit for at least eight patients, was now only preoccupied by one.  
I immediately click my tongue in disapproval, understanding that those very sick patients had been transported to another room, a presumably smaller more crowded one were they would be much less at ease.

Five ANBU-agents and a handful of Shinobi meet me halfway. They were taking up the entire room, while the old man was just lying in bed giving me a bored look.

Procedures, they had said. I've never been so disgracefully threated in my entire life. I unwillingly behaved to their orders.

Fixing my clothes and straightening my back I walk towards the man, informing him that our medic team was perfectly capable of analyzing him. He does not respond and ignores my words, simply looking me up from head to toe, as if I were some mere girl.  
I start feeling annoyed and above all, I could feel my temper rise up. I try to calm myself down and ignore his rude stare.  
Even when examining him myself, ANBU interfere, making sure I wouldn't harm the man.

I did have the need to put a scalpel in his heart… just to see if he had one.

He belittled me, showed clear disinterest in our work and found our entire team unfit.

If my mentor had not been the Hokage herself, they would have not come to me.  
They did not deem me any better, they simply had no other choice since I was direct link to that other great medic our country knew. There was no sign of respect for me or my work. Or even the faculty of this hospital.

I eventually snapped.

'We are doing the best we can with the resources we have which after _five years_ of _war_ , is not great.'  
I could feel the tension rise and hear the agents and personal guards hold their breaths at the remark, tensing up in result. For moment I pondered just what the hell they thought they could do, cut my tongue off for pointing out the truth?

'You think our great nation should just surrender?' he asked, his voice getting sharper. He no longer sounder weak and gruff like when he was answering my medical questions.  
'Of course not,' I answer trying not to let in any sarcasm seep through. However I do flash him a fake smile. I bat my eyes only once, just so it could be mistaken for a blink but I was certain he did not see it that way. I was making myself very clear.

'I'm just stating that this small village and its hospital is doing its very best given the circumstances. I'm sure in the capital doesn't _feel_ that way but _here_ no one can _deny_ to cost of _the war_. The roads are in bad condition! There hardly any nutritious food! And there is a fair amount of danger when trying to reach another village and get to safety. It is not so easy living here as it is where _you_ are from...'  
I can see him fuming. A cold expression, eyes that held no mercy. A creature that respected no one. Feared no one. Loved no one.

'Watch your mouth,' he then snaps at me. 'Just do your job!'  
'As always,' I nod, readying to take a blood sample. I wanted to hurt him and stab the needle into his flesh but instead I did what I always did, a practically painless sting.

I wouldn't lower myself to his standards. I wouldn't take advantage of his weak, sick state.  
Even though he probably did it to others all the time. Every layer of society suffered his reign.  
The stories of I had heard of this man…  
A cold shiver ran down my spine.

I try to make it quick and keep my mouth shut from now of on. The ANBU agents want the results of the blood samples back by noon, wanting to leave as quickly as possible. I informed them that the man is in need of plenty of rest and a journey is something I strongly oppose to.  
Though I had told myself to stay quiet I do snidely remark that I assume to find the exact same results my colleagues would have found. They ignore the comment completely.

'There is a mansion in the middle of the village, I do believe it is for political visitors like _you._ I could personally visit there and keep your status—'No,' one of the agents cuts me off. His cold voice startles me.  
When I look up, his face is covered by a white mask but I can see his empty brown eyes stare back at me.  
'Unless you supervising is 24/7, we are not leaving this building.'  
I slightly gape at the man, feeling myself getting angry again. 'I'm not leaving this hospital for an unknown amount of time to _housesit_! I have _other patients_ to tend.'  
'Then we are _not leaving this room_ and _you_ will be at _our command_ any given time. You do understand that this man is a great leader to our nation? That he is of great importance to not only our army but to you as well? Or would you like to fall into the hands of the enemy? Though I'm sure the leader of Otogakure is more than interesting in a prodigy like you…' He eyed my from head to toe just like his superior. 'A personally hit to the Hokage by having her student would be sheer delight.'

I chewed on the inside of my cheek, trying to hold my anger back.

'However I'm certain just like _our Hokage_ , that you indeed will always be forever loyal to the Great Fire Nation.' I could hear him snicker from behind his mask. I wasn't certain where he was going with this.  
'I'm sure you'd fight him tooth and nail, just like you _always_ do with whoever you disagree with.'  
I'm silenced by his insinuation and harsh tone. A part of me wants to defy him, saying yes, I'd much rather serve another man then him and your pathetic group of socially superiors but I keep my mouth shut. So he doesn't trust me. I don't need his trust.  
But I do know what he's talking about. I had fought _tooth and nail_ for patients, to keep them out of their hands. I guess rumor was that maybe I wasn't as loyal as the Hokage claimed I was.

But one thing is for sure, I'm too good at my job. People have no other choice but to come to me.  
Much like this man that was so far above me, I was their best option and I had never mistreated a patient or hurt a harmless soul. I wasn't planning on ever changing that. No matter how hard I had to fight the urge.

I got up from my chair and decided to ignore the conversation that had just taken place. The quicker this man left, the better. However I couldn't be less strict about protocol. If this guy died during their journey home, I would be the one to blame. It would be my head they'd have because that would mean I had made the wrong diagnoses. Or worse, intentionally harmed the man.  
I suddenly was aware that I had just jeopardize my reputation and that of the hospital.  
One mistake and we would get the blame. This ANBU-agent… I did need his trust.

'I'll be back with the results as quickly as I can,' I simply stated on a neutral tone. 'In the meantime, you should rest,' I tell the old man. 'No matter what, that it is still one of the best medicines.'  
The man seemed to have calmed down and simply nodded at me. The agent doesn't say a word.

I don't make any unnecessary conversation and leave the room at a normal pace, though, my entire body is _begging_ me to start running. I could feel their eyes burn into my back.

As I close the door behind me, I let out a heavy sigh. I was already feeling tired and it wasn't even ten yet.

'Ah, I assume he is quite the patient to have?' a voice asks.

I look to the side and see a man dressed in formal wear. He too is escorted by guards and I instantly straighten up.  
'I-uh,' I start to mumble. Not having an idea on how to get myself out of this. He was obviously a colleague of the Councilor.  
'No worries, I know how he can get,' he gives me wide smile, as to the secure me that my secret was save with him.  
I only give him small smile in return, just wanting to get beyond the moment and forget it had ever occurred.  
'My name is Inui, nice to meet you, Dr. Haruno,' he bowed his head to me in respect.  
I think he the first one to actually call me doctor today. I frown a little before realizing I haven't returned the gesture. I slightly bow my head. 'Nice to meet you,' I mutter.  
'I am the Councilor's right hand. One day I hope to achieve just as much as him. It is he, after all, who is guiding us to victory.'  
I don't respond simply because I don't know how. Do these people even know what war means?  
'But I swear he becomes nicer once you get to know him,' he then says to break the uncomfortable silence.  
'Oh, the Councilor? I'm sure he does.' _Not_ , I venomously add in my head. I then take in the man before me. He's older than me but still quite young to already be a part of the council. I can tell he's intelligent and charming. Straight posture, respectful and alert to his surroundings.  
'I know we are forcing you to work overtime and pressing you in results but we have little time. It is of the essence that we leave as quickly as we can. So if there is anything at all, feel free to talk to me, doctor.'  
'I will but there is nothing to talk about,' I simply say. 'I don't have the results yet.'  
'Of course.' He again bows his head. His clear blue eyes meet mine and for a moment I'm stunned. I can feel a blush creep over my cheeks.  
 _Now is not the time, Sakura.  
_ 'Excuse me but I have work to do…' I utter while noticing my voice is sounding a bit shaky.  
 _Composure, Sakura…  
_ 'Yes, we will no longer uphold you,' he says politely and moves out of the way.  
Again my pace was quite slow compared to how fast my heart was beating but somehow I managed to get to the lab like a normal person.

I let out a yawn and then lazily stretch myself out. I felt like I had just worked two shifts instead of one. I peer out the window and noticed then sun had already gone under.  
'So, you think he'll leave anytime soon?'  
The nurse from this morning was sitting on a chair, tending a wound on young boys arm. Today there had been another explosion, this time it had occurred just outside of the village.  
Little information had been given on what had happened but a few civilians ended up getting hurt. Mostly children.  
We had been working around the clock to take care of them. Now we were dealing with the less severe injured. Mostly second degree burns and a few were in need of stiches as well.  
'I hope so,' I mutter to her while taking care of an old man's burn wounds on his stomach.  
'But for good measure he should stay for another two weeks… just to be safe.'  
She stays quiet for a moment. 'You think there is connection?' she then warily asks.  
I stay quiet for a moment before being caught in the old man's eyes. I could tell what he was thinking.

'Definitely.'

Two attacks in one day and it would have nothing to do with the visit of the old man?  
I started to get to thinking, wondering if I should get worried about the hospital and the civilians. I know this man nor any of his men are worried about us. We are just nuisance. None of them showed any concern when we got called in for an emergency.  
Heck, they even noted I should come and check on him within the next hour.  
I had of course not done that. A man's life was at stake and they wanted me to check if the old man was alright _after_ he had taken his medicine?  
He had made it all the way here, I'm sure he could handle a few more hours. Besides he was doing quite fine. Ill weeds grow apace.

I was sipping a bit of coffee to keep myself awake. I wanted to go home and take a nap but I had to stick around a bit longer until that one patient was stable. I heard coughing and whining and whished it would affect me as much as it used to do but I've grown accustomed to hearing sick and hurt people.  
Sometimes I couldn't do much more but stand around and wait.

'I'm sorry little boy but my hands are tied right now… Haruno, could you help this boy?' the nurse called me out to the large room.  
The lights were dim. I saw young boy not older then eleven look up at me. He seemed fine. A bit pale perhaps.  
'Are you alright?' I ask confused.  
'I have pain in my back…' he mutters while shyly looking away from the nurse who is shrugging her shoulders. At first glance he seemed alright.  
'Come, I'll have a look at it…' I simply say trying to ease him. Noticing he that he is quite uncomfortable here, I guide him to a small room shielded from the infirmary. It's a little more private there.

'Take a seat,' I tell him when he stands still at the door opening. I couldn't tell if he was being very polite or just extremely shy.  
'It's alright, tell me what is wrong. Whatever it is I'm sure we can help you…'  
His brown eyes oddly stare at me but he obeys and sits on the chair in front of me. He takes off his cloak and slightly turns around, revealing a bloodstain. I gasp a little.  
'It hurts when I move to the left…' he mutters to me. I lift his shirt up.  
'You have tiny stake of wood and some splinters in there. We need to take care of this quickly! You've been walking around all day like this?' I ask him wondering how such a small child could stand such a gruesome pain.  
'I didn't want to… the men who were there with the porcelain masks are here too.'  
I turn around swiftly, still holding the ether in my hand. 'Excuse me?'  
'They were the ones who did it… I think they were after a man!'  
'You mean you were caught in that explosion? That's how you got this wound?'  
He nodded at my questions.  
I quirk up an eyebrow. 'Why didn't you come earlier?'  
'I was scared,' he simply answered. He lowered his gaze. 'I didn't want to get into trouble…'  
I take a good look at him now and see how poverty clothed he is. Another child of war. I've seen their pain and distress over and over. The last five years of his young life had been one of fear, pain and emotional hurt. I decided to drop the hard questions. I understood it all without a explanation.  
He wasn't from around here and he indeed could get into trouble with the old man around.  
'Don't worry, I didn't see you…' I smile at him. He immediately gave me a grateful smile back.  
Bowing his head then deeply to me, 'Thank you, Dr. Haruno.'

He must've been in pain all day, the poor thing. I hate torturing him with a pincer but all the splinters needed to get removed to avoid infection. 'Sorry,' I mutter when noticing him flinch.  
'It's alright…' he simply says withstanding the pain bravely. We don't talk a lot but he does tell me he's from a very distant village, traveling to his aunt who lives in a presumably saver area. He still got a long way to go.  
I'm finally done and finish the cleaning progress with ether, which stings quite a lot, but he keeps up brave appearance and hardly reacts. I then finally wrap a bandage on his back, soothing the open wound.  
I can feel him relax underneath my palms. 'All done,' I say with a smile.  
'Dr. Haruno…' he started shyly, obviously not knowing how to start the next subject.  
'It's alright,' I say, already knowing what he was about ask. 'Your consultation is free… no charge, so don't worry.'  
'No,' he says shaking his head. 'That's not it… My friend… he's been wounded too.'  
'Oh?' I get struck by worry and tense up. 'Is he ok? Where is he?'  
'He's resting nearby but we can't come out to the hospital because... as foreigners we already look suspicious and well, he's… _older._ As I child I look more harmless and he said my health was more important but… well, he said he'd be fine but I can tell he's in pain.'  
'What type of pain?' I ask.  
'Kind of the same I was in… He got hurt in his leg.'  
'He got struck by wood? Then he needs to come in and let his wound get cleaned out or else—'no,' he cuts me off. 'He didn't get hurt by wood… I think a lost kunai hit him. He didn't show me but I've never seen him in so much pain before… and there was so much blood.'  
'A lost kunai?' I ask not believing what I was hearing. Did these ANBU have no protocol?  
'I think so,' he again shyly lowers his head. His long bangs hiding his pale face.  
'I have painkiller that can be used on any sort of wound, just tell him to drink plenty of water. He might get a bit drowsy. Excessive sleeping is a side effect so don't get alarmed, ok?'  
He nods while giving me another grateful smile.  
He's quite charming because I can feel myself return one without thought. Something about him warms my heart.  
'Don't go out anytime soon, okay?' I whisper. 'Stay low for a while, the rest of the village will help you out too so don't worry.'  
He accepts the drugs and quickly nods. I can sense the fear that was building up inside of him.  
'If anything goes wrong, you can always contact me. I'm mostly at the hospital.'  
'If not?' he then asks quickly.  
'You've seen that lone house on the hill to the south? That is my home, contact me there but be careful, I'm pretty sure those agent will be following me around!  
'Why? Did you do something wrong?'  
Ah, the concern of an innocent child.  
'No, there is a man and… well, he's just very important and I am his doctor if anything goes wrong… it will be my fault.'  
He quietly thinks about it before nodding understandingly.  
'Thank you for everything, dr. Haruno!' He bows deeply again and shakes my hand several times.  
'It's alright,' I say, placing a hand on his. 'I hope all goes well for you and your friend.'  
'I hope to one day repay you for your kindness.'  
I smile at him again.  
'Goodnight, Dr. Haruno.'  
'Goodnight…' I then realize I haven't even asked him his name. 'Wait!' I say halting him. 'What's your name?'  
He shyly looks down at the ground, as if people rarely asked him that question.  
'Haku.'

* * *

I believed I made the promise of writing more fanfiction for this pairing so I finally decided to write out an idea that had been in my head for a very long time.  
Here by chapter one is done! I have yet to write the next chapter but in the meantime, please let me know if you like it so far by leaving a comment/review. I would like to hear your opinion and thoughts on the story!

 **NOTE** : Though I've decided to keep the Shinobi-world, chakra will **NOT** be a part of it. ALSO, I did say this was an **alternative universe** , meaning I'm messing with time and space and characters and pretty much everything else! Sakura is not resided in Konohagakure and is in her late twenties. That is all you need to know for now.

Comment/review!


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

Chapter II

I could hear the rain pour down on the roof far above me. It was late and though I've had a tiring day, I could not find sleep. My eyes were wide open and my mind was going around in circles.

I had once more tried to track down the boy I had met earlier this week, Haku, just to see if he was alright. But not one person in the village had seen or heard about him which had gotten me worried.  
I bit the inside of my lip. I had seen the look in his eyes, this boy hardly trusted anyone.  
I had probably been an exception because he had little to no choice.

I sigh while cursing this war again. Young children should be running around freely and without worry.  
As of lately, the atmosphere in the village had become even more grim. It was becoming dangerous to trust anyone, ever since the rumor of Kiragakure joining forces with Otogakure people were becoming more and more suspicious and skeptical of one another. Especially strangers.  
And the security that had come with our latest high-visitor wasn't helping either. They pretty much roughened anyone up who dared to behave too friendly or acted out. Just having fun was a crime now.

I can't help but think of my dear patient. The old man was healing up nicely but behaving like spoiled child. His rotten personality got under my skin even when he was not in the room. I scream into my pillow and then turn around and face the window. I left the curtains slightly open.  
Tonight was a cloudy grey night but the moon did appear so often. I stare at it, wondering if the silence of the night would linger until the morning. I've been having an eerie feeling all day, something was going to happen soon. The councilor's visit was a hazard to the village's safety.

As if one had been waiting on my thoughts, I hear an explosion. It lights up the sky and I immediately hear screams erupt. I jump up and see a building on fire. I open the window and see that it is the mansion in the middle of the village preserved for guest of high class. I suddenly note how happy I am that the councilor declined my offer to stay there.

 _I hope they leave the hospital in one peace…  
_  
Without wasting another thought, I turn around and decide to get dressed and go help. I grab the doorknob and as I am about to go to the bathroom I see an ANBU-agent standing in the middle of the stairs.

 _I hadn't even heard him come in!_

I slightly gape at him before questioning his presence in my home. 'W-what are you doing here? Why are you here?'  
I curse at myself for not having any sort of weapon on me but then again I've never been assaulted nor have I been confronted by anyone in my own home. I hesitantly wait for him to answer while planning one using the escape ladder I had outside the window of my spare room should he try to harm me.

'Were under attack, you need to come with us _. Now._ '

His cold voice sounded oddly familiar and I remember now that it was him who had spoken up against me for being rude towards his superior. He behaves like a ANBU cliché, using harsh tones and only showing a cold personality that matched with his white, apathic mask.  
'I was going— _'He_ has been hurt, your attendance is required immediately.'  
'Is anyone else hurt—'That doesn't concern us, you are to come with me, now!'  
Without wasting another word he grabbed me by my wrist and dragged me down stairs. I complain and utter that I'm not appropriately dressed but he ignores everything I say to him.  
'H-hey!'  
'None of those things matter, the councilor's life is at stake! Don't you understand that?' he angrily shouts into my ear. Having the upper hand by simply having more strength then me, I can tell this guy is quite exceptional even for ANBU, he grabs me by the waist and before I know it my feet are swiftly touching the high grass of the lands surrounding my house. His speed is incredible and I can hardly register where we are at times.

Before I know it, I'm at gate of the village where people are running around in chaos. The fire is huge and firemen are doing their best to extinguish the fire with the help of some of the villagers.  
'Several fires had taken place as a distraction before the explosion,' the ANBU-agent informs me.

'Is everyone alright?' I ask one of the women of the village, knowing she's always informed about everything. She slightly nods. She has a strange look in her eyes that I can't quite decipher.  
I turn my head slightly, knowing the man behind me might be the reason why she was looking so fearsome. I can't help but start to get angry, getting annoyed that these people had no conscious or feeling inside of their bones.

'What did you do?' I simply ask him, this time facing him. His passive brown eyes have a hint of boredom. He shrugs before grabbing me up again and jumping up to one of the lower rooftops. We are headed towards the hospital now and I see smoke coming out of the windows and the front door.  
'Oh, no…' I mutter horrified, thinking of the absolute worst scenario.  
'Just smoke bombs to keep the enemy guessing.'  
'Do you have any idea what that means for patients with breathing-problems? This includes your councilor, you know!'  
I'm starting to get aggravated with how he ignores everything I throw at him, including my punches. I get dragged right into the smoke and he covers my mouth up to keep me quiet. I almost want to purposely scream out, just to spite him but I decided to stay smart…and quiet.

He can move around with ease in the mist of darkness. For a moment I feel stupid for not knowing where exactly we are and that this man, this complete stranger, knows his way better around then I do. This hospital is my home.

I note we are on the second floor, more specifically heading towards the maternity corner. For the moment we had no patients there, so we had decided to give that free space to young children who had been injured during the first explosion earlier this week.  
'We moved those kids out,' he says when noticing my confusion at seeing the three rooms empty. The fourth room is closed and I hear him knock a specific amount of time and using a certain pacing when doing so.  
'You put _him_ here? Where did those kids go?' I ask him with pure revulsion.  
'They're fine,' he snaps at me, getting annoyed. He let out a hiss.  
'What is it?' I ask him, letting my anger dwell on to the pit of my stomach so I could keep my head clear. It wasn't the time to act rebellious, this guy wasn't going to let me go as long as I didn't take care of the Councilor.  
'Someone should be answering…' he mutters. I can tell he's thinking of something and in a blur I get thrown onto the floor. 'Hide.' His command is loud and clear and he kicks in the door.  
'I'm not some harmless girl!' I scream at him but I get ignored. I gape at the sight I see in the room.  
Blood.  
So much blood.  
Everywhere.

The floor has a red liquid carpet. The walls have splatters of red on them and I see lifeless bodies on the floor. The entire squad has been taken out.  
I hear a noise at my left, scared out of my mind, I turn around and note I have little to nothing on me to protect myself. Not even a scalpel.  
To my surprise it is not a killer or another agent, it's a young boy. His eyes are wide and I can tell he is petrified.

'Haku,' I whisper, crawling towards him. I push him back into the room he had come out of and told him to stay there until it was completely silence. 'Hide in that closet if you must but please stay here,' I whisper to him. I had been wanting to see him again but to imagine our next meeting would be here, out of all places! Thankfully, he nods and shakily obeys my orders by staying put.

'Get in here!'

I get surprised by the command but I jump up and even close the door behind me, hoping Haku would stay out of harm. I run into the room and the only remaining agent throws me a small medic bag ANBU has on them at all times. I try not to overthink what I am seeing and go straight towards my patient, the sole person _whose life matters the most_.

I hate myself for just thinking that.

I rush next to him and see how his throat is half slit. I rush to stop the bleeding. For moment it is just me alone in this once pure white room and this old man, who is so close to dying. I never thought I'd see any type of emotion in his eyes but I can tell he feels that death is near. If I fail, he will die.  
Somehow, with the little supplies that I have, I manage to keep him breathing. Unfortunately I cannot do anything for the rest of the squad. I look around and see not shred of feeling is shown by the man who had been leading this squad. He simply stands tall before me, waiting for back-up to show up. Or worse, the assassin.  
I realize I've never been so close to danger before and I worriedly look at the door where I had hidden Haku in. I hoped he stayed quiet like I had told him. I look up at the man before me and think of the fact he would show no mercy, not even towards young child like Haku.

Three more men suddenly appear. I hold on to the old man as if he was a weak harmless child, fearful that they are a part of this controlled attack but when the ANBU-agent coolly addresses them I realize they are on our side. They decide to move the councilor and halt the chase after the assassin.  
'He got injured pretty badly, knowing Kirigakure he is one his own. He'll collapse eventually.'  
'He'll bleed to death just like our comrades.'  
'None of that matters, I want you to proceed looking for him until you find his cold body,' the man simply reacts. They look a bit stunned by his command but then obey his orders.  
'Rabbit,' he called out. Of course the one with the rabbit-mask reacted to the codename.  
'You move them,' pointing at myself and the councilor. 'To a safe place.'  
'You'll be joining us?' the other one asks. He nods, saying he wouldn't let the bastard get away. Two of them move out while "Rabbit" and, well let's call him "Raccoon", help me get the councilor up.  
'Careful,' I instruct them. 'We really can't move too far…'  
'In the middle of this hallway there is a nurse post, we'll settle there,' Raccoon suggests. I nod and so does Rabbit.

'I,' I hesitantly start when moving out of the room. I just can't ignore those poor men on the floor.  
'I'm afraid you can't do anything for them,' Raccoon says coolly before I can speak my mind. 'It's too late.'  
I nod, though disapprovingly. This doesn't feel right. Being locked up with this old man while the rest of the village is in chaos does not feel right. I try explaining it to them several times but they ignore my pleas and my arguments. Only _he_ matters.

His condition has been stable for a few hours now and I want to leave so badly.  
It must be early morning by now and I have yet to get out of this hellhole and help people who are in true need. I stare at the old rumpled face of the man who now looks weak and pitiful. Though my distain for him should've crumbled by now I hate him with just as much passion as I did before. He was the cause of the chaos this small, insignificant as he called it, village.  
A part of me was hoping his condition would give in and I could pronounce him dead. After all I had two witnesses with me to clarify I had nothing to do with it.  
I stare at the men's back, wondering if they had any idea of what I was thinking. I then shake my head, clearing myself of these delusional thoughts I was having. I was tired, angry and frustrated, I told myself.

I didn't want him to die, I just wanted to _leave_.

'Is there any possible way I can leave? People are in need of medical attention! He's been stable for three hours now!' I speak up with a shaken voice, tired of saying the same things over and over again.  
'Our commander has yet to return, we can't give you permission without his consent.'  
'Listen, your guy might've ended up dead in battle and I could be just sitting here wasting time!' I yell back finally unleashing my frustration. 'Maybe to you these people's lives don't matter, but they matter to me!'  
Rabbit turned around the second I had spoken up but only now Raccoon too acknowledges my plea by turning around. They both stare at each other for a minute, making me ponder if they had telepathic powers of some sorts.

'We can't take risks…' Rabbit mutters to me while shaking his head.  
'He's fine!' I yell at them again, pointing at the weak miserable old man.  
'Because you are here to aid him when needed,' Raccoon answers. 'I know you don't see it that way but if he dies a lot more lives will end then the ones ending tonight. I don't think there will be as much wounded as you think there will be. The fire was just to frazzle this place up and to get us running from our posts. If we let you leave, or if even we leave for that matter, we are giving into a vital point of the assassin's plan.'  
I gape at him for a moment.  
'You are aware of this, are you not? Did you not graduate from the same academy as we? Then you should know this.'  
I feel a blush creep onto my cheeks, I don't know if I'm embarrassed of getting more angry. I feel a weird combination of both, which sparks my temper up even more. I jump out of my chair and take deep breath. I stare at my reflection in glass door for a moment. I don't look like the respectable doctor people make me out to be. This man and his men have downgraded not only my status but myself as a person.  
'I am aware,' I coolly answer him. 'But you can't expect me to think like a shinobi when I've made the decisions to become a doctor a long time ago. It's my duty to save people's lives. Seemingly unimportant ones included.' I walk up to him. 'Now get out of my way, I've had it with you people!'

'Doctor Haruno—'You dragged me in here in a matter of minutes earlier this evening, so if something happens you are capable of doing that again, are you not?' I ask him coldly. 'Or did they not teach you emergency procedures during your training?'

He tilted his head, obviously a little offended but at the same time intrigued at how well I had thrown that right back into his face. I push him out of the way and tell him that at the end of the day, neither of them nor their commander had a say over my doing, perhaps the Councilor did but he was sound asleep.  
'If he wakes, you can come for me and I'll check up on him again,' I mumble as I walk out.  
'Where are you going?' Rabbit asks me when he sees me going back towards the room we had found the near-death Councilor.

'I'm not exactly dresses appropriately, I know my colleague keeps a spare coat in her personal area at the end of this hall. I'm going to go and get it before anyone else sees me like _this_.' Referring to my nightgown of which they had seen plenty of. I feel myself blush out of embarrassment again.

It was a flat out lie, I could've just gotten to my own room and grab the one there but this way I could go and check if Haku was alright. I had hoped he gotten out during the fight earlier but I deemed it to be almost impossible since these guys were so well trained. Not even cat could get pass them unnoticed.

'Shouldn't one of us go with her?' Rabbit spoke up. 'Just to make sure she doesn't get hurt?'  
'I can get a lab coat on my own!' I yell out angrily.  
'I meant in the village!' he retorted, obviously getting annoyed with me. 'If you get killed—'people actually don't kill doctors as quickly as you think!' I answer with a huff.

I hear them talk but ignore what is being said and make my way to the room where I had hid Haku. I quietly open the door, not wanting to alarm him.

'Haku?' I whisper quietly. I turn the switch on but nothing happens. I note that our electricity is off. Probably due one of the fires.  
It had been hours and I didn't even know if everyone got out safely, if people got hurt, if the children on this floor where now somewhere safe. Sure this floor was always occupied by other cases because of the small amount of room we had but still… I was aware of a case with severe asthma-problems being on this floor. Did the little girl get out safely?

I let out a sigh, feeling extremely tired. I grab the coat and button it up. 'Haku?' I speak up louder and search through the room.  
'That boy…' I mutter to myself. 'Is a lot quicker and braver then I give him credit for.' I smirk, feeling proud of him.

He got out just fine without my help!

As I walk back towards the nurse-post I see multiple shadows in the emergency light of the room. I feel my heartbeat rise up. To my surprise I see familiar face I hadn't expected.  
'Lord Inui,' I say when seeing the young man. He was the Councilor's right hand. A bit less brass and a lot more polite then his superior.

I always got kind of insecure and clumsily when I was around him. I blamed his bright blue eyes for that.

The moment our eyes meet, I feel stupid for thinking that. He looked saddened and worried.  
'He's alright,' I immediately say when seeing him, knowing he was one of the few who truly cared for the old man. I recall him calling the Councilor his mentor. Though he didn't always agree with everything he stood for, Inui had told me his hard work had inspired him.

I'm sure the Counselor had achieved some things no other man had but I couldn't help but feel spite for him. As a doctor I was a good actor, meaning I could hide my feelings quite well. Especially towards someone like Inui who is emotionally invested. I knew the ANBU didn't care as much as they claimed, should the Councilor fall from his position, the man following his footsteps would be their next greatest care. Not the old man.

'I know, they told me about you wanting to see how the village is doing,' Inui said. 'I understand how you feel, you should go outside but I just wanted to inform you that we were aware of the threat, so most of the villagers did stay out of harm's way. We evacuated them just in time.'  
'I just want to go and see few people…' I mutter, his words have a calming effect on me. I just hoped there were no unexpected causalities.  
'I will stay here for now,' he said while gesturing to the men behind him. If his team was staying here too, the two men would no longer be on their own and the chance of another attack would be slim.  
'It's been hours now,' I speak my thoughts out loud. 'I'm pretty sure the assassin is long gone…'  
'Let's hope so,' Inui nods. 'Or rather let's hope our commander got him.'  
I nod, not sure how I should feel about that thought.

I let it pass me and walked out the room feeling relieved. I felt peace entering my body the further I walk away from them. I take the stairs and I had thought I'd be in a much greater hurry but I can't make me feet move any faster than they are. I'm starting to hope this attack will make them leave.

I already hate this era we live in but they had just made it unbearable. I could never unseen what I had just witnessed. As I walk in the main room of our hospital I see how fire has caused great damage and I can't help but sigh. I want to cry. When will this tragedy ever end?

The main doors are still wide open and smoke is still lingering in the air. As I walk out I hear glass crack underneath my feet. At least I had been able to put my shoes on. As I walk out the room I notice that smoke is no longer surrounding me but mist is.

I quirk up an eyebrow. What a night, not even a clear morning to ease us into the day.

As I move into the streets I see silhouettes of people I know. Inui had not lied, most people had been evacuated in time. I double-check some of the injured and I try to calm some people down. No matter what procedures had been passed, innocent people did get hurt in the midst of things. It hurt my soul when I saw irreversible scars on their bodies, immobile body parts that would never restore.  
Sometimes I wondered if surviving was worth it…

I wished the moon would leave us now and the sun would come and warm us up but it stay cold and dead silent.

At least that is how it was for a brief matter of minutes.

I then hear a ruckus from within the hospital and people around me start to scream in terror, afraid that the attack was far from over. I turn around and without thinking I run back inside, not knowing what I would be finding this time. Unlike last time my feet are moving so fast my head hardly can keep up. I'm thinking a thousand thoughts. I had promised Inui he wouldn't get harmed!

 _That old man…_ I bite my lip. _Damn it, it will be all on me if he dies today!_

As I'm about to run in the hall I get pulled into a corridor. 'Stay here,' a heavy breath whispers in my ear.  
It's the commander. I stare at him with wide eyes and then notice he is bleeding. I try to reach out but he snaps my wrist before my hand can touch the wound.  
 _'He's_ here but he's wounded,' he explains to me. 'If he sees you, you will be his next target.'  
I freeze up when realizing he is talking about the bloodthirsty assassin. I hear screams at the end of the hall. Screams men should not make. Pleas for mercy.

'Stay here and don't move until I call out for you.'  
I want to speak up but he hushes me, while limping away. I stay put not because I want to but because I can't find the strength to move.

The longest few minutes pass by. I hear myself breath and feel my heart pulse through my entire body.

'Haruno!' I hear Inui's voice and get startled. Without a thought this time, I dare to move. As I'm about to move I see large figure appear from behind the corridor of where I was hiding. I gape at him and realize too late who this person is. I press my back to the wall. He's wearing a typical mask and has an ominous aura surrounding him. I try to swallow my fear but get locked into place.

His dark eyes bore into mine for a split second before he crashes through a window and escapes.  
The commander arrives but is a little too late to follow. I see him contemplate for moment as if he should follow him or not. He's holding his hand on a new wound on his leg. He's bleeding heavily. I walk towards him to aid him, finally recovering from the strange encounter I had just experience.

'No,' he hisses in pain. For once, he sounded a lot less harsher than usual. 'The Councilor… Lord Inui,' he huffed. He then fell down on his knees. 'They need you.'  
I nod and turn around rushing my way towards them. As I pass the wounded agents I note how the incredible tall man must have a great amount of power to take them out all so easily. To my horror I see that both Inui and the Councilor are severely wounded.

Everything becomes blur from that point out. I rush and rush but eventually cease actions to save the Councilor, having to accept that I'm too late. I remember having an argument with the wounded commander over whose life to save. Reluctantly he agreed with me that there was little I could do for the Councilor, who would never fully recover and be able to properly exert his function. So I save Inui, who has been stabbed in the back and stomach.

I eventually get aided by my fellow doctors and we rush to save as many lives as we can. I keep my eye on Inui. And the commander, who has been remarkable quiet throughout the medical chaos. I glance at the sheet of the Councilor, finding it a bit unethical that he was in the same room as the wounded agents. But apparently it was protocol for them to bring his body home safely.

'I'm sorry,' I tell the commander. 'I should've stayed…' I mutter.  
The commander looks up from my hands meeting my eyes. I avert them, feeling foolish. I was so taking in by the fact that I disliked the councilor that I had overthrown protocols. If I had stayed…  
'He would've killed you,' he quietly tells me. 'And then we would've lost two great men of value.' He nods at Inui who could be seen through a window in the door. 'Just don't let him die.'  
I nod while sealing his wounds up. I let out a another sigh while trying to fight the urge to cry.  
'Take some rest, go home…' He whispers to me. I look up startled.  
'I trust your colleagues and so does Lord Inui,' he states giving me a firm nod in approval. 'It's well pass the afternoon. Everything is stable, you can go home for now.'  
I nod gratefully and feel as if the experience has somewhat changed us. I don't hate him half as much as I did earlier this day.

There had been one thing bothering me all this time and I have yet to word it. I had to say it now or else…  
'Commander,' I start, not knowing what else to call him. 'The Councilor's wound…'  
'Looks like the work of a scalpel…' he says harshly. I widen my eyes fearing he'd assume the worst, which would be countering everything he had just said. I could feel my heart race with anxiety.  
'I swear no one in this hospital or myself for that matter—'it was an inside job,' he says halting me.  
'I know you couldn't have possible done so,' he continues on. 'The truth is you leaving was something they had not counted on. Rabbit has mysteriously disappeared and Raccoon is still out so I can't question him. It seems everything is pointing in Rabbit's direction as being the co-accomplisher of this highly ranked assignment…'  
'That doesn't make any sense! Then why would he wait for me to leave?' I ask him with a frown, not understanding what he was thinking.  
'It doesn't add up,' he agrees making a clicking noise with his tongue. 'I don't think I was supposed live or you were supposed to get back so quickly…'

It stayed quiet between us for a while, letting our thoughts and these new discovered facts sink in.

'Either way, I don't think he'll get far,' he then states, talking about the assassin. 'Keep your eye out for seemingly innocent people asking for your help, they might be working for the wounded assassin. I can't imagine him getting very far with his legs like that.'

I can only nod while thinking back at our brief meeting, I only now note how he too was indeed limping. He had several stab wounds on his back… Was he a superhuman? Most people would've collapsed with such wounds. He was so tall and his eyes… I felt a shiver run down my spine.

'They call him the Demon of the Hidden Mist,' the commander informs me, as if knowing I had been pulled back into my memory of the man. 'He's a very dangerous man.'

I nod, already aware of the threat he was still forming. As long as he wasn't dead, I wouldn't be sleeping well.  
And that was a thought I never thought I would think.

'Rabbit,' I start hesitantly, not sure how I was supposed to put this. What is was about to say, was such a delicate matter.  
'How does he look?' I eventually flat out ask.  
'Average looking guy,' he snickers when hearing my question. 'He's ANBU, he knows better than to walk around without a mask. I doubt Rabbit is actually a part of this inside job. I doubt he's even still alive.'  
'I don't understand…' I mutter, not understanding how it could turn out the way it did. 'Lord Inui… When I left the Councilor was in a stable good condition—'Hence why we know it is was an inside job, there is no way the tables could've turned around so quickly… That demon of the mist has a partner… a lousy _rat_ ,' he spat, balling his fists in anger.

'Stay on your guard,' he then added. I feel the tension rise between us and I'm suddenly wary of the fact that this ordeal is long from over. 'They might come for you.'  
'The assassins?' I ask confused. He shakes his head, his eyes go from mine to the white sheet next to us, hiding the figure of the Councilor. My breath staggers. I then look up to meet his dark eyes and ponder who's face is hidden underneath this mask. I can't imagine him being handsome or kind-looking.  
Yet for some reason I know that from here on out, he was my sole companion.

 _Our superior's superiors… Without this guy backing me up, I'm going to get the blame._

When I hear some people talk I look behind me, noticing Inui is awake.

'Should I go talk to him?' I ask the commander. He simply nods. 'Ask him what happened.'

Inui tells me after I left he and his team had been outside the nurse-post simply because the room was too small for all of them to fit in comfortable. The tall demon-man had returned and fought his team. He had run inside to aid the councilor and alarm the two remaining agent but when he entered the room one of them was severely wounded and the other one had disappeared.  
The Councilor had already bled to dead long before his entrance.  
I didn't pressure the poor man into talking too much, it was obvious he was traumatized. I did however tell everything I had just heard to the commander, who seemed upset by the news.

This meant Rabbit was indeed a traitor.

I felt strange.

Did this mean he had wanted to spare my life? Or was I a pawn on the chessboard that had yet to be played?

It send worry and fear deeper into my heart.

Feeling overly tired, I decide to finally go home. My feet hurt and the sun was already going back under as I was taking the long walk home. Every step ached but I needed the fresh air. I took in the grey sky and the cold breeze. I tried to settle all my thoughts and keep calm listening to the movements of the wind hitting the trees.

This morning everything had changed, which was nothing new under the horizon of war. It just had never hit so close to me. I sigh when realizing my position, that I had firmly planted on neutral ground, had been jeopardize.

What if they decided to place the blame on me?  
 _  
I shouldn't have left…_

I drop my shoulders and let out a strangled cry. I need to clean up and get some rest or else I'll drive myself crazy. I grab the key hidden underneath one of the garden ornaments at my front door and unlock it. It's quiet. Except for my leaky faucet, happily splashing into the sink. For some reason the sun decided to show up for the last hour of the day and lighten up the room. I let the rays of sun warm me up and decided I needed a nice cup of hot steaming tea before anything else.

As I enjoy slurping from the hot cup I suddenly hear a creaking noise coming from upstairs. I lift an eyebrow. _Oh!  
_ I probably left a window open!  
I curse at myself, I was going to have mosquitoes and other unwelcoming bugs in my bedroom now!

Hurryingly getting out of my seat, I rush upstairs. I open my bedroom door but find that the window is closed and everything is just how I left it. Yet for some reason I now have an eerie feeling come over me.  
The sun disappears behind the dark clouds again and I warily move around in my ow house.

I hear someone on the attic.

I quickly grab the first thing I can find, which is nothing more than a copper lamp I don't use anymore.

'R-Rabbit?' I stutter, feeling stupid for using the agents codename.

 _Please don't let it be him…_

'Doctor Haruno?'

His light sweet voice makes me lower my weapon and let out a heavy sigh. 'Haku!'

I need a moment to let my heart rest and calm down. I place my hand on my heart and throw the lamp on the ground. The young boy gives me small smile, understanding that he had scared me.

'I'm sorry,' he apologizes.

'What are you doing here?' I ask when I can talk again. 'Are you alright?' I then ask worriedly.

He nods, giving me a reassuring smile. He does look alright, not mark on him this time.

'I need your help,' he then says using a more serious tone.

My heart falters a little, hoping for the best. _Please don't let his friend be dead…_ I make a small prayer, I've witnessed this scene far too many times. And for the moment my hands were tied, I could do so little for him!

'My friend… he's wounded,' he instead says.  
I'm relieved to hear that but… 'He hasn't healed up yet?' I then ask confused.  
He shakes his head and then grabs me by the hand and drags me upstairs on to the shamble ladder that leads to the attic.  
'I don't understand,' I start. 'Did he get hurt again?'  
'Yes…' he answers lightly.  
'How?' I ask confused watching him climb up beyond the ledge of the wooden planks.

'A man hurt him.'

I climb up behind him and as I straighten myself my eyes widen by the sight before me.

He's holding on to a wound on his ribs while bleeding all over the old mattress I had stacked up here in case I would ever have more than one a visitor who wanted stay for the night. I gape at the man. He gives me a lazy, arrogant smirk.

I see a white mask lying on the ground.

I've seen it before.

Only in a flash though but I would never forget it.

'This is my friend Zabuza Momochi,' Haku says.  
I stare at the young boy for a brief moment before looking back at the man. Not believing what my eyes were seeing.

This man was the Demon of the Hidden Mist. He was the one passing me by and jumping through the window as if it was made out of thin air. I could see glass shreds sticking in his forearms.

'You said you would help,' Haku says to me with pleading eyes.

I can't find the words to speak.

* * *

I'm sorry for the wait, I hope this long chapter makes up for it! I unfortunately will not be able to update as frequently as I'd like but you can expect long chapters in return. I hope you liked this chapter :)

Don't forget to leave a comment/review!

Thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

Chapter III

I kept staring at the little boy in shock. What the hell was I supposed to do?  
He kept looking at me with those hopeful brow eyes. Was this his _friend_ he had been talking about? This bloodthirsty _killer_?

I gazed at the man once more, who was more than aware of my little dilemma. He was blackmailing me with this innocent kid he picked up on the street. I didn't know if I had to feel impressed at how well thought-out he had planned this all or feel truly frighten by how every step led to a hidden deathtrap.

I let out a heavy sigh, while trying to order my chaotic mind once more.  
 _  
Now what? What was I supposed to say to this kid?_  
 _  
I can't, honey, you see he murdered this very important man. He's actually a demonic evil man…_ I roll my eyes at my own thoughts. I bury my face into my hands and I can feel the tension rise.

But I have no choice. I have to break this boy's heart.

'I can't, Haku,' I start, staring at him through my fingers. His face doesn't flinch.  
'I can't help this man… at least not here.'

'Why not?' he lightly asks me. I get a little unsettled at how passive he remains in this situation.

I'm a full-fledged doctor and _my heart_ is racing. The blood hardly fazes him. I frown a little at what I am seeing. I stare at the assassin again whose grin widens, as if he's aware that I know realize he hasn't recently picked up this boy… He's loyal to him.

'Haku,' I start, not quite sure what to say.

'Cut it,' the gruff voice of the man snaps my head away from the boy to him. He lets out a hiss of pain and tries to move but fail to do much other then move his torso a little. He starts to heave and gives me an angry look. 'Haku is _my friend_ , doctor,' the sarcastic tone was hard to miss. 'There isn't much you can do about that…' He smirks at me, mocking me. 'However, you can become _our friend_ by getting to _work_.'

'Please do, doctor Haruno,' Haku pleads, holding on to my sleeve. I let out a strangled cry, wanting to scream at the man.

'What if I don't want to become _your friend_?' I ask when I finally compose myself under his stare. I boldly dare to stare right back into his hallow brown eyes. His face is still covered with bandages, so I can't make out much of his features. However his hidden smirk is unmistakable.

'Well, if ANBU were to come here right now, you'd be in a very compromising position… being a suspect already and all.'  
The threat send a chill down my spine. I suddenly wish for the commander to show up but I gave him the order to rest and stay in bed for a couple of days.  
'Which reminds me, I haven't properly thanked you for the opportunity you gave me,' he snidely adds.  
'I didn't give you a damn thing,' I hiss angrily at him, momentarily forgetting about Haku. As I take a step to him, I feel Haku's hand still resting on mine. Holding me slightly back. As I glance at him out of the corner of my eye. I see worry.

He had no idea how dangerous this man was.

'How can you?' I ask him, shaking my head in disbelief. How can he manipulate such an innocent young boy who had probably already suffered enough consequences because of this war?

'Get over here,' he spat angrily back. 'To quicker you start, the quicker I get to leave.'

I try to stand tall, though I'm obviously uncertain of what to do. I have a boy begging me to help him and this man that threaten to claim I was working with him when I had never seen him in my life.

I suddenly realize that I don't need to have the commander with me, he knows I'm innocent.

'The commander is aware of what is going on, you don't get to—'What about Rabbit?' he snidely asks, knowing where I wanted to go with this. 'He has yet to show up, what if _he_ backs _my story_ up?'

'Why?' I blurt out, suddenly starting to feel desperate. Why was I getting sucked into this madness for no good reason? What did all of these men want from me? Why the hell me?  
'Why would you say that? Why lie?' I ask him while trying to hide the pleading tone that was forcing its way through my voice.

'Because _we,'_ referring to himself and Haku, 'have nothing left to lose,' he snickers at me. I hear him struggle after that, he starts to cough up blood. I bite my lip.

'Please, doctor Haruno… Why are you taking such a long time to help him?' Haku's pleading eyes are become unbearable. I'm into deep! How the heck was I supposed to get out of this situation?

I let out another sigh. The tiredness of earlier seeps in deeper and I start to feel very emotional. Putting on my doctors façade, I finally tell Haku to get me some supplies I keep in my bathroom in case of emergency. Or patients that can't afford to be seen in the hospital.

Not this type of patient though. I tremble. And every step I take towards this man my body repulses.

'I'm only doing this because of Haku,' I say to him. He snatches my arm and pulls me closer, intimidating me. I swallow a lump that has settled in the back of my throat. 'You think I care about your moral values?'  
' _You_ killed him... you killed a patient of mine,' I whisper back. All he does is snicker at my words.  
I snatch my wrist loose and try to fight the urge to slap him.

For the first time I take a good look at him. In that hallway I saw him for well ten-seconds and I had hardly made out any details of him. Or at least they seemed blurry now that he was in front of my eyes.

He was tall, muscular. And had an extreme high level of endurance.

My eyes were trying to figure out where the bleeding started and where it stopped. He was severely wounded in his ribs, a kunai had been struck there. I place my hands on it, trying to see how deep it really was. I didn't know if I had enough supplies for this many wounds. Sure I snuck around and brought stuff home at times but nothing too much, else I would miss it when I was working in the hospital.  
I keep searching for other wounds like the one on his ribs. He had been stabbed multiple times but only once that deep. He even got hit in the neck.

Suddenly I feel something warm on my inner thigh. I look down seeing his hand touch my leg. I give him a bewildered look.  
'You'd always dress like that for the old man?' he asks while touching the rim of my sleeping-gown.  
I'm so utterly offended, I cannot stop the reflex pulsing through my body when hearing him say that.  
I slap him. Quite hard.  
'It's already bad enough as it is, I don't need to hear your scumbag talk while at it.'  
I feel very satisfied with myself when seeing him blink a few times while turning his head back to me. He seems to have a bit of black-out. Good, that will make him think twice next time.

To my dismay, he simply laughs it off and mutters that he likes women with a little fire in them.

'Quiet,' I hush him, finally hearing Haku come back with the box I had send him for. For some reason I feel relieved that he's in the room. He reminded me of why I was doing this.

Well, minus the fact that the assassin was playing me out quite well in spite of Haku's involvement.

'Haku, go look for whiskey or some other liquid with a high amount of alcohol.'

'What?' I ask him in surprise.

'I know you want me to suffer,' again he smirks, 'but not only do I object to that idea, my legs are not exactly going to be an easy task for you either with me twitching the entire time.'

I gape slightly before looking down at both of his legs, when seeing them I realize he makes quite a good point. Especially his left leg is in bad shape.

'Like real ANBU from Konoha,' he informs me. 'Ribs, legs and if the subject should be able to get away,' he moves his head to reveal a deep lash,' neck… to directly kill.'

I don't say a word, keeping my lips sealed together. I hate this man more then I hated the old man.

 _Maybe you'll end up dead too_ , a cheery sarcastic voice inwardly says to Zabuza.

I needed to get some sleep, I was going slightly mad. These people push me beyond my limits and I didn't know how long I was going to be able to keep taking it.

'There is a black bottle in the wooden sideboard next to the kitchen-cabinet…' I mutter to Haku, while not looking up from inspecting the wounds on the man's body. 'That's… rough stuff.'

'Lonely drinker?' Zabuza asks when the boy disappears out of the room.  
'Yes,' I sarcastically answer. 'So I can sleep at night and forget I helped scum like you! Oh, no wait… sleep comes easily because _I_ spend most of my waking hours taking care of wounded people.'

I don't how his expression is a the moment but I don't care, I've seemed to finally be able to shut him up.

But my fear for him does return a little, an image reminded me of what he could do. The old man.  
Suddenly I'm afraid he's going to strike me now because of that comment... My hand start shaking.

I'm so tired and I'm getting irritable because of it. I need to calm down. Maybe I do need a sip of that bottle. I let my head rest in my hands for a moment before muttering an half-hearted apology. I hate myself for doing so and when I look up I get aggravated by his bored look.

Haku is quick but then again my house isn't the biggest. I watch the man before me greedily drink and decide to get to work. I actually snatch the liquid out of his hands for a moment to clear to wound, to which he hisses in pain. 'You're _rough_ , _doctor_ Haruno,' he remarks.  
'You're used to worse,' I immediately answer.

I take care of the one between his ribs first while ordering Haku to keep pressure on the three large ones on his leg, we can't afford to let him lose more blood. I pains me that a kid isn't disgusted by this sight or completely in shock but at times I'm grateful for his help. I wouldn't be able to work so quickly and efficient without his help.

Zabuza is out eventually, I don't if it is the pain that took him out or the liquor. I'm assuming the latter, even for tall guy like him this bottle was quite gruesome. I actually never drank it because of the high doses of alcohol that consisted in it.

I would have to explain to Tsunade next time she'd come around why her bottle was emptied out.

'Do you have a spare pillow, perhaps, doctor Haruno?' Haku asks me politely. I look at Zabuza for a moment, wondering what he deserved to have someone care for him like this. 'Yeah, in the spare room.'

'Where were you, Haku?' I ask him lightly when he turns around to get it. I'm working on Zabuza's legs, that do indeed twitch from time to time. It's hard work and I need to be secure but talking always helps me during surgery. It makes me worry less about what I'm doing, which ironically makes my hand move steadier.

'You weren't by coincide in the hospital last night, were you?' I ask him, hearing myself sound like my mentor for the first time. Strict, slightly angry and perhaps even a little disappointed.

I had worked hard to get that tone of voice out of her. I doubted Haku felt that way about me but I couldn't resist. I had to express my feelings somehow. I wanted to help him. Save him even.

'No,' he simply answers.  
'Where you still in the room when I came out looking for you?' I ask him halting him once more. I can hear him take deep breath. Steady though, collected as if he was prepared to answer this questions.

'No, Zabuza said to get out and wait for him outside the hospital.'

'You let him in,' I realize saying it out loud.

'Yes,' he simply answers.

I get a chill when hearing his light-hearted response. His voice hadn't even wavered a little.

When I was alone in the room with Zabuza again, I stared at his face. Wondering what demon was hiding underneath those once white bandages and why I was helping this evil man recover. Was I aiding _anyone_ by helping him?

For the first time ever, I actually pondered if it had any use to save this human being.

He was murderer who used innocent children as tools in his missions. If he were to recover, he'd continue his merciless voyage and if he were to be imprisoned, he would endure pain all over again before meeting death.

What was I doing?

I burry my face on a clean part of the matrass he's lying on while holding on to what I was doing. I was almost done. 'Just a little more,' I whispered to myself. Tomorrow he'd be gone.

As the hours passes us by, Zabuza stays out. He's gotten worse, not responding to anything I ask and has even developed a slight fever. I've only been able to take small naps while in between thinking of ways to make him get better quicker. Unfortunately I don't have the right supplies to give him an infuse nor has he been awake to give him any type of medication.

'I think he went a little overboard with the liquor…' I humorlessly joke to Haku. When he doesn't respond, I look around to see him half asleep on the floor.

'Haku, you need to rest too,' I tell him. He snaps his eyes open and shakes his head dismissively.  
'I'm alright.'  
'If you want to help him, you need to be in perfect health for him,' I explain to the boy. 'Go sleep.'  
He thinks about it for a minute before nodding his head. I tell him he could use the spare room.

I hoped and prayed no ANBU entered this house tonight because I would have no idea how to explain this situation.

I let out another tiring sigh before letting myself drop down to my knees. Now that the kid was gone, I no longer felt the need to be so steady and self-composed.

What the hell had just happened in the past twenty-four hours?

I stare at the man's body, taking in how much bandages I had used to cover every cut and attack ANBU had unleashed on him. He wasn't going anywhere anytime soon…  
Even if the kid was in good shape, this guy wasn't going to be able to walk… and that would be for at least another two or three weeks depending on his healing ability. And that while hoping for no tragic setbacks either.

I again let my head rest on the sole clean part left on the matrass. I see how his breathing becomes a little irregular at this angle. I decide to get rid of the bandages around his mouth, those were unnecessary and solely there for the reason that if his mask should fall off or break during a mission his identity would be immediately revealed.

I then halt myself when touching his cheek. That would mean I would from here on out now how he looked like. _Argh! Can't I even do the simplest of things without having to worry or get sucked into an even worse tragedy?_

'Screw it,' I mutter to myself.

He's not that ugly. Not too good-looking either.

I judge his features for a moment but let out a yelp when he opens up his eyes. He slightly touches my hand before passing out again. As if he wanted to grab it but failed to find the strength to do so.

Though that was a good sign, he had just given me a heart-attack by reacting so agitatedly.

I slouch back into my former position watching him breath more steadily. I listen to his breathing and try to find some calmness inside of my trembling body. However I remember thinking a thousand thoughts before it all went black. 

* * *

My neck hurts. I groan and let out a sigh, not finding the strength to move. I flutter my eyes open and see a hand resting in front of me. I immediately get up and look at the scenery. Yesterday came flooding back. I try to get up but my body is stiff and still feels too tired to move properly. The blanket on my shoulders is a sad consolation to how I am feeling. I want to curl up in a ball and just sleep.

By looking out of the tiny round window I can see it's early morning now. I briefly pondered what today would bring. It couldn't be _more_ shocking then yesterday.

Ha, the contradicting thought that follows doesn't unease my soul. Nothing could surprise me from now on.

I decide to stop dwelling on my thoughts and check on my new, slightly enforced, patient.

Why was I always the one taking care of the predators instead of the victims?

My eyes wander over him and I can see a few bloodstained bandages. I would need to get new bandages from the hospital in order to keep those wounds clean. And I would have to do it without the knowledge of ANBU or my colleagues, I couldn't possible tell _anyone_ about this.

Again, what had I gotten myself into?

I suddenly see him shiver and halt my worrying thoughts. Somehow I can turn the switch to doctor back on again. He's gotten a high fever. 'Damn it.'  
There was one bloodstained bandage in particular I was worrying about and it was one of the three on his leg.  
I bite my lip, it was just like the commander had said, he wasn't going anywhere with that leg.  
It was getting infected and I didn't have anything around to treat it. I needed to get back to the hospital as soon as possible.

'First I need to ease your pain,' I mutter to the unconscious man. I look at my shoulders and see the blue blanket on them, realizing Haku must've put it on me. I smile affectionately when I think about him doing that. I take it off and stare at the pale face of the assassin, wondering why on earth such innocent beings end up with monsters like him. I throw the blank it on a clean spot on the floor.  
I search the room for a painkiller but find nothing. I'm all out.

'I need to go get some, now! I can't have you going into shock!'

My heart has hardly been woken and it already starts to beat and go in overdrive. I let my hand rest on my heart, trying to calm it down. I give Zabuza Momochi a dirty look, 'You're so not worth it.'

'Doctor Haruno,' Haku's voice startles me but at the same time while seeing him my entire body calms down and recollects why I'm doing the crazy things I'm doing.

'You can call me Sakura,' I tell him again. I don't like it when people call me that in my own house, it sounds so formal. It is really rather unnecessary.

'I don't want to be rude,' he answers with a frown, as if he finds the idea a bit absurd.

I smile and shake my head, 'Not if I request it.'

He seems to agree to those words and gives me a small, approving, smile. I tell him his friend is becoming more sick. To my surprise Haku still has a bit of the medicine around that I gave him the first time. Apparently Zabuza told him to hold on to it and had decided to not use it all up.  
Like a true shinobi, always ahead of things. He must've foreseen he might end up in trouble…  
I bite my lip and take another look at the man, he looks so seemingly innocent lying there. Just like any other patient of mine. But I know better deep inside… I'm frightened of his waken form.

'I need to go,' I tell Haku. 'Keep the lights out. The only light that can be on is the candle burning in the attic,' I explain to him. 'It's impossible to see it from the tiny window outside, so don't worry.'  
He nods before grabbing my hand when I turn around to leave.  
'When will you be back?'  
I sigh, hoping I'd be able to return quickly. 'As soon as I can… I'll tell them I'm still very tired and try to come home early.'  
He seems relieved but I can tell he is worrying. I try to ease him. As soon as I run out the door and shut it behind me, I feel myself doing the same thing but for different reasons.

I would have to _lie_ to the commander today. I would have to lie to _everyone_.

Today is different, I don't take the time to see the poverty in the streets. I ignore the black flaked houses, the sad faces. The atmosphere that is depressing and full of fear. When I enter the hospital, I don't even notice the clean scent because it is tampered. I feel like it is no longer present. I let out a small cry.

'You're back early. You should've taken a day off,' the nurse says behind me. Her voice startles me and I can feel how nervous I'm suddenly am.

'I don't want to…' I mutter. _I hate lying._  
'We're already in enough trouble, I don't want to take any risks from now on. How is Inui?' I then ask nonchalantly.  
'Good, stable. Nothing to worry about there,' she mutters.  
'Other things I should worry about?' I ask her cutting her off from saying anything else. As I blurt out the words, I realize how on edge I am.  
'No,' she says finding the question a bit out. 'I was trying to ease you,' she snickers noticing my odd behavior. She places a hand on my shoulder, 'Don't worry, everybody in this village knows you are a good and decent doctor. You stand by your patients and this village. You'd never purposely hurt anyone.'  
I'm a bit speechless and all I could find myself to do was nod and give her a grateful smile.  
I just hoped I could still live up to those expectations in the future.

I do my rounds and it seems everybody is need of something. I postpone a visit to the commander for as long as I can. When I'm at his front door, I let out another sigh. Something I found myself doing a lot.  
It's not warm day, yet I could feel myself sweating.

 _Just act like you always do, it isn't the first time you taken care patients from the opposing side. You're on neutral ground… Sort of._

I can't help but curse the dead old man, something distasteful to do but the urge is too strong. I was in this damn mess because of him.

I knock on the door lightly. I hear his gruff voice on the other side, confirming I could enter.

I smile when opening the door, a part of me is grateful to see his steady cold features. I make small talk, asking him how his night was and asking if he has heard of Rabbit yet. He shakes his head and stays silent, only giving me short answers. I don't know if he's being quieter than normal.  
Then again, what is normal? I hardly know this guy!

'Is something the matter, Haruno?' he sternly asks.  
The question shakes me and too late I realize I can't conceal how I feel. He sees me flinch.  
'No.'  
'You seem nervous,' he then says. 'You've straighten that spot five times now,' he says nodding his head towards my hand on the sheets at the end of the bed.  
'I have?' I echo. I swallow the lump in my throat. 'It's just that…' I hold my breath.  
I was about to betray his trust and it wasn't like me to do that. I asked myself why and if some random kid and a killer were worth it. Then my mind reminds me of all the times ANBU had betrayed me, killing my patients… ignoring their human rights and ignoring my pleas.  
'I'm tired, and I'm stressing! and I'm worrying…' _And I'm lying through my teeth to you._ 'I guess I'm not functioning as properly as I told myself this morning,' I finished strongly.

'Hm.'  
I swallow when I see him smirk, not knowing if this meant anything.

'I understand,' he tries to give me somewhat of a smile. 'A lot has happened for you. If you need to talk, about anything at all, please know you can.'

I nod my head hesitantly, doubting he'd have that much understanding for the truth if I would ever tell him.

'Inui is doing very well, he'll completely recover.'  
'That is good news,' he nods approvingly. 'Don't worry,' he then said on an almost calming tone. 'Though the investigation is still going on right now, you are not our main concern.'  
That was good to hear, at least that was one thing I'd have to worry less about.  
'Our main goal for the moment is to get the assassin.'  
 _One worry less, a thousand more to add,_ a sarcastic little voice viciously spoke.  
I nod and bid him a good day while stressing he should keep resting and take care of himself.

I take deep breath when closing the door behind me. I can't believe I did it so easily. _Lie_.

 _I have just lied to the only man who can keep me save._

I let my shoulders drop and try to ease my mind. I had been rough situations before but I was finding myself on dangerous territory. I didn't know where I stood in the midst of all this chaos. I was trying to be myself by helping a little boy but at the same time I was taking bigger risks then I had ever taken before. But I couldn't just tell myself he wasn't worth it… I could see his big brown eyes before me.

They held something… sad. Lonely. Something I couldn't just ignore and let go.

And at the time I also had a predator in my house who had the same brown eyes, yet his were freighting cold and murderously dangerous.  
I felt a shiver run down my spine.  
And I had just lied to _another_ pair of brown eyes, of which I couldn't measure. I had no idea what to think of the commander or what he even truly thought of me.

 _I guess I'm somewhere in the middle in all of this mess_ , I thought to myself. _Ha,_ the sarcastic voice said, _kind of like where you're always standing._

Let's just hope I can keep my balance,

I snapped back.

I still needed to get antibiotics and some painkillers or else I would end up with a dead assassin in my home. _Hm, I have find a way to get that guy out of my house and keep Haku out of his clutches too_.  
That poor boy seemed so used to seeing blood and pain that it hardly still fazed him. For the first time since the Councilor had died, I actually thought about the consequences his dead could hold.

Would our country benefit from his dead? Would we finally walk away from bad decisions and _much needed sacrifices_ , as he called it?  
I wondered if Inui would get appointed to his position and what his ambitions were. He'd probably hold on to some of the old man's visions, as it was his mentor after all.  
Yet I could not see the same harm in him as I did in the old man. At least right now he would experience the hurt and danger of war at first hand. Maybe that would make him realize how things had to change. And maybe the government would finally hurry up and stop this ongoing madness. Maybe this was all happening for a reason.  
 _  
Oh, such frivolous thoughts. None of that matters right now, Sakura. You have bigger things to worry about._ Besides it was a matter of time before an action of revenge would follow from our side and settle matters. 

The end of the day was nearing and I had yet to sneak around and get the antibiotics. Since none of my fellow co-workers could know, it was going to be a lot more tricky. The fact that ANBU was all around, didn't make it easier. I somehow managed to keep my cool and with a simple excuse, I nonchalantly walked into our supply room.  
'I need you,' I grab the bottle of antibiotics. 'Maybe two,' I mumbled while trying to put them in my pockets.  
Damn, these were big and hard to hide.

I put each one of them in my pockets. It looked odd so I stuffed some bandages in there as well, they were at the top hiding the bottles.  
Some painkillers… but I couldn't hide those, my pockets were too full. Normally I'd just take a bag and get what I needed but this time I wanted absolutely nobody to know… A bag would let the staff know I had taken some supplies home and perhaps make them question why I would do such a thing at the time like this… Or worse, what if ANBU wanted to see its content!

 _Just hold on to them and act normal. There for a patient!_ I repeatedly told myself.  
 _  
Oh, I hate lying!  
_  
I take deep breath and grab the door-handle, repeating to myself to stay calm under any circumstances.

As I open the door, a blur of black suits pass me by. _Of course, ANBU is snooping around on this floor!_ I sarcastically say to myself. I halt a moment before realizing I was going to be acting weird if I was planning to standstill in the middle of the doorway. So I shut the door behind me and avoid making eye contact. I do look in their direction but I don't meet any of them in the eye. My heart is thudding and I can feel my knees starting to tremble. _Just turn around and go._

Without hesitation I start walking in the opposite direction. I almost felt relief wash over my body as I was reaching the stairs.  
Almost.

'Haruno.'

His voice still sounded gruff. I swallowed the huge lump in my throat. I felt as if I had just been caught redhandedly. But I hadn't been caught doing anything wrong just yet, I told myself.  
I let my shoulder fall and I nonchalantly turn around to face him. He was on crutches and looked kind of pale.

'Don't over-exhaust yourself, commander,' I tell him with slight strictness.  
He eyes me head from head to toe, with slight frown on his face. Nevertheless, he directly meets my eyes when speaking up again.

'I was about to speak to Raccoon, he's awake.'

'Oh.' I don't know how I feel about that. I don't if I should start getting more nervous or not. This man knew the truth but I didn't know on whose side he was on. It had crossed my mind he was aware of Rabbit and the situation.  
'W-would you like me to join you?' I ask him, hatting the waver that hit my voice.

'No, this is official. You're not allowed in the room,' he averts his eyes for a moment before looking at my stuffed pockets. An odd silence lingers between us and I can feel myself getting uneasy. 'Going home?'

The group of men standing behind him following our conversation wasn't helping either.

'Yes,' I nod, smiling tiredly. 'Getting some extra sleep will do me good.' I wanted to bid him a goodnight but he was quicker and cuts me off with a painfully obvious detail.

'Those are lot of painkillers,' he then points out.  
Again I nod, slightly wavering. 'For a patient.'  
'That's a lot for one,' he then says.  
'Oh,' I mutter. I don't if I'm much of an actress but I hoped he was about to believe me. 'I've been feeling… very tired. I have had a lot headaches. Some of them are for me.'  
I tried to "look" tired. Presumably I've looked tired all day since I've had hardly any sleep. But that didn't mean a trained man like him would believe me.

'You should take care of yourself,' he then says monotonously. I can't tell if he believes me or not. I can't figure this guy's mask out. It's made out of greater porcelain than the one he had been wearing.

'I will,' I nod and turn around, muttering him a goodnight.

'If you want to stay home for a few days, you can,' he says. 'I can send out a man to come get you when needed.'  
I freeze up and my breath staggers. 'That's quite alright.'  
I look over my shoulder to him, 'I have patients to tend… And I'm not letting what happen, happen twice. I will not walk away from responsibilities. Some good night sleep will do me just fine.'  
'It's not a problem…'  
It's almost as if he wants to come by my house.  
I shake my head and bow it politely, thanking him for his kindness. It seems every time I think I've made it out, he asks me another question. Perhaps it was a technique.

'Who is the patient?' Nodding at my pockets and the painkillers. I can feel myself starting to sweat.  
I'm so nervous.  
'An old man… I need to drop by his house… he isn't capable of coming by the hospital anymore.' I mutter, feeling my cheeks burn. I hated lying. I hate it some much.  
'You're good doctor.' He says startling me with a compliment. 'You work hard.'  
'I do my best,' I answer. He just nods and turns around, leaving me trembling on my knees.

'Take care, Haruno.'  
'Please, you too,' I answer lightly, trying to hide the tremble inside of me.

I don't think twice, I turn around and start walking. I'm not relieved this time until I'm out of the hospital.

I had a feeling I just got tested… and I had no idea if I had passed the test or not. 

* * *

Sorry for the long wait, I kept adding scenes to the chapter! But that's good because then you get to read more, right?  
Let me know your thoughts!

Comment/Review


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

Chapter IV

Here I was, after a long day of working, sitting next to the man that could easily lead to my downfall. And I had stoic little boy next to me, who kept an even closer eye to his breathing then I did as a professional.

The whole walk home I had looked over my shoulder, fearing someone would follow me or find my behavior odd. I was slowly driving my brain mad with frantic ideas of ANBU hiding behind every corner. Whenever I saw shimmer in a window, I was certain it was one of them keeping an eye out on me.  
I'd fear I would catch a familiar white mask lurking and be caught…  
I had told myself numerous times to keep it calm but my racing heart wouldn't allow it.

I glanced at the boy out of the corner of my eye. Perhaps it was lack of sleep that made me crave some sort of weird affection, or be it even attention… but I felt as if the boy was being a lot more stoic and quiet then before. As if he was keeping his distance.  
He rarely spoke up and always wore the same expression, which I couldn't decipher.  
And when he smiled at me… It didn't feel like a real smile.

I shrug off the thoughts and press my hand on Zabuza's forehead, feeling his temperature finally drop a little. I let out a sigh of relieve, though I'm not quite sure if I should be happy about this.  
When I had come home I found he hadn't been in a good stable state at all and I was actually starting to fear he might not… I held my breath at that thought.  
 _  
Then what? What the hell was I supposed to do if he died? Bury him in my backyard?_

I let out another sigh, this one made out entirely out of all the tiredness that was running in aimless circles through my body, fatiguing me even more. I rub my eyes and tried to stay awake a bit longer to keep the boy company.  
'So what did you do today, Haku?' I asked him, hearing my voice crack in mid-sentence.  
'I stayed with Zabuza all day…'  
I turned to look at him but he evasively kept looking in the other direction. Anywhere but my eyes.  
'Is everything ok?' I then ask him, a bit more strict, hoping that way I could squeeze an answer out of him.  
'Yes….' He nods and dares to glance at me when answering my question. I just nod back and keep quiet, not really knowing what else to say.

'I really need to catch up on some sleep,' I tell him. 'If there anything at all, wake me up… I'll close all the curtains and windows so don't worry... No one will be able to see you, at least not from the outside.'  
'Goodnight, Sakura,' he now speaks to me on much sweeter, kinder tone. I smile at him.

But deep inside, I can't help but think that I have yet to figure him out… I quietly bid him goodnight and take one last look at my patient. I do sincerely hope he makes it through the night.

I don't even have to worry about falling asleep, the moment my head meets the pillow I'm out.

* * *

I groan and I stretch before I let out a content yawn. I finally felt like I had caught up on some sleep! I rub the sleep out of my eyes a few more times before opening them. The sun is up already…  
 _  
Wait, the sun is up?_

I sit up straight and see the rays of sun peeking through the curtains. I take look at my watch and see how close it is to noon already. I literally jump out of bed and run to the bathroom. It isn't until I open the door and see the darkness in my hallway I am reminded of my unwanted guests living with me.  
I let out a sigh and hurry to see where Haku is. Of course he's in the attic with Zabuza, who's condition is still not as stable as I would like…

'Can't you stay?' Haku pleadingly asks me while I try to lower Zabuza's fever.  
I keep putting cold clothes on to his body and I'm starting to give him a higher dose of antibiotics.  
'I have to go and take a look at Lord Inui,' I answer him strict. 'And I need to make sure the commander doesn't start to suspect anything… The fact that I haven't checked in yet is going to rise questions!'  
'But he's not doing well!' Haku answers me with a shrill voice. There is fear in his brown eyes, piercing my heart with ease and lowering my guard. I let my shoulders drop and I surrender without a fight.  
Suddenly my priority becomes Zabuza and I find myself thinking of ways to make it home sooner, even though my day has started much later…  
'I'll think of something,' I eventually mutter to the boy. 'Try to keep his body cool, keep cold compressed on him at all times… mostly his heart.'  
Oh, the irony of that. Bastard probably didn't have a heart.  
I let Haku take over and see the concern and care in him of a little brother, devotedly taking care of his older sibling.  
Though I hoped I one day could make him see otherwise, Zabuza was obviously is all this boy had and he would do just about anything to save him.

I wish I could do something for him… Make him understand that his actions mean probably nothing to this man.

'Please don't stay out too long,' he pleads me. 'I don't know what to do if something…'

'I'll be back before you know it,' I answer him while putting a firm hand on his shoulder. 'Be brave, I know you can Haku. I promise I'll be—'promise me you'll make him better,' he cuts me off and his brown eyes are void of fear. I see something other in them now. Something a little more sinister.  
'I… I don't know if I can—'Save him. Promise me you'll save him,' he snaps. 'Promise me, Sakura.'  
I swallow, feeling myself getting pressured yet I can't help but mumble out the words he wants to hear.

'I promise… I'll save him.'

I leave the shivering body of the assassin behind me while the brown eyes of Haku haunt me all the way to the hospital.

I tell the staff that I had overslept and I had worn myself out over the past couple of days. Of course none of them disagree or hold it against me. I, for the first time, asked some of my colleagues to take over some of my patients for today. Or at least let them do the checkup. Except for Lord Inui and the commander, who I personally want to see.

 _The commander._

I've been driving myself mad with our last conversation and I have pondered and pondered about how to explain myself to him. I didn't want to lose his trust but yet I knew deep inside, I'm not even have it to begin with.

I quietly knock on his door, deciding to not postponed our meeting like I did yesterday. I wanted to know for myself where I stood with him.

His gruff voice gives a short "enter" before I dare to open the door.

'Good morning—I mean, afternoon,' I correct myself while smiling.  
Surprisingly he smiles back.  
'So you decided to listen to _my advice_?' he asks. I hear his sardonic undertone loud and clear.  
'I'm afraid my body did,' I answer holding on to lighthearted smile that had find its way to my lips. I feel like it makes me look more genuine and nonchalant. Though I'm not lying for the moment, I couldn't help but feel as unnaturally as I did yesterday. This wasn't me, _playing roles_.

'I assume you are here for my check-up?' he asks. I nod asking him how he has been feeling.  
He's tough guy and though his body might not be able to work properly for the moment, his mind never seemed to stop working with the same precision.

'I talked to Raccoon, he confirms your story. He says he got attacked from behind, which makes us believe that Rabbit is indeed a traitor. And since we can't find his body or the assassin's, we have to assume both are still alive and working together.'  
I stay silence, letting it all sink in while realizing that that assumption was incorrect. Rabbit had not been around Zabuza as far as I could tell. However… my mind takes me back to yesterday and Haku's odd behavior.

Today he had practically begged me to stay… what if that hadn't had anything to do with Zabuza's condition!? What if Rabbit had come around and threatened him!?  
I try to hide my fear and not rush out the door like my mind instinctively was telling me to do.

'Doctor Haruno,' the commanders voice brings me back. I stare at him with wide eyes, certain he can read my mind.  
'About yesterday,' he starts calmly, yet his eyes never leave mine, making me more and more anxious.  
'I know you have patients that… cannot be threated according to the protocol.'  
I almost wanted to blurt out the heavy burden growing on my shoulders, since I was starting to feel as if it could crush me down at any moment. 'Listen, I…'  
'I know you're not tending a traitor or an assassin,' he sharply says cutting me off.

I manage to refrain myself from letting out a surprised gasp.

'But I know you have the reputation of helping all men and women that are in need of your help, be it from our nation or another. Even if they are sided with us or the enemy, you see no difference and that is a very honorable and admirable thing to do.'

I feel myself blush when he compliments me. I was rarely applauded for my decisions, even by my fellow colleagues. And I had never received it from his kind, a man who was obviously a very respected individual. Compliments were probably seldom given by him.

For the first time I realized his cold facial mask did give me an indication of what type of man he was.

'I know whoever it was you were trying to help yesterday was someone who we might not help.'  
I swear my heart stopped beating for a split second.  
'I'm not going to check up on it but if you keep coloring out of the lines, I'm going to have to do what _our protocol_ requires.'  
'I know,' I nod feeling a bit relieved yet at the same time I was more on edge. He knew I was helping someone!  
'I think you are a great doctor and we, as a nation, would be foolish to put you behind bars for something as kind as helping a wounded person, even though that person may not be a part of our civilization. The public would have our heads if word ever came out and we want to avoid-''Thank you!' I eventually blurt out placing my hands on his, giving them a light squeeze. 'I know I was stupid yesterday and I can't help but thank you for letting it slide. I told that man I couldn't help him,' I swallow, hearing the promise of Haku ring in my ears over and over. 'But he begged me and I just…' I don't why but I wanted to cry.

I highly doubted my distraught woman cry was going to keep me in his good grace. He wasn't _that_ type of man.

'I just couldn't say no…' I muttered.

To my surprise I feel a reassuring hand on my back. He doesn't speak to loud but his whisper is clear in my ear. 'I know you've been under a lot of emotional stress, losing the councilor and being suspect now… I can tell you are not some traitor simply by my personal experience and I apologize if I was rough on you but I had to make sure you were not another part of the conspiracy. I do still believe you.'

I take a step back, startled by what I was hearing. 'So you mean I'm no longer—'Well, we're not leaving until we have that bastard or the traitor, so as long as the investigation and our mission is operative, you are a part of this case. You're not off the hook just yet.'

I am only capable of giving a short nod of understanding. His hands leave underneath mine and the warmth of earlier dissolves into thin air. I feel odd now and I can tell he too is feeling a bit uncomfortable.  
 _  
_'However, Haruno,' the tone of his voice changes and an unnerving feeling takes over my trembling body and holds me still until he continues talking. He decides to leave me waiting for a minute.

'I'm only willing to let it slide, if you discharge me by the end of the week.'

'W-what?'

'Another group of ANBU is on its way, if I'm not discharge I have to handle this mission over to someone else. The Councilor was _my responsibility_ and it is _I_ who will bring justice for his death.'

'But…' I shake my head at him. 'You won't be recovered by the end of this week,' I simply answer.

I suddenly felt as if every door I opened was a trap. I try to come clean but in the end up I end soiling my hands even deeper into the dirt. _  
_  
'I'm sure you'll find a clever way of getting me out of this predicament.'

'I don't understand—'Haruno, if someone else is in charge that means you are back in deep trouble. I'm not going to be able to defend you, though it does seem you already have the right person on your side.'

'Excuse me?' I ask him confused not knowing who he was talking about.

'Lord Inui, he seems to believe in your innocence quite fiercely and wants to avoid getting you involved in every way possible.'

I feel a warmth hit my cheeks and for a moment I can't help but look away. I'm speechless.

'I figured it was more of a _personal_ … feeling he had.'

'We're not!' I speak up, feeling myself blush an even deeper shade of red. 'We are not… not in any way! We have hardly spoken with one another. There is nothing—'I don't care for your personal affairs, Haruno, nor do I care about Lord Inui interest in you,' he snaps.

'The question is, are you able to follow my orders!?'

'You just asked me for a bargain to keep quiet!' I snap back, not believing what I was hearing. 'I'm not one of your men!'

The image of him being a respectable, honorable man had just been shattered completely.

'I can't promise you there won't be more,' he simply answers, as if I already agreed with his proposal.

His cold expression makes it hard for me to trust him. But then again, I am hardly trustworthy myself. Yet here I am, pleading that I was just that… trustworthy.

'You need to follow my lead, trust me and ask no questions if you want to stay out of this.'  
'How can I stay out when you are asking me to follow your lead?!' I answer with a growl.  
'Because as long as this case isn't solved, you are a part of this! But it is I who can keep it at minimal!'  
'You're no better…' I mutter, shaking my head.  
'I'm not better then who?' he asks confused.  
'Everyone,' I turn around and hold back a sob. I had let my guard down once for some absurd reason, I wasn't going to do it twice. I wasn't going to plead for anything.

Yet I hated the nagging feeling inside. I had worried about this man… felt bad for lying to his face and now it felt as if he was no better.

I was his puppet until Zabuza was caught, which I was keeping save… Only dead could end this tragic loop.

The thought alone made me want to break down completely but instead I straighten my posture and swallowed my feelings. For a moment I felt close to being that young fragile girl I once was.

I heard the voice of my mentor echo in my head telling me to set aside my feelings when duty was involved or else those dooming thoughts would truly end up as reality.

Perhaps that was why I was so fierce in wanting to save everyone I deemed in need because otherwise I would end up as a strained, sad and tired woman who cared too deeply and only end up falling apart.

'I have to visit Lord Inui,' I say on a passive tone. 'I'll do what you ask of me but… I'm not doing this wholeheartedly, just so you know.'

'I'm aware, Haruno. You would be ANBU otherwise.' I can hear him smirk when makes that comment.

If don't know if he meant it as a compliment or not, either way, I didn't take it as one.

'I'll be back tomorrow,' I inform him.

He nods but not be for telling me that if I decide to take a day off, he would have to be informed of that.

'Else I have no choice but to send an agent to make sure you are alright. I could tell your colleagues were worried but they insisted that you had probably taken their advice and took a day off.'

'I have,' I sternly state when I hear his tone of slight disbelieve.

'Perhaps,' he shrugs. 'I want you to take a look at Raccoon, come back and report to me how he is doing.'

' _Two orders_ in _one da_ y?' The sarcasm was hard to miss. I give him a hateful glare but his face stays passive.

I thought I had an ally in this madness…

'Haruno,' he then says, ignoring my remark completely. 'I heard you want to go home early today… That's a bit odd considering you have hardly worked at all. Is there any reason for you wanting to go home early?'

I let out a growl of annoyance at him. 'I'm just deadbeat tired of all you,' I snap.

I then turn around on my heels and slam the door shut behind me. I startle some of his guards. 'Stubborn man,' I simple utter as an explanation walking out of the hall as quickly as I could.

I ignore Raccoon's room on and walk straight pass it.

Though normally I dread to visit a patient that made me feel slightly… uncomfortable, I decide that I needed to spend time with someone that wasn't using me for his own benefit. When I knocked and heard his voice I could feel my heart flutter and I couldn't help but smile.

Genuinely.

'Lord Inui,' I greet him and bow my head. He isn't alone, accompanied by some men and a nurse who is keeping a steady eye on the monitor.

'I apologize for being late,' I tell him. 'I'm afraid the past events have caught up with me and I needed listen to my body and rest.'

'I'm glad to hear you are taking care of yourself,' Inui answered. When he spoke, the entire room fell quiet. I felt a little uncertain but then again, I always felt that way around him.  
'I know how you have been feeling since…' he couldn't seem to find the words to finish that sentence. Physically he was doing well but mentally it would take a while to get over his grief.

'How are _you_ feeling today, Lord Inui?' I ask, trying to bring his thoughts elsewhere.

'His wound is healing up nicely,' the nurse answers in his place. I arch an eyebrow at her.

Lord Inui gives a short chuckle at our silent stare. I smile along, glad to see he was doing rather well.

'I do have pain,' he says when he abruptly places his hand on his side.  
'Let's take a look,' I say. He hold up a hand, halting me.

'Could everyone please leave?' he addresses the entire room. 'Also I would like to talk to doctor Haruno in private for a moment.'

Everyone obeys, even the nurse leaves. I know her quite well so I can tell she is a bit startled by the request of her having to leave too. I didn't mind if she was there or not but Lord Inui apparently did. I can see by the scribbles on his file, my colleagues had been following him up during my absence

'Is everything alright?' I ask him, wondering if someone had been unpleasant towards him or made him feel uncomfortable.

'No,' he smiles. 'I simply wanted to talk to you.'

'Talk,' I say with a smile. 'But do first tell me how you feel…' I check his charge. Everything was nice and stable.

A sharp pain suddenly seeps in my heart, Haku. Zabuza's trembling body came before my eyes.

'I try to play tough but that wound is really hurting me,' Inui tells me. 'Are you alright, doctor Haruno?' he asks when he sees me gazing out the window.

'Y-yes, I'm just… still tired,' I mutter while making him turn around so I can take a better look at his wound.

'It's going to need to take its time to heal. Time heals all wounds,' I wisely tell him to which he gives me sad smile.  
 _You just needs to be a bit more patient…_  
'I'm sorry, I know being tied up to this bed is not something you want to do for the moment,' I tell him, trying to somewhat comfort him.

He shrugs, 'it can't be helped… Are you alright, doctor Haruno? You looked exhausted yesterday.'  
'I'm better,' I fake a smile. I felt better this morning but about a half an hour ago that feeling had been brutally ripped from me.

'I know that the commander is pressuring everyone with solving this case and completing the new given mission… As much as I want to avenge my mentor, I'm afraid we all have to recognize it is a part of our job. It is a risk we all know of. It could not have been avoided, it was too well planned…'

I wasn't so sure about that, if I had stayed in that room… Whenever I thought back to that moment, I could curse myself to hell and back for not staying.

'Don't be so hard on yourself,' his voice soft and comforting. He places his hand on my cheek when he sees my despair. 'I know he would never say it but he did respect you, doctor Haruno.'

I frown, not understanding who he was talking about.

'The Councilor,' he clarifies. 'He said one day the world might be filled with such charitable kind people like you…'

' _He_ said that?' I ask him in disbelief. He starts laughing while holding on to his wounds to cease the pain. I start to laugh along. I could not hear the man say such kind things about me.

'Not in those words,' he confessed. 'But one day…' he nods at me and lets go of my face. I can see him blush a little which makes me blush. Now was so not the moment to be romantically involved with anyone… I inwardly sigh at my misfortune in time.

'Listen, I… When this case is solved I'll be promoted—hence why the commander is in such rush to find the... assassin and presumable traitor.' He pauses for a second. 'I don't care about that, I just want to…'  
His blue eyes look away.  
'The point is, doctor Haruno, if he pressures you in discharging him or something other, please come to me. We have plenty of competent men like him to take over, I'm afraid it is his pride that he needs to set aside,' he finishes while surprising me with his sudden firm tone.

'Easier said than done,' I mutter not understanding where this was coming from. 'But I don't think it is his pride… I believe he just wants to bring justice to… those _who_ deserve it.'

In my heart, I actually believed that. It was rather unfortunate that he, like many others, believed that the end justified the means. But perhaps the commander was, in his own way, only trying to do the right thing. My anger for him slowly ceased and made room for understanding.

I let out a heavy sigh. 'I won't let him work if I don't think he's capable. Physically he might not be up for the job but mentally… he's very sharp and focused.'

'You think so?'

I could see worry in his eyes… for a man who he did not know. He probably did not even know his real name.

It warmed my heart to see there was still some good left in this world. If Inui was going to be Councilor… then perhaps our nation would finally be led into peace. At least, that I was I hoped for. He was only one man, after all.

'I don't think anyone is more qualified but him, Lord Inui.'

I don't know if I'm lying or not.

All I knew is that I had to cover myself in… Especially now that I had to discharge the commander by the end of this week.

'Well none of that matters,' he finally says. 'I want you to take it easy. Just because you are a doctor doesn't mean you don't need time to heal,' he says, using my words against me. I smirk at him when I see a coy smile take place on his lips.

'I'm fine… I promise to take it a bit easy the next couple of days!' I tell him.

'I won't be leaving anytime soon,' he says, 'so I'll be keeping an eye out on you!'

I smile, feeling strange and exhilarated at the same time.  
When it is the appropriate time for me to leave as a doctor, I don't want to go. I do not want to leave this comforting zone. This bubble, as one could call it, kept the corrupt part of the world I had witnessed over the last couple of days out. It was nice, pleasant…

I felt like a real doctor again, doing only _good._

 _Pure_ , was the word to describe it best.

Though Inui was a part of the crowd that walked in here and turned everything upside down and slowly immoral it just as they were… I couldn't help but feel a little less horrible about myself when I was with him.

I let out a sigh as I close the door behind me. How many heavy sighs had left my mouth today?  
And the day was far from over.  
I did not feel like talking to the commander again nor check on Raccoon, since every little thing I did was a part of a coy plan of one of the many untrustworthy men that walked in this hospital. My once clean, serene hospital…

Though the war had always been close to this little town I felt that, since of today, the core had just moved itself into our small center and I was suddenly aware that I had become a vulnerable pawn, easy to use and use against others…

When I walk into Raccoon's room he was sleeping. For the first time I saw him without a mask.  
He was young… Too young.

He's sound asleep and I can't bring myself to wake him. I do check on a few written down notes taken by my colleagues. There is a few things worthy of mention but… I bite my lip.

I had already wasted valuable time, I had to go back to Zabuza if I didn't want to end up with a dead man in my house… Haku's sweet voice annoyingly reminded me of a promise.

I put the notes back and quietly leave the room. Before I talk to the ANBU agent standing in the hall, I ruffle up my hair a bit and let out a yawn, pretending to still be overly exhausted.  
'The patient is sound asleep, I rather not wake him… He needs to rest with his wounds, his current state is still critical and shouldn't be taken lightly,' I tell the guy while doing my best to let my eyes hang a bit. He gives small nod, though not entirely understanding why I was telling him this.  
'The commander asked me to check on him and have few words…'  
His eyes widen and he gives me a certain nod, now understanding why.  
'Besides, I'm still quite… _sleep deprived_ myself…' I mutter. 'You think you can let him now I will talk with Raccoon first thing tomorrow morning?'  
His face is hidden underneath his mask but I can tell he is arching an eyebrow at what I'm saying.

I bite my lip worrying if had just been caught until an angry little voice reminds me I am the doctor and I don't have to explain myself as much as I am doing right now.  
'It's not that I don't want to but I can tell my brain isn't as sharp as it should be, I know Raccoon is important to your investigation.'

He nods and when I turn around I have to halt, he asks me a very peculiar question. 'Are you disobeying an order?'

I turn my head sharply back to him, 'No for I am not under your service nor am I a _kunoichi_. I am a doctor, a very respected one at that and I simply offered my help to your commander, who took it as huge favor and would be very pleased to hear my opinion. I did not inclined _when_ and I most certainly did not tell him I would _report_ back to him.'

I hate those porcelain masks… I never seem to have a clue what is going on underneath. For some reasons I felt as if he was smirking. He was tilting his head slightly and was definitely silenced by my little speech. He then held up his hands, chuckled an apology and told me he would give the message to his superior.

I nod and wish him a good evening.

* * *

When I return home, I find Haku in the same position as I left him. Holding on to the still trembling man. I've brought some ice and cold wet towels. I place it on his core and try to cool off his burning forehead.  
I sigh again, recovery was not going as I had hoped…

I then take a glance at Haku and see his tired pale face staring aimlessly at the man. His hair was uncombed and his clothes were more crumpled. It made me realize I would have to sneak in some fresh clothes. I looked at Zabuza, who was hardly dressed because I had gotten rid of all the few shreds that he had on when he had stumbled in here. I would need to get him some too…  
Besides I couldn't just let them stink up my house with their unsanitary was of living.

When I see Zabuza's bloodstained clothes I suddenly have a realization… How did they get in here unnoticed? ANBU was obviously not on to them… But his blood… It must've led a trail.  
'Haku, how did you guys get in here?' I ask him, suddenly think back of my earlier thought of Rabbit being of assistance.

He was staring intently at Zabuza. He blinks once before looking at me, which was a bit unsettling. I sometimes felt as if a part of him was missing. A very human part.  
'Haku?' I say when he gives me a long strange stare.  
'Through the window,' he answers monotone.  
'Yes but Zabuza obviously must've left a blood trail—'that is not something you should concern yourself with, Sakura.'  
The answer was bit unnerving and I had to take a minute to recover by pretending I was checking up on Zabuza.  
'Did you sleep last night?' I then ask him while not making much eye-contact. 'Or rest at all?'  
He shakes his head.  
'Do it now,' I tell him. 'I'll eventually have to go to sleep because tomorrow I do have to show up on time to work, else we are going to have a big problem.'  
'How so?' he asks me with raspy voice.  
'ANBU is going to come and check on me…' I perhaps said that a little too light because Haku gave me an expression of utter confusion and worry.  
'Go rest, Haku,' I then tell him. 'I promised, remember?'  
He nods while his hand touches the arm of the assassin, as if quietly telling him he was going to take small nap and he'd be right back…

Though I still found it endearing too see, a part of me understood how problematic Haku was. This kid wasn't going abandon him, he was too fond of the assassin. When Haku was out the room I asked Zabuza what he had done to him but no answer came.

Being alone with him wasn't something I dreaded but to say I was at ease wasn't quite accurate either. Normally I would try to ease my patient their pain, make them feel comfortable… I did not feel inclined to do that for this man. I kept starring at his face so much I suddenly realized that my dilemma of yesterday was quite ridiculous. I'm pretty sure I by now could describe this man's face without having to close my eyes to bring it before me.

The irony of this situation was that since of today I had been questioning my own government more than the enemy's motives.

I felt as if Zabuza was the easiest individual of them all. At least I didn't have think about _his_ motive.

He was still twitching and shaking. In about an hour he would get his third dose of antibiotics, if he wasn't doing any better after that I would have another big problem to add on my list.

There was only so much I could do…

As I was cleaning up the wounds on his leg and torso, I thought over what had happened today. It had been an strange course of events. I had let my guard down with the commander with the reward being a display of his true colors. Though I had no idea what was going on inside of his mind, I did feel like I had misjudged him.  
He was not as sincere and noble as I had thought but then again this world made it hard for people to do what is right… I think of Haku when thinking that.

I had been questioning my decisions but a part of me said that no matter how much I was trying to convince myself, Haku had little to do with this outcome. Above all, I couldn't figure out if I was actually help the boy. I look at frowning face of the assassin when he let out a painful grunt.

Why did he care so much for him? _How did these two even meet?_

I shake my head in defeat, no matter how much I try to close my eyes for the reality of things, I had to face it; ANBU, from my nation or elsewhere were too well trained for me. After the academy I had solely focused on medicine. I didn't have the training to take these guys on… not even mentally.

I'm sure Zabuza had ways of getting inside of the boy's head, ways I didn't know of.

He had been acting so differently than the first two times I had met him. He had been so scared back then, just like all… _the other poor boys_. I felt as if I was belittling him and those who carried the same faith. Today however he showed me so much indifference I was beginning to doubt if he was anything that I had first thought he was.

'H-Haku?'

His voice was very gruff.

'Haku!' It was a commanding, angry growl. Annoyed by the fact that the boy wasn't present.  
'He's sleeping,' I hush him.

When our eyes meet I feel shiver run down my spine. I had threated people with questionable reputations before but… this man, he was so close to me. He was in my home. My entire situation was depending on him. I suddenly feel a little shaky when standing near his waken form.

'Calm down,' I tell him while placing my hand on his shoulder. It felt unnaturally and not just for me, I could tell he was questioning my act. I retreat my hand immediately, as if his skin was fire.  
'I'm…' I wasn't glad to see him awake. I actually found it unnerving. 'It's good to see you are able to maintain consciousness, that means your body is finally starting to recover.'  
I was rarely as formal as I was being right now but I couldn't think of anything else.

He simply stared at me while not answering. His cold eyes remained fixating on mine which made me feel very unsettled. A long moment of silence passes.

'I have cleaned your wounds and…' I started but halted when realizing that everything I was saying, didn't interest him.

'Did you talk?' he bit out, ignoring what I had been saying. 'Did you talk to anyone about me?'  
'No,' I shake my head while quirking up an eyebrow.  
'You sure?'  
I only nod while giving him an angry glare. Another silence lingers and he simply looks around in the room, perhaps trying to orient himself and remember where he exactly was. He has been out for a while after all, a black-out wasn't uncommon.

'How long?' he asks.  
'How long what?' I can't help but let out some annoyance.  
'How long until I can get out of this bed?' he growls angrily. 'Or do you like keeping men locked in their beds?' he then smirks at me.  
'Could you stop that?' I snarled, not liking his crude way of talking to me. I wasn't some girl he had stumbled upon in a bar or something! 'I don't need you to constantly belittle me as woman.'

He only smirks wider in responds but then lets out a hiss of pain.  
'My neck is hurting,' he then informs me.

I realized it was the only wound I hadn't checked on yet which was probably why it was hurting him the most now. I needed to clean his bandages and take look at the wound, the warmth of his fever must be making it unbearable.

'Yes, it will take while to heal… you're lucky it wasn't as deep as the others. You'd be dead otherwise.'  
'You're so clever, doctor,' he sarcastically bit out while I try to loosen the bandage around his neck.  
'I would like to remind you that I don't have to do this, I could let you sit and drench in your own blood!' I spat out angrily.  
Before I could even compromise that he can move is arm he grabs me by my hair and pulls me closer to him. His breath tickles my skin and his eyes are wide and dangerous. I immediately begin to tremble all over.

'You think you can talk to me like that? Or do I have to remind you of what I said earlier? Just because I'm stuck to this bed doesn't mean you don't need to fear me!' his gruff voice makes him sound even more sinister. 'Haku is my little pawn just like you are, rather you like it or not. Do you understand?'  
'I do!' I fearfully answer while grabbing hold of his hand, trying to make him loosen his grip on my hair.  
'Then don't underestimate me,' he hisses back.  
'I'm not!'  
'You don't want to wake up in house full of blood, do you, doctor?'  
'W-what do you mean?' I ask him with a trembling voice.  
'Rabbit… we're partners, remember?' He gave me ominous expression.

I feel a weight drop on me. _So he had been in my house… Well of course, Zabuza and Haku had to get help getting here without anyone noticing…  
_  
Yet I found my fierceness take over and my eyes dare to look up into his, 'I'm pretty sure this isn't a part of the plan.' 'No, it isn't!' he hisses back and pushes me away from him.  
I stumble back and place my hand on my rapidly beating heart, trying to calm it down.  
'If you don't want ANBU to find you slaughtered or _you_ don't want to find Haku dead when coming home, clean up your act! I don't care if you despise me and I certainly don't feel privileged to be in your care. You were solely picked because of the location of your house and your weakness for caring about the kid,' he hisses at me. 'This isn't one of your rebellious acts were you stand up for the weak. You are the weak in this situation and you have nod your head if you want keep it on your shoulders, understood?'

I don't answer but I know my silence speaks louder than words. How can a man so weak bring me down to my knees with solely words?

I swallow the huge lump in my throat.

'Clean it up,' he hiss through his teeth. His voice, though never above a whisper, startles me. I only now see the blood seep from his neck down to the pillow. I only nod in response. I'm shaken up and I don't know how to get a grip on myself. I'm in too deep… My breath begins to stagger and I hate the fact that I can't stop my hands from shaking. I certainly don't want to touch him or even be near him but somehow I manage to turn on auto-pilot and do what I'm told.

I thought hated the old man but the feeling I felt inside now was far more aggressive... I could feel it consume me.

* * *

Longest chapter so far! Give me some feedback! Did you like this chapter? Do you like the pace of the story? I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I love writing it! Please leave a comment/review, it really motivates me and I do love hearing your thoughts!


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

Chapter V

Though I had promised myself to not stay up all night and ware myself out again, I found it hard to wake Haku up, especially with Zabuza still being awake. I had thought he would pass out after a few minutes but it had been thirty and he had yet to fall back into unconsciousness.

'Have you been awake before?' I ask him, using a calm tone. I had fought off my anxiety and tried to redeem myself as a doctor by not letting him get under my skin any further.  
'I was awake a few times…' he mumbled back. I could tell he was fighting off sleepiness. Why couldn't he just give in already?  
'You really should rest for now,' I tell him.  
Though his face is too tired to make any type of expression, I know he's inside probably smirking at my attempt to keep peace. He seemed to be amused by my thorn feelings about him and Haku, which irked me.

'Water,' he muttered at me. 'I want some water.'

No please and definitely no thank you when I hand it over. He greedily drinks it down, making a mess on himself and the few clean pieces of fabric I had found in my house. It was the fourth time he soiled it with is inability to properly drink from a glass. I rolled my eyes at sight but refrained from making a comment about it. At times I could swear he did it on purpose.

'You know, I want you to leave just as bad as you want to go.'

I don't know why I had just told him that but I felt the need to do so. Maybe it was because I was aware of the fact that I wasn't being as gentle with him as I would be with other patients.

He swallows the last bit of water and roughly hands me back the glass. To my surprise, he nods and lays his head to rest. His brown eyes eye me from head to toe before rolling back and finally allowing himself to rest again.

I let out a deep sigh and relax my shoulders. I looked around in my tiny attic, made out of wood and not much else. It could get cold here during the night… but it was only temporarily. I would just have to hold on a bit longer.

Before leaving I felt his forehead again. He still had small fever. I noted I only was at ease when he was sleeping, otherwise I couldn't seem to bring myself to get near him. Hence why taking care of that wound on his neck had been a dreaded thing to do, his eyes had been locked on me. He had looked so intently at my face, as if waiting for it to betray my actions and reveal I out to harm him.

It was obvious he was very suspicious of me and I expected that is why he had been calling for Haku, to make sure I wouldn't be doing anything towards him in his weakened state.

It was almost ironic that _he_ thought so lowly of _me_. I didn't _kill_ people for a living, I _saved_ them.

I eventually decided to not wake Haku at all, I couldn't bear it when I saw him lying so calmly and safe in bed.  
Zabuza should be just fine, I told myself. Besides, and I believe I have said it before, ill weeds grow apace.

The next morning I woke up covered in my own sweat. Gasping for air I was relieved to finally be able to leave my bed. I didn't want to know what today would bring and I dreaded finding out. I roll my head around and tell myself I just need to take a shower and get a move on, I couldn't afford to be late.

When I opened the door from the bathroom is saw something in front of my bedroom door. I think it was one of the most kindest gesture I had received in the last couple of days. Scratch that, last couple of years.  
I tilted my head and smiled when I realized who was responsible. Only one person could be.  
I bite my lip and slowly walk towards the tray. I grab hold of the hot tea and a piece of toast. I didn't even know I owned a tray!

'You don't have much…' I hear Haku mumble behind me. It seemed he had just come from the attic.  
Attentive he certainly was. He had already checked up on Zabuza before I had. I don't ask him about the man. I simply greet him and ask if he had slept well. He nodded while smiling.

'Yes, I'm afraid I need to go grocery shopping…' I mutter back when I thank him for the suprise. 'I'm sorry I didn't wake you but Zabuza is doing very well and I just wanted you to get your rest—'I woke up early this morning, so I doubt he was by himself for long. Though I must admit, Sakura, I much rather had you wake me up. I was worried.'  
His tone was soft, kind and I almost envied Zabuza when I realized it was him he was talking so worriedly about.  
'Of course,' I nod. 'But I'm a doctor, Haku, I know what I'm doing.'  
He gave me sweet smile and I couldn't help but stare in at him. He had me a bit puzzled.  
'You kept your promise,' he then said. 'Thank you,' he bowed his head towards me.

I hated myself for hating the promise that made this boy so content.

'You're welcome,' I mutter back while avoiding his eyes.

'I'll try to come home early again today but I can't keep disappearing without a good reason… Being tired is becoming a poor excuse.'  
'Zabuza is doing better, is he not?' Haku asks me on a tone of bewilderment. I have him already worried again. I shake my head and tell him he's doing just fine. 'I just have to keep an eye on him…'

'Thank you for everything, Sakura,' he then tells me. When our eyes meet, I'm mesmerized by what I found in them. The gratefulness that shone through was overwhelming.

I had seen eyes like that before. Eyes that had little to no sleep, waiting for their loved ones to pull through. Eyes that kept faith, even on bad days.

The torn emotions this brought were now having a feast inside of me.

One moment I felt as if I had made the worse possible decision, next I felt as if I was one the road to save an innocent life.

'Have a good day,' he then says while bowing his head politely.

I nod and thank him for breakfast again before he climbs up the ladder and disappears into the attic again. I make note that I do have to get some food not just for Haku but for Zabuza too, he needs to get well-nourished food in order to speed up his healing process…

I blankly stare at the steaming cup of hot tea on the tray. I could almost _see_ my resolves crumble into the dark liquid and disappear.

And just like that my head was back at my first thought again, helping this poor young boy escape a tragic faith.

* * *

Strangely today was off to a good start, Raccoon had been awake and I had been able to talk to him and reexamine his wounds and report to the commander. Sometimes his inability to give any type of emotion easily dried up our conversations. I assumed his men had it easier off, they just had to say their say and be gone. I on the other hand felt more obliged to talk and think aloud with him.

I couldn't tell if he approved of it or not but he had yet to dismiss me.

'I don't know,' I tell him. I had pondered about it but I assumed ANBU was better at this kind of stuff then I. 'Maybe Rabbit moved him around…' I then say.  
'Why bother?'  
'I don't know,' I tell him again, shrugging this time. 'To mislead you?'  
'He did splendid job,' he mutters back, displeased about everything I had found out about.  
'What are you looking for anyway?' I ask him. 'You have all you need. You do believe Raccoon, don't you?'  
'No traitor wants to be left behind, so I highly doubt that is what Raccoon did. Besides, why would he? Just so an assassin and a fellow traitor can get out safely?' He seemed to be sharing a thought, I could tell he was actually rather conflicted about that. Uncertain if that was really the case.  
'Raccoon isn't lying, he did get attacked from behind.'  
'But the angle doesn't make sense, Rabbit was at the Councilor's right. If he didn't move, that means his wound got inflicted directly from the angle of the Councilor.'  
'Maybe the Councilor was aware one of them was a traitor and tried outsmart them by attacking one of them?'  
'You think that was possible considering his state?' he asks with surprise.  
'People can do incredible things when their lives or that of a loved one is at stake. Maybe he just took the wrong bet, killed the wrong guy…'  
'Unlikely, he was an old, fragile man after all.'

I quirked my eyebrow at him, that was the first time I heard him say something rather disrespectful towards the man. When he notices my expression, he bothers to actually explain himself.  
'He lived to work and it is possible that he'd fight for his life until the very end but you said he was out cold, he couldn't have had the strength despite having the willpower…'

I shrug in response. I don't know and in all honesty, I didn't want to know what exactly happened. Suddenly it hit me I actually had the answers lying in bed at home. I decided to leave before my anxiety set in and I end up betraying myself. Never in my career had I walked on a thin line like this one.

'I need to go, I have to go grocery shopping today,' I say with a sigh while getting up. I dreaded doing shopping but I had no other choice. When I realized what I had just said I felt like an idiot.  
I didn't know why I had just bothered to mention that.  
As I got up, he threw me a smirk and told me daily life would return. I should just give it some time.

I smile and nod.  
 _  
Normal life would eventually return but not until you and my troubles waiting at home are gone.  
_  
'I hope so,' I then admit, hoping it would actually soon be true. I wish him a good day and as I was about to leave I couldn't help but turn around and ask him.

'What is Rabbit's real name?'

He gives me surprised look at first before shrugging and eventually revealing his real name. 'Mizuki. Why?'  
'Just curious, you keep calling him by his codename.'  
'Rabbit isn't his codename… it's so you and your staff know who we are talking about. When the new platoon arrives, I'm assuming a few rabbits masks will be present again.'  
'So we will be calling him by his real name…'  
'There is no need to protect his name anymore,' he explains.  
I nod understandingly. I then smirk at him. 'You think I'll ever get to know your name or will I have to call you for eternity _commander?  
'_As long as I am on duty…' he answers evasively, though while smirking.  
'You're not on duty,' I point out.  
'It's safer for a reason, doctor Haruno.' He gives me a mysterious look I can't decipher. I let him be and decided to no long pry in ANBU's business, realizing it was probably _my safety_ he was referring to.

* * *

When I come home I have more grocery-bags with me then I have arms and hands to carry them but somehow I managed to get all the way home. Unfortunately the trip exhausted me so much I ended up letting it all drop on my kitchen table. I had half expected Haku to show up and help me out but it seems he was actually obeying my orders perfectly and didn't come downstairs no matter what he heard.  
I put the meat and a few dairy products in the fridge before checking up on him and Zabuza upstairs. I throw my coat over the rail over the stairs and slowly walk up.

'Haku?' I quietly say. No response.  
I actually thought he would've heard me but I maybe I was wrong. They were hiding in the attic after all.  
I slowly walk up the ladder and repeat calling his name. I climb up the ladder. 'Haku?' I ask, feeling a bit anxious.  
When my head peeks up I see him sitting next to Zabuza, who is unfortunately awake.

'You can call his name out like that, someone might hear you,' he hissed at me.

'Then don't play hide and seek and I wouldn't have to call anyone out. I thought something was the matter,' I answered equally annoyed.

'Then that would be useless because if anything happens, we'd be dead.'

'I see you are feeling much better,' I snap back.

'Did you have a nice day, Sakura?' Haku's optimistic voice was sheer contrast next to mine and Zabuza's.

We then both decided to ignore each other.

'Yes, it was rather pleasant. How was yours?' I ask with a smile coming to sit next to him.

'Very well, Zabuza is feeling indeed much better,' he answers me while smiling at Zabuza, who rolled his eyes in response.

'I can see, very lively compared to the dead meat he was the pass two days…' I mutter while not being able to hide my contempt towards him. He could at least be a bit more polite and thankful after all I had done for him! And he didn't have to be so mean towards Haku either. _What an obnoxious man…_

'Yes and you are well and alive too, so I guess that means no one has found out yet,' he remarks back.  
'No, dead people can't walk and talk, Zabuza,' I snippily reply.

I don't know why but it makes him laugh.  
'Well, look at us, it is almost as if we've known each other for years,' he smirks at Haku.

'Trauma does strange things with people,' I mutter while rolling my eyes. I do however manage to turn on my doctor-switch and do a little check-up. He gets annoyed when my hand touches his forehead or any of his wounds. His hand flinches, obviously holding back his initial reaction to snatch my wrist.

'When will I'll be able to get up?' He asks.

'Wounds like that, plus an infection and then your stitches… Couple of weeks.'  
'I don't have that time.'  
'I know,' I nod. 'Another ANBU platoon is on its way to back the current one up.'  
He snatches my hand this time around. I let out a silent yell, giving him a confused look.  
'How do _you_ know that?' His brown eyes widen and I get startled.  
'The commander told me that,' I answer with a slight waver in my voice.  
'Of ANBU?' he smirks. I nod, though realizing I had just gotten myself into trouble by telling this.

He starts laughing again and I feel shiver all over my body. I only now see his sharpen teeth, a demonic trait of Kirigakure. I forget my contempt for him and suddenly get drowned in my own fear.  
He pulls my wrist to him and grabs my neck, holding it firmly into place.  
'Haku's right,' he hisses. 'You _are_ an _angel_.'  
His eyes held a strange glint that had a paralyzing effect on me. I wasn't just scared suddenly, I was fearing for my life.  
'L-let go,' I whisper, feeling distraught by his behavior.  
'Zabuza, you are hurting her…' Haku says. His voice sounded hollow and his eyes went back and forth from mine to Zabuza's. Zabuza gives the boy a strange look before finally letting go and throw me onto the floor.

'So you've been in close contact with ANBU this entire time?' he asks me. His eyes stay intensely on mine.  
I rub my neck, hoping it wouldn't be bruised. I don't answer him but I guess my expression spoke louder than words.

'You are playing with fire, doctor,' he says with a smirk . 'But I like feisty,' he then snickers at me.  
I wish he would stop with those types of remarks, I got nauseated by them. I uncomfortable turn my head away from him.

'What else do you know?' he then asks me on a much more commanding tone. No evasive answers expected in return.

Though I still feel fear inside of me, I refuse to dig my own grave any deeper.

'I'm already helping you… I'm not going to betray anyone. Just leave!' I eventually bit out. 'Leave before they can get to you!'

' _Leave_?' he asks with false bewilderment. 'I don't think so, I couldn't possibly be in any better hands then in _yours_ , doctor. Besides you just told me I can't leave, remember?'

'They'll be here by the end of this week…' I start. 'But if you leave now—'But poor Haku,' he then says. I see Haku's expression change. I don't know what is about to happen but it seems he does. Zabuza grabs him closer and I see something shiny in his right hand. A kunai!

 _When did he get that?_

'You don't want him to get hurt, do you, doctor?' Zabuza menacing tone and Haku's expression adds into the pressure. I can feel my hands starting to tremble uncontrollably.

'You would do that?' I feel my breath leave and suddenly the tiny attic feels claustrophobic. I can't get enough air!

'No, you would,' he says, flashing his sharp teeth at me. 'You'd send him on a mission towards his own dead.'

'He can stay here, _you_ can leave!'

'I don't have anyone to support on, doctor,' he answers, forging that he's hurt by my comment. He then pushes Haku away from him. 'Rabbit will take care of ANBU. He'll give them a false trail.'  
He then gives Haku a peculiar look and I definitely can't decipher the look in Haku's eyes when he meets Zabuza's. _These two speak a language I don't._ I swallow and gather myself together.

'Don't… don't hurt anyone,' I simply say. 'Enough people suffer from this war…' I stop talking when I realize he doesn't care about any of that. He doesn't even bother to make a snide remark of my weak, pathetic speech.

'I'll try to help you get well as quick as possible,' I then tell him.

'Of course you will,' he snaps. 'Did you get something to eat?'

I'm stunned by his attitude. He knows he has control over me… I can't help but look at Haku, who seems shaken up. And he knows I want to save Haku… _Bastard._

'Haku, would you help me with dinner?' I try to ask politely but I hear a pressing tone coming through. I wanted him to get out of this room and leave with me so badly. He looked scared.

But the boy doesn't move a muscle until Zabuza nods his head.

Preparation for "dinner" is awkwardly silent. I don't know what is on Haku's mind. Actually, for the first time I realize I don't know him at all.

I decided to make soup, an amount big enough to last for a few days. Haku was helping me cut the vegetables. I try to lighten the mood a little by making some small talk.  
'You know, you could be a chef with those skills,' I joke when seeing his cutting work.

'So could you.' He gives me a shy smile in response.  
 _  
There he is again, that little boy I met the first time_ …

'I do cut things from time to time…' I snicker. 'Not as much vegetables as I should, though.'  
'Sakura!' He seems taken back by my little joke but sees the humor in it. I figure I can make that joke unlike his… _friend_. He cuts things too… _Argh, even when he's not in the room he manages to frighten me._

Or am I just scaring myself at this point?

'What else would you like me to do?' Haku asks, interrupting my weird thoughts.

 _A little boy stuck with a madman,_ I then rephrase in my mind _.  
_  
'You can cut this in to small slices,' I say while handing over solid chicken. He seems a little repulsed at first but ends up doing it with the exact precision he had cut the vegetables.

'Haku?' I eventually start. 'How did you and Zabuza meet?'  
'We met on the street…' he simply answered. 'I was hungry and he fed me. He is my only friend.'  
The answer is evasive and the tone is simply put indifferent. I think a deaf people could hear him lie.  
Whatever Zabuza did, he did seem to cling on to the gesture, insuring himself he was good person ought to help him and be his _friend_. Though with those thoughts, I refrained myself from saying anything about it.

'Where is your family?' I then ask him, feeling the subject becoming more sensitive and seeing it as a chance to finally get to know his background. But as soon as the words leave my mouth I can see Haku pull up his walls. It seems the more I ask, the more his face becomes this blank mask with a hollow, meaningless smile that never leaves.

'They are dead. I don't like talking about them, Sakura.'

'I'm sorry,' I mutter feeling guilty and uncomfortable by his rather crude and uncharacteristic answer.

'It's ok,' he shrugs. 'Where is yours?' He then ask looking up from his work.

'Oh, in Konoha,' I answer. I'm a bit taken back. Nobody ever asks me about them. I figured most people thought I didn't have family since I never talk about them and I was always working.

'Then why are you here?' he asks, lifting up an eyebrow at my answer.

 _What was I doing here?_ Once there had been such clear and simple answer, now I didn't know what was going on. For the first time I felt as if the war wasn't a central matter in my life anymore… Unfortunately the pioneers of war had taken its place. I felt uneasy when thinking that thought.

'I wanted to be useful, help people that were in _true_ need of my help. I wasn't supposed to stay here but I don't know… The villagers are kind and suddenly I had hospital to work in and I became a steady rock in the chaos of war.'

He stayed silent, letting my words sink in. After thinking about it he finally gives me one of his genuine smiles and the blank mask falls off. 'You are brave, Sakura,' he compliments me.

I can't help but laugh, though I do take the compliment to the heart. 'So are you, Haku.'

'You know, Sakura,' he then starts. 'Zabuza can be a bit mean but that is only because he doesn't trust you.'

I let out a hallow laugh now, 'Well, that's good to know.'  
I was more than aware of Zabuza's distrust. It was just cute how Haku put it, as if he would become nicer once he did. I doubted that.

'I trust you, Sakura. Eventually Zabuza will too.'

I feel like a phony when I see his brown eyes shining hopefully into mine. _I don't want his trust, kid. I really don't._

'You know, Haku,' I start, copying his style a little. 'I'm your friend too… wouldn't you like to stay with me?'

His smile falters and his cold stoic expression returns.

'No.'

A plain simple answer that echoed in my ears. I let my shoulders drop, ignore him for a moment to add all the ingredients into the boiling water and stir in the pot for a moment.

'Why not?' I then as, not being able to let it go.

'Why should I? Why would I let go of my friend in need?' he retorted.

I didn't know what exactly to say to him but I didn't have to, he put me right in my place.

'You are perfectly fine, Sakura. It is Zabuza who needs my help.'

The answer was unnaturally to hear from such small, seemingly, innocent child. Haku was wise beyond his years… I didn't know what he had seen or what he had been going through but he could see right through me and my "kind" intentions. Though he was scared of Zabuza, he had no intention of letting him go. Whatever he had done for the boy, I hadn't "matched" it yet with my kindness.

I decided to let subject go and try to find something else to talk about. Unfortunately there is very little frivolous matters to talk about during war. The fact that I didn't come out a lot and neither did Haku, didn't help. So we ended up enjoying each other's company in silence. It was anything but uncomfortable. Though we had yet to learn who we were, we were most definitely at ease with one another.

Before we go upstairs to bring Zabuza a bowl of soup, I suddenly grab Haku's sleeve when I think of someone. I can't help myself and I have to ask him before we in Zabuza's company again.

'Aren't you scared of Mizuki?'  
He frowns when he hears me use his real name. 'Mizuki?' he echoes.  
'Rabbit!' I answer him, not liking that everyone thinks I can be so easily fooled. 'I know his real name!'  
'No, I don't fear him,' he calmly answers me. 'And neither should you. I think he's very fond of you.' There is something sinister in the way he says it and I can't quite put my finger on it.

'Was he here?' I then ask him but he immediately shakes his head.

I'm puzzled and a small part of me doesn't want to admit to the possibility of Haku lying. He moves along, walking carefully up the stairs and ignoring my stare completely.  
I had an eerie feeling overcome me. One moment I felt as if I was going somewhere with Haku, the next he was frightening me.

'Sakura,' Haku says, halting me as I was about to climb up the shamble ladder with a bowl of hot soup. 'If there is ever an emergency… How do I contact you?'

Well I hadn't seen that question coming. 'Ah…' I 'm taken aback and have to think about it for a minute. 'I don't know actually…'

If I did however wanted to go somewhere with this boy, I would have to show him I was reliable. Earn his trust…

'I'll think of something,' I then add. 'You can count on it.'

He contently nods at the answer.

When I climb up the stair and see the angry expression of the assassin awaiting me, I realize I might actually have to go through him in order to get Haku's trust.  
'You're awake,' I comment. It almost sounded as if I was happy about that but I guess the deadpan silence at the end gave away that I was rather disappointed to see him awake. At least tried to come off as caring. _I was caring about not caring…_

'You're so observing,' he remarks making me roll my eyes in response.

Haku however seemed to be genuinely content about Zabuza being awake again. I don't know if my fake concerned worked but he had given me grateful look when our eyes met. Haku gave him a bowl of soup and asked if he needed help eating. When I saw Zabuza's discomfort I couldn't help but laugh out loud. He grumbled out a no and threw me a glare before tasting it.

'Taste like shit,' he then said _._

I guess I could've seen that one coming…

'You've tasted shit before?'  
 _  
I know, juvenile, but I couldn't help myself._

'And you are a _respectable_ doctor?' he remarks with thick sarcasm.

'One who saves shitty lives…and makes shitty soup,' I answer on a light tone.

I catch Haku staring at us from the corner of my eye. He looks utterly confused at our behavior but when we looked his way, he just gave us his signature smile. I tilted my head when noticing he looked kind of different. As if he was truly finding our bickering entertaining. I suppose it was which made me smirk.

 _I don't know why I was letting him get under my skin so much…_ I let myself drop in the empty chair standing in the far corner of the room. I looked outside the window. Only dark clouds coming our way.

It stays quiet when he starts eating, so I let my thoughts wander a bit.

I don't know what I was doing. All I could hear was a little voice inside of me telling me I was being stupid. Haku was obviously not some random kid. And Zabuza… I didn't know what he was but I needed to get away from him. But I couldn't, even if these two weren't around, I would still be stuck in this situation. I was starting to question a lot of things… I wondered what would happen once the other ANBU platoon arrived. Would it all be instantly over? _Would I be sentenced to death?_  
 _  
Ha, never thought I would share the same faith as some of my patients… I guess that show I'm just as presumptuous as some of the arrogant politicians and higher officers I had fought against._

'Get me more.' The rude command snapped me out of my thoughts and I lifted an eyebrow at the tall man lying helplessly in bed. Haku simply nodded and said he was happy to see him finally get better. All he got in response was gruff sound of annoyance.

'Can't you be bit more pleasant?' I sincerely asked once Haku it out the room. 'He's doing his best to help you, although for reasons I don't understand.'

He turned his head and grinned at me. 'And you are doing your best to help him, for reasons _no one_ don't understands.'

'I'm just trying to get him away from thugs like you, so he won't end up like you.'

His grin faltered and I could tell I hit a nerve. 'Get out of the chair,' he said. 'Someone might see you.'

'No one uses this route—'I did,' he says cutting me off. 'I used it to get into the village.'  
I let out a surprised gasp. _He had passed my house on his way in_?  
I suddenly felt uncomfortable knowing that he had been a lot closer to me before I even knew about him. I did however get out of the chair and cautiously looked through the tiny round window, hoping I wouldn't see anything out of the ordinary.

'Scared?' he snickered. 'Should be, only the corrupt and unethical use the backdoor to get in.'

'You're very proud of yourself, aren't you?' I ask on a strict tone. Again, I couldn't help myself from adding snide remarks. I walked up to him. 'You might have once been a proud shinobi…' I maliciously say. 'Those sharpened teeth indicate you were a part of the Seven Swordsmen of the Mist.'

Assassins belonged to the bottom, they were the dirt of the Shinobi world. Paid with the lowest fee to take a life without the honor of a country or a clan, made one nothing more than a murderer.

No man took proud in being the lowest.

'And you think we only escorted the Daimyo to tea parties?' He snickered at me. 'You are such a naïve thing… Great name, big reputation and yet you live in such a small world made out of wounded people in need of your help.'

'You were not in need of my help?' I point out while looking at the _almost lethal_ wounds. If it hadn't been for me stitching them up and keeping them clean, he'd be dead.

To my surprise, he nods acceptingly of my valid point but doesn't let the conversation go. 'But if it wasn't for your constant need to help people, you wouldn't be in this mess.'

'How so?' I ask him getting slightly aggravated by his words. Maybe it was because deep inside I knew he too was making a valid point.

'Why do you want to save Haku?' he asks. I simply sigh before answering, 'I already told you why—'But you _don't_ know him,' he repeats while starting to grin at my annoyance.  
'I don't need to know someone—'Yes, you do,' he answers, still grinning. 'At least most people do.'  
I stay silent, not knowing what to say.  
'Truth is, you can't let go once you see someone in need of help. Hence why you get yourself into trouble so much.'

'So I asked for it?' I'm not able of hiding my feelings of aggravation anymore. 'I asked for some high in council guy to get treatment for a disease, that he could've gotten treatment for anywhere in the country, to then, under my watch, gets assassinated and _I asked for it_?' I say in one breath.

I went to sit down on the bed, facing him defiantly. He simply smirks at my temper, which irks me even more.  
'No, you didn't ask for any of that. Though, you did give him a hard time, despite the fact you knew who he was.'  
'How do you know that?' I ask in surprise but he ignores my question.  
'But you didn't have to care about Haku or take care of me,' he says silencing me completely. 'You're hoping to find someone to stay by your side…'

I want to open my mouth but can't find the words to talk. He grabs my wrist again, though not harshly or intimidating like he has done before. 'No ring, no one to come home to… You're nothing but tragically lone case, doctor, and that is why you are in this mess.'

He lets go of my wrist. I stare at him, speechless by how easily he had seen through me. I felt shame rise to my cheeks and I eventually avert my eyes off his. Though I could see out of the corner of my eye that the action had made him smirk.  
I don't know if he felt it but the animosity in the atmosphere had grown tenfold. I suddenly wanted to bolt out of the room and run to my own safe bedroom. With a huff I got up only to be hold down by his hand on my knee.

'Don't do anything stupid… You're in this mess,' he explains, talking just above a whisper. 'You still don't want to Haku to get hurt, do you?' he threatens.  
'Don't you care about him?' I whisper back, feeling slightly defeated.  
'Only a tool, just like you.'

I want to snap his hand off of my knee but he grabs my hand. Before I know it we get into a small hustle that I immediately cease when I realize how stupid I'm being. I try to compose myself but found it hard with his dark intimidating aura surrounding me. I then remind myself of the kunai he has hidden.

Zabuza seems to find my entire behavior rather amusing. The arrogant smirk on his face never leaves.

When the wind howls and trembles the roof above us, we both get surprised. The roofs isolations is so low it feels is as if we are standing outside. I could feel the cold coming in and couldn't help but slightly shiver.

'Bad weather is coming…' He muttered.  
'You can predict the weather now?' I ask not really knowing why. Maybe I didn't want him to think he got to me by staying quiet.  
'If you are outside a lot, you learn to see the small warnings nature sends,' he answers. He only seems to be more amused by my behavior. 'This is good news… means the new ANBU platoon is going to have hard time.'

'How so?' I ask. 'I don't think bad weather is going to stop them.'  
'It's not going to stop them,' he snaps annoyed. 'It's going to vanish every trace that is left.'

He lets his head rest on the pillow and I see now how exhausted he is. I try to fight the urge to tell him to rest. We exchange a look with one another. He knew what I was thinking… and I knew he knew.  
He seems to be done taunting me for today because he stayed silent. Only his smirk lasts.

'Haku,' he suddenly speaks up, startling me. I frown at him in confusion. 'Stop trying to eavesdrop and get in here.'

* * *

Comment/review!


	6. Chapter 6

Dislaimer: I do not own Naruto.

Chapter VI

I kept staring at ceiling, hearing Zabuza's words in repeat. It had been awkwardly quiet once Haku arrived witht with the second bowl of soup and I was sure he knew something had been said.

I hadn't been able to shake off what had been said. I actually felt as if had been caught doing something bad…

 _But I am doing something good, am I not? I am trying to help a little boy from not becoming a criminal… like him. Or actually from not ending up dead after being used by a criminal like him._ I frowned at remembering what had been said. _A lonely case…_

I wasn't lonely! And I certainly did not care for my patients to fill a certain void! I choose this life because I prefer it. Because it is who I am.

I'm not… lonely!

I turn my head around and growl into my pillow, I hated how I was still fretting over this! I  
nstead of not letting him get under my skin, I let him get into my head _…_

Well at least today he didn't make any dirty comments.

I let out a heavy sigh when thinking that. _Hmm, maybe I rather hear him denigrate me for whatever pathetic reason he thinks he has, then what I had to hear today…_

I'm so content nobody can hear me think right now,

I scold at myself. This man brought out the worse in me.

I suppose all of this mindless thinking was a nice way to distract myself from the terrifying truth _. The ANBU-platoon that was coming, the commander… My problems were long from being over.  
And I did get myself into quite mess… _And no matter how much I hated asking myself…

 _ **Why**_ _was I so keen on saving Haku?_

* * *

'The Wolf-platoon will be here earlier than expected.'

I let out tired sigh, knowing fully well he wasn't informing out of the kindness of his heart. I give the commander a short nod. 'I think you'll be able to function this operation as long as you don't physically participate.'  
'You'll need to report that to Lord Inui, he's in touch with our higher officer,' he answered on a bored tone.  
'I?'  
'It's more plausible if you explain it to him, then I do. He seems to think I'm not thinking clearly... though I know exactly what I am doing,' he ended on a bitter tone.

I quirked an eyebrow at that and then realized that Inui's concern might have not been so genuine as I thought. The two perhaps did not see eye to eye after everything that had happened.  
 _  
Hurt people tend to blame others to feel better… Poor Inui.  
_  
I had to take deep breath when I suddenly realize that keeping the commander content was more important to me than Inui's feeling for the moment. Inside, that felt so wrong… for so many different reasons.

'I will,' I mutter. 'How come the platoon is going to be here earlier?'

'I'm shorthanded and I can't get out the field myself, if we want to catch on to them we'll have to hurry,' he took a glance outside the window. 'Besides bad weather is coming our way.'  
'Oh?' I say, feigning disbelief.

'It will erase the few traces left…'

'You think you'll be able to catch them?' I ask. When I said _them_ , I was thinking of Haku and Zabuza.  
The commander frown at me and I want to bite my tongue off. I mutter Rabbit's name and manage to say "assassin" instead of Zabuza. He shrugs it off while not answering my question either.  
I have to stop myself from sighing out of relief. I needed to stay cool and not fret over every detail… because if I had reasons to question details and names, so did the commander and ANBU.

'As catching in them both dividedly?' The commander startles me by rephrasing my question to me. My eyes widen a little before nodding my head. 'Very likely,' he answered with certainty.

* * *

'How you've been feeling?'

I felt warm, relaxed.

'Good, given the circumstances,' he voice was lighthearted and his blue eyes kindly stared into mine. I tell him his recovery is still going well and in a few days he could rest up somewhere more luxurious and private. Inui answers that he likes the hospital and that there is little to complain about. A flat out lie, of course but I found it most charming. I eventually manage to gather to nerve to talk about ANBU. He doesn't seem very pleased about the commander's discharge.

'Sakura, he isn't even in a fit shape—'he doesn't have to be. From what I gathered he wouldn't be out on the field,' I answer him calmly.  
'He isn't thinking clearly!' he says while raising his voice. 'I want you to explain him that it simply not possible!'  
I felt our surreal bubble spat open and disappear from our current existence. I let out a sigh, tired and hating myself for having to hurt someone as kind as Inui.  
'Sakura, can't you see that he needs to be stopped?' he then asks me on a pleading tone.  
'Lord Inui,' I start, giving it a thought at how I best put it. I had to give him the feeling he too was right and I understood him while insuring he should allow the commander to work…

'He too wants what you want. The commander feels as if it was all his responsibility. He just wants to make it right,' I halt a little but he doesn't respond to the emotional exploitation. I then decided to throw it in a different direction.  
'I heard the Wolf-platoon has a very young captain, perhaps he's a bit inexperience and maybe it is essential for the commander to be a part of this mission. Both of them working together can only help getting the results we want.'

He gave me puzzled look and then let out an aggravated huff. When I placed my hand on his, he flinched and pushed it away before grabbing it hold as I retreat it.  
'Sorry,' he muttered. His thumb then softly caresses my hand, making me blush a little.  
'I understand your emotions… you want justice,' I say quietly. 'They will succeed. They must. ...Trust me.'

He gives me small smile. Uncertainly he looks down to our hands. 'You have quite the experience when it comes to dealing with grieving people.'  
'Too much,' I nod. 'But it is an inevitable part of my job, war or no war.'  
He nods but then shakes his head, clearly disagreeing. 'No, war has aged many… I can see the grief in many eyes.'  
'So can I,' I say while looking into his and trying to make him understand that I understood and saw his blatant despair and grief.

'What do you prescribe?' He mindlessly asks while holding my hand into both of his. He gives me pleading, painful look. I suddenly feel bad for hating the old man. I feel bad for the many lies I have told lately. I hate myself when seeing the agony in his eyes.

'Time,' I whisper, 'whom hopefully will bring acceptance and eventually leave us with warm memories…'

* * *

The last three days had been a blur, going so fast that I sometimes couldn't grasp that this life of lies had become my reality.  
The always looking over my shoulder, afraid I'd get followed home. Or get caught stealing bandages in the supply room. The endless questions that put me on edge, though harmful when thinking about it afterwards. I hated being in the hospital, constantly tiptoeing around while having to make sure I kept everyone pleased while never acting too suspicious.

Fortunately once I would get home, the uneasiness and fear would leave me and I managed to find peace in my own home again. Though I did not enjoy Zabuza's company, when he did not seek out my temper we would leave each other alone and we could enjoy a cup of hot tea made by Haku. Sitting in that tiny compromising attic was perhaps a bit hazardous but the warmth in our hands kept us quiet and I wanted to keep Haku company at all cost.  
Though I guess it did help that the evenings were short. Zabuza had never brought up our last subject again but… it had since never left my mind. I had questioned myself a lot when walking home in the cold rain. I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do and what I actually had accomplished so far.  
Haku was opening up to me, telling me small things. How cold it could get in Kirigakure, how Zabuza had taught him how to fish. Small things that didn't matter and made me none the wiser.

Yet I cared for him in a way I couldn't quite understand myself.

'Sakura?' A short knock follows before my colleague's round face appears from behind the door. Her high bun only accentuate the shape and the coy smirk on her lips seemed to be permanent. I could never tell if it was meant to mock or if had become something undeliberate.  
'Yes?' I answer with a fake smile.  
'The _commander_ is asking for you,' she says wiggling her eyebrows in exaggeration. It seemed he had a hold of the entire hospital these days and no staff-member had any sympathy left for him or ANBU. Controlling, annoying and rude were the most comment words used at lunch table.  
'That new platoon is here!' she added in a whisper.

I felt my heartbeat fasten and I nervously look out the window. It was raining again and the wind was wildly ravaging through the village. A storm was heading our way.  
I wonder if it was still possible for traces to be found… I hoped none would lead to my house.  
Standing up I mentally prepared myself for what was to come. After all, I was yet to be relieved from the commander's hold on me. I couldn't believe there would be more ANBU around…  
My quiet little village felt like it had suddenly became the centerstage of the war.

I put my short locks behind my ears and straighten my posture, telling myself to not be intimidated by anyone. I suddenly thought of the first time I had met the commander and how I now no longer felt unsettled by him.

I gave a light knock on the door, hearing a familiar voice answer. When I opening the door I'm surprised to see how small the new platoon is. _Five guys for such an important political mission?_ I raise my eyebrows at the sight. The first few seconds I get ignored.

'Why have you not put the village in lockdown?' At tall man asks, standing a right before the commander. He seemed to be the captain of the group.  
'I couldn't, Lord Inui wouldn't lend me any of his men.'  
The man stayed silent for a second, as if not quite comprehending what the meaning of this was. But I too had heard the resentful undertone the normally cool and collected commander had used.

They both stop talking when noticing me. The captain wore a wolf-mask or at least something that represented a dog of some sorts. I give him a short nod when the commander introduces me to him.

'I do have a few question I would like to ask you, doctor Haruno,' he politely starts.

A very huge contrast compared to his comrades before him. I eye him a little and take note that this isn't a _young man_ as my gossiping colleague had said. He was tall, rather muscular man with silver hair.

 _Great, now Inui might think I've deceived him!  
_  
'Go ahead,' I say giving a small shrug to add into my nonchalant persona. Inside however I could feel everything tremble and I had to stiffen up my body to not let it slip through.

'Did _Mizuki_ want you to leave the room?'  
'I don't think he held much reject to it…'  
'How long until the assassin attacked after you left?'  
'Couldn't be more than fifteen minutes…'  
'What happened when you came back?'  
 _Well he certainly does not waste time._  
I let out a sigh and explain how I tried to do what I could for the Councilor.

'But you saw him, right? Zabuza Momochi?'

'The assassin?' I echo, trying to act as if the name was unfamiliar to me. He just gives me small nod.

'It was a blur… I just remember him being quite tall.'

'Which direction did he take off in?'

'He jumped out the window and I went straight to help the commander.'

'Commander?' he echoed. 'You didn't tell her your name?' he asks with a slight humor to the man in the wheelchair, who shrugged while giving him a smirk.  
'Does that mean it is best for me to keep calling you that too?' he joked.  
'Yes,' the man smugly answered, though he then immediately turned back serious again. 'You should explain to Doctor Haruno what is to happen.'

The man with wolf-mask nodded.

'We will be putting the village in lockdown, meaning no one gets in and no one gets to leave.'

My body stopped fidgeting and I could feel myself enter a paralyzed state. I couldn't think suddenly.

'W-why? Isn't that a bit late?'

'Both men we are looking for are in poor shape, we believe they are still around. Just keeping low until _we_ move out,' Wolf explained.

I just nod as if I found logic in what he was saying, pretending to not know a single detail about the truth.  
'Giving the fact that a storm is heading our way, doesn't mean we have much time left.'

'I thought you just said you thought they were hidden in the village?'

'They are but they had to take loop to getting to wherever they are… it be quite foolish to run straight towards your hiding.'

'I guess that makes sense,' I simply mutter, baffled by how afar ahead these men thought.

'And perhaps we are wrong and we are dealing with a much larger group then we think,' he then added dryly. 'We just have to make sure,' he explained. 'We promise you no causalities or innocent people will be getting hurt during the progress, unless of course they are working together with one of them.'

His last words echoed in my head, while the room slightly started to spin I kept my feet firm on the ground and tried to not let my façade of lies slip off and reveal the truth before him. This man was different, as troublesome as his visit was, I felt he was the first one to at least care about the village and the people in it. He just wanted to get the _bad guys_.

'I'm sure no one is a part of this and if so, I can't imagine it would be out of free will. Only good people who have suffered live here,' I felt sincere when saying that to him and I could tell he believed me.

'When we say lockdown, we do mean everyone has to stay inside. And I assume with this weather no one will come out… unless they have to help someone who is in great need. So in some way this is sort of a trap too,' he explained giving a light shrug at the latter. 'Are you to stay?'

'You want me to stay here?' I ask in surprise.  
'Or you could go home, whichever you want,' he answered coolly.  
'How long?' I ask, trying to think fast but seemed my mind wasn't capable of thinking rational at all.

'A day or two,' he answered.

I'm surprised at how much information he was giving me. I glance at the commander who is still wearing a stoic expression with a slight frown of annoyance. I don't think he likes the new captain's style. I did however. I hadn't heard a soothing kind voice in a long time.

'I'll go home,' I say with a shrug, feeling rather defenseless.

'Lockdown starts at six, be home by then,' the commander points out. He's acting odd, quieter than usual. We hardly exchanged a word with one another.

Unlike the other ANBU it seems this new platoon's presence was hardly noticeable. I couldn't say I saw one of them in the hospital again after our little meeting. They had been scouting throughout the village in search for more clues. I let out a sigh when I see the time, five thirty. I had to get going.  
I got up from my seat and threw the file I was reading on to my desk. Inui was doing well but when I went to see him this afternoon he seemed upset with the new ANBU's plan. He had promptly asked if he could recover in a mansion at the border of the village, owned by some high-officer friend of his.  
He was doing well and I assumed that privacy was most welcome to him after all he had been through. I had allowed it and with permission of his personal platoon of ANBU, he had been moved out.

I had hoped it would make him feel better and though he had smiled at me, I could see the bitterness shine through. I tap my finger on his picture while in thought. _I hoped his grieving would soon come to an end.  
_ Of course I couldn't deny a part of me was sad to see him go. I had no reason to spend time with him anymore… _Not the time, Sakura,_ I reminded myself.

As I walked out our shambled building, that I nowadays gladly left behind me, it started to rain again. The umbrella hardly helped with the wind howling underneath it. I hurried up and saw how filled the streets still were. Yet there was an eerie silence in the air. Suspicious glances were thrown around, as if everyone was out to harm one another. I could feel the hostility hang the air, electrified by the dark ominous clouds above us. I couldn't get out the village quick enough.

The mud hung on to my shoes and the rain had completely washed me out. I actually couldn't wait to get home and take a nice hot bath. Somehow I doubted I was going to be allowed such a peaceful activity.

As I looked over my shoulder from time to time, I felt uneasiness come over me. I don't know why but I wanted to get home as quickly as I could. I always had a feeling of being followed but now I felt as if an actually pair of eyes were on me. When I finally saw my house, I quicken my pace. I heard a loud crack behind me. As I slowly turn around, I let out a sigh of relief when seeing that was just a branch of a tree that had broken off because of the wind. I let my hand rest on my heart, trying to calm it down.

When I turned back around and got startled by a white mask, I let out a scream.

'I apologize,' the man with wolf-mask said. He then looked at my house for a moment. 'You live quite outside of the village,' he then said.

'I like the quietness,' I answered. And though it didn't look like it right now, I loved my bewildered garden and the little river running behind the house. 'I like everything here.'

'It is beautiful,' he agreed with a nod.

It was strange sight probably, two people standing in the pouring rain, casually talking to one another. This wolf had certain aloof attitude. I couldn't tell if he was uninterested or not.

'However,' he then said, pulling his sight off of the house back to me, 'it is quite dangerous to live in the middle of nowhere. Especially during a time of war.'

'There was a time this village didn't attract much attention and I do actually believe one day this war will be over.'

He nodded in agreement, 'Of course it will.'  
'Is there anything I can do for you?' I then ask him, feeling my uneasiness grown in his presence.  
'Not at all,' he answered, taking another glance at my house which made me nervous. _Had he been inside? Did he know!?  
_  
'Be careful, doctor,' he then kindly said before nonchalantly passing me by.

I grabbed his arm and halted him. 'Did you follow me here?' I asked him on a commanding tone.  
'I just wanted you to get home safely,' he answered. He then placed his hand one mine, an odd gesture for a man of his position.

'I know about the commander's… hold on you,' His words bewildered me and I couldn't bring out a word to question him further. To my surprise, it wasn't to hush me since he had yet to let go of my hand. He gave it a light tap, as to comfort me.  
'I'm not here out to get you or anyone else for that matter. I'm here to get the people who are responsible for the death of an important individual of our government.'

I noticed how he had used no high words or names of the old man. I didn't know what to say and I wondered if I was being pulled into another scheme of ANBU. How did he know about the commander?

'How do you know?' I managed to blurt out. He seemed to know what I was talking about.  
'A dutiful doctor that agrees to stay home instead of working…' he pointed out. 'I must admit, I did read up on you.'

I blushed a little, uncertain of what to say.

'I figured you were avoiding someone in the hospital… The commander made it no secret either.'

I nod, though I felt I wanted to defend myself to him for some reason. 'I didn't want any of this,' I simply said to him as he let go of my hand and started walking.

'No one ever does,' he answered indifferently. 'Stay safe, doctor Haruno.'

I watched him walk away for a minute before finally heading home. My heart was beating at an erratic pace, uncertain if I should be relieved yet or not. What would be waiting for me behind the closed door?  
I hesitantly unlock my front door and when I walk in, I see that the house is untouched. No one had come in.

 _Or do they want me to think that?_ I was driving myself slightly mad. Instead of doing the usual I decided to grab a drink. I have bottle of sake standing next to the fridge, an untouched gift from a former patient.  
I greedily drink it down as if I'm trying to compete against my mentor, who did with much more ease then I could ever possess. I feel it warm me up and I can't help but shiver because of the harsh taste. I put the glass in the sink and get rid of the wet clothes, hanging them in front of the unlit fireplace in the tiny living-room. I felt my body shiver from the cold as I walked up the stairs and I hesitantly stood in the hall.

The shamble ladder stood untouched on the same spot it always did. Was Haku waiting safely upstairs?

When I heard a flushing sound coming from my bathroom, I froze up. 'Haku?' I whispered.

To my surprise I see a huge figure appear from the doorway. Upset, I stalk towards him.  
'W-what are you doing?' I asking feeling my temper rise. 'You're supposed to be in bed! And someone could see you! Did you take a shower?' I asked when I smelled my own soap on him.  
He raised his eyebrows at me. 'Calm down,' he answered on a bored tone.  
'You used my toilet?' I then asked, realizing it was him I had just heard and not Haku.  
'You want me to piss outside of the tiny window?' he snapped back. 'Quite obscene, doctor.'  
I let out a huff, annoyed by his attitude and crude way of talking.  
'I was starting to smell,' he then pointed out.  
'You're walking around by yourself!? You need to be in bed!' I then said using my doctor's voice. I didn't know what else to say.

'Haku helped me,' he said shrugging, while leaning onto the wall. He eyed me from head to toe and then I realized I was still shaking from the cold. I couldn't hold my mouth still. I felt all sort of emotions run through me.  
'I can't yell out your names but you can walk around and use my shower!?' I then simply yelled at him.

'Like I said,' he said annoyed, moving his face closer to mine, 'I had to use the bathroom or would you like me to use a bedpan?'

I stayed quiet but I knew I probably look as if steam could be coming out of my ears at any moment. I don't know why I was so upset, perhaps it was because I hardly felt as if I had just come home. My home didn't feel like my own anymore. ANBU, this guy, even Haku… I longed for some clarity and peace.

'Drinking on the job, doctor?' he then asked when probably smelling my breath.  
'I just had one!' I snapped at him.  
'You have sake in the house?' he asked surprised.  
I quirked up an eyebrow at the odd question, 'Yes, of course.'  
'Little, lying rat…' he muttered looking up from me.  
'What?' I asked confused.  
'Haku said you had nothing…,' he explained on a bored yet annoyed tone. He gave me another look before turning his head to the shambled ladder.  
'I need some help getting up…' he muttered. I let out a tired sigh but held out a shoulder for him to lean on, though I had no idea how this was going to work.  
When his hand touched me, he halted. 'You're freezing.'  
'In case you can't tell, the weather is bad,' I point out.

Without further talking he did end up leaning on me, which was probably an odd sight since I was so much shorter than him.  
'Where is Haku?' I asked with a huff when I tried to help him get up the ladder and back on to the attic.  
He didn't answer until he crawled over the ledge onto the floor of the attic. I could feel a cold draft on me, making me shiver even more. It was cold here.  
'He's out,' he simply answered, clumsily getting back into the bed.

'He's what!?' I echoed. 'He needs to come back!'  
'He will be, don't worry about the precious kid.'

I was torn between telling him what had just occurred outside and what was going on in the village and keeping my mouth shut. A part of me wanted this to be over for some reason.  
And I don't know why but I didn't feel like getting blamed again for something I wasn't responsible for.  
Yet my weak heart was defenseless when it came to caring for the young boy.

'He's in danger, Zabuza! That new platoon has arrived and the village is going into lockdown!' I blurted out. 'An ANBU agent followed me here! I don't know why but I do know that If Haku is found, they are going to hurt him! He's trouble, don't you understand!?' I took a deep breath of air but Zabuza did not respond. I realized I was hardly making any sense, so I tried to tell him on a more calm tone what was going on and what had just happened.

Zabuza seemed to look a bit unsettled by the new information and waited until my rant was over to speak up. I was walking around in circles, feeling my heart race again while my mind could hardly follow with all of my haunting ideas that stopped it from making any logical decisions.

'Sakura,' he firmly said using my first name. 'Calm down.'  
'How can I calm down!' I yelled back.  
'Sit,' he then said.  
'No!'  
'Sit down,' he hissed pointing at the edge of his bed. For some reason I did what I was told.  
'Haku is not alone, remember?' he said. 'I need you to stay _calm_ or else we're all going to _end up dead_. Whatever that guy said, he isn't here to help you,' he bluntly stated. 'He's here to get _those who are responsible,_ as he said. Do you understand what that means?'

I gave him a baffled look when he grabbed my arm and shook me. However the rough treatment did halt my frantic thoughts. He made sure our eyes stay connected when talking.

'I know Haku better then you, he isn't stupid. He knows when to keep low.'  
'What is he out doing anyway?' I asked him.  
To my surprise, he actually gave me an answer, 'Out with Rabbit to send ANBU in the wrong direction.'  
'Why did you let him go in this weather? And can't Mizuki go do this by himself?' I pleadingly asked, hating the idea that the little boy was out with some mad man.

He frowned for a second before letting go of my arm to then only end up grabbing my wrist instead. Though I had expected him to continue on with his usually rough treatment, he felt with his other hand my hand for a second.

'Go warm yourself up. Take a bath or something.'

It was a quiet, almost kind, suggestion. He expression had become unreadable and I had no idea if anything he had just said had been truthful. Something felt off.

'When will he be back?' I almost whisper the question.  
'Soon,' he simply answered.

I felt the cold taking over my body, making me shiver unstoppable. I eyed Zabuza for a moment, noting he wasn't wearing much to keep warm. 'I forgot to get you some clothes again,' I said while cursing myself.  
'It is best for you not to go get men's clothing with ANBU following you around,' he simply said, not angered by my forgetfulness. 'Just get me some extra sheets or something.'  
I nodded while taking a look at his wounds. 'You didn't get them wet…'  
'Isn't the first time I've gotten stitches, Haruno,' he smirked. 'I just wanted to get rid of the dried up blood and I was kind of starting to smell... Unless you like the smell of a real man,' he snickered.  
I answer his with a smirk of my own. 'Now you smell like a girl.'  
He flashed me his sharpen teeth, amused by my antics. But he simply shrugged off the insult, not bothering to dig further into our usual bickering.

As I got up, I told him I'd bring him some warm blankets later. As I walked towards the ladder I turned my head around, seeing him still smirk at me.

'You better be right about Haku because I'm not helping you if he gets hurt.'

His smirk fell and the hostile atmosphere that usually hung between us had found its rightful place again.

'I'll lie,' he reminded me.

'And I'll tell the truth,' I remarked. 'Either way, _your faith_ is unchangeable.'

I've never been the type to treat just because I could but I felt like I hit the nail on the head. He seemed to look more wary then before. I was done getting played around, especially in my own house by this vile man.

I let the water get so hot, the room got filled with steam. Undressing, I warily looked around, feeling as if I was still getting watched, even though the curtains in the bathroom made that impossible.

Maybe it wasn't just that.

People had been in my bathroom and I don't know why but it felt a little… violating.  
As I looked at every single thing with high suspicion, I was amazed at how untouched everything looked. Not even a dirty towel left for me to find. It irked me.

Every single detail of today, irked me.

Haku leaving. Zabuza who was able to walk, though he struggled he had been able to get down that ladder without help... Wolf following me all the way home. The commander had been awfully quiet through the entire interrogation, which it had been even though no-one had stated it so.

I let my body rest in the water, letting it warm me up. The cold had left me numb. I let myself sink in deeper. The bathtub isn't big enough to fit me entirely but somehow I managed to keep everything under. Wrapping my arms around myself, I let my mind wander.

 _Could I sleep knowing he could walk? Should I be scared? He and Haku… I always thought Haku was getting used by him and in a way he is getting used but… it seems Zabuza trusts him._ I don't know why but I imagined them in this room. Haku being far too kind to him, though Zabuza not having much of a choice but to let him help. I found the image somewhat endearing, like most of their interactions now that I think about it. _Maybe there is more to it than I think._ Zabuza's words came back to haunt me…  
 _  
Was I doing this out of loneliness?_

I don't know why but something about Haku made me want to… take care of him. I could see something in his eyes… Every evening when we talked and our eyes met, I had this weird connection with him. As if he was silently asking me something… As if I had to stay. Or so it felt like.

And then there were moments like today were I realized I didn't know a single thing about him. He was out with a killer and Zabuza was convinced he was alright… He's smart,

Zabuza's words echoed in my ear.

 _What else had this little boy up his sleeve? What had these two been doing when I was out all day? Had Rabbit been here?_ I widen my eyes at the thought, realizing the possibility was very likely.

Had Mizuki been in my house?

I sat up from the water. _Use your brain, Sakura!,_ a little voice hisses with annoyance _. Why would they take such a risk? Why would this guy even bother to stay around?  
_ I frowned trying to remember my time in the academy, I wasn't a bad student, I used be good in tactic and analysis…  
Wolf's words came back to me, telling me that this scheme might be much bigger than they thought…

 _But then why bother keeping me hostage? Plenty of others places to choose from,_ I argue back.

Haku would help Rabbit dispose of traces… but ANBU is mainly targeting the village… though they too had mention traces.

Traces of who?

Mizuki.

I then tried to remember how they both responded to the name… I couldn't. _I don't think Haku knew who I was talking about and Zabuza was wearing his usual smug smirk._

I felt like I was missing something… I got up from the bathtub and wrapped a towel around myself. Drying myself off, I kept replaying scenes and facts over and over in my head. Combing my hair, I reminded myself I had to back to Zabuza to get him some extra blankets.

I wanted information but for that I would need to ask him the right questions…

I still couldn't believe Haku wasn't here. _Lockdown._ _More ANBU_. I didn't even know where he was or what he was really out doing. _Out with Rabbit to send ANBU in the wrong direction,_ I mimicked Zabuza's voice in my head.

Wrong direction? I thought he had to get rid of traces?

A voice in my mind snapped at me.

Green eyes fiery stared back at me in the mirror. Nothing was what it seemed.

I wanted to know the truth.

What the hell was going on? Why send a kid with a man who had far more experience? Why would he even allow that? Unless…

'There is no Rabbit,' I told my reflection.

After the hot bath, I walked down the stairs and grabbed the bottle of sake and two glasses. I had found a thick blanket and held it underneath my arm while trying to somehow hold my balance on the ladder without letting anything drop. When I got into the attic, I surprised to find Zabuza half asleep.  
He gave me distrustful look, finding my behavior odd.

Without speaking a word I put the bottle of sake and the glasses on the table next to him. I threw the thick blanket on him and let out a deep sigh. I rubbed my arms when feeling the cold air. I had put on my bathrobe as an extra source of heat above my pajamas and I was still cold. Zabuza's skin must've been made out of stone. Though, he did _look_ kind of cold.

'Brought you the blanket.'

' _And_ adrink! You must be in a good mood,' he sarcastically remarked while arching his eyebrow. 'I need to tell you to take bath more often.'

I kept straight face and decided to not go into bickering or childish arguments. I was hoping Zabuza would show me his more serious side and perhaps we could work out some sort of deal between us.  
I ignored his stare and went to sit down and poured for the both of us a glass of sake.

He gave me mischievous smirk when I handed him over his drink. 'Are coming on to me? Lose the robe in that case.'

I rolled my eyes at the remark and let out a tired sigh in response. _Just ignore his antics!_

'I want the truth,' I coolly said. I locked my eyes onto his, hoping he would sense that I wasn't playing around. 'About what is going on,' I clarified. 'I know Haku is not out with Rabbit because there is no Rabbit. I don't know what happened to him but he's not around, is he?'

He put the glass to his lips and drank it down in one bit. Without saying a word he grabbed the bottle and gave himself a refill. I gave him a bit of a startled look.

'I need to warm up,' he answered. He stayed silent for a moment, obviously he had something on his mind. I could tell he was contemplating on whether he should share this information with me or not.

'I've helped you, I've taken huge risks—And _I_ told you, you were an _idiot_ ,' he said cutting me off. 'Nobody asked you to do this. You could've start running the moment you saw me in your house.'

I couldn't say much to defend myself on that. I guess the silence spoke louder than words.

'I don't know what your little obsession with Haku is or his with you but is mainly going to get _you_ killed.'

'Me?' I say baffled. I had expected some selfish explanation or no explanation at all, not some fort of dead threat.

'Yeah, I don't know,' he said shrugging, obviously not really caring about the whole matter. 'He seems to take a liking into you.'

'Why?'

'I don't know,' he hissed in annoyance.

'Well, where is he?' I said when noticing he hadn't given me an answer on my most prominent question.

'There is indeed no Rabbit,' he snickered while taking a sip of his drink, finding the whole thing obviously very humorous. I didn't think my confusion or lack of knowledge in this situation however was funny. I threw him an angry look but he didn't notice.

'He's around, though,' he added, now looking at me. 'Just not breathing.'

He was waiting for me to react, preferably very emotional. But I kept a straight face, a part of had expected this too. Though I hadn't thought he'd actually admit to it. I felt a little nervous again when remembering how frightening this man could be.

'Was that what you meant with traces?' I asked. 'Send ANBU after a dead man?'

'Sort of,' he answered evasively.

'What is your relationship with Haku?'

I caught the surprise and ludicrously in his face when he turned his head to me. I hadn't insinuated a single thing, though I didn't think he actually thought that. I felt that it was more because I had caught on to the fact that he and the little boy shared some sort of bond with one another.

'Haku is just a kid,' he muttered while emptying his drink.

I snatched the bottle of sake out of his reach.

'You trust him.'

He gave me a long stare and I defiantly kept looking back at him.

'Tell me what the hell is going on!' I yelled at him. 'Who can _I_ trust?'

'No-one,' he immediately answered. 'Don't trust anyone,' he muttered while snatching the bottle out of my hands and pouring himself a third drink.  
A little voice inside of me was ranting on how he shouldn't combine alcohol with his medication but I told the doctor in me that now was not the time to be "dutiful", as they called it.

'Where is Haku?' I repeated.

'Sakura,' he said with slight annoyance. I felt weird when he used my name, I had never given him permission to do so. 'It is better for you to not know what is going on.'  
For the first time I saw something genuine in his eyes. His expression was serious, not teasingly or willing to aggravate me. 'The less you know, the safer you are. _Trust me_.'

'You just told me to not trust anyone,' I pointed out.

He let out an aggravated growl.

'Haku will be back once the lockdown is over,' he then said while ignoring my remark. 'He is out buying us some time. We'll leave as soon as we can and then you can go back to living your little life.'

I felt a fire in the pit of my stomach. I was certain I wasn't hiding my feelings either. I could feel how scowl taking form on my face.

'Stop belittling me,' I hissed. 'I don't _take_ lives!'

'Aren't you the saint?' he bitterly spat.

'Taking is easy, giving is a lot harder,' I said getting up from my seat. To my surprise, he stayed quiet. His brown eyes however bored into mine, as if he wanted to say something but couldn't. He looked angry.

I drank my glass empty in one take just like he had done and placed it on the table with loud thud.

'Goodnight,' I said turning on my heels, walking straight towards the ladder.

Of course, he wasn't going to tell me damn thing! And I knew I had been foolish of thinking he would… Even if I got him drunk, chances he would proceed in making inappropriate remarks were much higher than hearing a single word of truth out of his mouth. I cursed my own stupidity.

'Sakura,'

I halted, hating myself for doing so but it seemed he had some sort of power over me when uses my first name.

'I mean it, don't trust anyone.'

I didn't say anything back nor did I take glance behind me to look at him but I felt how he genuinely wanted me to listen and take the advice to the heart.

* * *

Ahh, the plot thickens! I just wanted say thank you all for reading, commenting and reviewing! I get really happy when seeing your responses! Even if it is a short "love it"! Thank you for taking the time to do so, it means a lot to me! Hope you liked this chapter!

Comment/review!


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

* * *

Chapter VII

I kept tossing and turning. I just couldn't seem to find sleep. I was aggravated at how I had handled the situation. The fact that the entire town was in lockdown wasn't helping me relax either. I kept thinking about Haku, while Zabuza's words kept echoing in my ear.  
Though his words had felt genuine, I was reluctant to believe him. Or maybe a small part of me was fearing what this all meant. I didn't want to know and at the same time I had to.  
 _  
Haku… what if you are not safe? Then I've nursed this criminal to health for… for what actually?_

'Argh! I can't believe this!' I growled and clenched my fists. I gave the empty pillow next to me a punch. Over and over until I finally felt the anger leave me. I let out a heavy sigh and sit up, rolling my head around to relax my neck muscles. It was raining again and I could hear thunder in the distance. I open the curtain to take a look at the town. It looked unnervingly dark, as if it was missing all life. Not a single light was still on.

When I hear a crack in the hall, I get startled. Knowing this old house could make some odd noises from time to time, and the fact that the wind was raging over the roof, should've been more than enough to ease my mind but yet my feet moved quicker than my mind.

A tiny little voice inside was telling me I was simply seeking someone out that I had made up in my mind.

 _Maybe I am,_ I admitted to myself. But just like when I was kid, I had to be certain.

Peeking my head through the doorway to see if anyone was truly in the hallway or not, I saw nothing but pitch-blackness. When hearing the rain pour down harder and a thunder strike nearby I let out a small shriek.

I glanced over my shoulder at the window again, only darkness. It made me feel nervous.  
Without thinking further, I walked towards the shamble ladder but halted when I heard another noise.  
I didn't want to say any names out loud because I wasn't certain about who it was I was hearing.

I hoped with all my heart it was Haku. I heard another noise and I was certain the sound was made on purpose.

Turning on my heels I walked down the stairs warily looking around and perhaps holding the railing a little to tensely.

I felt my heart race a little and I nervously felt my breath waver in my throat. I was taking only short breaths when reaching the far part of my kitchen, where it was truly pitch-black. I didn't dare to open my mouth to say his name but I did hold out my hand, hoping for him to reach for it.

There was no one there.

I let out a sigh of relief and felt foolish for thinking someone was down here.

I shake my head and turn around. Nothing but the sound of rain was now filling the room and every noise I had just heard and deemed as intentional seemed now nothing more but meaningless. I walked up the stairs wanting to go back to my room but I halted when seeing the shamble ladder. Though I had no reason to care, except perhaps for my promise to Haku, I couldn't help but feel the need to check on Zabuza. He had been drinking while being on medication, which had me worried. I shouldn't start being careless as a doctor just because of… well, this mess I found myself in.

With a sigh, I decided to go upstairs. When I reached the ladder, I was startled to see how dark it was up there. The light never went out and I knew Haku kept an eye on the candle, it hadn't been burned up yet when I was in there earlier…

'Oh, no,' I whisper, realizing something must've happened. _Haku would never forgive me!  
_  
Suddenly the open closet next to me made a loud noise, I widen my eyes when I see a hand reach me.

I let out a yell when I was roughly pulled in and pressed against a much taller figure then I had expected. A hand was placed upon my mouth. 'Quiet,' he hushed in my ear. I widen my eyes when I realized it was Zabuza, who had somehow made it down here.

He shakes me and tells me to be quiet again. I stop moving and await for a sound to be heard but again I hear nothing but the usual sounds a house made while the rain continues to pour down. He slowly lowered his hand from my mouth. Thunder can be heard and suddenly lightening eerily lit up the room.  
I'm afraid to talk but I look up to him and he places his finger on his lips, telling me to stay quiet.

He mouths the word ANBU to me.

I suddenly turn into a different person. My ears are more alert and I await another sound. I shake my head and shrug, not hearing what he had.

'He's going to come in…' he whispered when the house turns dark again.  
'Who?' I whisper almost soundlessly.  
'Wolf,' he whispers into my ear. I could smell the alcohol from his breath, a worthless detail to take note on. I felt scared and I pushed myself into him, hoping whoever was coming wouldn't find us. Zabuza's arms snaked themselves around me and hold me still. I can feel my body tremble uncontrollably.  
'Your room,' he growls angry when we hear noises coming from it. Someone was clearly trying to open the window.  
'Has he seen you?' I quickly ask. He shakes his head.  
I see his shoulder hang in defeat. 'It's over… I can't fight.'

I try to think of something, anythingbut foolishly hiding in the dark. I simply couldn't let this happen! What would happen? Who I could trust? What would happen to Haku? My mind was going slightly mad and the adrenaline made me think irrational, dangerous things.

'If I get rid of him… Will you tell me everything?' I ask, not sure what I was about to do.  
'What?' he asks me dumbfounded.  
'Will you?' I resolutely ask him again.

I see his white sharpen teeth unveil themselves in the light when I look up to him. I quietly tell him to let go, feeling suddenly extremely uncomfortable with our close proximity. I hear the window in my room open up and I hurry up to get back to my room, I couldn't' let him get in the hallway!  
Not thinking clearly, I grabbed a decorating vase standing on the tiny table in the hall, I went into my room to confront the intruder. Having already some sort of story ready when I see the dark figure.

Pretending to have no idea who was to come I swing at him, closing my eyes in the progress. To my surprise he grabs my wrist, a firm grip holding my arm in place but then gently loosens up.

'Doctor,' he calmly states. I open one eye to meet his white mask, to my relief it is indeed Wolf. If it had been some other ANBU I would've felt more insecure. Not that I had any idea how he would respond to me.

'W-what are you doing?!' I scream at him. I take a few deep breaths before placing my fist on his shoulder. 'You scared the hell out of me!'

'I apologize...' He muttered feeling obviously uncomfortable.

'What are you doing here! You can't just get in here!' I scream at him again. I tried to avoid thinking of Zabuza, waiting in the dark. I tried to let my mind react to the idea that a man had just tried to force his way into my house.

'I… was investigating. When I saw the open curtain and the empty bed…'  
'You figured you had to come in and check!?' I screamed again, straining my voice. I wanted him to truly believe I was afraid. That there was no greater evil in this house but him.

He apologetically held his hands up, 'I truly ask for forgiveness, doctor Haruno. I did not mean to scare you.'

'Well, you did! Why are you here!?' I asked while acting as if the trembling hands had been caused by him and not the anxiety to get completely caught in this lie. I cross my arms on my chest and tuck my hands under, hoping I could keep them still.

'I feared you were being held captive,' he bluntly answered.

I frowned at the answer, while feeling my heart race again when exposed to danger.

'Why would I be held captive?' I ask, thanking my rational mind for thinking clearly.

'I feared that…' he halted, probably feeling foolish. 'I had a hunch and I guess I was wrong.' He held calm and steady tone, a sheer contrast to mine.

'So you break in and enter my house!' I yelled at him while pushing him in anger. 'Get the hell out of my house!' I screamed at the white passive mask. 'You terrorize me when I'm working, now here, in my own home!?'

He grabbed my hands and tried to calm me down but it only fueled my anger.

'I won't let you think you can just do whatever you please! Get out of here!'

'Sakura!' he answered on firm tone, startling me. 'There isn't anyone in this house, is there?' he asks me pleadingly. When looks down at me, for a moment our eyes meet and I see how dark his brown eyes are. A little cold looking but I could hear it in his voice, he cared about my wellbeing. Or so he made me feel.

'No,' I hiss. 'Now get the hell out of my house!' I tell him. I genuinely hoped the harsh approach was effective on him.

'Can I just take a look?' he pleadingly asks again.

'GET OUT!' I scream while hoping he'd obey my wishes. He takes a few steps back, giving me a nod.

I figured if I played the frightened woman he would indeed find it his responsibility to take a look around and make me feel safe. At least this way he might think I had nothing to fear or else I would be reacting differently.

I hear him utter another apology before jumping out the window.

I run to the window closing it firmly and shutting the curtains. I take a deep breath and feel the wetness of the rain underneath my feet. Going back into the hallway, I had half expected to see Zabuza but my kunoichi instinct suddenly kicked in and I realized that Wolf was probably not just going to leave because I had just told him so. I needed to keep up my act a bit more to make it believable.

So I daringly switched on the light and took a good look around, as if I was afraid someone was in my house.

Zabuza, of course, stayed quiet.

I tried to think of what I would normally do if I would actually be finding myself in the situation I had just claimed I was in. So I went ahead and grabbed a towel from the bathroom to clean up the mess his wet figure had made on the floor.

I look out of the window a few more times, while letting the light in the hallway stay on a bit longer. But after about a good half-hour I decided had played pretend enough.  
I turned off the light and peeked out of the curtains one more time before getting into bed.  
I was going to try and fall asleep. And I needed to make it believable. Of course, I had no problem to toss and turn, I had plenty of experience in that part of the act.

I don't know how long it had been or how long I had been lying in bed but if felt far too long. Zabuza had yet to move…

I did found it actually a bit humorous that a man like him was hiding in a closet.  
 _  
But then again he is in no condition to fight yet… And I could tell that this… wolf was well at finding his prey. He had been so close…_ I let out a sigh, getting out of my bed. Quietly and almost slithering like snake to the door, that I had wisely left wide open. When I was in the small hallwayagain, I looked at the far window to the right that had see-through curtains.

I cursed my choice of decorating-style for a second, while then realizing that meant Zabuza was kind of trapped. I turned my head and waited for a sound to be made but he kept so quiet I was starting to doubt if he was even there at all. I couldn't call him out and if I went to him now… Wolf could still be lurking around and see me do that.

Biting my lip in fear, I turned around and went back to bed, deciding to stick with my original idea of waiting for Zabuza to make the first move. He was the one of after all that had heard Wolf sneaking around the house. I'd have to wait for him.

I let out a heavy sigh when my head meets my pillow. I can hear the rain pour again and all my troublesome thoughts turn into a blur. I don't how I did it but I managed to actually fall asleep.

When I wake up I'm greeted by the a light of the morning. Dark clouds were still filling the sky and light rain was dancing on the already soaked ground surrounding my house. I cautiously look around, awaiting a strange sight or sound to betray the presence of ANBU or any other unwanted visitor. The only thing is that moving and breathing is nature and I get a little mesmerized by it all before my rational mind wakes me up entirely and tells me to go see what the day beholds.

I take my time to get out of my bedroom and slowly walk into the hall. Halting when I see the doorframe of the closet. I swallow a lump that had settled in the back of my throat.  
I still didn't know if I should just go ahead and check on Zabuza or not.

I was being kept hostage in my own house by an assassin, ANBU and my own paranoid thoughts...

I warily look around, taking a small glance behind me at window with the sheer curtains.  
 _Zabuza and Haku had walked around here without hesitation, so why should I fear being seen so much? I'm in my own home, damn it!_

Fueled by my temper I simply stalked towards the closet only to find it empty. _Where the hell did he go? He wasn't that much of an idiot to get out after all I had done to keep him out of ANBU's hands!?_

Getting actually angry at the idea, I grab hold of the shamble ladder leading to the attic.  
 _  
He better be in here!_

It was so dark in here I couldn't see a thing. I looked around and noted that he had blend off the small window and that the candle was out. _Was he here?_

While opening my mouth to call him out I got hushed by his voice, getting startled at the same time.

'You scared me!' I whisper to him.

'Either get up or go down but don't just stand there!' he hissed at me getting out of the bed.  
'I don't think anyone is here,' I tell him but I can't hide the uncertainty I feel when saying that. I wasn't sure about it either. Uncomfortably, I get up and walk towards him, telling him to stay in his bed.

'When did you get out?' I ask, not remembering hearing a single thing all night.

He smirked at me. 'Earlier this morning…'  
'Didn't hear you,' I mumbled. I quirked an eyebrow at him when I saw his smirk staying intact. 'So I'm not a super elite kunoichi! I didn't study to become one—'spare me another speech about you great profession,' he cut me off, though still smirking. It wasn't about me not waking up.

'What is it?' I ask, not wanting to get into another argument with him.

'You're quite the actress,' he says, widening his smirk. 'You should get an award for the role you played.'  
'I'm not proud of it but I did what I had to do,' I answer, avoiding his eyes and the amusement that flickered in them.

'But you did, despite the feeling you had inside,' he said. I looked up to see what he meant by that but his expression had become unreadable. I didn't know if he was still making fun of me. It almost sounded as if he was trying to make a point.

At first I want to ask him but I decided against it and let it go. Shrugging it off, I seat myself at the end of his bed. Giving him a stern look. 'Now tell me the truth.'

He smirks again, eventually even starting to laugh. He gets up from his seated position, getting a little closer to me. I don't like where this is going and I instantly feel the feeling of betrayal. I could tell he was up to something.

'Why would I tell you that?' he asks me on a lazy tone. Whenever he acted like this, he'd give me these perverted looks. I had become smart enough to figure out he was just doing that to intimidate me but yet I couldn't help but feel it always found its way in. I involuntarily pushed my back into the wall behind me.

'Because I saved your ass,' I hiss angrily at him. He only got closer, not impressed by my little outburst.

'You lied,' he pointed out. 'So now you have no choice. You got yourself into a trap. I'm not telling you a damn thing,' he hissed, 'And you,' pointing at me, 'are stuck in the situation for as long as I see fit.' He brought his face closer to mine to emphasize how much he was still in control. 'All you did tonight was seal the deal for me. Now I know you are not going to betray me because you'll end up in deeper shit then me... Remember what you said? I'm the assassin but you… You're the traitor. You're worse scum now then me.'

His cold voice gave me chills and I suddenly realized I was taking short breaths.  
'We had deal,' I manage to say. I hated those sharp teeth he bared at me. Perhaps he thought he had me where he wanted but he was wrong... The short breaths only meant I was trying to control my temper.

'Tell me the truth, who do I have to watch out for?' I ask him again without the use of a shaky tone.  
I feel his hand on my leg, slowly getting more up. I stare at the revolting movement for a split second before looking back up to him. 'Me,' he answered with a snicker.

My hand moved before my brain could think it through and I smack him so hard his head takes a turn and hits the wooden balk next to us. He hisses in pain holding on to his head, while I push him off me and get up. I snatch the kunai, that had been lying behind him, from the matrass and hold it out before me.

'I'm done getting played around, tell me what the hell is going on!' I yell at him.

Rubbing his head looks up at me alarmed. 'Quiet, you dumb—', he halts when he sees the weapon.  
I'm not entirely surprised when he starts to laugh in reaction at me. Feeling embarrassed while getting more furious I shove the weapon on to the wound on his neck. The sharp tip teasing the fragile skin that was still healing. His laughter ceased immediately.

'I can take you pain away but I can give it back too,' I hiss at him. 'Stop stalling and tell me the truth!'

He stays quiet for a minute, obviously a bit impressed by my actions. He stares at the kunai for a second, I know I'm hurting him but he pushed me beyond a point I had ever dared to cross, that of hurting a patient. I have to stop the feeling of actually shoving it into his wound. I felt in control and empowered, as if all of my questions were finally about to get answered. I could tell I had angered him and suddenly he looked a lot less smug then before. Raising my chin, I repeated how I wanted to know who I had to fear and what was going on.

Before I could blink, he snatched my wrist, hurting himself in the progress. He grabs a hold of me.

At our close proximity I widen my eyes before he turned and pushed me into the bed. Fearing something entirely else then the kunai, he held it above my head while tucking my other arm behind my back.

I let out a shriek when I feel the pain hit my shoulder.

'L-let go! Stop it!' I yelled in panic but his hand covers my mouth before I can make another sound. I squirm and I try to fight him off but he is too strong for me. Hissing at me to keep quiet, he firmly holds me into place by letting his entire body weigh on me. Struggling to get lose, I can feel that I can no longer move a muscle and he patiently waits for me to calm down.

'I can't tell you anything, you idiot,' he hisses when I finally cease all movement. 'You are way in over your head.'

I keep my gaze firmly on his eyes, trying to not blink. I can feel all the hatred inside of me pin on him.

I hated how weak I was next to this man, though deep inside I knew this was only normal. He was so much taller, stronger and more trained then me. Of course I didn't stand a chance.

 _I can't stand this! I… I just need to hurt one of his wounds!_

As if being able to read my mind, he shakes me, telling me to keep still and listening.

'You want to know more? Then listen,' his voice turn from a cold shivering tone to a barely audible whisper. 'This goes high. Very high, Sakura.'

I stop moving, thinking and even for a moment breathing.  
Damn, I hate how much him using my name had an effect on me. I assume he was very much aware of that, as if he knew he closer to me by doing so.

'They hired me… _Someone_ hired me, Sakura. Do you understand what that means? They killed a man of great position and you think they will hesitate to kill _you_? If they find out about you, they will simply because they can. You would be nothing but an unfortunate nuisance they had to take care of.'

His brown eyes bore into mine and I felt my anger and hate leave and made room for fear and hesitation. Sensing how I was no long fighting him off, he eased the pressure on my wrist and even let go of my arm. Even though I pull my hand loose from his hand, I let my arm rest lifelessly on the bed. My shoulder was hurting too much and I no longer felt the need to fight him.

'Haku is out because he has to make sure our mission is success,' he explained. 'If we fail, we die. You die. That is all you need to know. You don't want to know more. Trust me, you will die if you end up knowing more.'

I finally find the ability to speak again. My voice feels rough for some reason, as if I had used it all up earlier when screaming into his hand.  
'If so, shouldn't I know who to avoid or who to be wary of?' I asked. I felt empty and so my voice sounded the same. The the spiral was only going downwards from here on out.

'Just stay away from strangers or people who you have encountered in strange way,' he answered on a rather soft tone. 'People who try to find their way in.'

'Keep everybody out?' I ask, using a sardonic tone this time. 'Kind of like you do?'

He didn't answer but I could feel I hit something, I just didn't quite know what it was and if I should further investigate. I don't even know why I had just said that. I didn't know this man and he didn't know me.

Yet our position and the way our lives were entwined with one another told a different story.

'What about Haku?' I felt like a coward to retreat my daring question immediately after I asked it by asking one that changed the subject.  
'You already know what he's doing—'you said you trusted him,' I pointed out. I couldn't ask the question out loud. Was he not the child I deemed him to be?

'It's over,' he muttered. 'Enough of this shit.'

Without thinking, my hand snakes itself quickly up and end up touching the stiches in his neck. He had cut one open. I held on one of the wires, slightly tugging it and making him hiss in pain.

A simple thought had turned into a quick reaction. I couldn't recognize myself anymore.

'Don't,' he angrily whispered, while clenching his teeth.  
'Tell me,' I continued.

He smirks at me again. 'Such a feisty thing you are.'

That sort of intimidation wasn't going to work. 'Tell me,' I repeat.

'Haku isn't some innocent boy,' he simply answered. 'I _trained_ him.'

I wanted to say something but I couldn't find the words, I just heard his echoing in my ears. That meant Haku wasn't some companion… Zabuza hadn't just picked him up for no good reason.  
 _  
A successor of some sorts._

Hazed by what had been said, I let him mindlessly take hold of my hand again but instead of forcing it of his wound, he just held it. 'Let go,' he demanded. I didn't.

'You don't do this, Sakura,' he said, almost closing the gap between us. I could feel his breath tickle on my skin. My eyes widen and fixate on his. His dark brown eyes stay locked on mine. 'Don't,' he reminded me. 'You're _better,_ remember?'

I wish he stopped talking… His lips touched me ever so slightly.

I let go and he slowly places my hand next to my head. His hand doesn't let go and his stare is holding me into place. I'm not quite sure what is going on. When he breaks the eye-contact, I take deep breath. The way he looks at me and my body… His hand wanders off and rest on my hip for a moment. The electricity in the air was unavoidable and I was surprised at how I let myself get drawn in.

I found myself responding to him but made no move to indicate what I was feeling.

I did however watch him push my hip slightly up into him. He looked back up to me. His nose slightly touched the skin on my neck and when his mouth passed mine, I could taste his breath. Our eyes meet again and stay locked for a second.

Startling me when closing his eyes and withdrawing himself, he tells me to get up.  
'Go, get up,' he muttered. Grabbing the kunai out of my hand while sitting back up. He pulls me up and pushes me off the bed. 'Go get some breakfast.'

I don't look around, I don't say a word. I just get down the shamble ladder with rapidly beating heart and a frenzied mind. I don't dwell on what has just happened and ignore the feeling inside.

Mindlessly I walk to the kitchen and prepare myself a piece of toast and some tea. I block out what has been said and push out the fragments left of what happened last. I just eat in peace and enjoy the heat of my tea, warming me up on this cold morning. It finally stops raining.

 _Should I even worry about you being cold, Haku?_

I think about his kind smile and his little frame.

 _Or are you doing things to people that should make me worry about them?_

I let out a heavy sigh,hearing Zabuza's voice inside of my head. Even there he's wearing a smirk. I could _hear_ him smirk.

Haku was his student!

I close my eyes, not being able to believe that this child was no longer… innocent. Zabuza was a far worse brand of a man then I had thought. I thought he was exploiting Haku but turns out that perhaps is leaving him his legacy. I couldn't stand the thought that this young boy would one day turn into the same brute.

 _He isn't just a brute,_ I countered. _He's… made out of something inhuman, I suppose. He did talk, like I had asked… And I truly didn't know if I was indeed happy with knowing what is going on._

So many thing had been said that my head was still spinning.

Higher circles… Did he mean higher circles in Konoha? Trust no one… Strangers… Who had I met? I meet strangers every day!

Haku was his student...

What was he doing out there?

Could he… kill? Harm another being?

I watch the steam in my cup of tea disappear into the air.  
 _  
How much innocence was still left in him? I couldn't see Haku doing a single immoral act._

My mind was on repeat, letting every single thing that has happened to me the last few weeks pass before my eyes. I keep analyzing. Overthinking thinking. I see Haku flash before my eyes the first I met him. A dead man. A wounded man. The commander sitting up in his bed. Haku's grateful look when I decided to help Zabuza. The smirk of Zabuza when he first sees me.

I then see Zabuza's look on his face when he held on to me.

I push out the thoughts and feelings, getting up from my seat in the progress. I clean up my kitchen and decide to ignore Zabuza's request for breakfast. He could wait. I didn't want to be in the same room with him for the moment. And a part of me felt that he had just said it to get me out of the room.

After taking a long shower I decided I had made him wait long enough. I keep peeking through the curtains. Wondering if anyone was watching or if I could just move around freely without anyone's notice. I choose this house so I could be free when I'm not working, my job already came with so much rules and regulations. I didn't feel like walking on eggshells in my own space and yet here I was, feeling more targeted by friend and foe.

I nonchalantly grab my plate and hot cup of tea and walk up the stairs. I keep looking for any strange movement outside and I'm starting to wonder if I have gone mad whenever I see it is nothing more but the wind.

I push the plate up and then come up the ladder with the hot tea. I don't make eye contact and I don't explain myself why it had taken so long. Zabuza ignores me for a split second but when realizes I'm going directly down stairs again, he calls me out.

'Sakura.'

'I don't remember ever giving you permission to call me by my first name,' I angrily tell him.  
'Get up here,' he says, ignoring what I had just said. 'Bring me that plate here, will you?'  
'Come and get it yourself,' I spat.  
'I can't,' he answers. I see him holding on to his leg. He's making a pained expression and I see he was sweating despite the lack of clothing.

'What's wrong?' I ask, feeling my anger evaporate. I sometimes hated how fast I could turn the switch from being real emotional person to a doctor but not the other way around. Without thinking, I get up.

'I hurt my leg,' he muttered.

'When?'

'Last night,' he hissed in annoyance. 'You think I was comfortable in that tiny closet? I had to sit with my knees up to my chest!'

'Let me see your leg,' I calmly respond, this time ignoring his little outburst.

'Just give me the food,' he simple answered.

I put it on the table next to him but don't obey the undertone in which he said it. I don't leave.

Having ripped pants on did have its advantage that I didn't have to wait for him to undress or even ask for permission to see his wounds. The one more severe wound on his leg was bleeding.  
 _  
That actually doesn't look too good._

'You need to rest,' I mutter. 'You should've have stayed put!'  
I hear him growl in annoyance, explaining to me that he couldn't just hope for the guy to leave. It had taken a lot from him to blend off the window and get down the ladder without making a noise.

I still applaud him for that and yet at the same time it frightened me how skillful he was.

'I'll take care of it,' I simply say. 'In the meanwhile, eat your breakfast.'

There is a definite silence between us and a strange atmosphere hung in the air. It kind of felt as if the situation asked for a small conversation to take place and break the awkwardness but the both of us were too stubborn to speak up. So instead we actually decided to make it as unpleasant as possible by keeping our mouth shut. I think we both had the idea that this way we were at least both suffering.

I let out a sigh when I'm done. Looking up from the wound to him, I see how he still had beads of sweat on his face. He hadn't eaten and it seemed he was in more pain then he had led me on. I had asked if he could handle it…

'You should've said something,' I angrily tell him, annoyed at just how stubborn this man was.  
'I'll go look for some painkillers—'no,' he says cutting me off. 'You've been up here too long, if—'if they were still watching us, they would've come in by now,' I tell him. 'Besides you send out Haku to do something to distract them, did you not?' I ask him on a stern tone.

I see him swallow his pain before speaking. His voice doesn't sound as cold as usually. 'Yes…'

'Well, he probably did his job then.' I feel cold when talking. Empty. As if the emotions I was trying to feel didn't come natural. It all felt so wrong and unreal to me.

'Exactly,' he grits his teeth to hide his discomfort. I can tell by the look in his eyes he wants to emphasize the cruel reality just to irk me. I click my tongue but don't say a word in return. I get up and leave, just like he asked me to.

'Sakura,' he calls when I put my feet on the ladder.  
'What?' I say with a sigh, wondering what he wanted this time.

'Do you have… any books lying around?'  
I give him a confused look, not sure what he wanted to do. 'Yes…'  
'I could need some distraction,' he eventually says. 'Unless you want me to get drunk all the time.'  
I roll my eyes at the last comment. No, thank you. 'I only have medical books.'  
'That's fine…'  
It was an odd request to say the least but it made me think that he was at least a bit more human than I had thought. He actually had a mind to distract.

'You should rest up,' I tell him after I gave him the painkiller.  
'I will, doctor.' There is that mocking tone again. I decide to not let him get under my skin and ignore his antics. My feet hit against something hard and I see the sake bottle of last night. I crouch down and grab it. It's half empty.

'My company for the night, put it back down.'

For a moment I want to defy his request, the next I tell myself to not care. I put it down and tell him I'll be checking on him later.

I want to go take a nap. I'm assuming Zabuza hasn't slept a lot either and wants to do the same. So again our ways part. The house feels strange, not just because of the situation. Not because I felt watched all the time. It felt empty too.

As I let my head rest on my pillow, I realized I kind of miss Haku. Or at least I miss everything I thought he was.

There is no smell of homemade soup in the air. No warm gestures had been given today. No thank you.

A part of me still couldn't believe what Zabuza had said had been true but at the same time I had to admit I hadn't caught ANBU lurking around anymore so… that meant Haku had done what had been asked of him and Zabuza had been truthful for once. For a moment I want to see a white mask peeking through the trees when I look out the window from my bed.

But deep inside, I know I'm not going to see one again.

I let myself fall into oblivion, no longer finding the energy to think it through.

Rain.  
I hear rain again. I flutter my eyes open and let out a yawn. The weather was still as gloomy as before. An endless grey sky. I stretch out and roll my neck around. Rubbing my shoulder, I felt how it hurt more than before. I cursed the bastard again while rolling out of bed. I felt lazy.

I never slept during the day and I was rarely bored. But I didn't want to do anything today.  
'I could read up on some papers,' I mutter while staring at the clutter on my desk. I swear I had cleaned that up at least a week ago and it always would turn into the same mess in less time then it took me to clean it up. Seeing the bookshelf in the corner next to my desk, I remember his request.

 _I guess I should go check on him_ , yet my feet stay firmly where I stand. Contemplating for a bit longer before eventually giving in to my rational mind.  
 _  
He hasn't been completely unbearable_.

With a sigh, I take a book. Something rather generic but interesting even for people with no medical license. A ton of information on emergency procedures. _Ha, I'm starting to educate the assassin._

To my surprise he wasn't sleeping, just patiently awaiting my return. He gave me short nod. He still looked tired.  
It was at the tip of my tongue to ask him if he couldn't sleep but I kept my mouth shut.  
Handing him over the book, I tell him the short summary. He could probably pick up something out of it.

He doesn't accept it immediately but eventually takes it. As I let go, his other hand grabs my wrist.  
Before I can object, he tries to pull me down.

'What the hell do you think you are doing!?' I yell at him.  
'Sit down, Sakura,' he coolly answers.  
'I'm not going to—'sit down,' he hisses angrily, roughly getting me down.

'What is it?' I say it more rudely then I had intended.  
'Act normal, this is becoming annoying,' he answers.  
'What is!?'  
'Get over it,' he mutters.  
 _  
Was he talking about… that moment?_

I feel my cheeks flush but try keep my expression stoic.

'So Haku isn't what you thought he was. You can still _save_ him.' The sarcastic undertone in his voice, mocking me entirely, sets off my already short temper. My foolish mind also made feel embarrassed. _A bad combination._

'You don't think I can?' I yell at him defiantly, though inside I feel as if I indeed no longer can reach him. Or at least I'm not sure who I am reaching for.

'You know what, Zabuza,' I push his hands off of me. 'Don't worry, I won't stop you. I want you to leave. And Haku. The quicker you both leave, the better.'

I see him roll his eyes at my little speech but redeems himself from saying directly what he was thinking. Instead I see him take a deep breath.

'I know you see Haku as this kind little kid but…' I saw him take another breath, as if he was having a hard time trying to find the words. Or maybe, and this was drastic thought, he was trying to show me some compassion.

'I think you are a very kind person.'

I'm a bit too stunned to say anything back. He startles me even more by leaning in closer to me, his brown eyes become almost unreadable and I can feel his breath tickle my face again.

'But unfortunately the world isn't half as kind. And some of us only know a certain type of suffering, one that cannot be healed. We are two worlds apart and Haku is trying to find out where he belongs. But I know,' his voice sounds so certain, 'I know he belongs with me.'

I swallow a lump that had settled into my throat in a matter of seconds.

I know, I know what world he was talking about. I'm a doctor. I've heard so many stories…

'You don't want him to have a different life?' I ask him, hearing myself whisper for some reason. I felt as if I was standing close to a murderous beast that was either going to let me be or devour me at one point. It all depended on my movements.

'You know it too,' he simply said. 'I'm sorry I had to burst your little bubble but I had warned you.'

I hesitate before answering, hating how easily defeated I was in the argument.

'Just leave.'

* * *

Hope this chapter makes up the long wait! I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Comment/review!


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

* * *

 **Chapter VIII**

It's the second day. No word of ANBU. No word of Haku. I'm neither pleased or sadden.

I've been avoiding going up the attic as much as I can. Yet by doing this I was slightly torturing myself too, driving myself up the wall with thoughts and sometimes ending up evoking emotions I didn't want to deal with.

I had done everything I could to distract myself.

And now it had come to the point I was actually starting to stare at the ceiling, contemplating about my life and everything going on.

I reflected on Zabuza's words and realized that for Haku to be truly become as him, Haku he still had a long way to go.  
Unless he was completely psychotic and faking every single emotion I had seen. Which, and I hated admitting this, I sometimes did feel like he was doing.

I had moments were I wanted to push out every single idea and memory and then I had moments I pondered about every single detail, wondering what I had missed and if I indeed was no longer able to do something for this boy.

Or if this boy even wanted all this care and attention…

 _If he was anything like his sensei…_

Cold, calculated. Unable to interact with someone without insulting them or end up threatening their life. An arrogant, rude man. Too stubborn to admit to any type of feeling.

And though we hardly spoke, a strange aura hung between us.

Sometimes I felt as if he was mad at himself, other times it felt as if his anger was more directed at me.

I admit I also pondered a little about Zabuza himself, finding him a bigger enigma than I had originally thought. Perhaps a part of me didn't want to get to know the man behind the frightening persona. I was afraid to meet this other side of him...

The thought makes me sigh and I even get slightly annoyed with myself.  
 _  
_But I think being locked up and not being able to move around freely both drove us mad. I seemed to be either in bed or reading and Zabuza… well, he was stuck in the cold attic.  
The draft made it harder for his injuries to heal properly and I could tell he was starting to hurt all over because of the lack of warmth.

I didn't pity him and he didn't complain.

But I do think we had one thought in common these days.

 _What was taking Haku so long?  
_  
Though Zabuza didn't admit, I could tell he was displeased by the fact that the boy wasn't back yet.

I bit my lip, wondering if I should dare to start this conversation with Zabuza and simply ask him what he had send him out to do.

I take a look out of the window in hopes to see some improvement coming our way, even if it was only the weather.

The sky held an endless grey rug above our heads and the cold seemed the only get worse, while the rain never ceased to the calmness of nature.

 _Haku was probably fine,_ I tell myself _._ I could see him smiling, nodding and pretending to be just fine.  
 _  
Still, Haku… Have my thoughts and feelings been completely wrong about you?_

I move my arm underneath my head and get up to see the time. It was only five in the afternoon…  
I let out a heavy sigh. It would be a long evening and I was out of reading material and thoughts. I needed to distract myself a little...

* * *

A long bath, unnecessary pampering and a lot of time later I found myself doing absolutely nothing again.

Though I tried to behave as normal as I could, I still found it odd to look out of every window in fear of someone seeing me. Keeping every curtain closed and shutting every door behind me.

Glancing around before heading up the shamble ladder.

Taking care of a man who didn't want to be taken care of and who expressed no such a thing as gratitude.

They were all starting to become very tiring habits.

I wanted to be freed of all these procedures. Live freely again.

When I'm up to check on him for the last time tonight, I see Zabuza sitting on the bed, obviously done reading the book I gave him. It lay aimlessly next to him and he had a bored look on his face.  
'Quick reader,' I comment out loud.  
'Too much time on my hands,' he immediately answered. It seemed he too was getting tired of sitting around. He rubs his face and goes through his hair with his hand.

'Feeling better?' I ask. He had been in pain earlier. The cold was doing him absolutely no good.  
'A little,' he muttered while grabbing an empty bottle of sake. 'You have any more of these?'

'Quick drinker too,' I answer, not liking how much alcohol he was consuming while being on painkillers.  
'Keeps me warm,' he answered coolly. His bored expression makes way for a frown, eying me up and down, as if questioning my appearance.

'Going somewhere?' he asks.

I look around, noticing that the dim light was hard on the eyes. I assumed this depressive environment didn't do him well either. How could he read in the dark?

'No,' I answer with frown to his weird question. 'Locked in, remember?'

'Then why are you… looking like that?' he then asked. 'Are you expecting someone?'

'No,' I answer, feeling more confused. 'How do I look?'

'You look…' he took moment, finding it hard to word it apparently. 'Dolled up,' he finished.

' _Dolled up_ , Zabuza?' I snicker, finding how he had eventually worded my appearance very amusing.

'You know what I mean,' he muttered while rolling his eyes. ' _Women_.'

' _Men_ ,' I retorted playfully. I then shrug, realizing with my hair done I do look a little more glamorous than usual. But I wasn't wearing any make-up or dressed prettily. I take a look in the tiny mirror above the old table on the left. I don't look special at all.

'What do you mean actually?' I ask not being able to stop my curiosity. 'I'm not "dolled" up.'

He answers with a hollow laugh. 'I mean… Today you smell like a flower field.'  
 _  
Oh. Well… the luxury bath I had given myself had been fragranced.._.

'Jealous?' I ask playfully.

He flashes me his sharp teeth and only answers with a snicker.

'I know you like smelling like flowers…' I say in a sing-song voice.

'Bored?' he retorted with a smirk while quirking up an eyebrow. He too seemed to be amused.

I start to laugh, realizing I was because else I would've never let our conversations take such a weird turn.

'How can you just sit there so calmly?' I ask him. He was locked up in this tiny dark room, I could at least walk around in my house. Take a bath, drink some hot tea. He was at the mercy of my kindness, occasionally getting something to eat and drink.

'Training,' he answered. I almost laugh again before realizing he wasn't making any jokes.

'They train you to sit around and wait?' I sincerely ask, stunned at the idea of how disciplined he was.

'Well, in Kirigakure every Shinobi has the potential of becoming an assassin for hire simply because they are trained to be one.'

 _An assassin._

I didn't know how to respond so I kept quiet. But standing in front of him without saying a word, made feel uncomfortable. He seemed to sense my discomfort and threw me another smirk.

'Don't worry your pretty little head about it.'

A silence fell between us and I didn't quite know how to get rid of it. Zabuza on the other hand seemed to have better hang of how to stop the awkward silence between us. Moving his head slightly, he hissed in pain.

'Get over here, doctor, I've got something to cure your boredom.'

I don't know why I moved so clumsily forward or why hesitated getting near him but I felt stupid for behaving this way.

'It still hurts,' he mutters while unfolding the bandage around his neck. I had accidently cut open his stitches— _well he had_ , a little voice interrupted in my head—with our fight yesterday. I take a look at it and see what it is causing his pain.  
'There is a little scratch next to it,' I explain. I must've missed it when stitching it back up. 'I don't think I have enough room to stitch it up… but I don't think it's necessary since it's not as deep,' I mutter while taking a good look at this time.

I get up and grab the first aid kit to patch wound back up. Though "first aid" is quite inaccurate, it held much more than just some basic stuff. I blamed my latest patient for the excessive expansion of materials and medication. I put a cotton pad on it to give it some extra pressure to relief the pain.  
'Wait,' I say stopping myself. 'I'll disinfect it first, just to be safe.'

'I hate that stuff,' he mutters.

 _Such a child at times…_

When I put it on, he lets out a groan of pain. I mumble an apology while putting the cotton pad back on and holding it in to place for a few moments.

Again a strange silence lingers between us. I oddly stare at him for a split second. **  
**  
'You never apologize,' he then says, turning his head to look at me.

I'm a little taken back, realizing we're close again. A weird atmosphere hangs between us and I couldn't quite put my finger on it what this thing meant.  
One moment we were repelled by another the next we were seeking out each other's company.

Zabuza had never asked me to take a look at something and admitted to feeling pain.

'Boredom makes people do strange things,' I softly reply. 'Like making people take a look at their booboo's.' I added the last part to relief the pressure but it backfires... I see his sharp teeth for split second before he gets too close to me to see his mouth. His nose touches mine.

'I do like the smell of flowers.' The breathy response makes my heartbeat increase.  
'Zabuza,' I hate how I waver at every syllable of his name.  
He teasingly moves around and I stay frozen in the spot, uncertain of how to respond. Surprised at how I'm not leashing out and feel disgusted by his actions. His nose and mouth trail over my neck and I close my eyes at the sensation. I haven't felt like this for such a long time…  
When I open my eyes again I see his brown eyes looking hazy. I feel his breath on my mouth. I don't know if I want him to close the practically nonexistent gap between our mouths.  
I feel his hand touch my face, putting a few strands of hair behind my ear.  
'Sakura…'  
He almost sounds a little needy. I feel blood rush to my cheeks.  
'Stop this,' I tell him very unconvincingly.  
'Bad liar,' he mutters. I can _hear_ him smirk again.  
'What are you doing?' When I talk I can feel my lips move against his. The close proximity is murderous.  
 _What an odd choice of wording._ The sharp voice makes me snaps me awake. _  
_'Getting rid of our boredom,' he answers. Crashing through the first barrier by tasting my lower lip.  
I put my hand on his chest to push him off but add no pressure to proceed the movement.  
'You're grown woman,' he persuasively says, as if reading my mind. I almost let him have it his way before my mind wakes me up and reminds me of everything there is to think of.

I pull away but feel how he follows. I can feel him smelling my hair, his nose touching my neck.  
 _Ah, rather weak spot I have…  
_ 'Stop it, Zabuza,' I breathlessly say, hoping he'd obey.

To my utter surprise, he does stop. Though he doesn't pull away immediately.

'You're tease,' he mutters into my neck.  
I ignore the comment and try to think of something to distract us both and completely demolish the heavy feeling lingering between us. When I see him biting his lip, I feel strangely aroused. Blushing, I look away again.

I didn't know what had just happened and why I had let it happen but it needed to stop.  
 _Was I really this bored? I mean it also has been a while but—don't think_ , I told my mind sharply. _Don't try to make sense of something that doesn't.  
_  
I bury my head in my hands, hoping to hide my red face and the feeling embarrassment.

'What do you think is taking Haku so long?'

He lets out an aggravated sigh. Probably because I just started a completely different conversation.  
 _  
Ha, mission accomplished!_

'He better be here tomorrow since it is the last day of the lockdown. If he isn't here, that means he failed.'

'So you're worried about him too?' I ask him, daring to look up again. I know my face is still red, I can feel the warmth still lingering on it.

'I don't care about the kid,' he bluntly answers, his eyes turning cold again. 'I only care about the mission.'

We both stare at each other for a moment, feeling both angry and annoyed. Why couldn't we just part ways now? I waited for him to say something but he only kept staring at me with those brown unreadable, coldblooded eyes of his.  
 _  
Or maybe not,_ I note when realizing he was just putting on his usual mask again.

' _You_ are a bad liar,' I point out.

Just as he's about to make a comeback we both get startled by distant knock. We give each other a look.  
'It's not Haku,' he quickly says. He would sneak in without being seen by anyone, he would never just bluntly knock on the door.

I stand frozen on the spot, just when I think it is closer to over it's far from it.

'Someone is at you're front door,' he points out when I don't move. Not looking half as calm as before he gives me an upset look and quirks up an eyebrow at me. 'So you were expecting someone?'

'No!' I tell him, getting up from the bed. I halt before going down the ladder.

'What do I do?' I ask him. 'What do I say?'

I don't know why I am asking him for answers but panic is making my mind numb. I feel more on edge now than I did two days ago. Why couldn't this madness end today!?

'You're the great actress, you'll think of something,' he simply answered.

My mouth opens but no sound comes out, I can't help but gape at the man. He made it all look so easy; deceiving, lying, cheating… all the rotten things of the world came so naturally for this man.

'Hurry the hell up,' he snaps at me when I keep staring at him.

I shake my head and hurry down the ladder, while thinking of what I would say when asking why it took me so long to open the door.

'A moment!' I yell while hurrying down the stairs.

Without thinking it through I just open the door. I let out a surprised yell when seeing the familiar wolf-mask. He's alone, at least I think he is. I gape at him for a moment too.

'Doctor Haruno,' he greets me. Though he means well, he comes off as rather aloof. His shoulders slightly slouching, his entire figure is soaked by the rain again. The porcelain mask wasn't helping either.

'What are you doing here?' I ask him, trying to hide the panic by letting the feeling of confusion take me over.

'I figured you wouldn't want me to use the window twice,' he simply responded.  
'No,' I answer with a nod, not being able to find the humor in it.

'You can't just open the door when someone knocks,' he points out, while looking inside the house for a minute.

I let out an aggravated sigh. 'I thought it was an emergency, someone from the hospital! I'm a doctor you know!'  
Meanwhile I close the door a little, not liking how much this man was prying into my home.  
Even if this hunch of his was grounded, I didn't like him doing it so shamelessly obvious.  
'I know,' he nods, 'but that doesn't mean you need to be reckless.'

'What do you want?' I ask, wanting to get to the point. I felt my body tremble and tried to keep a straight posture. I could tell he took note of my odd behavior.  
 _  
Curse your ANBU teachings…_

'I wanted to apologize for that night,' he started. 'It was… completely out of line of me to do so but I want you to realize I was worried about your wellbeing.'

I soften up when hearing him say that, wondering just how weak and fragile I have become by this hectic and dangerous lifestyle.

For brief second, I placed myself in their shoes. How did this guy and guys like Zabuza do it? It was tiring… A little kindness was all it took for me to break.

'I'm fine…' I sincerely answer. 'Once this whole mess is over,' I then add. 'I just want to go back to my old life,' I tell him with a sigh.

He gives me a nod. 'I understand.' He pauses for a moment. 'I wanted you to know we do have a lead and so the lockdown will be over by tomorrow evening, five o'clock.'

My mouth turn dry and I don't know what to say. I tell myself I can't stay quiet for too long or else I'm going to look suspicious. A little voice inside my head argues that perhaps it doesn't matter what I do, that I have been found out and he is just toying with me at this point.

'He's heading to another town,' he informs me. 'He and his accomplices,' he then clarifies.  
'Oh.' I can't seem to bring out much more. I wondered if he could see my heart race inside of my chest. I felt like it could burst out any moment.

'We're not certain just yet,' he says. I felt like he was behaving odd, telling me far too much by ANBU protocol.

'Why are you telling me this?' I ask in a whisper, fearing he was trying to trick me.

'I don't know.' The cold indifferent tone he used betrayed everything he was saying. But why was he making it so obvious? What was he trying to do?

'What are you doing?' I ask in a voice that was barely hearable. Again he ignored it, as if he hadn't heard me at all. I knew he was doing it on purpose.

 _'The commander_ is still in the hospital, he'll be going home with us when we… accomplish our mission. So perhaps we'll see each other again.' He ignores my confusion completely and continues on with his odd act. He holds out his hand, 'but just in case we don't see each other again, it was very nice to meet you. You are indeed a remarkable doctor.'

I raise up an eyebrow, not understanding a thing of what he was trying to do. I didn't know if I should act along or not. Still holding out his hand, I oddly shook it. When it left I realized he had given me a note.

I don't say a word about the note. I just nod and act along. Perhaps acting out a character neither one of us believed.

I turn into the praising doctor he's telling me about, humbly accepting his words and he becomes a trustworthy companion, dutifully serving our nation.

'I truly hope you are successful in your mission, captain. It would ease a lot of minds in this troublesome town.'

He nods, bidding me goodbye and telling me to stay safe inside until the tomorrow evening.  
I give him a small, fake smile and nod back. Promising I would wait.

His silhouette becomes a blur once he starts running. He's heading back into town, meaning he came all the way out here to just give me the note. I close the door and let my back rest into it. I first take deep breath.

I hesitate if should read the note now or later.

Swallowing my fear, and telling myself I'm being beyond silly to think it would matter if I read it here in the hallway or in a place where it would be less seen. I open up the crumbled piece of paper.

 **Kakashi Hatake.**

 _Who's that?_ I frown at the name. I'm not understanding a single thing of what is going on.  
 _What did he mean by—it's his name_! I realize. I quickly put the piece of paper into my pocket.  
 _  
But why would he tell me his name?_

I tried to figure it out but came up with nothing. After a minute or so I finally move.

Bewildered at what had just happened, I made myself some tea to distract my mind.

I burn the piece of paper when I turn on the stove. I could see the name when I closed my eyes without ever having to hold it again. It was safer to burn it.

Besides, I wasn't planning on telling this to Zabuza.

 _Why would you tell me your name? In your position, you could end up…_ I suddenly remembered what he had said that night. He hadn't come to apologize.

He had come by to make sure if I was alright or not.

Perhaps he had come by to give me one last chance to confess...

Even with all my doubts, I hadn't even thought about it for one split second when seeing him to tell him everything that had been going on.

Well, that could be because Zabuza had repeatedly told me how deep I had dig myself in.

I let out a deep sigh, rubbing my tired eyes.

I could contact him personally now. Tell Wolf—Kakashi, everything there was to know. He wouldn't have bothered with this if he thought I was a part of the ploy…

I sat at the dining table for a good hour or so, retracing my steps and trying to figure out what this man wanted me to do. And _how_ he had figured it I had something to do with all this mess.

His name sounded so oddly familiar too.

 _Where have I heard that name before?_

After long thinking and coming up with no conclusions or answers, I got up. I mindlessly doing my chores, like cleaning the dishes.

I don't think my house has ever been as clean as it was now.

Deciding that I had postponed the moment enough, I get up the stairs. I know Zabuza has heard me the entire time and had been waiting, probably impatiently, for my return.

I have no idea what to tell him.

I felt as if I was constantly lying to everyone.

I hear a low whisper.

'Sakura.'

 _He's calling me_.

He then says it more clearly, as if not caring anymore that someone could be listening in.

Closing my eyes, trying to keep myself calm again for the second time today, I finally turn around and get up the shamble ladder.

'What is it?' I ask, standing still half-way up the ladder.

'Get in here,' he answers with an aggravated growl.

Letting out a sigh of tiredness, I get up. I know I was behaving foolishly but the situation was so draining, I just wanted to hide for the moment. I look at the tall man sitting on the bed.

His brown eyes stared blatantly into mine.

'What is it?' I repeated.  
'What do you think?' he asked, getting angry. I felt like child being scolded by his parent. For some reason, I didn't respond. I was starting to feel numbed by everything that was going on.

'You tell me,' he continued. 'What the hell did that guy say?'

'What guy—'Sakura, damn it, don't temp me,' he angrily hissed, getting up.

I know lying was stupid but I didn't know what to tell him.

'Talk!' he yelled at me. Limping towards me, I braced myself. I felt his hand grab my arm and pulling me forward. Shaking me slightly in order to make me response.

'I don't know!' I yelled back. I felt so confused by everything. 'I think he came to check,' I admit.  
'Because he thinks you're _cute_?' he spat.

His tall posture and the angry look on his face reminded me suddenly how dangerous he could be. He was so much taller than me and even in his weaken state I was no match for him. I took small step back but he pulled me back into place, making it clear that he wasn't going to let me go.

'He said you were heading towards another town—'Why would he come and tell you that!?' he half yelled while interrupting me.  
'I don't know!'  
He took deep breath, trying to calm down. 'Either this means that little rat has been found out or you are!'  
'I don't think so—'Why not? What makes you think he doesn't suspect you?' Again he shook me by my arm. I ignore his arrogant tone and defyingly tell him I don't know what is going on either.

'I found it odd but he didn't—you're not telling me everything,' he disrupted me again. Grabbing me by my face and making me look up to him, he asks me what else had been said.

Realizing I'm stuck and I can't lie my way out, I pretend to tell him everything except the part where he gives me the piece of paper. I make it sound as if he wanted to tell me something but couldn't.

Not satisfied by my answer, he pushes me around a little. Demanding to know the complete truth.  
'Why did you wait so long to come up?' he asks. 'Trying to come up with a clever lie?'  
'I'm not lying!' I tell him, getting angry myself. I didn't want to be a liar! I struggle to get lose.

When my back meets the wall, I realize he has pushes me into a corner. His tall figure intimidatingly stands before me. Before I can even blink, just like last time, his reaction is quicker than I could ever anticipate. I feel his hand on my throat, pushing me onto the wall.

Threateningly getting close to me, he puts a little more pressure on my throat. Making me grab his hand with both of mine.  
'S-stop,' I tell him.  
'You know how I know you are lying, Sakura?' he asked me, whispering in my ear. 'You turn a little red, just when you get angry or when you…' he let it linger in the air, pressing himself up against me.

I get scared of him, wanting nothing more then to get away from him. I try to push him off but he doesn't budge.

'What did he do?' he then asked. 'Tell me everything.'  
'N-nothing!' I choked out.  
Suddenly his brown eyes stared straight into mine, getting me by surprise. I let out a small yelp.  
'You know,' he starts. I see him licking his lips and I know it is something he does to scare me.

I hate how it works on me so easily.

His nose touches my face and I hear him taking deep breath when smelling my hair.

'My second favorite smell is blood… Do you want me to mix them?' The whispered question made me shiver.  
'It would kind of ruin your scent, though,' he added in afterthought, while making it sound as if finding he'd find it dreary thing to do.

In a flash he got something out of his pocket. Suddenly the tip of a kunai was pressed into my collarbone. Even with both my hands free, I was no match for him.

I knew his leg was hurting but somehow he could fight off the pain just to get what he wanted out of me.  
Foolishly I try to reach out to hit one of his wounds but he grabbed my wrist. He had let go of my throat but the kunai was now further up my throat while my hand was held above my head.

I felt so helpless. I let out a cry of pain.

'I'd really hate to,' he threatened again, 'but I will, if I have to.' He then pressed the kunai, making it draw blood from my neck. Realizing he was no longer fooling around or throwing empty threats, I had to make decision. Hating myself, I came clean.

'He gave me his name on piece of paper,' I mutter. Immediately the kunai disappeared.  
And though he wasn't holding it above my head anymore, he had yet to let go of my wrist.

'He's uncertain, taking a huge risk…' he muttered to himself. He seemed a little puzzled. He stared at me for a moment before finally letting go of me completely. I almost wanted to break down and cry when he did so but I held my head up defiantly at him. I wouldn't let him win so easily.

'That little rat better be here by tomorrow morning,' he said talking about Haku. 'And you,' he then added. 'Don't ever try to lie to me again.'

I don't move, feeling more numb then before. I felt confused. I should just run out of the door, ask—no, beg Kakashi to help me.

'What was his name?' he then asked, getting back into the bed. He let out a painful groan, probably hurting his leg even more by walking around and making brash movement.

'Kakashi Hatake,' I tell him.

I hate myself so much.

 _Just get out and run,_ a little cowardly voice says.

'What?' Zabuza looked baffled. 'That guy was Kakashi Hatake!?'

'Yes,' I nod. 'Who is he?' I ask innocently.

'Someone who is good at getting his target… That lying…' he stopped talking, sending me a furious look. I don't know who he was talking about but I assumed it was someone I was not supposed to know about. He looked so angry… As if he had been betrayed.

'Why would he give me his name?' I ask. Now that he knew, I might as well ask him some question and try to get some answers out of him.

'I don't know exactly why,' he admitted. 'I guess he wants you to contact him or be able to contact him.'

'Should I?' I stupidly asked. I immediately regretted my words.

'If you think you can betray me or leave, I'll kill you before you can set a foot outside the door.'

'You can hardly walk,' I point out.

'But that didn't stop me just a second ago, did it?' he asked with a smirk.  
 _  
No it didn't,_ I angrily admitted to myself. _You cannot be stopped… If only your willpower was to be used by the greater good, we wouldn't be at war. Yet it's beast like you that make this war so endless.  
_ Noticing my hateful glare, he snapped at me. 'Stop behaving like an idiot.'

I rub my wrist, noting it was the second time he had hurt me. It would leave a nasty bruise. I decided I had enough.  
I'm going to bed—'no,' he snapped.  
'Excuse me?' I'm baffled at his arrogant behavior.  
'Get me a drink and grab a glass for yourself because you're not going anywhere. I don't know what is going on inside of that head of yours but I'm not taking risks. I don't trust you, Sakura.'

'I don't trust you either, Zabuza,' I snapped back. 'Just leave!' I told him again.

'Once _precious_ Haku is here,' he answered. His hollow eyes silenced me. I could feel myself tremble. This time not out of anger.

I hated how powerless I was against this man. How I was being terrorized by him. I didn't know what to do anymore. So I just did what I was told, mindlessly following his orders.

When I grabbed a bottle downstairs, my eyes had lingered a little too long at the front door. A part of me wanted to get out. Flee my own home.

'What took you so long?'  
'Nothing,' I answer, pouring him his drink. I handed it over, trying to behave somewhat civil.  
'Grab one too.' I don't know if it was suggestion or a command. His tone of voice was hard decipher.  
'I just want to go the bed,' I answer tiredly.  
'Go ahead,' he snickers, pointing to where he was sitting. 'You might get cold, so you'll need that drink.'

Annoyed, angry and a little stressed out, I poured myself a huge glass and drank it down in one take. He quirks up an eyebrow but made no comment. I sat next to him, poured myself another one and refilled his.

I had rethink my choices a little. I needed him to keep calm if I wanted to survive this mess.

'You looked upset by hearing Kakashi's name,' I start. 'Is he dangerous?'  
'Best of Konoha.' he took a sip of his drink before sending me an annoyed look. 'You know who he is.'  
'It took me a second to figure out where I had heard his name,' I muttered. Glancing at him out of the corner of my eye, I saw his amusement. Probably thinking I was rather dimwitted for not knowing the most famous Shinobi of my own nation.

'I don't know their reputation,' I tell him, being honest. 'I know their face and the pain they felt during battle… As a doctor, I always do my very best to help them.'

His smirk falters, staying quiet for a moment. It felt strange but it seemed the storm between us from earlier had settled down. Ironically, outside, it was only just beginning. I felt a rush of wind coming through the walls, making me shiver.

'I think he's only trying to lure you out,' he suddenly said. 'but also… it's a sign of trust. You can trust him.'

I nod, thinking something along the same lines. I had feeling Kakashi didn't believe me. Or didn't believe all the make believe surrounding this little chaotic town. Things had taken such a strange turn.

'Who…' I hesitated for a second, knowing he wouldn't answer me. 'Have you been betrayed?' I ask, rephrasing the question a bit. He let out a sigh and it seemed I had evoke his memory and send him into deep thought, not answering me immediately.

'I don't know yet.'

'It all depends on Haku?' I ask softly, too tired to do much else then sit and talk.  
'I guess,' he said. He then emptied his drink.

'What if he…' _Failed? Doesn't come back? Is killed?_

'

He'll be here soon.'

I don't if Zabuza was trying to ease my mind or his own but he suddenly seemed rather certain… as if he was holding on to the idea that Haku simply couldn't have failed.

However, soon was not soon enough. Hours had passed. I was freezing and I didn't want to drink more then I already had. But now I did understand why Zabuza always demanded a drink around. It did keep you warm in this cold drafty room. Well, at least your insides were warm.

I trembled underneath the extra blanket I had given him which he ironically now had given me.

Zabuza was just sitting on his bed, mindlessly staring into his glass. I saw him swirl his drink around a few more times before glancing up at me.

I still didn't understand why he insisted on me being here, he could easily hear me get out of bed if he was worried about me leaving in the middle of the night. I was far below his level of skill, he had nothing to worry about.

'Can I please go to bed?' I ask him pleadingly. I felt so tired.  
'No,' he answered again. He grabbed my glass and filled it up, 'Drink up.'

I shook my head at the offering. 'I've had enough. I actually never drink… I'll get sick if I drink too much.'

He shrugs in defeat and placed the glass on the bed.

 _I guess I could use another sip,_ I think when noticing how much I was trembling.

Feeling as if I had no other choice, I took the drink. Shuddering when tasting the alcohol I immediately try to give it back to him but instead of taking it, he starts to laugh.

'You really never drink, huh?'

I just nod while making a sickened face.

'Don't soil the bed more than it already is,' he said, pointing out the dirty blood stains. When taking the drink out of my hand he looks at my wrist.  
'All bruised up,' he muttered. I ignore the comment and quickly hide myself back into the blanket.

Putting the drink back on the tiny table next to him, he then takes a look at me.  
I blatantly stare back at him. I could tell he was calm, back to this… softer version of himself.

Though this thought could be the effect of the liquor.

Alcohol. It had become an acquainted scent whenever he was around. Either it was to clean wounds or ease his pain... or keep him company.

He reached out to me, wanting to grab the my wrist again. I flinch when he grabs hold of it.

'You're such fragile thing…'

'Yes and you are stronger, dangerous and much better than me,' I answer feeling slightly agitated. 'I know already.'

'I never said I was better than you, perhaps less naïve but never have I said better,' he said with slight amusement. Though he knew he was hurting me, he held on to my wrist. I got surprised when his thumb slightly started to caress it.

Grabbing me by my other arm, I start to panic. 'Stop it!'  
But he ignores my plea and even goes as low as to hurt my already bruised wrist to make him gain control over me. I can't fight him off. The alcohol has made me slightly light-headed and I'm too tired and weak to escape.

I had expected some unwanted behavior from him but instead, to my surprise, all he did was pull me closer to him. It took me a minute to figure out he was trying to keep me warm.

Though when feeling his body, it rather seemed it was the other way around. He was so cold.

I want to scream out and tell him to stop but he puts his hand on my mouth.

'Confession, Sakura,' he suddenly says. 'I don't know what is going on but if ANBU shows up… I need you as my leverage.'

Instantly I understood why he wanted me to stay here. I try to remove his hand off of my mouth but it refused to even budge.

'Since they haven't showed up yet, I assume Haku has indeed mislead them.'  
'Then why…' I ask in a whisper. I suddenly thought of his earlier confessions. _This goes high, very high._ He wasn't just fearing ANBU at this point.

'Why would I be good leverage?' I ask him in confusion.  
'You're not but it's worth a shot… and if all goes wrong, a situation with hostage could by me some time,' he mumbled back. His drunk breath makes me move my head the other way.  
'Geez, thanks,' I say as I try to get away from him. 'Well, we I guess we can establish that ANBU isn't around because if they were still around, they would have start wondering what happened to me. People don't spend their free time in the freezing attic.'

'Ha,' he let out a hollow laugh. 'I guess.'  
'So can I go to my bed now?' I ask him again, freeing myself out of his grip. Though this time it is simply because he was actually letting me go.  
'Go ahead,' he said with a nod while being surprisingly easy.

I give him confused look. 'First I can't go, now I can?'

'You can stay, I don't mind,' he answered with a smirk. He gives me a suggestive look while holding on to me a bit longer before letting me get out of the bed completely. I stumble a when taking a few steps back and away from him. I give him an angry look.

'So were back to this?' I daringly start. I wasn't quite sure what is was doing. 'Make up your mind! Either hate and intimidate me or don't! But stop going back and forth.'

His smirk faltered before it widened. His sharp teeth became visible again and for a moment I saw nothing but a demon-like creature sitting before me.

'Keep me warm, Sakura.' His slurred speech made me realize he was already very drunk.

When the blanket fell to my feet, I grabbed it and pushed it onto him. 'Keep yourself warm,' I angrily hissed at him, making him laugh in response.

Just as I let go, his expression changes and I briefly believed my words had had some sort of effect on him. His expression becomes serious and he even gets up from the bed. I get startled when he grabs my shoulders and turns me around.  
Pressing me into him, I see a flicker of the kunai he's now holding up. He wasn't aiming at my throat just yet.

I know realize he has heard something.

Patiently waiting for someone to show up, he just holds it out before him.  
I hadn't heard a the slightest noise until I heard a door open. It was close by. Not my bedroom like last time.

Feeling anxiety taking me over, I actually held on to Zabuza's arm around my neck. Pressing my nails into it, while pushing myself closer to him.

When a white mask appeared, I couldn't even react. I didn't get startled. I didn't scream.

This time my heart was beating so fast, I thought it was going to collapse.

Zabuza held on to me for a bit longer before loosening his grip and eventually letting go of me completely.

I frown at the action, feeling completely confused.

'What is going on?' he asked on a demanding tone.

The masked figure walked deeper into the room and eventually took of his mask. When revealing his face, I still couldn't say a word. I just gaped at him.

'Haku!' Zabuza snapped at him when he didn't respond immediately.

He gave a small nod. I couldn't make out much of his face but he looked unusually pale to me.

He swallowed, trying to find the words to speak.

'Sakura, go away,' Zabuza said.  
'I'm not your servant!' I argue back. Grabbing my hair, he roughly pushes me forward.

'You wanted to go to bed, now go!' He yelled at me.  
 _  
Well, he sobered up quickly._

I rub my head for a moment before placing my hand on Haku's shoulder. 'Are you alright?'  
He gives me small nod before giving me his usual fake smile, to ease my mind and make me believe he indeed was fine.

'It is alright, Zabuza,' he said answering the tall man. 'Everything is fine. You don't have to worry.'

'Good,' he spat back. 'Now, clean up because Sakura wants us to leave.'

Haku gives me a hurt and confused look, while I throw a glare at Zabuza. Before I can even explain what he means, Haku collapses onto the floor. Startled I drop down next to him, when I try to wake him I feel a hot fever on his forehead.

'He's sick!' I tell Zabuza.  
'Hm,' he simply responds. I give him another angry look, annoyed by his disinterest in Haku's wellbeing. This boy got sick while doing a mission he had send him out on! He was just a child, had he no compassion?

Haku would die to please him and it didn't mean a thing to him! I felt outraged and had to stop myself from attacking the taller man.

I try to lift the boy up but my wrist hurts too much and I don't have enough strength to lift him up with one arm.  
'Help me,' I tell him with a glare but Zabuza doesn't move.

His hollow brown eyes simply stare at the limp figure on the ground. 'I guess this means we're not leaving yet.'

* * *

I was slightly uncertain about this chapter, that's why it took me a little longer to upload… Definitely let me know your thoughts on this one!

Comment/review!


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. **  
**  
Note: You have a long chapter ahead of you.….

* * *

Chapter IX

Having no other choice, I put Haku in the guestroom. In the end, he still _looked_ like an innocent kid. At least that's what I hoped people would see should they come by and find out.

Though I actually started to highly doubt ANBU would still come around and check on us. I had no idea what exactly Haku had been doing the last two days but Zabuza seemed to be at ease with the situation and no longer feared being found out.  
And for some reason that made me feel at ease too. After all, I had no experience and my mind could craved some rest, so accepted any sign of peace heading my way.

What I could conclude as a doctor was that Haku had been mostly out during his mission, he had caught pneumonia.  
Surprisingly, Zabuza had not complained about Haku's illness. Though he did like mentioning that they would leave as soon as they could but I knew he probably did that to spite me.

But nevertheless, I was starting to choke on my own words. I couldn't believe I had wanted Haku to leave. I was starting to hate myself for thinking about sending this boy off on a suicidal mission with a man that treated him as nothing more but a tool.

I held on to his hand, smaller than mine _. It still looked so innocent clean_.  
But it felt cy cold. Trying to warm his hands up while keeping the rest of his body on normal temperature was quite the task.

'S-Sakura…'

I hush him, telling him to spare his energy and keep calm. 'Just rest for now.'

'T-he b-bag is for Zabu..za,' his lower mouth was trembling uncontrollably.  
I look around only now noticing the blue bag on the ground. I nod, telling him I would bring it to Zabuza.

'I-I couldn't…' Again I hush him, telling him it was going to be alright. His eyes were hazy and I couldn't make much out of his ramblings. The bag had apparently been too heavy for him to carry up the ladder because I hadn't seen him come in with.

 _He must've felt so sick…_

I turn my head, looking at the shamble ladder. I know Haku wanted me to bring the bag up to Zabuza now and not a minute later. He was so used to serving him...

'I'll go in a minute,' I tell him, trying to ease his troubled mind. He didn't even seem to care about being sick, all he did was look around for his sensei.

Zabuza had picked him up and threw him on the bed without any form of concern for his wellbeing.  
I hated his arrogance so much… but now even I had to admit that I had no power or control over this man, even in his weakened state he was physically so far above me.

I let my head rest in my hands, taking a deep breath that staggered in my throat. I was so tired of all this. I felt trapped and at the same time I felt as if I was in a position of being able to make a change.  
I held Haku's hands again, waiting for him to close his eyes and give in to the tiredness he was trying fighting off. An inevitable battle he'd lose.

I close my eyes the second he closes his, finally being able to give in to myself.

* * *

I don't know how long I slept but it was morning when I woke up. I squint my eyes at sight of the morning sun. Rubbing the sleep out of the corners of my eyes, I get up. Stretching myself out, I feel the ache in my back from sitting next Haku all night.

Putting a hand on his forehead, I'm relieved to conclude that his fever has gone down.

Not wanting to wake him, I decide to get some decent rest in my own bed. I quietly get up and make as little noise as I possibly can. When I turn around to take one last look at him, I see the blue bag lying next to the bed. Remembering how he had been talking about it and had wanted me to go and give it to Zabuza, I bit my lip in doubt.

I let out defeated sigh. I did not want to trouble his mind while being ill, so I grabbed it before getting out of the room.

 _But not before taking a look at it first…_ I slyly think to myself.

Opening it up, I make a disappointed sound. To my surprise I found nothing that of what I had hoped for. Actually this wasn't what I had expected at all...

 _Or maybe it is,_ I bitterly tell myself. _Oh, Haku how can you care so much for one person so cruel?_

Holding out a long sleeved black t-shirt, I realize Haku hadn't forgot about Zabuza's lack of decent clothing. I bite my lip, digging a bit deeper into the bag. I was hoping to find some clues to who Zabuza was working for or what Haku had been up to.

'Do you always pry in other people's bags?'

The comment made me snap my head up. I see him standing at the ledge, arrogantly looking down at me. Of course, he had heard me ruffle through it…

I roll my eyes at him.

'Shouldn't you be in bed?' I retorted while getting up. I close the bag and get up the ladder to hand it over to him. I can't help but feel a little embarrassed at being caught.

With a bit of a flushed face, I practically throw the bag at him.

Catching it with ease, he gives me smirk when our eyes meet. Stumbling back to the bed, he lets himself drop on it and lets out a tired sigh while rubbing his leg.

'Still hurting?' I ask, trying to move along without dwelling on what had just happened for too long. I didn't want to give him the feeling of having some sort of power over me. And I wanted to at least _try_ to act decent towards the man. Just to prolong the peace a little longer.

'Yes.' His expression is hard to read. I can't tell if he's trying to hide the pain or just bored with my behavior.

'Haku is pretty sick, you won't be leaving for at least another week…' I quietly say, averting his eyes. I don't know why but I have a hard time looking at him. I've wished for a way for him to leave and for Haku to stay but I've concluded that was just wishful thinking.

The way Haku risked his life for him…

'If I could, I would,' he admitted out loud. Closing his eyes in thought, he stayed quiet for a minute. As if contemplating if there was any other way. He let out annoyed growl before speaking up again.  
'I can't go without Haku. Not in the state that I'm in.'

I cross my arms, thinking about his intentions for a second. Did he want me to ask him if I could help? Or did he just want to put me on edge again?

'So you do care about Haku…' I eventually answer, trying to lure him out.  
'I don't care about the kid, I still need to get out of here as fast as I can. I never thought I'd be in this situation with my legs this badly injured…' he snapped, annoyed at my remark.

His sharp answer was nothing more than a diversion to avoid the subject. He obviously didn't want to leave without Haku, or else he would have asked me for a favor of some sorts.

 _Maybe it isn't as simple as I think it is…_

'You'd be dead if it weren't for Haku,' I blurt out.

'So would he, if it weren't for me,' he answers just as quickly.

I'm a bit taken back. I swallow the lump that had immediately formed itself in my throat, not knowing exactly if he was talking about, him personally killing Haku or someone else wanting to end the boy's life.

But it almost felt a little promising, as if implying he would, should the boy ever get in the way of things…

Just like that, my flicker of hope vanished again.

When his cold brown eyes met mine, my body temporarily froze. But I manage to shake it off and hide behind my doctor's persona.  
 _  
_'He'd still need plenty of rest,' I inform him, trying to calm the situation. 'He is in no state to travel.'

'I need to talk to Haku when he's awake…' he mutters. He does the oddest thing and avoids my eyes for a moment.

'Why?'  
'Because I need to know how much time we have,' he snarls at me, this time looking at me again.

I stay quiet for a second.  
'I'm going to rest up,' I simply say while turning on my heels.  
I was too tired to have more arguments with him. My back ached and my neck was tense, making me get a headache. Arguing in the early morning wasn't helping.

'Sakura.'

I hate it when he called me by my first name. I can't help but let out an aggravated sigh, which he notices and answers by snickering at my reaction. I turn back around with an annoyed look on my face. I want to cross my arms when looking defiantly at him but my let out a hiss when my bruised wrist feels pressure.

He frowns at me for a moment before continuing. 'Tell me when wakes up.'

I just nod and finally relief myself of his torturous presence.

* * *

I stretch myself out. I slowly sit up, roll my head around and try to relief the pressure. I had slept well but the horrible sleep from this night could still be felt throughout every inch of my body. Getting up slowly, I put my bathrobe on and just when opening the door, I hear someone talk.

I peer my head out of the door and try to listen in on what they were saying. I could hear Zabuza's voice clearly but the breathy whisper of Haku's answering, were unclear.

I couldn't make a thing out of what was being said.

Boldly I move forward, putting my feet as quietly as I could on the wooden floor. Hoping the old wood wouldn't crack the moment it felt pressure. I moved towards the room. I halt a before the door, not wanting to betray my presence just yet by being too brash.

I try to make out what is being said but Haku's voice is still inaudible.

 _Probably still too tired to talk decently… I told Zabuza to be patient!_

While cursing Zabuza in my head, I put my ear on the wall, hoping to hear a little more of what was being said. I still couldn't hear a thing. I try to walk towards the door a bit closer.

There is a bit of an opening between the doorframe and the wall. Pushing my ear against it, I can finally hear them talk.

'I told him there would be consequences to pay…' Haku's voice sounded raspy and tired.  
'Good.'  
'But you don't think he'll do it?'

I frown when hearing the young boy talk. _Haku sounds so mature.._.

'He'll obey,' Zabuza answers, sounding quite certain. 'What did he say about the ANBU-platoon?'  
'Unfortunate. But as head of ANBU, it was easy to mislead them. We have nothing to worry about.'

 _Head of ANBU!?_ My eyes widen when realizing who he was talking about _…T-the commander is a traitor? He's in on this!?_

'Kakashi Hatake wasn't convinced…' Zabuza says, obviously not as easily hushed by the commander's words as Haku.

'Ah,' Haku muttered. 'I think I've met him. Astonishing speed… Remarkable opponent, to say the least.'

I feel a chill run down my spine. I don't know what's making me more nervous, the fact that Haku was sounding so… _different_. Or that the commander wasn't at all who I had thought he was.

'You finished him?' I could hear Zabuza was impressed.

'I had other matters to attend…'

The cold answer made my heart feel heavy.

'You didn't tell him where we were staying, did you?'  
'Of course not,' Haku quickly answers. 'I did not want to endanger Sakura.'  
'So they have no idea?'  
'I just said we were in hiding because we wanted to make sure he keeps his end of the deal. I didn't say you were too wounded to move out of this town.'

'A student like you is seldom, Haku.' I could hear how pleased Zabuza was. 'That is why I picked you.'  
'Thank you, Zabuza.' I could hear Haku's joy of getting appreciation and even the smallest bit of affection from the man.

His voice made my heart bleed.

'How have you been?' Haku asked, sounding a lot more lighter than before. More like how he usually sounded.

'Under the care of doctor Haruno.'

I couldn't tell if Zabuza was being sarcastic or not. He sounded… odd. Calm and easygoing.

'So you are feeling better?' Haku sounded curious. His question made me realize that Zabuza must have been feeling really bad before he took off.

'My leg hurts,' Zabuza muttered. The aloof answer abruptly ended the conversation. It was silent for a minute.

The silence made my head question everything I had just heard.

I suddenly felt so… scared.

'Sakura is still asleep?' Haku's light voice snaps me out of me state of numbness.  
'I think she's awake…' I hear Zabuza move. His chair makes a sound when he pushes it back. I hear him limp towards the door.

Immediately I take a few steps back, feeling frightened.

 _Did he know I was standing here the entire time? What would he do!?_

Opening the door quite brash, his tall figure took whole of the entire doorframe. He looked taller, stronger, more frightening than last night.

I don't know why I was feeling the way I was. I felt so… betrayed. By Haku. By the commander.

I try to swallow my fear when our eyes meet.

'Eavesdropping?' The mocking tone he used, together with his arrogant expression made me loath to be near him.

'I-I heard voices…' I simply answered.

He smirked. 'I was telling Haku how _well_ you had taken care of me.'  
Intimidatingly he stood before me. I refused to take another step back but I had to fight every muscle in my body to not do so. I nervously bite my lip, wondering if he knew I had been listening the entire time.

'And you came to listen in?' he asked taking another step towards me. He was far too close to my liking. But when driven in a corner, I did the opposite of what was expected of me. I boldly stood still before him, showing absolutely no feeling of fear.

'I didn't know what to think…' I answer. I take a look at his leg. He was holding on to it. 'You should be resting. Instead you exhaust yourself by getting down here.'

'I wanted to see Haku.' I could hear him mock me, pretending to care about Haku's wellbeing like I did.  
'Well, now you have,' I say. I try to keep my tone even and distant, pretending that he had little to no effect on me. 'You should go back before someone sees you.'  
He nods in agreement, though the taunting smirk remained on his face. He was in no hurry to leave, making me realize that the matter of being caught by ANBU was indeed over. He just wanted me to keep believing it.

I trembled inside, wondering if he indeed had not heard me the first five minutes and there for believed I did not know a single thing about the truth.

His brown eyes lowered their gaze, making me feel uncomfortable. I hadn't thought about last night anymore with Haku being sick and all. But unlike me, Zabuza liked exploiting whatever was between us.

To my surprised he simply picked up my bruised wrist. Examining it for a moment, I held my breath. I didn't want to move because I knew he was cruel enough to hurt me when I was already in pain. He gave me a harsh look before speaking up.  
Getting his face closer to mine, 'Make sure no one sees this today.'  
I just nod.  
'Just because Haku is back, doesn't mean it's over,' he whispered.  
'I know that,' I whisper back.  
'Good.'

Letting my wrist go, his hand travels over my face down my neck on to my shoulder. I widen my eyes but he gives me stoic expression in return. His eyes bore into mine for a moment. I can feel his hand touch the rim of my robe. An almost longing look appears on his face but is as gone as quickly as it had come. He lets go and grabs hold of the shamble ladder instead.  
I can feel how flushed my cheeks are. Putting one foot on it, he turns his head to me. I can see the familiar devil appear.

'I could use some warmth up there,' he snickered.

I just cover myself up and ignore his comment. When he moves out of sight, I see Haku staring aimlessly at the wall. As if he had just ignored everything that had happened.

Letting out a deep breath I didn't know I had been holding in, I walk into the room.

'Hello, Sakura.' He greets me nonchalantly. Haku's usual smile appears. Again I can't tell if he's faking it or not. I felt drained and the refreshed feeling sleep had given me had evaporated into thin air in no time. I could feel the weight of the world on my shoulders again.

I mirror his smile.

'Hello, Haku.'

The day went by slow. I try to keep Haku warm, make him sleep and I try to feed him whenever he finds the strength to do so. I try to avoid Zabuza for the most part of the day. He doesn't make it easy on me, luring me out whenever he can. I could tell he wanted me to feel threatened.

It worked since I dreaded going up the attic whenever he was asking for food or medication.

Five o'clock couldn't come soon enough, even though I dreaded going to the hospital as well. Seeing the commander and pretending to not know his true nature was going to be quite a feed for me.

But I desperately needed to see some friendly, kind familiar faces. I missed my colleagues. I missed my real patients. I missed my old life.

But no matter how much I postponed it, I felt I was going to unleash all this anger on to someone soon. I was getting tired of walking on eggshells. The feeling of righteousness had such a bitter aftertaste.

I left the house before five. I didn't say a word to either Haku or Zabuza. I figured they'd continue their little meeting now that I was gone. I hurried myself to the town, trying not to dwell on the idea of what was really going on.

When I arrived in the little town, I was so grateful to smell the usual dull air and even hear the rustle of people walking around in a hurry. I then realized that not only my world had turned upside down.  
Looking around, I saw the market being flooded by people who hadn't had enough food the last twenty-four hours. The old dingy café, were they loudly talked about the how the lockdown had damaged the town's already dying economy. And how the government lacked any compassion. I let out a sigh, agreeing in my mind.

But I smile when I see a few of my former patients came to greet me and ask if I had been alright during all this madness. I nod and ask them how they have been. When I hear their answer, I take a good look around.

People had so much suffered the three days.

I had been so caught up in my own problems that I had failed to see what was happening around me. The town had been turned upside down. The hunger had increased. Traders had taken a loop around the town, increasing the shortness of some basic food supplies. With no one coming in and no one getting out, the shortage problem was only going to get worse before it could possible get better.

It could take lives at this rate…

Hurrying to the hospital, I'm relieved to see that during my absence they had managed to patch up the inside a little. The wreckage had vanished completely, only the remaining exterior damage served as proof from the attack.

The hospital waiting-room was packed. Sick children, people with signs of dehydrations, the list was endless. I get greeted by a nurse, who was hurrying through the halls. She had been at home for the last three days as well but told me that a few of my colleagues had stayed and wanted to desperately go home for the night. Some of them had families waiting for them.

I immediately understood a long evening was ahead of me.

Working again did me good, I felt useful. Actually healing people, who obeyed my orders and were grateful for my time, helped me get over the horrible feeling inside.

I felt guilty for staying at home.  
 _  
I should have stayed here. I belong here._

The hours pass by and I don't even dwell on my thought or feelings for single second. I just do what I'm best at. I actually have good time, people are happy and relieved to see me. They welcome my presents and care.

Together with some other colleagues we our see patients simultaneously in the largest hospital room. We're still stamped with sick patients.

'I didn't think you'd go home,' my much younger colleague started.  
I nod in agreement. 'I don't know, I guess with everything going on I just wanted to avoid my responsibilities. I shouldn't have done that.'

Though I meant it sincere it was not entirely true, I only felt like that now. Not when I had decided to stay home…

'Even with the circumstances, you deserved some time off,' she pointed out. 'This madness all started with one lousy old—'don't speak ill about the dead,' I interrupted. I had enough of crude talk and disrespectful behavior. I just wanted things to be right again.

'Sorry,' she apologized. A silence stayed between us and I could tell she had something on her mind. I figured she didn't quite know how to put it.

'Spill,' I simply say, while taking care of an elderly lady. She had an awful cough.

'Can't you talk to him?' the young girl asked. The other two colleagues looked up from what they were doing, eying me curiously.  
Apparently they knew what she was talking about and eagerly awaited my answer.

Feeling utterly confused, I quirk my eyebrow up at her and the other two.

'Talk to who?'

'Lord Inui,' she explains. 'You are good friends with him, are you not?'

I frown, not entirely understanding where she was going with this. I tell the nurse to wait a minute before letting my next patient in.

'What exactly do I have to ask him?'

The young girl falls silent, looking a bit ashamed. I still don't understand what is they are talking about.

'Sakura,' Riku starts with an aggravated sigh. 'He has plenty of money and power. He took up a lot of our time, our bill is only half of what they ask in Konoha. Can't you ask him to make a generous donation? We could buy some supplies, some food packages for the village!'

I gape a second at him. While the other two stare at me, awaiting my response. Their eyes are full of hope. Even patients are casually looking at me. I could see the same look in their eyes.

I'm a little stunned to say the least. But I understand the urgency of what needs to get done.  
I nod, though not entirely sure how I was going to approach him. I thought about all sort of scenarios before his face appeared in my mind. Suddenly it hit me again how he made me feel.

I blush a little at the idea of seeing him and actually want to immediately jump into it.

'You should go tonight,' Riku point out. 'Tell him how urgent it is.'  
'It almost twelve!' I point out.  
'It is,' he nods but not referring to the actually hour. The last hours of this town were going in and something needed to get done. The bittersweet feeling overwhelms me again.

I'm was always helping a dying cause.

But it was true, something needs to get done and Inui might be the only one capable of helping.

'I will,' I tell them. 'I'll go tonight.'

'Before you leave,' the girl interrupt. 'The commander has been awaiting your return. You should probably go see him first.'

I let out a very tired sigh but nod once again.

Knocking on his door quietly, I await his answer. When I open the door he is sitting on his bed. I can tell his wounds have healed a great deal by the way he is seated but he still looks tired. Though his always angry scowl is still intact in spite of it.

'You wanted to see me?' I nonchalantly ask. 'Have you been well?'  
'I've been fine,' he gruffly answers. He seemed upset.

'They have a lead,' he immediately gets to the point which I'm kind of grateful for. I didn't want to have small talk with him. I just wanted to get this over with.

I almost wanted to blurt out, I know when he said that but then I realized Kakashi probably hadn't told anyone about his little detour to my house.

'I figured,' I simply answer. 'You think it is over?'

'I don't think they'll end up getting him and his little accomplisher.'

 _Little?_ _Did he know… I knew Haku?_

I tried to keep my face straight while trying to calm the adrenaline rushing through my body.

'I'll be departing back home soon,' he then starts. 'I'll be leaving with lord Inui's ANBU team, should the captain be able to catch them.'

I give him a small smile, not quite sure how to respond to that information.

'But they won't,' he repeated again. His expression was hard to decipher and his attitude made me feel uneasy.

'They won't get caught because they are working with someone, do you understand?' he starts.

I uncertainly shake my head, not quite sure what he was trying to do. Did he know I know or was he trying to lure me out?

'If you have anything to say, say it now,' he then says. He comes off as a little threatening. His dark brown eyes look more colder and distant. I could see the real commander.

'N-no,' I answer with staggered breath.

We both stay silent. Only a harsh look from his side is exchange. I'm pretty sure mine is still made out of bewilderment. I'm not quite sure where I stand on the board anymore.

'You know if you did your job, you wouldn't be in this mess.'

'Excuse me?' I reply. I don't sound as confident as I wanted. Perhaps it was because he caught me with the remark on a vulnerable moment.

'If you hadn't insisted on going out that night…' he muttered, angrily shaking his head to the other side.

'Who says he wouldn't have killed me too? What does my presence have to do with anything?' I retorted.

The scary thought suddenly planted itself deep in me. I imagined Zabuza killing me if I had stayed with the old man.  
I swallow, trying not to overthink his words and letting my emotions take over my rational mind.

'Maybe you shouldn't have left!' I venomously add.

To my surprise he answers with a smirk.

I don't know why but the reaction sends a chill down my spine and I suddenly realize this man is in on it and would've easily killed me too should I have gotten in the way. He's just playing out his role for the moment.

It was all smoke and mirrors at this point.

I take a few steps back and excuse myself. 'There is a… a lot of work,' I mumble while grabbing the door handle. 'I got to go.'

He doesn't stop me and his smirk doesn't faltered when I close the door. I try to calm myself down, noticing how my hands are trembling. I always thought Zabuza was demon… but know I question if being what you truly are in the open is as horrible as being able to hide yourself among others.

 _Immoral beast of men…_

I let my head rest on the door for a moment to gather myself.

* * *

I stand before a gigantic ebony door and red painted wooden walls, a shrill contrast to the poverty of the town behind me. A luxurious and well-built fence surrounded me. Even the garden looks too beautiful to be true.

Though I can't help but enjoy it. The fresh green grass, the small water-fountain had a calming effect. I felt so different when standing in the middle of these luxurious articles. As if wonder still existed.  
It had been so much closer than I thought.

I let the ANBU-agent guide me inside. To surprise they are not rude or unkind when seeing me. I actually get granted to see lord Inui quite easily, even if it is so close to midnight.

'Please wait here,' he politely says, while disappearing behind another door. I was standing in the middle of a huge hall. Red velvety carpet underneath my feet and rich dark furniture filled the room up.

It pained my heart that this was the reality of things. But it also made me more determined to get what I wanted. It gives me the boost my confidence needs.

When I see him appear, I can't help but genuinely smile. Inui has one of the few kind faces I've encountered over the last few weeks. His blue eyes sparkle when meeting mine and suddenly I remember our last goodbye. He has looked so grief-stricken. I hoped my words had had not missed their effect. …And I secretly hope we could pick up where we had left off.

'How have you been?' I ask him. My voice sounds strange, cheery. Nothing like it had sounded the past few days.

'I'm very well, thank you,' he smiles at me. 'I hope you have been well too, given the circumstances?'

He guides me to what looks like the tearoom.

'I have,' I nod with a smile. It falters when I remind myself why I'm here. 'Actually, I have been alright but not everyone can say that.'

He frowns when hearing my answer, sending me a worried look. He insist on sitting down before continuing and I get served a delicate tea my lips have never tasted before. The sweetness sends me somewhere far from reality. Until Inui says the question than had been hanging in the air.

'What brings you here so late, Sakura?' He sounds worried. His blue eyes looked more fragile. 'I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm sincerely glad to see you but it seems my company or wellbeing is not what has brought you here.'

I'm a startled at hearing that, immediately feeling bad about for the reason I'm here.  
I shake my head at him.

'No, I do want to know how you are feeling, Inui!' I desperately try to keep my composure. The last thing I wanted was for him to think I was taking advantage of the situation.  
'So please, tell me first how you have been,' I end with a smile.

His blue eyes clear up and on his stern expression makes way for a light smile.

'I've been very well. You and your team at the hospital have done an excellent job. The last few days I've really managed to rest up.'  
'That's good. And… mentally?' I ask, biting my lip slightly. It was such a doctor's question to ask but my typical woman caring mind secretly needed to know as well. I had to ease the nagging feeling inside.

'Like you said… time,' he nods. He looks a little sadder but it seems he had given it a certain place though it still felt foreign to him.

 _Time._

 _I couldn't wait for the time to come for Zabuza to leave… Ironically I also want to stall time for the village. I seemed to be at war with myself._

Snapping myself out of my thoughts, I sipped from my tea one more time before speaking up about why I was indeed here.

Just when I want to open my mouth Inui interrupts me again, making my perseverance crumble again.

'Have you been all right? No strange encounters over the last few days?'

I'm a little startled. The question came off as odd to say the least. He must've notice the confusion playing on my face because he immediately started to explain himself.

'Well,' he let out a nervous laugh. 'I was talking with one of my ANBU-agents and he told me that sometimes these "lockdown" situations can be taken advantage of. Since everyone is locked in, that means no one can get out to alarm anyone should danger approach. He told all sorts of horrible stories. You are a young woman, living by yourself…' He mutters a few inaudible words and slightly avoids making eye-contact with me.

'I've been fine!' I laugh it off, though I feel a tightness in my heart. I don't know if it is because of what he has said or because I'm lying to him.

'Of course, you have,' he answers, laughing it off as well. I see a tinge of redness on his cheeks.

'I'm afraid I got caught up in my imagination,' he admitted.

'You should tell that ANBU-agent to ease your mind, not drive it further up the wall,' I tell him with a wide smile. The idea of him caring so deeply for me… made me feel special.

'Agreed,' he nods.

The odd turn in conversation, reliefs the pressure that had settled between us. We start to finally relax in each other's company again. I feel like I'm in his room at the hospital again, were we're alone and we could talk normally.

Well, except for the looks we exchange everything is normal again.  
It's not exactly flirting… but I've definitely never looked at anyone else like this. His blue eyes were captivating and I felt a permanent warmth on my cheeks.

'I need to talk to you about this village… this little town,' I start. I keep staring into my tea. I'm afraid if I make eye-contact with him again, I'll forget my train of thoughts and what I wanted to tell him.

'We've suffered a great deal with all that has been going on. Especially because of the lockdown, trade deals have been missed out on and people are taking a loop around the village, even involuntarily. Rumor has that this place is better left avoided.'

He nods understandingly and I can see his more professional side resurface. He has stern look on his face. I can see how he's _actually_ listening.

'We need some sort of… compromise for all this loss.'

'What do you want me to do?' he asks, as if still not understanding where I was going with this.

'We need money,' I bluntly state.

'Money?' he echoes. I can't read his thoughts through his expression at all. He gives me a look I have never seen before.  
'Sakura, I don't own that much money to save an entire village,' he simply answers.

'I know but there must be a fund or something you can rely on. I need you to help us as we have helped you.' I emphasize the last words, making sure I was making my point clear.

He owed us his life.

Going through his dark raven hair, he gives it a thought. I see emotions of worry, doubt and uncertainty pass on.

With a sigh, he finally reveals his answer. 'I'll see what I can do.'

I smile and almost reached out for his hand but the next words stop me.

'But I doubt it. This town isn't worth much.' His blue eyes avoided mine.  
This time it was him staring into his cup of tea.

I'm too shocked to say anything at first.

'It has people in need in it,' I retorted. I felt upset. Angry. Why was the entire world so incredible cruel?

'I know, Sakura. But I'm leaving soon and this place... I'll see what I can do, remember?'

'I hope you remember,' I snap, getting up from where I was sitting. 'You owe me your life. The last thing you could do is give back to those who are in need! You've been fine sitting here but others have been starving!'

'Sakura,' he starts, a little taken back at my outburst.

'I need to leave,' I tell him. 'It's late.'

'Let me have someone to walk you home—'no, I don't think that is necessary. If this town doesn't matter to you, neither should I since I'm a part of it!'

That was my anger and proud talking, for once it didn't have anything to do with what I was hiding at home.

'Sakura, please,' he politely continues. I can see he's trying to calm me down but knowing myself, there was little he could say. I cut him off whenever he tries to excuse himself or his reaction and I try to leave without getting too rude towards him. I almost have to stop myself from pushing him out of the way. Eventually he lets me walk pass him and tells ANBU to not interfere.

As I walk out the ebony tall doors, his kind voice stops me.

'Sakura,' he pleadingly says. 'I will truly see what I can do,' he repeated again.

I just give him a short nod before taking off.

* * *

I'm exhausted when I get home. I can't bring myself to take another step further and so I let my head rest on the front door, gazing at my empty house that wasn't empty at all.

Upstairs I had a sick boy and wounded man. How I longed for some peace…

My shift was far from over.

Telling myself I shouldn't treat Haku differently because of how I was feeling, I forced myself to walk up the stairs to go see the boy. I halted when I stood before his door.

 _What if one of those agents had followed me here?_

I let out a sigh, getting tired of this game of hide and seek. Again I check all the windows, listen for odd noises to be heard and hope for no dark silhouettes to be seen in the distance.

I was so tired and emotional drained, I actually had to tell myself to not start crying.

 _Come on, Sakura. You're stronger than this._

I looked up at the dark hole of the attic. I knew Zabuza had probably heard me come in but he was the last person I wanted to see right now. I was just going to check on Haku and go to bed.

With a small knock, I enter his room. He's sleeping. I tilt my head, smiling at the sight.

The boy I had heard talking this morning didn't match the image I was seeing here. I slowly walk to him and feel his head. Still a little feverish.

His eyes flutter open and he gives me a smile.

'Sakura…'

His light voice sounds fatigued and I could tell he had to force himself to speak up.

I hush him and tell him to just rest. I take a look around and see he had obeyed and taken the medicine I had prescribed. He should be getting better soon.

'Did you manage to eat something today?' I ask. 'Just nod or shake your head,' I tell him when I see him trying utter the strength to speak up again. He shook his head.  
 _  
Well, I guess the food I had left for him wasn't exactly something he wanted to eat. Old toast and no spread…_

'I made you some tea,' I tell him. 'Lemon with honey.'

He nods, slowly getting up to take a sip. I help him drink it.  
'Careful, it's hot.'

I sound tired. My voice was getting raspy.

'Z-Zabuza,' Haku muttered, collapsing once I took away the cup. I tuck him in and caress his hand.  
'I'll go see him to… later,' I lied.

'Thank you, Sakura,' he whispered. His eyes looked glassy and grey. The redness underneath his eyes had yet to fade away. He looked so fragile and weak for the moment.

I put my hand on his cheek and nod, understanding how desperately miserable he must be feeling for the moment.

'Thank you for helping us,' he continued in a light whisper. I frown a little before nodding my head again.

'I know Zabuza is not always easy to work with but… he looks so well. And it is all because of you.'

Another smile I can't decipher.

 _No… this one is genuine._

'I didn't do much the last few days, Zabuza just needed some extra rest,' I answered. I felt bad for some reason. I didn't want Zabuza to get better. I wanted him to leave.

'Yes but he rarely listens,' he smiles. 'But you know that by now.'

I let out a hollow laugh. I can't seem to bring out any meaningful words, so I just nod and try to hush him into sleeping again.

'You don't know and I know Zabuza will not tell you this,' he started while pushing away my hand when I tried to hush him again. 'But you are the reason we'll have another chance…'

 _A chance of what, Haku? A life on the run? Of always bloody stained hands?_

'You really are an angel, Sakura.'

I think my heart shattered when he told me that.

I could see his loving eyes before fluttering shut out of pure exhaustion. _  
_  
Feeling more drained, I get up and try to leave him. But I kept staring at his pale face, peacefully sleeping in a safe bed. I felt torn up inside. I felt so close to my first feelings for him and I couldn't help but think about what Zabuza had said about those exact feelings…

 _He had said I cared for Haku because I felt lonely… And I'd be lying if I said that Haku's words had no effect on me. I did just feel less lonely…_

I even felt a little… loved by him.

I felt my eyes prick and hot tear escaped and rolled over my cheek. I wiped it off, hating how I was crumbling simply because of tiredness and stress. I wasn't like this. I needed to stay focused.

Quietly getting out of the room, I closed the door behind me and decided to freshen up before going into bed.

'Sakura.'

This whisper was barely audible yet to me it echoed loudly in my ears.

What did _he_ want?

With a sigh, I get up the shambled ladder. Tiredly I stood before the man lying on the bed, he was grasping his leg in pain again. I notice a pile of books lying next to the bed.

'You were in my room?' I ask him baffled by the realization.

'Yes,' he hissed, obviously not interested in talking about it. 'You need to take a look at it.'

'Your leg?' I'm surprised he actually is admitting to feeling hurt.

'I washed up, I think some soap got in to it.'

'You were in my bathroom!?'

The feeling of tiredness vanished and made room for stress and anger. Grabbing the kit with the disinfecting spray with a certain force, I then practically let myself drop on the bed.  
He gave me an annoyed look. I suddenly noticed he was wearing something rather decent. He had put on the hoari Haku had brought him. I don't know why he hadn't bothered to put on the rest of the fresh clothes on.

He was still wearing no shirt and had kept his ripped pants on. I undid the bandages around his leg. Strange, he hadn't taken it off. So how could any soap get into it?

'You sure are certain no one will see you,' I point out when I think about him being in my bathroom again.

'When I say it is safe, it is,' he snaps back when I get closer to the old wound.

'Well, just so you know, we still have that new counselor in town with his own private ANBU-platoon.'

'He'll leave soon.' Zabuza's tone was indifferent, as if he didn't care much about Inui's presence. I suppose a man like Inui posed very little threat to him. But still ANBU was ANBU. He shouldn't take it so lightly.

'He wanted one of his agents to walk me home,' I tell him.  
Grabbing my already hurt wrist, I wince in pain. 'I told him it wasn't necessary! I came home alone!'  
Hearing me yell out in pain, he let go. 'Good,' he muttered. I threw him a glare.

I rub my wrist before continuing my work. When I see the wound, I see some stiches got ripped out. He had moved around too much!

'You need to rest, don't get out of bed for no good reason!' I snap at him, sounding more angry then I should. 'What else were you up to today?'

This damaged couldn't get done by simply walking around.

He shrugged. 'Some light exercises, I can't just sit still and grown stiff and lose strength.'

I gape at him, astonished by what I was hearing. I roll my eyes and give him a shrug, I didn't feel like giving him a speech. I just wanted to patch him up and go downstairs.

'It will take longer to heal by doing stuff like that,' I explain, sounding a bit more calm.  
'I need to get out of here, remember?'

When I look at him, he just gives me a smirk. I shake my head and decide not to take the bait.  
Silence falls between us and it gives me the opportunity to properly focus on what I was doing. It looked so messy…

'He cares for you?' Zabuza suddenly asked.

I look up, wanting to ask who but then I realize who he was talking about. I think about it for a second before answering.

'No. He only cares for himself,' I coldly state. 'But just like everyone else he likes deluding himself and others into thinking he does care.'

Zabuza stays quiet. I don't look up to his expression. I just wipe the wound clean and put new bandages around his leg.

'Do you have any painkillers with you?' His voice sounds tired.

I had some in my pocket from back at the hospital. I take them out and hand them over.

'Need something to drink with that,' he says, nodding his head at the bottle next to the bed.

I let out a small sigh when grabbing it and hand it over.

'It should be water,' I tell him when he accepts the bottle.

He smirks and winks when putting the medication into his mouth and drinking it down with _another_ bottle of sake.

 _Tsunade is going to wonder what happened to my huge supply. She's probably going to think I have a secret drinking problem._

Or maybe she'll think I've finally picked up on her habit. Who knows, she might just get real proud.

I can see the blonde woman smirk proudly. The thought and memory of her, makes me want to go home and see her.

Zabuza snaps me out of it by speaking up again, noticing I had been lost in thought.

'Bad day?'

'Just a tiring one,' I admitted. I glance at the pile of books. 'Bored?'

'I took a few so I only had to take one trip… I need to rest, remember?' He smirks when using my own words against me. I respond with a tired smile.  
I didn't even feel like pointing out how awful it was of him to just pry into my personal belongings. I knew he wouldn't care and simply point out I had done the exact same thing.

'Was that everything?' I ask, desperately wanting to leave now.

'Did anybody ask questions?' he asked, coming straight to the point with a stern voice.

 _Another questioning... Another set of lied answers._

'Not really.'  
'Then why did you say that about the counselor?' he asked, making me realize he did not miss a single detail when it came to it.

I keep myself preoccupied with checking his other wounds to avoid eye-contact.

'I asked him for a favor… we are need of some food supplies. Things aren't look all that well for this little town. But I guess nobody cares about that.'

He didn't respond to that, his cold eyes kept staring at me questionable. I wasn't going to tell him about the commander's odd act.

'Is that commander still here?' he asks, as if reading my mind.

'Yes,' I immediately answer. I didn't hide my confusion about the question but he didn't bother to provide any further explanation to me. He simply ignored the look on my face.

He remained silent. Feeling uncomfortable, I averted my eyes from his and couldn't help but fidget a little. When I dared to look back at him, he gave me an odd look. As if it was him trying to decipher me.

'I'll let you rest,' I mutter, while trying to gather the strength to actually get up.

When he grabbed my wrist again, I halted, afraid he'd hurt me again.

'Please, let go,' I just said. I didn't feel like having another fight. I was too tired.

It's strange how easily you cave in when feeling weaker than usual.

'Did anyone notice?' he ask, pulling up the long sleeve to reveal the purple and blue bruise around it.

'No,' I answer. And that was the truth. I also think people had been a little too preoccupied to notice it should it had gotten exposed. I was wearing a black turtleneck to hide the bruises on my neck as well.

'You need stop doing that or someone will notice and I can't exactly say I got it by accident, _on my own._ '

'No more hurting you on obvious places,' he smirks, still holding on to my hand.

'You think this is funny?' I ask him, feeling a burning feeling inside. I wanted slap him again but found no strength to do so.

His smirk only widens. 'You're just fragile… You bruise so easily,' he simply said.

As if knowing, his other hand pulled down the collar. When seeing his fingers imprinted on my neck, he let go of my sweater again.

'See?'  
He almost sounded proud of himself.

'Yes, I know,' I monotonously answer, not caring where he was going with this.

When I try to up, his hand pushes me back down. Resting on my hips, I can still feel it holding me into place. I'm startled, flustered and angered all at the same time.

 _Not this again…_

Hating myself for saying it, I say it anyway. 'Please, don't, Zabuza.'

Ignoring my request, he places my wrist on his mouth. 'Not just physically,' he muttered on it.  
Shocked by his words, I remain seated and forget the urge to get to bed and away from him. I can't help but stare at him. And for some reason, I let him do whatever it is he's trying to do.

Pulling me closer to him, his eyes held a strange look in them. Something I hadn't seen in them before.

…Empathy?

'You act strong but… I was right, wasn't I?' he asked me. I could feel his mouth lightly touch the skin on my wrist. It almost felt like a kiss. _Almost_.

Could he tell? Was I this see-through to this man?

I fell something hot move over my cheek down to my mouth and on to my chin.  
Ashamed of the fallen tear, I wanted to use my hand to wipe it off but he kept holding onto my wrist and took hold of my other hand as well. I felt so powerless.

He then let go of my hand again and I felt it slither up my back. I let him pull me closer into him. Our faces come closer to one another. His brown eyes daringly looked into mine, not hiding his intentions.

I knew he was telling me what I wanted to hear, just so he could get what he wanted.

It was as if I was in some sort of trance, where I couldn't think clearly. I just wanted him to keep talking. Listening to him telling me how I was feeling.

He moved up from his slouched seated position. Putting my wrist down next to him, his face came closer to me. His nose touching my cheek now. I felt his mouth touch the wet spot on my cheek, trailing up. Closing my eyes at the feeling, I felt my body tremble. His mouth moved around a little, kissing me lightly here and there.

'Sakura.'

I didn't hate him saying my name. I hated how fragile I felt when hearing him saying it.

Opening my eyes, I'm met with his brown ones. I could see _want_ in them. _He wanted me._

A strange sensation washed over my body, easing the pain, quieting the loneliness.

Caving in, I closed my eyes and let my mouth touch his. I could still taste the sake on his lips.  
Hungrily responding to my action, he intensify our action by pulling me closer in. I place a hand on his chest to keep balance and feel his heart beat fast. It made me enjoy our interaction even more.

He was in no rush, tasting and exploring with a certain laziness that aroused me. I felt him touching my hair, pulling me in more deeply. My hand moved up his arm, resting in his neck.

We both enjoyed it thoroughly.

When I let go to gasp for air I dare to open my eyes again, meeting his. Clouded with a shared feeling, we just stared at each other for a moment. I could tell Zabuza wanted to continue, feeling his hand move down from my hip to my legs.  
I felt my heart beat in my ears. I felt hot, strange and confused.

I had never crossed this line before.

The line of something forbidden… A man I shouldn't engage with. A patient… A _murderer_.

I was rebelling against all of my moral codes.

When I see him lick his lips, my body wants nothing more than to continue but yet I don't move. The rational voice in my head refuses to get ignored.  
 _  
This is so very wrong. You're only taking advantage of me and my weakened state… because that's what type of man you are._

'I…I-I can't,' I mutter, getting up quickly. I move so fast he doesn't get the time to respond. I only see his blank expression when going down the shamble ladder, not saying a word to stop me. 

* * *

Comment/review!


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

* * *

 **Chapter X**

I couldn't sleep. I couldn't believe what I had just done. I had just let it happen… _What was wrong with me?_

It had felt as if I had been standing from a distance as if couldn't really get to me. As if it hadn't been real at all.  
But… I could still _feel_ him. On my mouth. His hand on my leg.

I closed my eyes. I dried off the tears that had been left lingering on my cheeks after my first breakdown.  
 _  
What was with me? Why was I this emotional?_

What happened to my fiery temper that couldn't be tamed? I had crumbled in front of the enemy.  
 _  
Have I lost my vision completely?_

I saw Haku's kind face. This had all started so innocently…

I turned around and buried my face into my pillow. I could feel my body trembling and I held onto my matrass a little harder. But I couldn't stop it.

I kept sobbing desperately.

* * *

I woke up with a headache, red eyes and a heavy feeling on my shoulders. With a sigh, I tried my best to hide the tiredness and took a painkiller to stop the throbbing headache.

I did my usual routine of checking on the young boy. He was slowly making progress. The bedrest was doing him well, gradually getting more color and the need to eat. He gave me another one of his overly grateful smiles which made me feel worse instead of better.

I closed the door behind me and stared at the shamble ladder standing before me. I was contemplating on rather or not I should get up. I was going to have to meet him eventually.

Yesterday night I had questioned myself so much... _My fiery temper._

The whole world is wearing a mask, so why couldn't I?

I might as well show him what I was made of. I might've crumbled but I was far from being broken.

I slowly got up the ladder, dragging my feet and muting the little voice telling me to stop. Halfway up I stopped, not brave enough to actually enter the room. He was still half-asleep to my surprise.

He opened his on eye. Staring at me, he kind of gives me bored look.

I simply stare back with a stoic expression. Inside however…

He looks almost human the way he's lying into his bed; on his stomach, hands tucked underneath his pillow. Almost looking as if he too was trying to hold on to something.

 _I doubt Zabuza ever holds on to anything._

'Do you need anything?' I quietly say, though I boldly keep my head up. 'Food? Drinks?'

He shakes his head, obviously still very tired.

'I'll be leaving,' I tell him. 'Please, the both of you need plenty of rest. Stay in bed for today.'

He doesn't respond but keeps his one eye on me. I just nod. Though its more to myself really, as if telling myself I had done a good job by checking on him. I was still myself and first and foremost, a doctor.  
I wouldn't let him take that from me.

Without another word, I leave. Proud that I had dared to show my face without showing the feeling of embarrassment.

Yet when my feet hit the wooden floor below the attic, I can feel a warmth release itself on my cheeks. I had kept a certain distance to make it easy on myself but to no avail, I still felt foolish and weak.

Instead of feeling better, I ended up feeling worse for some reason.

Perhaps that was exactly what was making me feel this way, I couldn't take as much distance from the situation as I wanted. It surrounded me, it was inevitable to escape.

I hurry out of the house. A long day is ahead of me at the hospital and I want to distract myself as much as I can.

Unfortunately the painful headache lingers on all day, draining me of energy. I almost crash by the end of the day. I take look outside the window, it is actually almost close to midnight.

Though I hated myself for abandoning Haku so long, I keep using every single excuse possible to avoid going home. Or go out and see Inui. I can't even simply _pass_ the commander's room.

I was trying my hardest to exclude them all out of my life.

But to no avail, seeing them all again at one point was inevitable.

Aside of all the thing going on in my personal life, the town was still a mess too. The fact that Inui had said he didn't know if he could help the town, had made him incredible unpopular among the hospital staff.

Or perhaps I hadn't try hard enough had Riku dared to say.

I had almost punched him for saying that.

And because of him, a venomous voice had settled itself in my head, adding to the chaos and asking me if I had indeed tried my hardest. Behaving like coward wasn't making me feel much better either.

But I just couldn't… I couldn't bring myself to go and beg him.

I held back a sob.

I couldn't deal with this all anymore. I was used to saving people, not being the victim in need of saving. And yet… I did feel that way.

Sitting at my desk by myself, I doodled on some papers. I was thinking about all the times I had saved a life. Sometimes men who didn't deserve it all.

I let myself wallow in self-pity and let the thought of me deserving to get saved by all this madness rampage through my mind.

Why wasn't the situation turning around?

I had lost the will to carry this strange mission on. I kept thinking over and over what had been said and had happened. It had all happened so fast… and I had gotten myself in so deep. Mentally too.

'Ahh!' I throw my pen on the desk, aggravated by the fact my mind keeps getting drown back to the same memory over and over.  
 _  
Those damn brown eyes…_

Burying my face into my hands, I tried to think straight again.  
I don't know why I was letting him get under my skin.  
I opened my eyes and tried to redeem myself, angrily telling myself I needed to stop this self-torture.

The hard-teachings of Tsunade suddenly came back and I managed to somewhat pull myself together.

Looking at the piece of paper I had scribbled on, I saw a name I had unconsciously written down.

 _Kakashi Hatake._

Had the time come to give up and try to find someone who still believed me after all this madness? And I could I still even talk to him with the commander being a part of the conspiracy? Had I missed my chance?

And by doing so… was I truly leaving Haku to his inevitable faith?

The ticking of the clock echoed in my ears. As if deliberately being louder than usual, telling me time was moving forward and I was standing still again.

I stared at the untouched plate before me. I was leaning on my hand, not even liking the food I had prepared. Well, it wasn't that bad. I simply wasn't hungry.

I moved the shrimp aimlessly around in my plate. I still hadn't heard from Inui.  
My colleagues had stopped nagging me about it, which only had made me feel more responsible.

Now I felt as if they too had given up on this town…

Again I tiredly rub my eyes, trying to calm my mind. I get up and take the plate and throw the food into the garbage-can. I clean up the kitchen, do the dishes and all my usual choirs before checking in on Haku again, who had been sleeping when I had come home. So far, I had avoided the attic and _he_ hadn't called me out either.

When I walk into Haku's room, he is awake and look rather well. His eyes brighten up when seeing me and I can see he's slowly recovering. I simply smile at the boy. I let the feeling of doubt about him disappear when being so close to him. I can't bare the idea for the moment.

We fall in our usual routine of asking questions but nothing to thoroughly. Enough to show interest but never get too intimate.

I ask him how he has been feeling, he asks me how my day was.  
I thank him for asking, he thanks me for taking care of him and his sensei.

I almost feel a like a fraud for asking but the feeling of care and love that lie underneath all the words were becoming too genuine to ignore. I can feel him seep deeper into my heart and hear certain words echo louder into my ear. All the despair of the last week, made me be aware of my indeed aching loneliness.

'Haku,' I whisper to his sleeping form. 'You can always stay…'

I knew the option was no option for him but I just wanted to remind him. He could stay here. Have a chance of a normal life…

 _Keep me company._

For a minute I imagined a simple life, aware that the boy without Zabuza would be completely different. I have to remind myself that I don't truly know him and he is holding things back.

 _But still… He's only half.. half a demon. There is still something human in him._

Knowing I could not avoid the man above forever, I decided to meet him head on again. Tiredness, anger and frustration made me bold and daring. One could suggest I was simply behaving desperate but for me it was to keep myself going and keep my mind sane. I choose to see it differently and refused to display what I was feeling inside.

I bring him some food and a drink, placing it wordlessly on the tiny table next to him. He had cluttered it with books. I felt a little blush creep in on my cheeks when seeing so many, knowing I had made notes in some of them.

Some kind of personal. Some a little silly. Sometimes looking as if I had failed to understand what I had just read, though I was probably scribbling it down as an idea for similar problems.

'You've been keeping yourself busy,' I quietly say when he makes room for the plate on the tiny table. He throws my books down on the ground without any care for them, something that irked me a great deal. I had always been careful with them…

Caring not only for the value in knowledge but the wise reminders that kept me sharp as a doctor. These were precious to me.

I let out a sigh, telling myself to not bother, to just ignore the fiend sitting in the room.  
Turning around without giving him much attention, I decide to go to bed early. Perhaps this time I would find sleep soon, though it would probably be out of pure exhaustion.

'So are you just going to ignore it?' he remarked stopping me in my tracks.  
I glance over my shoulder, giving him a cold look in response. But he is not impressed, not planning on avoiding the confrontation either.

'Is that hard for you?' he asks me, sitting up. He lazily slouches, grabbing a the drink first. His brown eyes eye me up and down, as if analyzing my every movement.

'I was tired… and behaving unprofessional and stupid—'bullshit,' he cursed. 'You've been unprofessional the second you took us in.'

There wasn't much I could say in response to that. Aggravated by his words, I felt my temper rise a little. I had to hold myself in to not lash out immediately to his behavior by screaming just what type of man he was. He'd be dead if it weren't for me!

'Fine,' I say with a huff. 'Yesterday was a mistake. I wasn't myself.'

'Is it that hard for you?' he repeats. I frown at his word, not understanding what exactly he was getting at with that question.  
'Letting go,' he explained, smirking at me. 'When your righteous feeling comes into play, you exploit it. Every move is meant to save, free or protect an innocent. But when it becomes personal, with no logic or thought, it's very _wrong_.'

Speechless, my only response was the redness slowly creeping over my entire face and neck. I felt my ears burn and my heart throb in them.

He quirked up an eyebrow, throwing me smirk. He knew so well when he was making me angry. 'Where you raised in an all-girls school or something?'

I realized I was seeing a part of Zabuza I had not encountered yet. The vicious played character that liked to see its victim's uncomfortableness before slaughtering it… Of course, I knew he wasn't going to kill me physically but… I did not want to hear his words either.

I could see him wanted to get to me again. His sharp teeth shone in the darkness. He could see my uncomfortableness.

I subconsciously took a step back when seeing the demon smile at me.

His last remark was still running rampage in my heart and mind...

I swallow my fear.

'I'm must've been delirious yesterday, that's all. Keep your childish remarks to yourself,' I coldly answer, my expression masking my voice. I tried to act aloof, make it seem as if his words had no effect on me. Inside however, I was crumbling. I hated how transparent my life apparently was to him.

'I'm not the childish one.'

Letting out an growl of annoyance, I snap at him. 'Was is this? Some sort of torture trough manipulation and exploitation of emotions?'

He let out a silent laugh, mocking my reaction. 'No.'

He takes the plate of food. Tasting the noodle and shrimp dish, he purposely lets me wait on the answer. Taking his sweet time, he even comments on how _nice_ the food is before continuing. He was purposely doing this and I simply rolled my eyes at him, trying to act as if could care less.

'I'm just ascertain a fact.'

I was starting to feel sick. I couldn't stand being near him anymore. _Just leave._

'Deep inside,' he said, licking his lips while eying me again and behaving in his usual way towards me, 'You share a trait with me.'

Shocked, I just blurt out what came to mind.

'You are nauseating.'

My words didn't miss its effect. I see him halt and momentarily he even stops the conversation, as if taken back by what I had just called him. Wiping the food from the corners of his mouth, he throws me an angry look. I can see him grit his teeth.

'Go,' he spat. 'Before I show you just how nauseating I can be.'

The promising threat was hard to miss, though I play it off as being angry and revolted by him, I anxiously move out of the room wanting to get as far away of him as possible.

* * *

Days passed by slowly. And sometimes I was amazed at how well I had learned to play a role. I no longer fell anxious, I no longer had to think of lying about something. The words just came to me. Quicker, easier.

Inui had ignored my plea and I felt as if the world was turning into one grim place. At home I had only a little bit of warmth to go back to. The tension between me and Zabuza was getting worse. I swear he was waiting for his moment to strike at this point. I had actually gotten under his skin with my foolish words...

He had gotten such a vicious look in his eyes. I think I drawn out the demon he had been hiding kindly from me. I felt stupid for thinking it couldn't get worse…

But above all… I felt so very lost.

 _Why was I even thinking about him?_

Because he once again had portrayed a vision of me that I loved to ignore. He might've been the complete opposite of who I was and what I believed in but he saw a part of me I didn't want to acknowledge. A much darker part.

I was slowly starting to doubt every decision I had ever made. I felt frustrated and sad and had even lost the nerve to make the next move.

I hadn't even dared to think about the option of Hatake Kakashi again.

'Sakura?'

I let out a gasp of surprise before looking up. 'Yes?'  
The startled response makes her frown. She gave me a worried look.  
'Dwelling again?' she asked with concern. 'You seem to be lost in thought a lot lately… Are you alright?'  
'I'm fine. What is it?' I respond, changing the subject immediately.

'Lord Inui is here to see you.'

I straighten my clothes and try to decent myself up, understanding the importance of why he was coming to meet me in person.

Should he reject my plea, I would have to argue to getting it my way…  
I gave myself a stern speech, _it didn't matter who he was, I wasn't going to take no for an answer!_

Suddenly all the draining emotions turned into fierceness. I might've lost a few battles but I refused to lose this one…

As the nurse turns around to call him into my office, he stood practically behind the door. She let out a startled cry before stepping out of his way. Wishing her a good day while passing her, he walked into the room.

I forgot how handsome he was.

Standing before me alone, with no men to keep him company or to discourage me to say what I wanted.

We both oddly stared at each other before I finally tell him to sit down. There is a distance between us. The comforting and kind feeling I felt for him had been temporarily frozen.

I was awaiting his response, I first needed to know if he was the man I had made him out to be.

'Sakura,' he started giving me a kind smile. His blue eyes were bright and I could tell he was feeling even better than last time I had seen him. He _looked_ so much better too.

'I'm sorry it took so long for me to come back to you.'

It almost sounded as something a lover would say. I had to fight of a blush and the twisted feeling inside my stomach. My emotions seemed to be living on a rollercoaster, going up and down without warning.

'I didn't mean for it to take so long but I wanted to give you a clear answer.'

I nod understandingly. _This also means he had bothered to talk to Konoha about this situation…_

'I have the news you want to hear,' he starts making my heart flutter. He smiles at my reaction, I can hardly conceal my feelings.

 _Finally some good news! Something good heading our way!_

'But,' he adds, emphasizing the word, 'there is something I want in return.'

'Oh?' I feel a little disappointed and fear a little what he is going to say next, his expression is quite serious.

'Well, there are two things, really. First I need you to spend this last evening with me,' he flashes me a smile. 'Please join me for dinner, Sakura.'

I can no longer fight off a blush and his smile is contagious. I avert my eyes and hide the smile behind my hand for a second before trying to simply keep a straight face when looking back at him.

I can feel it crumbling and feel a weight being lifted from my shoulders. I suddenly feel like floating and the sadden feelings of just minutes ago evaporate into thin air.

'And second?' I ask, trying to be serious.

His smile falters a little, letting me know that the second part was far more serious and important.

'I'll tell you when we have dinner,' he simply said. 'Don't worry, it is a… bargain for the town, really.'

I quirk up an eyebrow and it almost ruins my mood. But I can't fight the feeling of happiness.  
I suddenly feel like I'm bursting with energy. I feel like I could take on whatever was heading my way again. It wasn't just that the village was going to get what it needed, it was the fact he said he was spending his last evening here. And though, yes that did sadden me, this meant something else too.

The commander was leaving... which meant Zabuza was too.

And yes… unfortunately that meant Haku too. That thought did ache my heart.

But I felt freed from a huge heaviness that had placed itself on me almost week ago. I sincerely thought I was going to get flattened by it, that it was all going to be the end me of me.

I felt so relieved.

Inui explains he also wants to talk to me about some details like a list of most needed supplies for the hospital and what should definitely be included in the food packages.

I gratefully thank him and tell him he has no idea what he is doing for so many people. I bow my head while thanking the world for letting me know that I was wrong.

Good people did still exist.

When I try to shake his hand, Inui raises it to his chest and holds on to it a little too long. Eventually brining to his lips, he whisper he couldn't wait for this evening.

Flustered and slightly embarrassed, I smile from ear to ear. I stutter and behave like a complete idiot when he bids me goodbye. When he closes door behind him, I wait a little before letting out a victorious cry.

Humming lightly when I entered the house, I threw my coat on the chair and walked straight up the stairs. I had been thinking over and over on what to wear and realized I had nothing special to put on.

 _But then again maybe I shouldn't put too much hope on it… Maybe this was something rather formal and I was reading too much into it._

But I couldn't help myself…I felt my heart flutter and a rush of adrenaline speeds through my veins.  
 _  
Out of all the moments in my life… Well, how does the saying go?_

Your darkest hour comes before your dawn?

Yes, Inui most definitely was the sun I needed to make all of this darkness go away.

Suddenly the biting words out of the demon's mouth couldn't get to me anymore.

I couldn't help but smile at that. I took another relieved breath, feeling strong and confident again.

When closing my eyes I saw Inui's blue eyes before me and I had to suppress a giggle. Practically jumping instead of taking steps, I went up the stairs.

I dared to let my mind think of all joyous things to do when you go out to meet someone special. I hadn't get all dressed up in such a long time!

When my feet hit the wooden floor however, I freeze. Standing in the hall I had the instinct to go right, straight to Haku's room. I felt my heart sink again and realized there was still some hardship before me.

And there were some things I still felt uncertain about…

Letting out a sigh, I gathered my courage and walked towards the guestroom. Standing before the wooden door, I hesitated on going in. At first I didn't understand why I was feeling so guilty…

But then I realized, that in spite of all the good news today… I had yet to help Haku. Or figure out if he wanted my help.

And how much my heart fluttered at the idea of tonight, the situation at home would stay unchanged until further notice.

I didn't know how things would go from here on out.

I quietly knocked on the door. I smile when I see Haku's face come into view but it crumbles when I see who is keeping him company. Bored, Zabuza sits next to him. We greet each other with a stiff nod. His hard expression adds to the coldness in his eyes.

'How are you feeling, Haku?' I ask on a light tone, ignoring Zabuza.

I felt as if I had to keep up the appearance for some reason. Perhaps I just couldn't let the boy know just yet how close change was heading our way. I could tell he liked the way our lives were entwined with one another.

His cheeky genuine smile betrayed it.

Though I had been drowned in emotion the last few days, I couldn't ignore how he had enjoyed my company every evening. I talked about patients, people… And he loved to listen. At times, he would amaze me with his wisdom.

There was no denying it, Haku was getting better every day which meant this was all going to end soon...

My eyes glance over at Zabuza, who was acting differently around the boy. I bet he too had noticed how much Haku liked it when we were all together in one room.  
I was surprised to see him actually listening to Haku without being mean or rude towards him when he told me he was feeling so much better and perhaps could help me cook today.

It all felt a little surreal, as if we were all hanging on to an imaginary image.

Maybe neither of us wanted to destroy it all just yet.

'How has your day been, Sakura?' he asked with his usual kind smile. He was sitting up straight and was finally getting some color back. He looked good today.

'Good,' I answer with wide smile. 'Really good, actually. One of those high placed guys has decided to help out the village.'

I wanted to stay vague about who it was. Or perhaps I wanted to hide my excitement a little. I felt guiltiness seep in again. I shouldn't be so happy…

This was the wrong time and place.

'Which is why I won't be home tonight,' I stiffly inform them. I avoid Zabuza's eyes and focus on Haku's, who gives me a disappoint and confused frown in response.

'Why not?' he asked, not hiding the dislike of me not being here.

I bit my lip in response, doubting my decisions.

 _Maybe he doesn't like being alone with Zabuza… Maybe I shouldn't go._

'He asked me out for dinner,' I explain, not doing well in hiding my blush. I could feel my face burn.

'Isn't he a gentleman.' The snide remark was sharp and I immediately threw him a glare. This time biting my lip to hide my anger.

'Oh.' His childish innocence could not be ignored. Haku looked at Zabuza and then back to me, obviously a little confused. He gave me a fake smile, hiding his true feelings. 'Have fun, Sakura.'

'I'm going to get ready,' I muttered. I ignore Zabuza's smirk and arrogant attitude. I try to fight off the feeling of guilt towards Haku.

I almost turn around and leave but I had to know first. 'What were you two up to?' I nonchalantly asked, quirking up an eyebrow.

I tried to find the answer on Haku's face but it had turned into its usual solid porcelain mask that held no emotion.

'Zabuza was keeping me company.'

Slowly I had learned to see the difference between real and fake. Only now I saw how unconvincing his smile truly was. Zabuza's smirk only widened, making me aware he wasn't going to tell me the truth. I was also aware that Zabuza had years of training in hiding his intentions and feelings. I could never pick up anything from his expression. Rather he was smirking or giving me a cold look, I never knew what he was thinking or feeling.

'Oh, well,' I slowly turn around, trying to hide the defeated feeling. 'Have fun too.'

'We'll be resting, like you prescribed.'

Haku's gentle voice sounds almost angelic…

I look over my shoulder and give him a small smile, 'You do that.'

 _You'll need it. Who's know what is going to happen soon…_

In the bathroom I kept looking at myself over and over. I didn't like how I looked. And nothing seemed to fit. I fidget with my clothes again.

No actually, I had nothing to wear. I didn't go out much and well, the occasion of wearing something fancy was too seldom to spend money on too.

 _Oh, who was I kidding, this town didn't have any fashionable stores!_

I was being hard on myself again. Acting like a teen again. The skirt and the blouse were nice. Maybe I looked a little uptight, as if I was going to hold a speech at some congress but I didn't look like a complete idiot.

At least I hoped I didn't.

Feeling a little uncertain, I loosened up some strands out of my low bun, framing my face a little. I looked sweeter, kinder. I approvingly smiled at my reflection. Some perfume and I was done.

 _Try to enjoy this evening, Sakura._

If only I took my own advice more to the heart…

Deciding I had wasted enough time in the bathroom, I hurried out to go get the rest of my things before heading out. I let out a gasp when opening the door and see the large figure blocking my way out. I gape at him for a moment.

'Zabuza?'

Without a word he pushes me back in and turns me around, pushing my back into the wall. He quietly closes the door. He had a stern look on his face.

'Who are you going out with?' he whispered getting straight to the point of our little meeting.

'Lord Inui,' I simply answered. He knew that, didn't he?

'Why?'

'Because he asked me?' Though the answer is sharp it comes out a bit staggered, not sure why Zabuza cared and where he was going with this.

He looked at me, eying me in a blatant matter. I cross my arms and give him a furious look. I wasn't looking for _his_ approval.

I flinch when reaches out to touch my neck.

No matter how angry I got, he still had so much more strength then me…

'The necklace covers up the bruises nicely but don't move around too much. He isn't an idiot,' he simply said. Moving the necklace a little to look at his own work. The dark bruises had faded into yellow.

I pushed his hand away and put my collar and necklace back into place. He noted I had used to same trick on my wrist, covering it up with the sleeve and some bracelets. Again, I loosened my hand out of his.

'Well, I can't wear a scarf to dinner,' I snidely remark. 'Perhaps if you kept your hands to yourself I wouldn't have to cover everything up.' _  
_  
'If you obeyed, I wouldn't have to be so… _mean_ ,' he answered with a devilish smirk. A chill ran down my spine and I wanted to get out but he pushed me back. He liked these type of arguments…  
'Besides you don't mind certain touches, if I'm not mistaken.'

I threw him a glare before rolling my eyes. Why was he bringing this up again?

'Only you could consider taking advantage of someone as something as a good deed,' I bit out, while trying to move out again. He kept blocking my way.

'Get off your high horse, Sakura. Stop blaming everything on everyone else,' he spat back, getting annoyed with me.  
'Excuse me?' I snapped.  
'Yes, I did take advantage of you,' he answered with a proud smirk. He then turned more serious.  
'Just like everyone else would,' he then added. 'Or isn't _lord Inui_ taking advantage of the situation at the moment?'  
'By asking me out to dinner?' I retorted, feeling humored by his insinuation that he and Inui somehow belonged in the same category.

'Just dinner for now,' he snickers. His amusement fades away into something entirely else. Grabbing hold of my waist, he pressed me into him. 'Besides stop behaving like you didn't like it.'

'I didn't.'

We simply stared at one another. The electricity between us was hard to ignore and I questioned myself and my sanity for a moment. But like always, Zabuza isn't afraid. And he certainly doesn't back out.

'You know why you don't like me, Sakura?' he whispered, noting how I was still fighting off whatever was left lingerer between us from last time.

'Because you are a heartless killer?' I answered, trying to anger him so I could divert the rising tension of our current situation.

The sharp words had no effect on him. Not like last time at least.

'So you do see underneath the surface…' he whispered with a smirk, breathing slightly into my neck to smell my perfume.

He let out a sigh. 'Haruno stands for a hardworking doctor who dares to make a stand for all shinobi; good, bad, wrong, right, friend… foe.'

I didn't respond to his little speech, I had too much of a hard time to not respond to anything else he was doing. But at the same time, I was all ears. Every word echoing in my ear.  
'But only a small percentage of them ever gets to see _Sakura_.'  
 _  
He was just holding me, why was I feeling this way?_

He straightened up, our eyes meeting. Though he playfully kept moving around, 'You're angry because I saw a piece of you like to hide…' His breath tickles my face.  
'You always had such a clear view on everything,' he points out while putting the loose strands behind my ear. I kept staring at him, suddenly he had my attention and I was listening intently to every word he was saying. I couldn't move a muscle.

'You don't help them out of kindness, Sakura. You help people to fill the void. And deep inside, you aren't uncertain if you can make Haku stay. You know he would if he could, all you would need is for me to leave him behind.' He spoke with certainty and I couldn't find the words to argue back.

'But you don't know if you truly want that,' he muttered. 'You refuse to asksomeone like me. You don't beg, no matter how much you want it and you most certainly don't ever give in… Almost like you refuse to give in to all the other more human parts of you.'  
I felt a shiver pass through me as he looked down at my body. I felt his hand move around while his mouth trailed down again.

'People don't always do what is right,' he muttered, lost in whatever situation we had just created between us again.

'I don't want this,' I answer. I'm not even convincing myself with that tone of voice.

'Yes, you do,' he muttered, sounding almost aggravated. 'Which is why you don't like me. You don't want to give in to something that is insensible.' I could feel his mouth move against my skin. 'It all has to be right… Correct. Never… _immoral_.'

I want to open my mouth to argue back but again I can't find the words, so I'm left with my mouth hanging slightly open.

'Nothing too _personal_.'

He was getting a little too close… physically and mentally.

'Are you going anywhere with this?' I said, finally gathering the wits to simply push his face off of my neck. 'I don't believe I asked for the opinion of a psychopath.'

He snickers at my witty remark. He isn't angry nor does he hurt me in reaction, he simply loosens his grip. Slowly letting go of me and taking a little more distance, he gives me a certain look I couldn't quite place. It was almost as if he was playfully scolding me.

'Should you realize that we are all the same, Sakura,' he smirks at me, not hiding his intent in even the slightest way, 'I'm just upstairs. No strings, no indebtment.'

'Have you no shame?' I ask him in awe of his arrogance.

'No one does when it comes to greed.'

I push him off of me completely and with a huff I turn around and leave him behind. I can hear him mockingly laugh at me reaction to his words. I try to not let it get to me but the sting of his words was hard to ignore.  
 _  
Was I naïve?_

Did I indeed not want Haku to truly stay?

What the hell did just happen?

I close the door behind me and press my back to it. Trying to somewhat calm myself down and settle my thoughts. I couldn't believe what had just happened. _I hated him_. I hated how he made me feel and how much he relished on it.

Taking a deep breath, I tried to think rational but I couldn't figure out what he wanted to achieve by behaving like this.

A part of me simply concluded that he simply didn't take rejection well or perhaps…

I roll my eyes at the idea.

No, to him this was all a little game.

I frown at the thought, hearing him leave on the other side. His tall figure limping back to the attic or perhaps even back to Haku.

I felt my heart go at a normal pace again, knowing he was no longer around. I thought about it, feeling more freedom to do so now that he was no longer near.

He had _analyzed_ me.

I hit my head on the door, angry at myself for letting his words get under my skin again and hating the idea he might actually have a point.

Did I keep people at a certain distance? I had indeed not begged for him to let Haku stay…  
 _  
And I indeed did not have someone waiting for me at home… I did want to save Haku, I wouldn't be in this—what is he blabbering about, he would never let the boy go! He had been so keen on pointing that out every single time he could! But now he claimed he could, should he want to? Besides I thought someone was out to get Haku… You know what, I think it's Zabuza himself who can't take distance from Haku! It's he who can't stand the idea of the boy not being around, else he wouldn't be behaving so selfishly—what the heck am I thinking? This man was just toying with me because that is what he found pleasure in._

I stared at my reflection in my bedroom-window. I was having an argument with myself about Zabuza!

Since when did we both get so personal with each other?

Not letting him get to me any further, I got up from the door and continued to get ready for my special evening. But I was distracted, fumbling everything I got in my hands. It wasn't until I was out the house, I was able to give it all a place. Or at least take some distance of what had happened.

I didn't know what he wanted to accomplish by doing this.

Maybe it was because of that weird little thing going on between us.

Yes, it was nice and no it should indeed not happen…

I was just feeling lonely and desperate. He even admitted to wanting to do nothing more but to exploit that. He was a coldblooded demon who loved to devour every weak prey that crossed his path.

My feet kept going at a quick pace. It felt as if by leaving the house behind I could leave the thoughts and feelings surrounding both Zabuza and Haku behind too.

I was on my way to a nice evening. To something I could only imagine a few weeks ago. And now that it was finally happening, Zabuza had to interfere and make me think about my life decisions, my lack of relationships and my weaknesses. Was he so evil he had to ruin even things that meant absolutely nothing to him?

I tried to distant myself but his words about me not going for every option to make Haku stay had bitten deeply into me.

Shaking my head at it all, I halted when standing before the dark wooden doors again.

This time feeling more than just thrilled to enter them.

I blocked it all out of my mind. Telling myself Zabuza and Haku were taboo for the evening.

I had longed so hard for this… some kindness and attention. A person willing to care for you.

I felt a spark inside of me. _He was wrong, I wasn't afraid of any type of relation. I wanted this. I even dare to say I was looking forward to seeing this thing evolve into something more..._

Finally putting all the feelings of doubt aside, I confidently knocked on the door.

 _I wasn't going to let him get to me_.

* * *

Who knows what is going to happen next… Well, me. Sooo… expect the unexpected.

Let me know your theories by leaving a comment/review! Thank you for reading!

And a big thank you to everyone who left a review on last chapter! It really means a lot to me!


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

Note: Remember when I said you had a long chapter ahead of you? Yeah, I topped that one.

Warning: this chapter contains mature scenes.

* * *

 **Chapter XI**

I stare out the window. The full moon was lighting up the entire sky, making the garden look even more beautiful. It had rained earlier, which made the wet leaves shimmer in the dark and made it feel even more cozier inside. The fireplace was cracking and the warmth was most welcome.  
It was pleasant, charming and most enjoyable to sit here.

I take another sip from my glass. Even the wine was exquisite. I let out a content sigh, feeling almost serene.

 _Almost_.

I lose myself in thought for a moment.

 _Maybe I shouldn't enjoy this as much as I do… There are people hurting, hungry…_

I eventually push away the guilty feeling inside. I smile while nodding at his story, intensely looking at his blue eyes that had caught me so easily the first time I had seen him. I softened up.  
 _  
I shouldn't be thinking about anything... I should be enjoying my evening. Everything was going to inevitably come to an end. The fire would eventually cease._ Though I look at flickering flames inside the fireplace, I meant the havoc of the last few weeks. I stare back at Inui, feeling a little saddened this time.

 _Perhaps even this thing with Inui would end but…_

I let my mind wander and suddenly I could see myself finding a home in him.

The distance between us had disappeared completely and made room for exchanges of thoughts and even feelings. I couldn't always read him as well as I liked but he never bored me or gave me the feeling of indifference. He would listen intently to my ideas and thoughts, give me a caring look whenever I would fall silent and lose myself in thought.

He placed his hand on mine.

I gave him another smile, slightly blushing.

I grab hold of his. Our fingers entwine and I suddenly feel so very much alive. A part of me admits to missing this exact feeling. The feeling of belonging.

Suddenly I needed to know. Was this real? Was this going to last…?

'Inui,' I slowly start breaking the serene silence between us.

I stare into his blue eyes who never averted mine, unless out of shyness which only boosted my ego.

Please give me the clarity I need.

'What is it?' I ask him with a stern voice and expression matching it. I needed to know. 'What is the second thing?'

'Sakura,' he muttered. I could see he wanted to postpone the moment longer, slightly ignoring my stare. Emptying his drink before telling me, he first gives me another moment of silence which makes me feel nervous.

Zabuza's words came to haunt me, reminding me that perhaps he did have a point… the world did exist out of greed, want… _power._

I let out a trembling sigh, uncertain in which direction this was going to go.

'I don't know how to tell you,' he quietly started. He bit his lip, something I did too when I was feeling uncertain or afraid. 'I know you might not… like this idea.'

'Just tell me what is up,' I simply say, already letting go of his hand. He holds on by squeezing his fingers onto mine, showing me he wasn't going to let go so easily. His eyes widen a little when catching my reaction.

'Konoha proposed a trait.' His voice was clear, making sure I knew he wanted to be fair towards me and in no way wanted to lose the small fire we had just started. I feel a fluttering feeling inside me and if the heavy words hadn't been said, I would probably not be able to resist the urge to smile.

'They want you. They want you to settle back in Konoha.'

The feelings vanish and I feel empty again. This time I entwine my hand out of his, not caring about his resistance.

'Why?' I ask him, not being able to hide that I had instantly become upset with the entire situation.

'You are wasting your talent here,' he answered. I widen my eyes at him.  
'I'm saving lives so I don't think I'm wasting my time,' I argue back.

'I'm not saying that!' he started, getting upset as well. 'It isn't my idea, Sakura! Please don't be angry at me.'

I bit my lip while trying to calm my rising temper. I know deep inside, this is Konoha's deceitful work not his. Fidgeting around at first I then ease myself by drinking down the entire glass of wine before me. The aftertaste is bittersweet, much like how I'm feeling inside.

I almost snicker out loud at how melancholic I am feeling.

However the alcohol does ease me. I know a lot of the Elders are discontented with me being here.  
I am the Hokage's apprentice, I should be near her so I could follow into her footsteps. At least as a doctor.  
I have skills and ideas that are groundbreaking… But it would end on deaf ears and so I moved. At least I was useful here. I actually felt good about myself in this little town. I only got lost in the chaos of Konoha.

'I'm so sorry, Sakura,' Inui starts, dragging me out of the darkest part of my mind.  
I give him a bit of startled look, almost forgetting how he had made me feel just mere minutes ago.  
'I didn't know you'd be this upset… They said you were reluctant to come back for several reasons…'

'The way they train Shinobi, how they make ANBU do the most inhuman things… how they don't care about good or bad, wrong or right, innocent or deserving a second chance in life! Yeah, Inui, there are a few things I don't agree with!' I shout at him getting up from the table while venting my anger.  
I almost want to turn around and leave but he had gotten up simultaneously with me, making me halt my movements.

'But we are working on all of that now, Sakura.' His voice had calming effect on me. Perhaps it helped that he wasn't losing his temper because I was losing mine. He seemed to be upset about me feeling this way, which gave me pleased feeling. The mixture of emotions was difficult to understand. My rational mind reminded me one had nothing to do with the other. I turn my back to him, letting my shoulders hang in defeat.

 _Don't cloud your mind with your emotions._

'Please, do it for this town and if not… do it for me.' I could hear him walk closer to me, softly placing his hand on my shoulder. 'I thought perhaps if you knew…' he slowly pulled me closer to him, making me instantly relax in his arms. Our first embrace and I had my back to him…  
'If you knew that I would be happy having you close to me, that you wouldn't mind coming back to Konoha.'

'I do like being around you,' I admit out loud, letting my head rest against him.

'Then come back,' he carried on, making me feeling slightly aggravated.

It wasn't that simple. It wasn't that easy!

'I can't,' I blurted out. A heavy feeling weights me down and I almost want to break down but I compose myself, straightening my posture. 'I mean, I don't know if I can.'

'I would be very… _happy_ to have you around me more often,' he muttered. I could feel his lips moving against my hair, his breath on my skin. 'Just think about it and consider the possibilities… You could do so much more for this village too… for so many other people if you go back to Konoha.'

I let out a deep sigh. He slowly let's go and the almost romantic scene comes to an end.

'I need to think,' I tell him with a shrug. _  
_'Let's walk you home.'

I give him a distracted nod, not quite sure what to think of this situation.

The walk home is silent and the calmness of the night was rare compared to the stormy weather of the past week. It was almost as if even my surroundings had too ceased all its movements in amazement of the lack of scruples of Konoha's leaders.

I try to think things through, wondering what it is that I have to do in order to go back to where I had come from. Just when I think my old life is on its way back, everything gets turned around. Even if Zabuza leaves, even if _all_ of them leave… I can't win. I can't go back.

A sharp wind suddenly weeps through, making me shiver. Inui places an arm over me, to warm me up. The three ANBU agent's accompanying us stay as silent as the night, making me sometimes forget they are there. Yet I feel a little weird by the display of affection in front of them. But I let it be.

Out of the corner of my eye, I take a look at him. Inui.

I feel confused about my feelings for the man. He made me feel special. But the idea to endure going home simply to feel a feeling… I didn't know if it was enough.

The three agents are put on halt by Inui himself, saying he could walk me home for the next ten meters by himself, a light joke to ease the heavy atmosphere that had been lingering between us. I give him a fake smile in return, trying to not let the situation intoxicate our relationship again.

I walked in silence towards the front door, earlier this evening I hadn't thought about this part. Normally I would feel nervous at the idea of ANBU being so close to my house, of Inui being so close to the assassin of his mentor but I felt numb. I couldn't take any more stress, so I stopped worrying and told myself nothing would happen.

Slowly turning around to face him, I wait for him to speak first. Instead, he moves in a little closer, placing a loose strand of hair behind me ear. Suddenly a vicious little voice reminded me that it was the second time today that had been done but I ignore it. He leans in closer to me. Our faces mere inches away from each other.

'I really didn't mean to ruin our night together…' he mutters to me.  
I simply nod, knowing fully well he wasn't the problem. He was great.  
'I know that,' I answer, holding on the hand that was now resting on my cheek.  
'I hope we see each other sometime soon,' he whispered. 'Whatever you decide to do…'  
'I don't have much of a choice, do I?' I snicker with a hollow voice. I felt so drained of everything that I couldn't even feel the spark of Inui's closeness. I had to remind myself this was really happening when his mouth touched mine.

The kiss was slow, easy. It made my heart flutter, so it was everything it was supposed to be.

When we part, we stared at each other for a moment.

'I know you'll make the right one,' he said with a content smile.  
'I don't know if I can go back to Konoha,' I sharply answer. I don't want to waste his time or play with his feelings. I push down his hands, creating a gap between us.

'It doesn't feel like home,' I say while bitter memories came back to haunt me.

His expression changed. Eyebrows knitted together while a look of disapproval came into place. Obviously displeased with my confession, he squeezes my hands.

'You don't mean that, do you, Sakura?'  
'I do,' I nod. 'I really don't think I'll be able to put my feelings aside—'so everything I've done was for nothing? It doesn't matter what someone _tries_ to do for you?' His pleading voice was unbearable to hear. Even when angry, he managed to flatter me.

'Do you have any idea how hard I tried to find a solution?' he then asked, not believing what I was saying.

'I know you mean well, Inui,' I start, hearing my voice waver. I crumble when seeing his distress, knowing fully well how he was feeling. 'I can visit you in Konoha.'

He shakes his head, dissatisfied with my promising words.

'Sakura,' he said with a cold tone. 'Remember it was me who kept you out of trouble all these weeks.' He boldly stated. I'm a little too startled to say anything back.  
'I like you so much I risk my career and reputation for you… the least you can do is meet me halfway.'

I was stunned and I felt him let go of my hands. I'm shocked and suddenly it feels as if the ground was leaving underneath my feet. The charming man suddenly had become a very dark figure that scared me. I didn't like his undertone and though he meant it in the same way as he had said it before, this time I did not feel flattered by it. I felt threatened.

'I just want you to be near me, Sakura.'

The sweetness in his voice was unnerving.

Without another word, he turned around and walked away.

I take a step back in awe of who had been standing before me. I feel my back meeting the door and I press myself into it, hoping it would take me in this very instant. I just wanted to disappear at this point.

I watch him until he is next to the agents, who wordlessly leave with him. I keep my eyes on him until he is almost out of sight.

With a trembling hand I open the door behind me and quickly get inside. I feel my entire body tremble.

 _Zabuza was right._

He was indeed no better… Inui too had taken advantage of the situation by blackmailing me to come with him…

I swallow the bitter feeling and try to keep as quiet as I can. I place my hands before my eyes, not being able to grasp of what has become of my life. I can't stand the sight of this house, this once safe haven of mine… everything had been tainted. I felt disgusted by myself and the world.

I wanted to just… _disappear.  
_  
I fight back the tears but I can't stop myself. I let out a cry and I can't help but sob. I try to keep it in but the intolerable pain inside of me needs to find its way out. I try to cover my mouth and stop myself. When I hear a noise, I look up in shock. When seeing who was sitting before me, my eyes widen.

I wish I felt some sort of shame in front of him but I'm too caught up in my own despair.

Crouched in front of the liquor closet, he slowly got up. He wasn't wearing a self-satisfied smirk. His face was expressionless or perhaps the room was too dim lit to make out anything other than his sharp features.

I do however try to compose myself a little. Choking on my words at first, I try to get him to leave.

'W-what are you doing? Inui could've seen you.'

'You wouldn't have let him come in,' he simply pointed out.

'Those ANBU could've seen you,' I say while hearing how weak my voice was sounding. I couldn't find the strength to speak normal.

'They don't care about you,' he muttered while getting up and opening the bottle of sake he had found. 'So how was your evening?'

'Shut up,' I snap at him. I finally find the guts to move in my own space, in my own house!  
Though I don't make it very far, only to the kitchen sink to get a glass of water.

I drink it down in one take. I hear him move and walk to where I am standing. He halts behind me and I hear him drink straight from the bottle. He drinks with a certain greed.  
He then comes closer and places the bottle harshly on the counter next to my glass. Standing behind me much like with Inui, he places a hand on my shoulder.

I can feel him touching the back of my neck with his other hand.

'I rather be wrong about these things, Sakura,' he stated. 'But no matter how hard you wish for something, sometimes it never becomes yours…'

I didn't know if he was still talking about his earlier statement. I could feel his breath on me.  
Moving up my shoulder to play with my hair before slowly moving his hand back down to then lightly hold my waist before pulling me towards him.

I let out a sharp gasp.

Clouded by emotions, I let myself relish on how he was making me feel. I didn't feel like fighting it off. I just wanted to forget everything for the moment...

His other hand stays on the back of my neck and it takes me second to realize he's getting rid of the chain of necklaces that were slowly suffocating me. They slowly, piece by piece, slip down.  
Catching a few with his, he continues to hold on to me by my waist.

Moving from the back of my neck to the front of my blouse, he presses the few necklaces in my chest and holds me in an awkward embrace before surprising me with a gentle kiss on my cheek.

I stare at him out of the corner of my eyes, he's following a trail. Following the wet trail of my despair all the way down to my neck. I have to take a deep breath when feeling his mouth move so fervently against my skin, as if truly wanting to rid me of my shame and pain.

'Z-Zabuza…' I felt faint, holding on to his arms around me. Placing my hand on his, pressing it down on to my chest, trying to ease the pain inside.

I didn't allow any voices in my head to talk. Not even when he took it as a suggestion to unbutton my blouse. I just let him.

It almost felt like I was getting freed from all the restrains holding me down.

'We shouldn't,' I mutter when he moves back up. Pressing myself against him to make sure he understands that I was merely still holding on to my most well-played role, that of an exemplary, full of discipline, strongly holding on to her morals type of woman.

I wanted nothing more than to abandon her for the moment and all he had to do was continue.

'I wish I could believe in your righteous world, Sakura,' he whispers in my hair. 'But you hardly believe in it yourself.'

'I lost faith today,' I admit to him but mostly to myself. I lose myself in it all and let go.

I enjoy his little antics, letting him play with my hair and touch my body. His touch lingers on, leaving a burning feeling. It feels so wrong but so wonderful at the same time that I can no longer deny it to myself. I wanted—no _needed_ some comfort. Any would do at this point.

'Then we finally have something in common,' he remarks. Sharply turning me around, I get taken back by how he looked. Never had I seen the look in his eyes as clear as I did now. It was almost something animalistic that hid underneath his human looking eyes. Another part of the demon I didn't know.

Yet the only part I found myself drawn to.

His brown eyes look down to his two hands firmly on my waist. The predative look and the close proximity has it wanted effect on me. I could feel myself getting more drawn in.  
I watch him place his mouth on the aching spot where my heart was. Placing my hands on his head in response, I let out a sigh. As if finally getting something to ease the pain. I let him be, surrendering without a fight.

Everything was always a little suggestive, never missing the point he wanted to make.

And even after a night of getting compliments, the way Zabuza made it obvious how much he wanted me… it aroused me in a way I never thought it could.

Slowly making his was up, he grabbed my chin. His eyes stared into mine and I saw him smirk before finally letting our tongues meet again. Ignoring all the signals, all the alarm bells going off inside my head, I response with the same aggression.

It was intense and pleasing. It was almost felt like he knew how I liked it, as if he had read it in one of my books. Every move was needy from my part and greedy from his. His much taller figure easily took me in.

When I gasp up for air, I let my mind wander for second. Something I instantly regretted.

It made me realize someone could see us through the window.

I halt him, putting my finger on his hungry mouth. I almost want to bite my tongue and take back the idea of telling but the risk were a little too high and we had come such a long way.

'Someone could see us, Zabuza.'

When had my voice become so… sensual? I didn't even sound like myself.

His brown eyes bore into mine before he lets go of me. I adjust my clothing a little and shyly break our eye contact.  
Rubbing his neck, he let out an aggravated growl. Reluctantly agreeing with the matter.  
Grabbing the bottle next to me, he drinks again. His eyes stay on me, making me feel very aware of myself and how I am behaving. I realize I don't want to stop either.

He licks his lips while placing the bottle back again. His hand cups my face, giving me another undecipherable look.  
With a smirk he engages into another session, making me taste the alcohol in his mouth more obvious than before. Pulling back, my head was still spinning making me want to hold on a little longer. I let out a disappointed sound.

'Sakura,' he starts. 'Do you realize you are only keeping a distance in order to keep yourself safe? He asks the question on a light tone but his words get in deep, right into my core, entwining with my soul. It makes me tremble.  
Moving the few lose strands of hair again, he stays close to me. I know he isn't simply talking about what we are doing. He's referring to Haku, my life as a doctor. Everything I am.

'Why bother if it is human nature to crave _more_?' His nose touches mine playfully. 'But I'm no one, remember?' his voice sounds strangely appealing, like the sound of snake's tongue. 'In the attic I remain unseen.'

The insinuation was hard to miss. He pulls me up before letting go of me again.

'You know where to find me.'

With a shrug he moves away and gives me his signature smirk, liking how I was almost close to giving him what he wants. I have to fight the urge to move to my feet and directly follow him but my half awoken state makes it difficult to act without thought. Pointing at the bottle and then at me, he licked his lips in his usual suggestive manner. I feel the heat on my cheeks burn in response.

He disappears into the dark hallway upstairs, leaving me alone with my melancholic feelings.

With his presence gone I realize how intense our interaction were and how all of his little antics of the pass weeks were all ways to getting what he wanted.  
I suddenly grow aware of how much he actually _wants me_.  
Not just physically, he hadn't forced himself on me… he wanted me to want him. He wanted me to give in to his words, his _truth_.

Feeling a warmth spread throughout my body, I unwillingly admit to how he was right.

I then realize how much of the devil lived inside of him.

But his confession also made me grasp the idea that he too had once lived in the same world as I had.

He just got disappointed on much younger age then me.

I feel sadden by the thought a little. He knew human, he knew us all too well.

His words echoed in my ear. Though I knew had said it only to drawn me in closer, knowing I would cave in and fall prey to his willing hands, they had cut in deep.  
 _  
I don't want to dwell on it any longer._ I pushed away the wary feeling that came along.

I bit my lip when looking at the stairs, wondering what would happen if I…

I didn't understand why he was playing this little game of his but I couldn't deny it made me feel… empowered.

Even if I wasn't, I was taking up his time. I was the target of a very dangerous man.

I frown at the thoughts that sparked something inside of body.

Since when did this arouse me in some sort of way?

I tried to calm the adrenaline and strange sensations inside of me. I normally didn't feel this way, I didn't feel the need to engross myself with such a man.

Yet I take hold of the bottle, actually contemplating on why I shouldn't follow him upstairs.

I just wanted _to feel_. Something nice and… warm. Something I felt he understood.

I swallow at the idea, knowing that once I got up there I would fall victim to his words and never be able to undo the actions I'd make.

I block out Inui and my mixed feelings for the man. He meant well but I didn't ask him to do what he did. I didn't _need_ anyone to take care of me.

I just needed… I bit my lip when feeling the desire overwhelm me. Flustered, I try to retrace my steps and make sense of what is going on between us.

I didn't know why I wanted to taste the other side so much but I felt it was calling out for me. Baiting me.  
And my rebellious side wanted to evoke it by answering it without any sign of fear.

Which was one thing I could no longer deny. I no longer… feared him. Whatever was between us, was too intense to feel any other feeling.

Grabbing the bottle I walked towards the stairs. I didn't have to drag my feet, I just kept overthinking every step. I felt uncertain and foolish but a part of me was dead tired of doing what was accordingly done to others.

No one else did, so why should I?

I doubted Inui and I were ever going to get close in such short amount of time…  
Well actually, if being honest, I had hoped for a rather _special_ night with him tonight but it seemed things between us were a little too complex to take such a turn.  
And it seemed that even at great distance higher circles manage to ruin my personal life.

I hated the superior hold they had over me, even to an extent that they could deny me the most human needs I had.

Letting all the hate, fear and exhausting doubt go, I kept moving up the stairs. I see the act I'm about to commit as a final display of my hate towards all the injustice.  
I hated how I had been moved around as pawn. I hated fighting with everyone every single step of the way. Good, bad, demon, human.

So he wanted me in his bed? I might do the unexpected and let him have it his way…

Of course, the exciting feeling inside of me wasn't helping my clouded mind. And there was no denying I just wanted to feel it all again…  
To feel attractive, to trespass the boundaries with your hands and to speak without saying words. To just indulge into your own needs.

I bite my lip in doubt when standing between the ladder and the door of the guestroom.

No one would know of this hideous act but me.

I look up at the dark hole of the attic, feeling my entire body tremble in anticipation. I never felt so…. Free to feel so delighted by getting into bed with someone.

 _Because it is just like he said… no one would know. He isn't here._

Almost letting out a groan and grab hold of the ladder. As my feet hits the first step, I stop dead in my tracks when I think of who is peacefully sleeping behind me. I look over my shoulder at the door of the guestroom.  
 _  
Should I go check on Haku?_

 _He's fine,_ a voice hushes me. I stare the door for a moment, pretending to contemplate.

 _What about him?_

He isn't a part of this.

Not much more is needed before I climb up the ladder.

The wine from earlier was running havoc in my body. I almost lose my balance when entering the attic.  
I look up to see his brown eyes widen in response, as if a little taken back that I was here to accept his invitation.  
The hazy feeling of the alcohol is embraced. I walk towards him and when I stand before him I take huge gulp of the bottle in my hand. I wanted to be numbed completely of all the pain and feelings.

Or perhaps I was looking for an excuse I could use in the morning... Or just some confidence to pursuit this strange turn of events.

I actually found myself drawn to the man sitting on the bed. The hungry look was just as intoxicating like the alcohol, it made behave unlike myself. Without much thought I closed the small gap between us and told myself to stop thinking.

I reached out the bottle to him but he simply placed his hands on my hips, pulling me towards him. His nose nuzzles into my stomach and I feel his hands go lower, lifting up my skirt before pulling me into his lap. Straddling on top of him, I felt the same empowerment as before. And I found myself mimicking his moves. I lean in and when I see the look in his eyes, they almost held something grateful.

Not what I had expected.

It all slowly became a blur and my mind was finally silent and completely numbed when he pulled me in for a kiss.

We halt to gasp for air and he gives me a smirk when taking the bottle out of my hand and greedily drinks from it. Once satisfied, he puts it down on the ground.

'Enough of that for now…' He slurred. I almost dare to conclude he too was numbing a feeling but I dismiss the idea to even think about it for longer than a second. His hands won't give me the chance either, feeling them almost everywhere at once.

I haven't been intimate since… Well, a very long time. I childishly remind myself that I had been a lot more drunk than now. Something quite ironic, considering the man I had slept with then was nothing but a simple man compared to Zabuza.

Zabuza doesn't let me dwell on it all any longer. There was something about the way he did things that made me quiver, almost crumble right into his arms.  
My usual shyness disappeared and I dared to mimic his moves, noting he too had a sensitive spot in his neck.

Though I first felt like I was giving into the perverse demon that had taunted me for weeks, thinking I was slowly becoming one myself, I instead see someone far more human underneath me. His groans of pleasure, rather careful caresses and appreciative look when baring more skin to him, makes my uncertainty fade away.

Of course the growing hunger inside was also consuming me completely. I'd never been like this... Crossing borders, letting someone touch me the way he did.

But I'd be lying if I said it didn't feel _good._

Hardly undressed, he lies me down. Unlike what I thought, he isn't aggressive or mean. He's dominant but in a… pleasing way. His hands roam over me, making me arch my back.

He gives me smirk. 'You know how I long I've wanted to this?'

The whispered words gave me chills. I don't feel like myself when I realize his voice has a certain effect on me.

Grasping his hands to keep them still, I let out a small whimper to let him know.

'Ever since that skimpy little dress I first saw you in…' The confession was a little taunting, as expected of course. But I didn't irk me.  
Before closing the gap between us, he first placed some sloppy kisses all over my neck. Holding his head close, not wanting to lose his touch, I let out a sigh when I feel him move against me.

I had almost forgot about our first meeting. A memory of his smug expression came before me and I felt slightly aroused by the idea he has wanted me for so long. Or rather the first second he saw me.

He moves up again, looking down at me like a predator staring at his prey. I didn't know when my underwear ended up at my ankles but when he moved, I finally forgot to think.

Maybe it was the amount of time between now the last time or maybe it really was Zabuza's skills but I forgot everything and thoroughly enjoyed it.

Having to hold my voice down by biting my lip. I like how his brown eyes stay on mine.  
The rhythm was in his control and I held on to his wrist next to me while slightly hating the distance he kept between us. I wanted his mouth on mine.

'Z-Zabuza…' 'I've fantasized about this,' he muttered, slowly noticing how I wanted him near me.

I don't know what to say to his little confessions. I hadn't dreamed about this. I hadn't even dared to think about it. Ever.  
So I just put my mouth to good use by letting him understand I wanted this now, and it felt good. I feel him relax when we kiss again.

I feel myself reach a high. Noticing, he intensifies the movements. I pushed my nails into his skin and I can feel how he relishes on my reaction. I secretly admit to myself I find it damn attractive when a man knows how to make a woman reach her peak.

I don't know how long it took but it wasn't last long enough for me. My body was trembling and was literally begging me for more. I let out a few staggered breaths, reminding my raging body that I needed to recover a little.

I hear him hiss after he climaxes. Slightly cursing he gets off of me, holding on to his leg. I realize he has put too much weight on it and has strained himself.

Lying next to me, his hands have yet to untangle themselves with mine. We're covered in sweat, still half dressed. When I look down I only then realize my skirt was pulled up to my waist and his pants were still half on. A display of how it had been everything but a romantic encounter.

Looking at the man next to me, I see how his breath is heavy and he too is sweating. Satisfied, he gives me a smirk. I answer his with a smirk of my own, realizing that I had sold myself to him.

'You dreamed about this?' I ask, noticing my voice was still having a hard time. It sounded strained.  
'Kept me going when I was high on fever,' he answered. His hand traveled over my breast down to my lower abdomen, settling between my legs.

I wasn't myself at all when feeling how I responded aroused to almost everything he did. I normally didn't like dirty talk and to touch me there after… I let out whimper when he continues on.

'You really find me that attractive?' I whispered in his ear. He moves his head slowly, liking my breath on his skin, I feel myself shiver. Our eyes meet again.  
'I always want things I can't have,' he answered, kissing me again.

'I don't want to stop,' I tell him when we continue. 'Not yet anyway…'  
'Well, don't let my little aches stop you,' he snickered in amusement to my awkward revelation. We entwine again and when I can tell he can't, I turn us around.

He lets out a sigh when the feeling of earlier returns. Holding on to my hips at first but eventually letting his hands roam free again.  
I don't know what is happening to me but I feel different. Delighted by every touch and as if I'm finally freed of something I didn't know that was holding me down. And even though I never looked at him in that way, I did find myself attracted to his body. He was muscular… _strong_. I didn't have to hold back.

Letting my head rest in his neck, I try to hold on to the feeling a little longer before it flees my body.

Surprisingly, Zabuza does the same by holding on to me, even softly caressing me here and there.

As I come down, it dawns on me what has happened. I hold onto him a bit longer, feeling his arm and hard body underneath me. I try to cling on the fragment of the man that slipped through his demon mask. Though I didn't want to know him, I didn't want to lose him yet either.

Turning my head around, we simply stare at each other in silence. His brown eyes are kind of hazy and he's wearing a pleased, slightly arrogant expression on his face. I feel his hand touching my cheek.

'Don't overthink it,' he mutters, as if he's reading my mind. 'No attachments, remember?'

I nod, giving him a smirk in response to his words. Perhaps that was why I felt so liberated because I knew it would never leave these walls. It all didn't mean a thing. And I actually felt content about this absurd situation I had gotten myself into.

'And if you feel the need to forget,' he started, getting slightly up. I felt like a feather, hardly resistant to his strength. Ironically what I once feared, send shivers down my spine now. Not noticing my reaction, he grabs the bottle of sake. Almost like a gentlemen, he offers me to drink from it first but I decline.

'What are you trying to forget?' I sincerely ask when realizing that it was more than just the physical pain he was trying to ease.  
Putting the bottle down, he smirks at me before placing his mouth on mine again. Always thoroughly but never in a hurry. 'Don't worry your pretty little head about it,' he says in between kisses.

* * *

I was so cold. Shivering from head to toe. With a groan I open my eyes. It was pitch-black.  
It takes me a moment to figure out where I am. Though I have a blanket on me, I'm freezing.  
Slightly getting up from, I turn around to see a sleeping Zabuza behind me. He doesn't take notice in me moving and it seems his drinking has send him into such a deep sleep his shinobi senses had become completely useless. Seeing his half-naked form next to me, barely covered, I place the blanket on him. Getting up from the bed, I grab my clothes and leave.

I was still half-asleep and the alcohol made me feel very drowsy. I throw my clothes on the floor, grab a nightgown to put on and when I hit my own bed, I immediately fall asleep again, not even thinking twice about what happened.

Morning comes too soon and I get reminded that I'm still not half as resistant to liquor as others. I feel hungover, tired and my body slightly aches. Dragging myself out of bed, I force myself to take a hot shower to get rid of whatever was still lingering on to my body.

I try to be as quiet as possible. It is early and I want to leave before either of them is awake. Though I don't necessarily feel upset about what has happened, I want to avoid confrontation for the moment.

I prepare myself some breakfast while letting my mind wander about what to do about Inui and Konoha.

I still felt conflicted about the whole ordeal. I had been planning on going home for a short period of time, not forever.

I would miss this house too much to leave it behind forever. I would miss the people of the town.

Though I had actually been missing out on their stories and problems excessively these last few weeks because of others…

I suddenly see sharp teeth flash a playful smile at me.

Blushing a little at the memory, I only notice now that I'm not overthinking last night. I feel strange though, it wasn't like me to indulge in such a thing. Especially not with a man like Zabuza…

My mind reminds me of his own words, that our actions held no attachments.

 _It was what it was_ , I nod in agreement to myself. _It had been fun. It was exactly what I needed and I didn't feel guilty about it.  
_  
I smirk, feeling rather empowered and in control. Yet feel a frown coming up, making me doubt my own thoughts.

 _But maybe that was because my emotion weren't clouding my mind for the mere simple fact that they were not involved..._

I bit my lip. I'd never admit it out loud, but Zabuza did make some valid points from time to time.

He was my counterpart in every single way. _So maybe I really can learn something from him…_

The icy thought makes me question myself even more.

Perhaps it has to do with everything going on in the world. I hated how I had to pay for even the simplest of things. Kindness and generosity were taken for granted. Even after all of my hard work of simply helping and healing a wounded person, that same person wanted something from me in return. It was absurd and yet it was the truth, the cruel reality of our world.

Hence why such little progress has been made over the years and why the war just kept raging on…

I suppose I just felt the need to rebel against it all. Nothing ever came for free.

 _Except last night—_ 'Good morning!'

I'm so startled I almost drop my piece of toast and spill tea all over myself. I hadn't even noticing him coming down the stairs! He gives me a smile in response, amused by my clumsy reaction.

'Haku!' I sputter trying to stop myself from making a mess.

'Can I have some to?' he politely asks. He looks good. Well-rested.

'Should you be up?' I nonchalantly ask while cleaning up the mess.

'I'm tired of staying in bed all day. At least let me keep you some company while you have breakfast,' he answered on light tone. Happily sitting down before me, he asked if he could have something to eat.

'Of course!' I nod, smiling back at the kid. 'What do you want?'

I get him some toast and tea. It's not much but I couldn't afford to buy too much groceries when I supposedly was living all by myself, it would look too suspicious. Nevertheless, Haku's content with what he gets.

I try to act normal but I feel strange, as if I'm a little guilt-ridden by what has happened between me and his… _sensei_. I have to fight off a blush again when thinking about it.

Haku merely smiles at my nervous behavior. Suddenly he's wearing a frown and looking at something behind me. With wide eyes I follow his stare.

'Why is your jewelry on the ground?'

I let out a small surprised gasp when looking down and seeing my necklaces lying on the ground.  
Zabuza had dropped them last night when… It was hard to ignore what had happened against that part of the kitchen. I can feel a heat on my cheeks that I can't shake off, so without looking back I hastily pick them up while trying to ignore my memories.

'Oh, I, ah… here they are! Last night I was so tired…' I didn't have much of an explanation why they were there so I just mumbled a little before turning around and asking if he liked his breakfast. Hoping he didn't take notice that I was changing the subject, I give him a nervous smile.

'Yes, of course!' he answers while laughing at my odd behavior. His smiles falters a little and I can see his serious side shine through. With a rather gloomy expression he admits to normally not having breakfast at a table.

'Always in a hurry, kind of…' he mutters.

 _Always on the run_ , I clarify in my head.

It's an strange thing to confess. But he did that from time to time, filling me in on the little things.

I merely smile at the sight.

He looked so cute and innocent. Yet… I can see it in his eyes.

I don't know everything there is to know and he certainly is hiding a part of himself he doesn't want me to see. However, he wants me to believe that there is nothing more to him then what he is showing me. A rather endearing thing to do now that I think about it.

I remind myself there was still some kindness left in the world. It was just well hidden.

And sometimes there was even sort of kindness I didn't quite understand…

Last night could be reduced to nothingness, I suppose. But underneath I knew it held some meaning to the both of us, a mutual understanding of feelings.

Anyway, even that had come to an end already. And I realized that no matter what, it was all coming to some sort of end.

I don't speak for the longest time. Just watching him sit in front of me, enjoying his breakfast. Though we stay silent and enjoy each other's company, a weird atmosphere hangs between us. As if a biting question was urging to be asked out loud.

'Did you have fun last night?'

Not that one, though.

The question makes my ears turn red but when I remind myself of his innocence and the certainty there were still a few things he didn't know of.

'Yeah, it was alright,' I answer with a light smile.

I bite my lip, knowing I had to make decision about Haku. No matter how much I disliked the idea, Zabuza had had an excellent point.

It was I who was uncertain about wanting Haku to stay. I deed keep a certain distance…

'Haku,' I start. 'Why don't you stay here with me? I could ask Zabuza…'  
'I don't want to,' he answered without a waver in his voice. His brown eyes look with certainty into mine.  
'I mean, I love being here. And maybe one day we can come and visit you but I'm never going to leave Zabuza.'

Stunned, I blurted out the first thing that came into my mind.

'Why?'

'I need him and he needs me,' he simply answered. He gave me one of those undecipherable smiles again whenever we'd talk about something very personal or intimate. Family, friends…

'Zabuza doesn't need you, Haku.' I try to use a soft but stern voice, trying to make my point come across. However he seems unfazed by what I was saying.

'He does,' he nods. 'Who else would have saved him and brought him here?'

I stay silent, realizing he has an excellent point.

'Wasn't that his idea?' I try again.

'Not really,' he answers with shrug, grabbing another piece of toast. It seems his appetite has returned.

'You take care of him, huh?' I sullenly ask.

He simply nods. 'You know that, Sakura.'

 _Maybe you really do, Haku…_

I eventually send him back to bed and get ready to leave. I don't know if Zabuza isn't up yet but it's unlikely he hasn't heard either of us being awake.

Looking back at last night, I understand that Haku is perhaps right.

I didn't know the demon and what he was hiding or what was running havoc inside of him but it seemed Haku did know and wanted to make it right.  
And though I still believed he was simply exploiting to boy's kindness, which I tried to explain several times but just ended up on deaf ears, his determination to help him and stay by his side until the end was something no words of mine could change.

I was no match to his resolve, making it obvious he had made his choice long before I had entered his life.

 _Maybe last night was just the epilogue of rather turmoil chain of events._

* * *

When I walked into town, there was a lot more people up and running then usual at this early hour of the day. Even a few stores were already open. I see a lot of talking and whispering, making me quirk up an eyebrow. I get few broad smiles thrown my way.

Having no idea, I just keep walking towards the hospital. As I get closer, I see a huge crowd surrounding the entrance. Making my way through the crowd, I halt when I see what is actually going on. Something that had slipped my mind completely.

Inui was bidding the hospital staff and few of the villagers surrounding them, goodbye.

I can tell that even my evening out is a apparently known by the look on the faces of some of my female coworkers. I roll my eyes in response at them. Though smirking slightly I can't help but feel conflicted about how to react.

 _Word travels fast in this small town…_

I then see another familiar face. The commander. His expression is gruff and he doesn't seem to like the attention that he and the platoon are receiving. It is very unlike protocol but Inui makes his own rules, I suppose. I can imagine he wants to leave as quickly as possible, probably hating this little town by now.

Our dislike towards one another had remained, if not grown over the past few days. We had hardly spoken since our last conversation. Except medically wise about his slow progress in becoming more mobile. His recovery had suddenly taken a downwards turn but I assume they'd be able to fix him up just as quick in Konoha. The right environment was always more benefiting in recovery.

When Inui and I see each other we both remain professional, hiding our personal affairs from everyone else no matter how open they had already been made. In the end no one but us knew what had been said.

I wish him well and much success. He nods while reminding me in a whisper about the proposition and how it help so many people.  
I just give him a short nod while aimlessly looking around to avoid his blue eyes.

It stings to see the hopeful look in the crowds eyes who were thinking the deal had been sealed. That help was on its way.

If they only knew…

Feeling his breath tickle my ear, I widen my eyes in surprise to his closeness.  
'Don't forget what you mean to me, Sakura,' he whispered, squeezing my hand before moving pass me.

I swear it hurt more than it did yesterday. And this time around, I didn't have any arms around me to make me forget.

The fact that it now sounded a lot less selfish then yesterday didn't help my guilt-ridden feeling towards him either. Perhaps I had overreacted a little… maybe he was just passionate about making me want to come with him.

I felt a little bit of shame come over me.

The commander cold eyes meet mine and he gives me a smirk, as if he knew I had just been emotionally hurt. I felt torn between staying and going, between liking Inui and letting it be.

Pulling up a façade, I give him an icy stare in response while straighten my back to show my defiance towards him.

'I wish you well, commander.'

'Of course you do,' he snickers. 'You too, doctor Haruno. May you take care of many more patients as well as you do…for their sake.'

The dubious comment startles me. I quirk up an eyebrow at him, daring him to continue.

'Just don't _forget,_ ' he menacingly added. His voice sounded almost mocking, as if he knew something I didn't. _Or pretend I didn't know…_

I take a step back, understanding he was talking about Zabuza. _But how did he know?_

As he passes me by, much limping like his opponent, I put a hand on his shoulder to halt him. 'Can I now finally know your name, _commander_?'

Looking over his shoulder, he gives me a bored expression.

'Morino. Morino Ibiki.'

* * *

I ruffle through the cabinets. I let out a sigh. _I could've sworn it had been lying around here a week ago. Somebody must've moved it!_

I continue my search but to no avail. Glancing out of the window I see how dark it has already gotten. I want to go home _. Now._

Today had been the first day of my somewhat normal routine. No tiptoeing around officers or getting questioned over every single thing I was doing.

Even the atmosphere in town had changed, much more at ease and back to its simple habits. It was strange how weeks of strain could disappear in just a few hours.

 _All because of one or two people being around…  
_  
I have strange feeling of sadness come over me when realizing that this probably meant the same for the situation at home. And though I had longed for it, now that the time had come, I wasn't sure if I was ready for it. This morning… _Haku._

I would miss having him around,

admitted to myself.

'What are you still doing here? You came in so early, you should've left hours ago!'

Startled, I turn around in one swift move. When I see who it is that has caught me, I immediately relax again.  
'Yeah,' I sheepishly laugh at the young nurse. 'Hey, have you seen that special ointment for deep cuts and stitches?  
'The one we overused on the commander leg so he'd shut up?'  
I snicker in response, 'Yeah, that one! We're not out of it, are we?'  
'No, I don't think so… You should go look upstairs, I think we got tired of running down the stairs all the time,' she smiled.  
'Oh, right, thanks! I'm just going to go get it and then I'm out. See you tomorrow!'

'Why do you need it?' she curiously asked, stopping me dead in my tracks.

A simple, sincere question.

Yet a heavy feeling overcomes me. I hated this part.

'Mister Omori's leg isn't healing properly,' I quickly answered. If this experience had learned me one thing, it was how easy it was to lie and to keep on doing so.

'Oh… Doesn't he live like way out of town?'  
'Quick pass before I go home,' I hush her while walking away.

'Do you want me to ask someone—'that won't be necessary! Thanks!'

I leave her behind without giving her a second glance, hurrying up the stairs. When I pass the commander's room, I no longer feel tightness in my chest but the memories of what has happened here suddenly come to haunt me. I try to ignore everything that has happened on this floor and hurry to get the ointment.

Truth was, Zabuza's leg should've been better by now. I think deep inside I had purposely left it neglected out of defiance and stubbornness. I knew about the ointment but for some reason didn't bother to go get it, telling myself it wouldn't help all that much anyways.

And well, the amount of trouble to get the simplest of things had always been a good reason to stall it getting it.

Glad to be ridden of authorities, I finally feel free to move around again without explanation or reason.

Hopefully I could leave all the lying behind soon too.

 _But…_ I suddenly remind myself of the tough decision Inui has left me with.

If I go back to Konoha… More ANBU. More authority, more explanation, more tiptoeing around. No helping who you want but helping who is important to the country...  
No room for mistakes or temporarily solutions.

The now, why, go, stop… the commands would be endless again.

Just thinking about it made me feel the stress I had ran from years ago. I let out another tired sigh, one of many of the pass few weeks. But perhaps the most heaviest one so far, feeling my entire body tense up in response to it.

I stare at the ointment in my hand.

 _What am I doing? I should let him suffer…_

But I couldn't help but think back and blush at the memories of last night. I try to ease my conflicting mind, finding that I was arguing with my own inner demon who was always in need of saving someone in order to feel better.

The sooner he got better, the faster he could leave.  
It also would be less of a burden for Haku to bear.  
And a little less for me to worry about Haku.

In this dreadful world we called home, I found it all good reasoning in my head.  
 _  
Consider it a medicine for the more human part of the demon…_

* * *

Phew! I sincerely hope you enjoyed the chapter and noticed all of the undertones, struggles and emotions I tried to put in it…  
I didn't want scenes to be too explicit but I couldn't cut them because then it would've been all thoughts and feelings and that would've been a bit… boring, I suppose. Hey, this is rated M for a reason.

THANKS to everyone who took the time to leave a review on last chapter. I had one of the worse weeks of my life and it really made me feel whole lot better! So thank you!

And thank YOU for reading!

Don't forget to review/comment this chapter!


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

Chapter XII

Struggling with the paper bags in my arms, I somehow manage to open the door without dropping all of my groceries. While going home I realized we hadn't had much of a decent meal the last few days, so I decided to make a nice dinner tonight. _Perhaps I could prepare it together with Haku…_

I guess I wanted to hold on a little longer to what we had.

I had been overthinking our last conversation. But I had to conclude that this kid was truly so much more than I had thought he was and perhaps that was why I was so intrigued by him.

I also had to accept that even if he wanted to stay, I couldn't take care of him given the new circumstances. No matter what, I would have to go to Konoha at one point and taking him with me was out of the question.

 _But none of that matters,_ I remind myself _, he_ _doesn't want to stay._

My distracted mind doesn't even take note of the young boy waiting for my arrival in the kitchen.  
In just a moment he's standing next to me to help, startling me a little. Taking some bags out of my arms, he politely asks me how my day has been. I give him a small smile.

It's strange to come home and be so blissful after such a strange, exhausting day.

But if anything helps to take my mind off of things, it's our little routine of cooking. As we decide on what to eat, I hear some noise upstairs. The sound of water running. _Zabuza._

Babbling about small details and other things, we get started. Yet my ears never stop to keep up with every single noise happening in the background. I was a little uncomfortable, not quite sure how to behave when I'd see him again.

A part of me was easy with keeping a distance but deep inside… it wasn't my style to pretend nothing had happened.

When I head the loud noise of a door unlocking, I look behind me at the stairs. Zabuza appears in the hallway, obviously coming from the bathroom. He looks cleaned up and is wearing the clean clothes Haku had brought him.

I catch the smug expression on his face when our eyes meet. I can tell he's amused by how I'm looking at him.

 _Why bother… This guy relishes on me feeling uncomfortable._  
 _  
_I answer with a smirk and greet him with a certain politeness. He does the same but the aura surrounding him is new to me. He doesn't come off as threatening or mean. There is still a certain amount of… _attractiveness_ between us. As if we both kind of enjoyed having a secret together.

I don't think Haku picks up on what is going on but he can tell something is a little off, catching us glancing at each other. Zabuza manages to stay in character by snapping at him once in a while and I stay in character by putting him in his place. I don't know why he's bothering to stick around, he normally never cares what we're doing.

'You should go upstairs,' I tell him when he stars ruining our nice little activity together. 'Someone could see you.'  
'I know… through the window,' he sharply answers. I give him a certain look but he only seems to get more amused by it and even snickers at me.  
'I want to eat my dinner fresh out of the kitchen,' he tells me while moving pass me. I could feel his hand on my back when he looks over my shoulder to see what I'm doing. A gesture I'd normally react to in an outburst but I stay silent, telling myself to not take the bait.

I tell him it will be ready in an hour.

'Don't worry, Zabuza. We'll tell you when it is ready,' Haku answers on a light tone, after I snap at him.  
He only nods, not giving the kid much of a reaction. Slowly getting up the stairs, I see him disappear behind the corner and hear him entering Haku's room.

I give Haku a confused look.

'I'm feeling much better, so I told Zabuza to stay in my room. It's warmer and more comfortable there.'  
'You still need your rest too, Haku,' I sharply answer with a stern voice. I almost sound like my own mother when speaking. The thought makes me feel old.  
'I know! I know!' he smiles at my reaction while handing over the chopped vegetables.

'Thanks,' I mutter while my thought drift to Konoha. To home, mom, dad… Tsunade. My friends.

 _I hadn't seen them all for such a long time…_

I had planned a trip home but never with the thought of me returning there. It was such a downer on the excitement of going to visit. I might not be able to leave again… I look at my old wooden kitchen, the gloomy sight out of the window.

 _I might not return to this place_. I felt a terrible ache in my heart. _I loved it here._

'What are you thinking of, Sakura?' Haku kind voice snaps me out of my thoughts and I give him a surprised look. Was it so obvious that I was getting upset?

'Not much… just thinking about Konoha. My _other_ home.'  
'You miss it?'

I stir in the pot thinking that perhaps I was indeed missing it after all this time. Lately I had been a so emotional, I for some reason did crave something kind and familiar.  
 _  
But I had left it all behind with such opposite feelings...  
_  
'A little,' I eventually admitted to him and myself.

'Will you be going home soon?' he asks while handing over some spices.  
'Maybe.' Yet I didn't feel joyous at the thought of it.

'Do you miss having a home like this, Haku?' I sincerely ask, giving him a serious look. To my surprise he doesn't look away or avoid the subject.  
'Yes.' He nods with certainty not having to think twice about it.  
'But Zabuza,' I mutter in response, knowing he was going to use him as an excuse to leave.  
'He is my home, Sakura,' he answers making my head snap up in surprise.  
He doesn't seem to be hiding behind his blank canvas this time. I can tell this is the real Haku, he looks a little emotional himself.

'When I was all by myself, Sakura… he was the one who bothered picking me up and taking me along with him.'  
'Yes but he didn't do that out of the kindness of his heart,' I point out. 'He saw a good tool in you.'  
'And maybe I am,' he mindlessly answered. 'But at least I'm no longer out on the streets, I don't feel alone or scared when I'm with him. And I do miss him when I'm not around him… Isn't that what home is about? Isn't home a person and not a place?'

I quirk up an eyebrow, stunned by his little speech. It silences me completely and let my mind wander to who I consider someone home…

I had caught a glimpse of it in Inui. But now even that was a bit uncertain and perhaps even a little… tainted. I always imagined it to be free of rules and reasons. _Just home._

'That was beautifully said, Haku,' I tell him when coming to my senses.  
Finally realizing that perhaps it didn't matter what I thought and that the only thing that truly mattered was how Haku felt. And he felt his home was with Zabuza...  
 _  
And maybe it was, who knows…_

Yet it hurt. It hurt I could no longer give him the option to stay. I had to fight of the sad feeling building up inside. I felt conflicted, angry and confused.

Either I stay here and go down with a starving town or I go back to Konoha… which for some reason was just as bad in my mind but a lot less selfish since the only person who'd suffer would be me.

I glance at Haku out of the corners of my eye.

My idyllic idea of him staying here with me was gone.

 _Ha, I guess that makes Zabuza a better option than me… Since I'm no longer an option at all._

'I do hope we'll see each other again soon,' I tell him. Turning around with a smile, I frown when seeing his serious expression. Before I can ask if everything is alright, I find two small arms around me. Another speech of gratefulness is mumbled into my abdomen. Wrapping my arms around him, I just hush him and tell him it is going to be fine.

'Thank you for everything, Sakura.'

Dinner had been strange to say the least. Zabuza was different. I kept catching glimpses of what had stayed the unknown for the longest time. Maybe my vision was a bit blurred but…

I sometimes saw a bit more of a mild and kinder version of him. I definitely saw a teacher.

Like when he questioned Haku on his studies. It explained his sudden strange interest in my medical textbooks. I thought it was something to keep him busy but it turned out he read them for Haku to learn from.

And Haku was one quick learner.

I told him he could become a doctor with his fast ability to learn and his strange interest in anatomy. He was precise too, remembering important details of difficult subjects. I had to stay sharp in order to not bring shame upon myself.

I felt a little proud when hearing him talk, as if I somehow had something to do with it.

However, Haku told me he would never be able to become an actual doctor. He was nothing, a sentence that echoed loudly in my ears throughout the entire conversation. It pained me to hear him say that.

Also everything always had to be done quickly, there was no time to take your time in learning something. Haku had been an orphan on the streets before he was with Zabuza, meaning he was worth nothing to the state. And since he had no papers to settle down, he couldn't go to any academy.

 _Get what lies to be taken before it's gone._ I believe that was how Zabuza explained it.

I suddenly saw an entirely different world from mine and what I sometimes complained about seemed trivial compared to how they had to struggle to get certain things, which they in the end sometimes seldom got.

Teachings. Medicine.

A nice warm dinner.

I kept quiet, enjoying whatever it was that we had. I couldn't exactly say we were friends but I realized they had unavoidable changed my life. Haku certainly had.

I learned to not see thing so black and white.

Good and wrong.

It was all kind of a blur in the end.

Even the greatest innocence was a little tainted.

I could tell when looking at him, whatever he had left behind was far worse than the life he was getting himself into.

Haku insist on helping me do the dishes, however his sensei was a little less graceful and with gruff voice he announced he was going to bed. His own bed. I can tell Haku's bothered by the fact he's going to sleep in that cold room again.

When he passes me, he says dinner was nice. An odd compliment I don't know how to react to, so I only answer with a small nod and a stunned expression.

'He's stubborn! Says it too much of a risk...' Haku rants on. He was telling me with slight annoyance about why Zabuza insist on staying that attic, even though ANBU was no longer around..  
'And sitting in the middle of the room having dinner, isn't risky?' I point out.  
'Exactly!' Haku excitingly answers, happy to find a comrade in his argument. 'But he won't listen', he mutters while shaking his head. 'Though he should, if he wants his body to heal properly', he continues on.

'Don't worry, we'll fix him up in time,' I tell the boy, reminding myself I have yet to give ointment to him.  
'I know,' he nods.

We're almost done. Slowly putting the clod down, Haku gives me a bit of a shy look. 'Can I go upstairs?'

I hear some hesitance in his voice, afraid I'd be upset with him.

'Of course!' I laugh when I understanding he is asking me permission.

I only realize when hearing the shamble ladder that he wasn't referring to his room but was talking about the attic and keeping Zabuza company. He felt guilty about leaving me.

I silently continue to do my work while thinking about my rather odd evening.

* * *

Sipping from a nice cup of hot tea, I glance at the clock. _I should probably go to sleep_.  
Putting down the book I had been reading, deciding I was done for tonight, I snuggling deeper into my bed. I enjoy the silence and the warmth of the tea in my hands.

I had a hard time letting go of what had been said. As a doctor I had always found myself somewhere in between sides and it was hard to keep balance at times… but now as _just a person_ , I realized I was struggling to hold balance too.

A part of me wanted this to end and yet I couldn't bring myself to do anything drastic. It was all so complicated and fragile, it seemed too brutal to abruptly end it because it should be done.

 _Maybe I'd feel better if I know they'll be alright… Maybe then I can just move on without feeling regretful or worrisome._

I bite my lip realizing I had postponed to go see Zabuza and give him the new ointment for his leg. Looking down at my almost empty cup, I try to decide if should still go or not. He could be sleeping…

 _He isn't asleep yet_ , a sharp voice point out. I had heard him move mere minutes ago _.  
I wasn't attached to last night. And he wasn't acting unkind towards me either… _

Without thinking about it for too long, I get up from my bed. I put on a robe when hearing the wind howl through the house and thus reminded me of how cold it could be in the attic. I grab the little tin container and with a tight feeling in my chest I go up the shamble ladder once again.

'Hi,' I mutter when entering. Moving up from his bed to sit up straight, his gives me a small nod as a greeting. _  
_'I… I have something that could help your leg heal quicker,' I quietly explain.  
'Good,' he answers with a smirk. 'It's becoming kind of nuisance.'  
I didn't quite know how to interpretive his expression but I answer with a small grin of my own. The fact that he remained the same after last night eased the uncomfortable feeling that somehow had settled itself inside of my stomach. Perhaps I wasn't so well in untangling my feelings from actions as I originally thought.

Zabuza however was a hard person to change. He was still slightly arrogant towards me and still seemed to be in a hurry to leave.

'I need to start moving again. It's taking its toll on my entire body,' he started while rubbing his leg in pain. 'I'm getting out of shape because of all this _resting_.'  
I nod understandingly. It seemed that just like most shinobi he didn't seem to realize that he needed to be physically well in order to get be back at his best potential. Start training too quickly and you were worse off but try and explain that!

I let out a sigh at the memories of those before them, stubbornness was a trait found it in every shinobi.

'I've been thinking that perhaps we could partially remove some stitches,' I tell him while signaling him to take of his shirt so I could take a look at his other wounds.

Examining his wounds, I start to hope the ointment does its magical work because time was taking longer than usual. Most had but some hadn't healed as well as I would've liked.

'Maybe two more days but once the stitches are out the healing progress should go a lot quicker.'  
'I know,' he snickers in response.  
I feel stupid, reminding myself that he of course had gotten stitches before and already knows this.

'Haku's right, you should probably rest in a better environment…' I tell, averting my eyes off his body when I realized my mind wasn't behaving professional. I kept reliving last night in my head.

'The doctor approves,' he answers sharply. 'She put me here.'  
'Normally my patients leave after a few days,' I retorted.

I hand him over the ointment, 'This should help.'  
Grabbing it, he takes a look at it.  
'It's some kind of miracle cream that really speeds up the progress.'  
Reading it with a bored expression before tossing it on the tiny wooden table next to his bed. I stare at the little tin box for a second before giving him a surprised look.

'I went through a lot of trouble to get that!' I angrily tell him. That was a bit of a lie but still, I had to do things I didn't want to do to get something for _him._ Something that would _only_ benefit _him_ and no one else. I had to lie again to get it.

He remained unfazed by my outburst, sitting up straight. Eying me from head to toe before moving closer to me. Sitting at the edge of his bed, his brown eyes looked up into mine. I could see the same hunger in them from last night.  
A feeling of uncomfortableness comes over me when realizing that what had happened last night had crossed a border, something that couldn't be undone.

I swallow, wondering how to get myself out of this.

'You came all the way here to give me that?' he asks while his hand reached out to touch my knee.  
As I stand before him, I feel something go through my entire body. Yet I stand frozen on the spot.  
'It couldn't wait until morning?' When he speaks his eyes stay on his own hand, that travelled up.  
'You couldn't have given it me earlier this evening?' he asks while he places his other hand on my hip.  
I don't immediately respond.  
Pushing me to him, I feel his lips on my leg. Kissing me lightly yet leaving a fiery mark each time. I feel flustered and a little confused on how to react. I didn't plan on this. I didn't think of doing this twice…

'Don't,' I weakly say while placing my hands on his shoulders, to push him off. But Zabuza isn't easily fought off. Aggressively answering my plea by holding me closer and kissing me more feverishly, boldly moving my dress up. I could feel his thumb go over the lines of my underwear.  
'One little secret or two,' he says in between kisses. His breath is staggered, which has a strange effect on me. He moves his head up and when our eyes meet, I see something needy in them. 'Who cares?'

 _Nobody._

'I didn't come here…' I have to let out a gasp when I feel his mouth move further up.  
Why can't I talk? Just tell him no.

'Sakura.'

I hate it when he says me name.

Though it is still said with a certain harshness, I can hear a begging undertone.  
Pleadingly me to give in.

'I didn't come here—'Yes you did,' he answers, finally stopping his motions that were slowly driving me mad. I didn't know how much willpower I had left to walk out of the room without giving in.

'I didn't know how to behave—'you don't have to _behave_.'

A bold, arrogant thing to say. Especially with that perverse undertone of his.

I swallow again, feeling how I no longer felt disgust towards him.

His brown eyes went over my body again while biting his lip in excitement. Again I could feel myself get drawn in by how he did that.

In reaction, my hands move from his shoulder to his hair, something he enjoyed and let me know by groaning in response.

I reminded myself how much he had expressed wanting me. His snake tongue was becoming hard to ignore and I simply knew everything I'd say to object would be answered with a sharp remark. His hands told me how determined he was to get what he wanted.

Tired of waiting, he harshly pulls me in. Zabuza is daring, maybe even a tad bit perverse compared to others I've shared my bed with. Feeling his hands all over me before standing up completely to pull me in.

When our mouths meet, I give up.

Or rather I give in.

I give in into the soil ritual.

* * *

I stare at the wooden work, realizing this place needs to get some work done. It's old and cricked which is why the wind finds its way in so easily. The icy coldness on my skin is welcome for the coolness makes the sweat lingering on my body slowly cease and makes me catch my breath.

I take a deep breath to hold on to strange feeling that I suddenly held dear.

Letting out a sigh, I clutch on to the pillow underneath my head. I'm on my stomach, feeling his hand on my back making little drawings of nothing on it.

'I need a moment,' I tell him, still catching my breath.  
He doesn't answer with much other than a short hum of approval by his own work. He places a few sloppy kisses on my shoulder, making me immediately reminiscence on what happened only mere minutes ago. I feel his breath tickle my ear and his hand moves up to play with my hair.

It was almost a surreal romantic moment.

'Why?' I ask him.  
'Why not?'  
'What do you mean why not?' I ask him turning my head slightly.  
'What exactly are you asking me?' he asked in amusement. I turn around to face him.

I don't know actually.  
There is so many questions running havoc in my mind.

'Why… _this_?' I eventually mutter up a question that was fairly innocent compared to the rest. Perhaps the answer was simple and something I _wanted_ to hear.

'I believed I just said, why not.'

'I'm not special.' I feel like I'm on a high. I can hear myself talk without thinking. 'I don't have a certain body or look—'shut up,' he cut me off. His expression becomes bored and frustrated.  
'Fuck, Sakura, you're a little too old for this shit.'

Shutting me up with his mouth by giving me a harsh kiss, he proves his point by letting his hand travel down until he is between my legs. His crude language and explicit reaction added to his persona and it numbed my mind until I realized he had indeed answered my question.

 _Why not._

'I guess it is in my nature to make sense of the nonsensical,' I mumble against his mouth. He answers with a smirk and steals another kiss. 'It is human nature,' I explain.  
'I'm not human.'

The witty response and the arrogant expression made me temporarily forget what I was doing, something I deep inside longed for. I wanted to not deal with reality and I realized in this bed, I could do that.

Maybe I didn't truly believed it myself that I was sleeping with him.

'If you want me to tell you things you'd like to hear,' he suddenly whispered in my ear, 'you asking the wrong guy.'  
'I know,' I nod in agreement while trying to keep myself from stopping him what he was doing. Letting out a small moan, his mouth moves down my neck and I move my hand over his hair.  
I feel a little juvenile, as if I'm not quite sure what I'm doing. As if we were copying the vulgar things we've seen others do in books or movies. I'm not exactly at the age anymore were I can realize that it is all fiction and those things did not happen or feel that way in real life.

Yet it did in this bed.

Again, maybe I just didn't quite believe what I was doing myself…

 _Why can't I detach my mind from my body? Seriously, shut up, Sakura._

Suddenly he stops his movements. Opening my eyes in surprise I see him hiss before angrily looking down at his leg.  
'I hope that little miracle cream of yours works,' he mutters. 'It stopping from doing a lot of things I want to do…'  
I see him flash his teeth before letting himself roam in my mouth again. While I always felt as if he was being a bit needy, his movements held a certain laziness. As if he was never in a real rush. I let out a whimper when he stops and moves to his back to take the pressure off his leg.  
He holds on to it for second before deciding to grab mine instead, turning me around and pressing me against him.

'Fine, you want me to answer your question? I never thought I'd have doctor in my bed,' he snickers. 'A beautiful prodigy.'  
I smirk in response, knowing he somewhat meant it all sarcastically.  
'Normally the girls in my bed aren't as pretty and I have to pay them.'  
I nod my head in acknowledgement to how ridiculous I was being. 'Touché.'

Being so close, I take a second to take a good look at his features. He wasn't some handsome man that easily swept women of their feet just by giving them a glance but he had something… _dangerous_. An attractiveness all women felt themselves drawn to at one point.

'You're supposed to say something nice to me,' he points out.

'You're…' I bite my lip to hold my laughter when I can't think of anything nice to say without sounding sarcastic or being a terrible liar.

'Don't take too long.' His dull tone makes me cave in and I burst out laughing. I see him smile in response.

It's weird how easy you let down your walls when taking off your clothes. I'd never picture Zabuza casting me a smile just because he was seeing me laugh.

I bite my lip daringly making him quirk up an eyebrow.

'Fine, you're really _good_.'  
' _Good_?' he asks with fake confusion. I move up to give him a quick kiss that he response all too hungrily.  
'I'm a _demon_ ,' he says in between kisses. 'I'm not _good_ …'  
'You're ego is already big enough as it is,' I say when we part. 'I'm not clarifying anything I just said.'

'Should I get off?' I ask when realizing I'm half on top of him.  
'Your leg is just right,' he says while giving it a squeeze to emphasize what he meant. I'm quite small compared to his large figure, so I'm indeed not pressing down on him. I take look down his body noticing every other wound was healing just fine.

'What…' I halt, not sure if I want to get this personal. 'Where are you going?' I instead ask.  
'Can't tell.'  
'You can't tell me or you don't know?' I ask in confusion to his aversive answer.  
'Both.'

'I'm going back to Konoha,' I tell him for no reason. I wanted to get the burden off my chest and though Zabuza wasn't exactly the person to talk to at the same time I knew he wasn't going to tell anyone. I didn't really want anyone's opinion. None of it mattered.

It was all a done deal.

I was going back, no matter how much I disliked the idea.

'What do you mean?' he asks with a frown.

I don't know if he really cares or not but I explain the situation without giving too much detail about why Inui insisted on me being back in Konoha.  
'I don't get much of choice,' I angrily admit, hating how powerless I was.

He licks his lips before speaking up, a wide grin on his face. Placing my hair behind my ear, he sits up.  
'Negotiation.'

He made sure to emphasize every syllable the word.

'They want you,' he points out. 'You want things done, get them done. Do it by playing by their rules.'  
'I can't outsmart my—'they're doing it to you.'  
I give him a bewildered look, never had I looked at the situation that way.  
'You want to change the system? Get in and work from the inside out.'

He said it so determinedly I was a bit taken back. It all made sense but it wouldn't be as easy as he had just said it. But he was right, I didn't have to accept the first offer given to me.

'Well said but a bit ironic coming from you,' I point out. He could've been a great Shinobi for his country if hadn't scratched his headband and abandon everything.

'Why didn't you do that?' I ask him.  
'Complicated,' he vaguely answers while playing with a strand of my hair. He seemed to be lost in thought for a moment. 'Doesn't matter, it's too late.'  
'To go back?'  
'To follow my own advice.'

I didn't expect much of an answer but he surprised me with his sudden honesty.

'Is that why you are no longer obsessing about Haku?' he asks me. I feel his hand affectionally move up and down my back.  
'I wasn't obsessed…' I mutter embarrassed. Feeling a little upset, I tried to not let my temper get the best of me.  
'But now you're fine with him staying with me now that he can't stay with you,' he points out. His sharp tone cuts like a knife. I hated how he was determined to make me see it his way, rather I wanted to or not.  
'I still want to but it's no longer possible. I'd have to go to Konoha soon and then he'd be all alone…'

He stayed silent for a second before pushing my head to his. Our foreheads meet and I never looked deeper into his brown eyes. I realized how nice they actually were. Warm, soft… a little bit of a hazy look in them. A least for the moment.

'Sakura,' he breathed my name into my mouth. Suddenly everything felt so intense. 'Do you realize you are avoiding yourself to keep a distance from the heartache of losing someone…?'

I widen my eyes.

'Don't worry,' he murmured, his nose nuzzling against mine. 'I understand.'

Losing myself in him wasn't as complicated as the words that had just been said. I don't want to dwell on his words or his confession.

Yes, as a doctor I saw too much heartache and perhaps that did make determine to keep a distance of having to experience it myself.

When realizing the impact the words had on me I made sure no gap was between us and numbed myself completely by continuing were we had left off. Zabuza seemed to regret his words and mirrored my reaction. Not speaking up again, only when letting out a sound of approval.

'Can I ask you something?' I whisper in his neck. 'Was this all planned out?'  
 _  
Does Konoha have anything to do with you? Did they hire you…?_

'Why me, Zabuza?' I added, finally asking what I wanted to ask the first time.

'I didn't plan anything…' he answers catching his breath. 'It just happened.'

Getting off of him. I ran my hand through my hair. It's wet and sticking to my forehead. I feel shiver come over me when the cold of the wind hits me. I sit up on the edge of the bed, looking over my shoulder at the man I had just repeatedly had sex with.

 _It's just that,_ I reminded myself. _Just sex. Words meant nothing out of the devil's mouth._  
Yet again, I couldn't help myself. I guess… I felt quite lost in the chaos of now. Had I bared my soul to him? I couldn't shake off what he had said, though I could see he'd swore to never repeat them again.

I wanted to know a few more things before leaving.

'Is ANBU really as dirty as I deem it to be?' I finally managed to ask him while voices were slowly creating a chaos in my still numbed mind.

It was my final question. Was I safe with the commander waiting for me in Konoha?

 _Had they truly hired you to kill a man they couldn't?  
_  
'Much worse,' he answers without having to think twice about it. I feel his hand roam over my back but I shake off his touch. Getting off the bed, I grab my clothes. He doesn't stop me from leaving.

* * *

Today had been a blur. I had responded to a letter send by Tsunade that I would be coming to Konoha soon but had pleaded for her to not wait for my arrival to send help.  
I hoped she wouldn't be met with too much objection to the idea. I knew she would never willingly put so much pressure on me returning and approve to letting people suffer in the meanwhile.  
However I also knew the power the Elders held over her. They were a lot less concerned about human rights then they were concerned about political justice.

I had read in between the lines that Tsunade was in no way backing up this forced trade but it seemed she had no other choice but to cave into the pressure of her superiors. I'm certain they had something to hold against her, something that held their disapproval.

Yet I knew deep inside, she wanted me to come back too… just not like this.

I had claimed some people were in need of my help and that I would leave as soon as I could, in maybe a week or so.

 _Now I was even lying to people that were miles away…_

I felt tired of living this life full of… deceit.

Again and again I had to hear people complain about how our country was lead, how long it took for help to come and how false promises were the only certainty they had. It had been a tiring day, full of complaints, hurt and nods of understanding. All while knowing deep inside, that half of the truth was kept from them and it was much more grim and dishonest then they thought.

So I was more than happy to walk home. Especially because the last few days had been... _nice_.  
The genuine feeling of coming home was new but also kind of old, I guess hadn't experienced it in years that I had slowly forgotten how wonderful it was.

Even in the immoral scenario I found it in, it still felt so good.

It made me truly begin to reconsider my life and how I was living it.

Because as always, Zabuza's words were hard to ignore. No matter how much I told myself not to listen to him. He always got under my skin.

I let out a sigh at the double meaning.

His hands on my skin had become a filthy habit.

Four nights and suddenly it didn't seem as non-committal as I had first intended. It was nice to have someone around to ease the pain and take away the worry roaming in my mind by numbing it.

However it was the same person that made a few good points about me that I couldn't shake off.

It had all been kind of… hazy these last few days. Intense but enjoyable.

I was kind of in awe of what I saw in my own house. Realizing the complexity of Haku's and Zabuza's relationship didn't depend on abuse. It was more of a… bond. Something I couldn't quite decipher on how it worked or how on earth it ever originated but I did know I too secretly craved it.

But like Zabuza had said, I was avoiding the hurt.

 _Maybe that is why I am so reluctant to go back to Konoha…_ However, he had also said something that gave me strength, the idea of negotiating my return _. I could do what they want but they had to obey me too. It would have to go by my rules._

But no matter what,

I felt the bitter feeling inside overwhelm me, _I would never find myself here again._

I look around the empty kitchen as I enter the house. Normally Haku would be here to greet me. _He must be with Zabuza upstairs._

I didn't understand his way of teaching but Haku enjoyed it thoroughly. Obeying every rule and knowing texts word by word without complaint.

I frown. It was little too quiet though.

I walk upstairs, aimlessly looking around and listening for their voices but I hear nothing but an eerie quietness. Opening the door of guestroom I see the bed neatly made. Not unusual, Haku was very polite boy and would clean things up without being told so.

I quirk up an eyebrow when hearing water in the bathroom run. Without thinking I walk to the other side of the hall, knocking on it with a certain enthusiasm. 'Haku?'

For a moment I had worried about them not being here anymore.

The thought confused me but I couldn't dwell on it for long as I got startled when, with a certain roughness, the door opened up and revealed a-just-came-out-of-the-shower Zabuza.

'Oh!' I yell out, turning around when seeing he had just come out of the shower. 'Sorry.'  
I hear him snicker and instead of closing the door he leave it wide open. Glancing over my shoulder, I see how he gestured to me to come in.

I wait for a moment but realize he isn't planning on closing the door and remains waiting for me to come in. With a sigh I turn around.

'Where is Haku?' I ask when realizing he actually isn't home. _He isn't_ _ **here**_ _…_ I sharply correct myself.

'Out,' he answers. Staring in confusion, I can't help but notice how good he looks in the light. The dark of the attic left a lot to the imagination… I feel a blush rising to my cheeks. _Not now, Sakura!_

'You know what he's doing and why,' he adds, bearing a serious expression to emphasize the meaning.  
At least I never had to expect Zabuza to save me from harmful words or a harsh truth, he didn't care about such things. I nod my head in agreement and acknowledgment.

'Out exploring a good route?' I mindlessly ask, keeping my eyes one the floor.

'Yeah, my leg is good but in no shape to use the quickest route. A save route, preferably one that little to no one knows about.'  
I nod again. 'I know a few,' I mutter.  
'Little to no one,' he repeated.  
'You're not the first " _bad guy"_ I help get out of town,' I sharply answer, looking up this time. My angry expression doesn't faze him.

'Temper, temper, Haruno,' he smirks. Moving off the closet he was leaning against, he came to stand before me. His hand grabs my chin, making me look him in the eye.  
'You knew this was coming,' he muttered. Almost affectionately he puts my hair behind my ear. I can almost _see_ his eyes change right before me. From hollow brown to something entirely else.  
Though he doesn't give me much of a chance to think about it when closing them and put his mouth on mine.

Pushing me until my back meets the wall. I put my hands on his chest to stop him while trying to speak up but he doesn't listen and simply ignores my pleas. I admit to easily surrendering.

'You don't have to worry,' he says in between kisses. 'No need to be quiet either,' he smirks. 'No one can hear you.'  
With that he pulled me up, pressing himself against me. Just one taste and I got pulled into a frenzy, feverish craze that wasn't based on anything other than the need to feel comfort. Embracing him with a need of my own, I forgot everything I wanted to say and everything that made me feel lousy inside.

Abruptly stopping, he curses underneath his breath. He gives me a disappointed look to which I just quirked an eyebrow.  
'Your leg?'  
'Haku,' he answers with a smirk.  
At first I'm not completely sure what he means but then I hear a noise downstairs. Embarrassed, I just nod and tell him to put me down. He takes an agonizing slow pace to do so and playfully makes it hard for me to leave.

'Sakura?'

'Let go,' I whisper when I hear Haku coming up the stairs. His arms wrap themselves around me, as if giving me a big hug.

'Sakura?' Haku repeats, sounding a little worried.

'Let go!' I hiss, feeling my embarrassment grow. If Haku would see this… Well, I didn't want to think about it. Holding on to my hips longer, I push him off using my nails in the progress. He smirks only widens, finding my reaction entertaining. With a red face, from both anger and humiliation, I turn around and move out of the bathroom.

'Haku!' I smile.

Seeing me come out of the bathroom and seeing Zabuza's half naked form behind me, he gives us a startled look.

'Sakura was helping me,' Zabuza said before I could utter up a lie to explain.

I could feel my face turn more red. 'Y-yeah,' I muttered, trying to avoid his innocent eyes. It took all my willpower to not turn around and give Zabuza a furious look.

'Oh,' he answered, not quite sure what his mentor meant by that. 'Well, are you alright, Zabuza?'  
The concerned tone in his voice was a great reminded of how young he was and how he was still quite unaware of certain things.

'I am now,' Zabuza answered. I could _hear_ him smirk.

'I got something for dinner tonight, I hope you don't mind,' Haku then says to me with a smile.  
'Not at all,' I smile, grateful for that the subject was getting abruptly changed.

Though I frown when realizing what I had just hear him say meaning people would've seen him, talked to him. Remember him!  
'But where did you get it..?'  
'On the road to the next town,' he answered, using an easing tone to stop me from worrying. 'From a local fisherman…'

'You didn't pay for it did you?' Zabuza angrily asked.  
'You _did_ pay for it, did you?' I echoed on the same tone.

We give each other an angry look before looking back at Haku.

Haku's eyes go from Zabuza to me and back. He just let out a laughter that is unbeknown to my ears but makes me feel lighthearted. I can't help but smile in response to it.

'Don't worry about it,' he frivolously answers, not giving either of us the satisfaction of being right. Without much further explanation to where he has been, he turns around and happily announces that dinner would be ready soon to Zabuza as soon as I came down to help him.  
I smiled at Haku's excitement for us cooking together. We always bonded a little every single time.

But it saddens me when thinking it was probably one of the last times we'd cook together...

With a sigh I move forward only to get stopped by Zabuza again, who found it amusing apparently to mess around behind a young boy's back.  
'Don't you have any decency?' I sputter when feeling him grope me.  
'No…' he answers, kissing my neck. 'I do like making you angry…'

It takes me second to realize Haku doesn't have anything to do with this, he was just messing around both physically and mentally with me.

 _I guess he forgot who he is dealing with…  
_  
'You're feisty,' he growls when I push him off again. 'I like that, remember?'  
Knowing the perverse undertone was to set me off, I turn my head to see him wearing a satisfying smirk. I can see him frown for split second when realizing I was probably going to make him pay instead of complying to his wishes.

With a swiftness he didn't see coming I pulled off the towel around his waist and moved away from him. Walking away from his with towel behind my back.

'I'm in the _bathroom_ ,' he points out, giving me victory smirk, thinking I hadn't thought it all through.

I nod knowingly, halting a little, so Haku couldn't see what I was doing. 'Last. Clean. Towel.'  
As I emphasize every words, his smirk widens finding the humor in it.

'Don't worry,' I quietly say. 'You can wear my pink bathrobe if you want to!' I then loudly add, giving him a wink in return to his surprised but still amused expression.

I throw the towel on the floor before turning around. Humming down the stairs, I didn't turn around to look when I hear him curse a little. He calls me out once or twice, making me halt for a second but I mercilessly decide to ignore his pleas.

When I hear his footsteps come closer from behind me, I do stop, surprised by how easily defeated he was. Curiously I take glance in his direction only to see him grab the towel while being completely naked.

'He's right there!' I mouth soundlessly to him.  
'Boys,' he soundlessly answered, while shrugging to point out there was no big deal for either of them to see one naked.

I'm a little stunned but I can't help but laugh in response. Walking down the stairs, I decide to not acknowledge that Haku might see a shamelessly naked man behind me.

As get down the stairs, I get greeted by a smiling face who was placing the supplies on the kitchen counter. Still innocently unaware of what had just happened.

'You seem to be in a good mood, Sakura?'

My smile falters a little as I feel mixture of emotions overwhelm me. I had forgotten about my bad day completely. For a moment, I had witnessed a fragment of a life I that could never be.

 _I can't even imagine that this will be over…_

I nod while dismissing the longing feeling growing inside. 'I'm just happy to see you so well, Haku.'

* * *

Trust me when I say you'll want to read the next chapter…..

Comment/review!


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

Chapter XII

I quietly knock on the door, waiting for the muffled sound of his voice to tell me to enter his room.  
Haku greets me with a nod while neatly placing the extra pillows on the chair next to the bed.  
'I wanted to say goodnight,' I tell him, feeling a little shy suddenly. _  
_Haku gives me a smile in response while his shoulders go up, uncertain of how to hold himself.

'I'm really going to miss this, Sakura.'

I can see his genuine smile slowly fade away and transform into the one worn on his porcelain mask. Not to deceive me but to hide the hurt. I mirror him, feeling the same way.

'Me too, I can't believe we won't be able to make dinner together. I think I haven't eaten as decent as I have the last few days,' I mumble feeling kind of foolish for having such insignificant small talk with him. 'When it's just me, it a quick one person meal,' I go on.

Though I suppose underneath it all we both knew it meant so much more.

'You've given us a lot,' he says on a more serious tone. 'Thank you.' He bowed his head.

'Yeah,' I answer uncertainly, not giving more than just nod in response. I frown while in thought.

 _Though it hadn't start out like this. I had been reluctant to help Zabuza and wanted you to leave this life behind... It took me a while to realize that things were a bit more complex._  
 _I guess I've only started to understand since…_ I have to fight off a flustering feeling.  
 _  
_'I'll never forget and maybe one day I'll be able to repay my debt to you,' Haku continued, snapping me out of my dwelling thoughts. I nod again while realizing I'm kind of speechless.

I took hold of his shoulders, making him stand up straight. I take a good look at him, he's going to become a fine young man one day. He gives me a bewildered look but before he could ask anything, I pull him in for a hug. Tightly holding on to him.

He wasn't so little. So innocent.

But it didn't make me like him any less.  
 _  
I think I secretly have fallen in love with him._

His arm wrap themselves around me and he returns the hug, holding on just as dear to me as I did to him. I don't know how long we stood there but it didn't feel long enough.

'I knew you were different, Sakura,' he says looking up from between my arms. 'I knew you'd help us and see beyond it all. Zabuza didn't believe me but I knew! I knew you would!'

'I'm glad I did,' I admit out loud. 'I'd be missing out.'

'I saw it in your eyes,' he muttered. 'Your kindness.'

Flattered by his words I can't but smile, feeling myself glow from the inside out. I feel a prickle in my eye and a tear threatens to fall.

I don't know why I was feeling so emotional.

I feel a turmoil inside, flashes of what is and what is to come.

I didn't want to go back to Konoha, negotiate or even think of living a different life then one I was living now.

I let out a tired sigh, feeling drained by the constant chaos inside and around me.

'Promise me you are not going to be the exact copy of your sensei,' I tell him jokingly, trying to keep the conversation light. 'He's real jerk at times…'

His mask shatters, revealing a genuine amused Haku. 'Promise I won't!'

'Keep being polite, pay for things and help others!'  
'I will, I will,' he nods, giving me a squeeze to ensure me.  
'Keep eating well,' I continued.  
'I know!'  
I affectionally go through his long hair, giving him another hug before letting go of him.  
'Stay as kind as you are today.'  
'Promise!' he laughs, jumping onto the bed. I go sit on the edge of the bed to tuck him in.  
'Put blankets on people who are feeling cold,' I say while remembering our first night. Thinking back I realize that even then I knew he'd make difference in my life.

He frowns a little while placing his hands above his sheets and taking hold of my hand. He was acting a little juvenile but I didn't mind.

'What do you mean?' he asks while mindlessly fumbling around with my hands. I noted how they were still so small... I grab hold of them, lightly placing a kiss on his fingers. He's was still only a little boy, no matter how wise he came off at times.

'The first night you came in with Zabuza, I stayed with him, remember?'  
He gives a short nod.  
'It was so cold that night. You placed blanket on me so I'd be warm,' I tell him. 'Thanks by the way, that was very kind and sweet of you to do,' I smile.

'But I didn't do that.'

Startled by his words, I quirk up an eyebrow. I look up to see his serious expression that seemed to be a little amused at the same time. He gives me somewhat of a smirk.

'Then who…?' I fell silent when realizing who had done the _very kind and sweet_ gesture.

'Despite being quite stubborn to admitting he is not always right…' he explains with a broad smile, 'He did give me acknowledgement of you being trustworthy eventually.'

At first I don't respond to him laughing at the memory of just a few weeks ago. Eventually I do smile along, though feeling still quite confused. I guess I was a little shocked at the revelation.  
It seemed Haku knew Zabuza quite well, perhaps better than I thought he did.

And obviously much better than I knew him. _Until this day I'd still didn't think he was capable of..._ _well, maybe a little,_ I admitted to myself.

I didn't deem it as impossible like as I once had. Very unlikely but not impossible.

I didn't quite know how to respond to it all, so I just kind of left it ignored. But it seemed Haku wasn't planning on avoiding the hard parts.

'I also want to thank you in his place,' he continued, being more serious again. 'He trusts you.'

The hushed words added made me quiet. I knew those words had a deeper meaning than the simple thank you.  
Zabuza didn't trust anyone. Maybe only Haku but I doubted he even fully did that. I understood I managed to also get a fraction of something rather rare.

 _And I hadn't even wanted it…_

I guess I had somewhat conquered the beast inside him, daring him to depend on my goodwill. I had proven him his wrong. I nod understandingly, suddenly knowing quite well what Haku was trying to tell me.

'I always kind of hoped for you to stay but I know it isn't all that simple,' I start. 'I do however still hope you'll end up living a different life than Zabuza.'

'Like I said, he's everything I have Sakura… But _you_ have become a part of me too,' he said, emphasizing that I had somehow ended up making a difference.

'Don't turn out like him, Haku,' I repeat, feeling my heart grow heavy. I didn't want him to go through this for the rest of his life. Hiding, lying, cheating… _killing_.

'I'll try,' he muttered while looking down to our hands. He childishly avoided my eyes while I could _hear_ him lie making me doubt his age again. Sometimes he seemed fully grown, other times he was just boy keen on not disappointing anyone.

'Have you ever…' I swallow my fear and ban the words planted by Zabuza in my head. I wanted to know the real truth. 'Have you ever _hurt_ someone, Haku?'

The silence seemed to last an eternity, our minds only being kept awake by the wind howling through the wooden creaks of the house while making the small windows tremble in response.

I felt my hands shake into his.

'Not because I wanted to,' he whispered.

When I looked up I saw a sadden, almost scared, Haku. The little boy had taken off his mask completely. 'You remind me of my mother, Sakura.'

It came out of the blue, for him too, I could tell. I didn't say know what to say, so I just stayed quiet.

I feel a hot tear roll over my cheeks, sadden to hear his confession, knowing deep inside the past of Haku was much darker than his future could ever be.

'She knew me, she knew I wasn't bad… Just like you know too.' A melancholic smile appeared on his face.

* * *

It was raining again. I stare out the window, feeling quite tired despite the rather early hour. Haku's words had cut like knife. Each one had been carved into my heart and soul. It hadn't let go of me for one split second, making me feel vulnerable and confused.

My imagination kept making up scenario's trying to make sense of the situation. Sometimes I thought back to some story I had read in the paper, horrifying me while easing my troublesome mind that I was better off then some.

What if Haku was one of them? I knew how cruel they could be in Kirigakure… I knew there had been a constant poverty in the lower class circles for more than over two decades.

There were so many boys like him, living in the streets, maybe abandoned, traumatized…

I get surprised when I hear the door open behind me. When I see Zabuza, I just give him a nod. I squeeze into the wood of the chair I was leaning on. I kept my eyes on my paperwork for a few moments before looking over my shoulder.

 _Were you also one of those boys, Zabuza…?_

I see him walk towards me but turn my head back, pretending I was reading something.

'I have to fill in some paperwork,' I muttered.  
I got ignored as I felt his arms snake around my body. His chin rested on my head for a second before pushing it to the side so he'd have access to my neck. I let out a sigh when I feel his lips.

'Not now,' I muttered while trying to grab hold of one of his hands that seemed to be everywhere at once. It felt as if my body was in slow-motion, I couldn't keep up with his movements.  
'I thought you'd come up quicker,' he whispered in my ear. 'But you decided to keep me waiting…'  
'That's not it,' I mumble, feeling myself lose the battle.  
He ignores my words again, continuing on to win me over. But the nagging feeling inside wasn't hushed by his touch this time. Abruptly turning around to face him, he gives me a smirk before trying to kiss me. He quirks up an eyebrow when I put a finger on his mouth.

'It was a joke, Sakura,' he muttered, thinking this was about our little teasing earlier today. Putting my finger in his mouth while pushing me against the desk, I tell him to stop while trying to ignore the flustering feeling growing inside. When he doesn't listen, I push him off of me quite aggressively.

I gasp for air as if my lungs couldn't breathe on their own anymore. I felt panic rush over me.

 _Lie to me,_ I tell him in my mind.

Intrigued by my strange behavior, Zabuza does stop giving me a look in return.  
 _  
Tell me he's going to be alright, that you'll take good care of him_ , I beg him breathlessly in silence.  
Panic, fear… it was slowly paralyzing me. _I still want to save him! I don't know if I want this to come to an end…  
_  
My eyes bore into his dark brown ones.  
 _  
Be lost at a loss for words for a moment and ask me what this_ nonsense _is?_

Zabuza's doesn't respond to my unspoken questions and made up conversation. But even without any words said, I could see him slowly turn angry for being emotionally dependable on him. He wasn't here to tell me things I wanted to hear. He didn't want anything from me other than the warmth of my body. And I knew that all too well.

I didn't want him to leave either.

Grabbing hold of his face, I let our foreheads meet, the gestured calmed him.

Hoping I could see a glimpse of his humanness in his brown eyes, I confessed. 'It's too late,' I whisper. 'I _care_.'

I couldn't see his expression, I kept my eyes on his and his stayed on mine. I couldn't tell if he was bewildered, bored or angry.  
'A little secret,' I whisper, tasting his mouth for a second. 'More or less, who's counting? It doesn't even have to be true… Just tell me what I want to hear.'

He stayed silent, even a little unresponsive to me. When I take some distance, I could see his stern expression. Anger lay underneath his mask that tried to stay stoic. I could see a fire flicker in his eyes and for the first time in a while I felt fear for him again. Afraid I had asked too much of him.

Pulling me back to him quite roughly, I let out a startled cry. Forcefully pushing his mouth on mine, too quick for me to stop him. First taking his time to get what he wants before giving me mine.

' _I_ _am_ the one taking care of him, _Sakura._ '

* * *

It's warm, comfortable and I didn't want to move but the nagging little voice in my head reminded me of Zabuza being in my bed. With a tired sigh, I move my head up. I wasn't exactly ashamed of falling asleep, it was my bed after all. But I didn't want to come off as weak and fragile.

As I was about to open my mouth I saw his closed eyes and then noted the soft rhythm of his breathing. He too had fallen asleep.

Bewildered, I take a look around. My head had been on his arm, while my arm rested on his chest.  
I find our position odd, unlike any other night we had yet to untangle ourselves form one another.

Tonight had been different. More… _intimate_ , I suppose. Perhaps it was because he came to me, in my room. My territory. I'd never thought I'd let him in my bed. I let out a sigh at the thought and take a another look at the man.

There seemed to be no boundaries to him, I would just let him do whatever he wanted these days.

I frowned at my own motives for letting him do so.

Placing my head back on his arm, I try to make sense of what is going on inside of me.

I felt so thorn.

I seemed to understand so many things at once yet felt lost by them all at the same time.

I try to keep as still as I could but it seemed I simply did not possess the skill to deceit a trained man like Zabuza. His hand behind my back moved up and rested onto my shoulder, his breathing made me aware he was no longer asleep. I mutter an apology, explaining I couldn't find sleep.

'I'll leave,' he mutters back while letting out a tired yawn. 'Just give me a minute.'  
'Too nice and warm, huh?' I smile against his skin. I could feel him snicker underneath my arm.  
'Hm,' he hums in agreement.

I feel his thumb caress my bare skin and I respond by crawling closer to him. I didn't want him to leave yet. Zabuza however, got up and ignored my signals completely. Rolling head and shoulders before taking a look at me. The moon was lighting up the room and it seemed to be a clear night for the most part. The rain had finally ceased.

I lean my head on my hand, answering his stare with one of my own. I could see his features quite clearly in the dark room.

'Can I ask you something?'

'If it is about Haku, then no,' he angrily spoke up, getting annoyed with me.

'Were you once like him?' I simply ask. I ignored his outburst, hoping he'd still give me somewhat of an answer despite of it.

He shrugs, shaking his head dismissively at the idea.

'I'd like to think you once were,' I tell him.

He doesn't respond at first but then lets out a hallow laugh while giving me a look.  
'What makes you think that?'

'I don't know,' I shrug in response. _Sometimes my mind drifts off and I get into wishful thinking._

But I did mean it, sometimes I could see _him_ from time to time. A shred of the man he could've been or once was… Slowly getting up to sit next to him, I try to read his emotions but he does well to hide them. His stoic expression stays in place, even when I move closer to him.

I place my hand on his cheek, caressing it affectionately. He lets me, not stopping it. He averts his eyes for a moment, seemingly enjoying it.

'He is what is he is, Sakura,' he pointed out, obviously referring to Haku while grabbing my hand to stop me.

'Something like you?' I ask him, slowly getting more closer to him.  
'A demon of some sorts? You weren't born this way, were you?'  
'I was made into one,' he sharply answers, not getting distracted or clouded by my little caresses.

'I've beat _them_ to it,' he sternly said. 'I told _him_ the truth, passed on _my knowledge_. He'll be my greatest tool, like _I_ once was _theirs_. I'll take them down, one by one.'

I knew he was talking about a high political circles in Kirigakure. I didn't know what exactly had happened but I knew he wanted to Mizukage dead. The hatred burned in his eyes and whatever they had done to him, he seemed to believe he was doing better by making Haku the Shinobi he ought himself to be.

However, none of that mattered to me.

'He's not a tool, Zabuza,' I tell him feeling the ache inside of me expand when I said it out loud. It hurt to hear him talk about the boy like that. I sometimes seemed to forget who he was.

I didn't want to think of Haku growing up to become like _him_.

No matter what part of _him_ I saw.

'We all are tools, Sakura,' he maliciously answered, giving me a smirk.  
'Not to me,' I argue back, hating how harsh his voice could be at times.  
'I am. I relief you from the aching loneliness,' he pointed out. His voice sounded hollow. Perhaps a little… disappointed. His hand goes through my hair, a bit of belittling gesture I suppose but I couldn't deny his words.  
'I guess, you are right,' I nod admittingly.  
I place my hand on his chest. I feel his heartbeat, calming me down. I can see his eyes on me, watching my every move with caution. He mutters I don't have to worry, he's going.

While he gets up off the bed I halt him, grabbing his wrist.

'Y-you don't have to…' I hesitantly say, shaking my head. I swallow the lump inside my throat that slowly suffocating me with doubt. 'You don't have to leave,' I tell him with using a firmer voice.

Turning around slowly, he gives me an odd look I can't quite decipher. I pull him down towards me, letting our eyes meet.  
His brown eyes are cold, not letting me see what is going on inside him. Well, he'd never let me see anything. I don't know what I was doing or why.

Maybe it was because our last few hours were a certainty. Maybe it was because he was in my room.

Maybe it was just the ease he brought to my chaotic mind but I don't want him to go. Not yet.  
 _  
Let's play pretend a little longer._

'And I did the same for you,' I muttered to his mouth when I wrapped my arms around his neck. 'I relieved you from yours.'

His brown eyes stayed on mine. I can't tell if he is perhaps a little startled but he seems to experience an emotion I haven't seen or knew he possessed. His eyes became a little clouded.

Pushing myself closer to him, I hold on to him and mirror his normal possessive ways of kissing and touching me.

'Stay here for the night,' I quietly tell him when we finally gasp up for air. I realized he was no better than me when it came to giving in, I seemingly had the same effect on him. Finding his arms around me, pressing me into him. Turning us around, he nuzzles into my neck, something I loved and he enjoyed doing. It was as if he wanted to take in everything from by body to my scent.

Looking up, our eyes meet again and I think I suddenly saw a glimpse of a normal man in him.

Someone reliable, honest.

'You need to forget, Sakura,' he whispers, sounding a little breathless. 'Forget everything.'

* * *

I wake up with the sun shining bright in my face. I hadn't closed the curtains as well as I normally did. I let out a groan while stretching myself out. I didn't feel like getting up yet. When my elbow hits a something hard, I let out a yelp. Having met his chest, Zabuza grabs hold of my hand and wraps it around myself together with his. Suddenly I'm kind of in a locked position.

Not that I minded, it was pleasant but...

'I need to get up,' I mumble, feeling a bit awkward. I was naked and I could tell by where the sun was it was rather late in the morning. Haku could walk in here any moment telling me Zabuza was no longer in the attic…

'Haku is going to come look for you,' I tell him when making that realization.

'No, he won't,' he mutters back in a hoarse voice. 'Shut up,' he then adds, getting annoyed with me.

'I need to get to work,' I tell him, trying to get out of his grip.

'This is the last time I'll sleep in a decent bed for the next couple of weeks,' he starts, getting half up. 'You're ruining it with all your fidgeting.'

'Sorry to ruin your precious beauty sleep,' I snippily tell him, though a smirk was resting on my face. I tried to get out of bed but his hands openly protested to the idea, holding me down.  
'Doctor told me to rest,' he mutters while trying to start something that had ended last night. I easily resist his attempts. 'Bedrest stands for resting in your bed,' I explain. 'Not continuously— _'Why did his mouth always found its way to mine?  
_  
When he stops, his mouth mutters against mine that is definitely time to leave for him.  
'You're making me weak…'

I don't say anything back, simply staring at the man above me. This time he moves away, letting me go. He gives me one more appreciative look before I put on a robe and get out of the bedroom to go take a shower.

I wash it off, his scent and everything that was still linger on my body. I felt as if we had changed… Well, I suppose we had grown some sort of bond.

It almost felt as if Zabuza was slowly letting me in, something I wasn't sure if I even wanted. It wasn't in an affectionate type of matter, more as if he was revealing his true self to me. The outburst of last night had made me ponder about what had happened in Kirigakure and what his motives were.

I knew their teachings were cruel and unfair… In a way, I felt as if he wanted to shelter Haku from all of that.

 _I told him the truth,_ I could hear his voice echo in my head.

The complexity with Zabuza's character was too difficult and draining to understand and I didn't long for it as I had for Haku. Perhaps that was because I couldn't change him or heal him, I could only see the vileness of the world in him. And the more I'd see, the desperate I would end up feeling.

 _Which is a vicious circle given our relationship,_ I noted.

Hm, he told me to forget, so maybe I should…

Who am I kidding? I could never.

I turn off the shower and get out. Drying my hair and putting on the same clothes I had on yesterday, I get out of the bathroom to go get some breakfast. When I head the kitchen was still silent, I frowned. Normally I could hear Haku downstairs setting the table. Especially if it was this late in the morning. As I go back to my room to grab some paperwork. I get startled by finding Zabuza still in my bed. He's sitting up against the bedframe, slightly slouched, staring out the window.

I quirk up an eyebrow.

'Haku's not up yet,' I blurt out.  
'I told him to sleep in,' Zabuza quietly answered. He sounded aloof and it seemed he was a bit distracted, only giving me a glance when I entered the room.

'When will you be leaving?' I ask, noting how he had mentioned it a few times already.  
'Tonight,' he muttered.  
'Will you be staying for dinner?' I ask, noting how my voice was wavering a little. It felt like such an odd thing to ask but at the same time it came out natural. Perhaps it was more something I'd end up asking Haku, so that was why it felt so weird.

Zabuza answers with a short nod, explaining that leaving in the middle of the night was more safe for them. I suppose a good meal would do them well.  
'I'll make something nice,' I mutter while avoiding to make eye-contact with him.

I didn't want to show how I was feeling too much. Though I saw bits and pieces of him, he was still very different from me. Exploiting others was a part of who he was, though I didn't think he could take more advantage of me then he already had…

I don't why I suddenly felt so ashamed of myself. _Where is this coming from? Why am I feeling so… angry?_ _  
_  
'You can rest here for the rest of the day,' I quietly tell him. He gives me a somewhat of an appreciative nod while slightly shrugging at the same time. Without saying anything else, I grab the papers I need and leave the room. Zabuza continues to ignore me completely.

Slowly getting down the stair in order to not make too much noise. Now that I knew Haku was still sleeping, I tried to be as quiet as I could. I lightly move towards the kitchen. For a moment I ponder if Zabuza is hungry and would like some breakfast as well.

I let out a sigh, feeling strange inside.

I wasn't feeling like myself today. Grabbing a cup to pour some hot water in, I frown when an eerie feeling comes over me. Something was off.

I put the cup down with a certain force. Looking around a little, I peek out of the window of the kitchen. Nothing.

 _I'm becoming paranoid after all this time..._

I watch the steam slowly come from the pot and wait for the water to completely boil before pouring it into my cup. Impatiently tapping my fingers, I look out the window again.

 _After tonight, no more looking around. No more thinking twice. No more lying. No more feeling trapped in my own house..._

Yet I didn't know what exactly to make out of this nervousness I was feeling inside.

As the kettle whistles, I grab my cup. Just as my hand touches the porcelain, a force startles me, making me drop it on the ground. Shattering across the room, I look down at the pieces before seeing the dark shadow of figure before me that had come through the frontdoor.

'I-Ibiki Morino!' I gasp. A kunai was pressed into my neck, making me swallow in response to its sharpness. I felt it painfully pricking my skin. Without being able to process what is going on, he grabs hold of my arm and turns me around in a locked position. I let out a painful yell.

'W-what are you doing?'  
'Quite lying,' he hisses. 'I know, I know you are a part of it!'  
'Of what!?' I ask him, feeling how he was holding back to not just simply stick the blade into my neck.

My eyes widened in panic and fear paralyzes me from head to toe at the idea of being caught after all this time. He didn't look—no, _feel_ , like the incapable poor commander I had last seen. He was honoring his title and look more fierce than ever. I was powerless against this man.

Mercilessly he presses the blade of the kunai in my skin, drawing blood.  
'W-what are you doing!?' I sputter out, trying to think of something. I couldn't move a muscle in his grip, he was so much stronger than me. Pushing and turning me back around, until I finally tumble onto the kitchen table. When my arm is freed out of his grip, both of my hands grab the one that is pushing the blade in deeper into my neck. My nails scratch the bared skin on his wrist but his gloved hand only hardens, slowly choking me.

'Where is he?' he asked. 'I need him _alive_ , so I can make him _speak_!' He spat the words hatefully and I flinch with every word spoken. I see the anger in his eyes. He's livid and beyond himself.

Do I tell him?

…or is this one of those gruesome techniques I've heard of?

'P-please,' I quietly beg and whimper. Tears slowly fall, though I'm not certain if it is because of fear or lack of air. I again try to make him let go so I could at least speak up but he seemed to be too far gone. I feel panic and I hastily try to get him off of me.

It takes me too long to realize that Zabuza wasn't going to come and help.

But Haku…

I close my eyes, feeling defeated. _Betrayed.  
_  
 _….no one cares?_

Suddenly the hand loosens its grip but before I could move him off of me, my hands are both wrapped into his rather large hands, keeping me in place. The kunai is still neatly in place, ready to slash my skin.  
Like a predator, he stood before me. With a trembling voice, I tried to talk myself out of this.

'I-I didn't want to,' I mutter. I can tell he doesn't believe me.

'Plenty of time to come clean, Haruno,' he harshly answers.

I swallow, trying to think of something that would make sense. I bite my lip when I feel a real tear roll out of the corners of my eyes. _I can't believe it, I can't believe this is happening!_

'I hate traitors,' he spat. 'He'll pay and you will too!' The threat was more of a promise.  
I shake my head, using a soft voice to calm him down. 'It's isn't what you think—!' His fist was a brutal warning. The blow smacks my face to the side, making my entire body follow. If it wasn't for his fist holding me into place, I would rolled off the table.

'Haruno! Talk!'

I black out for a second but he shakes me and pulls me back, shoving my face into his. His hands leave my neck, making me take a deep breath. Grabbing my chin, he painfully holds it.

'What do you get out of it, huh?' he clicked his tongue. I frown, actually thinking about it for a second.

 _Something far too complex to explain in simple words._

'I hope you realize what you've gotten yourself into,' he continues. His expression is furious and I'm suddenly reminded of that dark night were everything had changed.

'Please,' I beg, holding back a sob. 'Please, let me explain.'

'Where is he?' He asks me again.  
'I-I don't know,' I mutter, avoiding his cold brown eyes. _Why am I still lying?_

Another hit, this time I get thrown over the table on to the ground. I let out a scream of pain. When I land, I let out a hiss when I feel a sharp pain in my back. I try to get up but Ibiki is quick, too well in shape for me. I realized he had been faking his immobility the last week, so I would relax more and wind up making a mistake.

Who knows how long he had been around watching us…

He crouches next to me 'I trusted you,' he whispers. His solid brown eyes soften up.

'I-I thought you were working together?' I ask, trying to catch my breath. I look around for something to use to help me out of this situation. But I realize that with his capabilities I'm trapped either way.

'I thought so too until I started to realize some things didn't add up,' he snapped back.  
I frown, not certain what he was talking about. The bliss of the days was rudely taken from me and again I understood that nothing was what it seemed.

'You!' he angrily screamed. Startled, I scramble back and try to get away from him when he raises his kunai. The sound of blades meeting can be heard but my eyes don't register what happen. Before I know, Ibiki's kunai flies out of his hand. He stumbles back a little and eventually kneels on the ground. I turn around to look who it is.

'Z-Zabuza,' I gasp when seeing him fully dressed. He's wearing all back and I can hardly see his face as it is covered by a cloth. It was a typical shinobi gear to wear with his outfit.  
I swallow, wondering what was going to happen. I felt so foolish standing in between these two men, not having an idea of what the truth was.

'Sakura,' Zabuza speaks up. His tone is icy, sending a shiver down my spine. This wasn't the man I had slept with, this was… the demon living inside of him. I freeze, not knowing where to run. He slowly walks towards me, his kunai shining brightly in his black glove. Unlike Ibiki, not much skin was showing other than the one around his eyes.

I paralyze when he stands above me, fearing my life once again. This thing, this creature… would show me no mercy.

Crouching before me, he affectionately touches the bruise on my cheek. I feel my entire body tremble, knowing it wasn't some kind gesture. It held something promising, something vile.  
I swallow, trying to hold back my emotions. With a straight face, I try to lock in his eyes but they are cold and distant. Just as expected, he didn't mean well.  
Grabbing me with force, he gets me up my feet. I feel my knees tremble and I can hardly stand straight. Turning me around to face Ibiki, he lets out a laugh when I try to move against him.

'She was such an easy target, you practically gave her to me,' he snickered to Ibiki. 'The way she just gave herself to the needy…' He harshly goes through my hair, making me move my head away from him.  
'Just one little threat and she cave in,' he continued.

 _What was he talking about!?_

I try to take a look at him out of the corner of my eye. He isn't even taking note of me, simply touching me like I'm a toy. I sense the perverted undertone of his touches. Trying to push his hands away I see how Ibiki notices but remains silent. Just like Zabuza, I could never read his thoughts.

Lowering his cloth, Zabuza's tongue licks my cheek. 'So sweet too,' he added. I let out a gasp, frightened by the turn this situation was taking.

Turning me around before I could further object, I meet his eyes and get silenced by the look in them. I have no idea what he's up to or if I'm still a part of the plan.

'Thank you for everything, Sa-ku-ra,' he maliciously said on a fake sweet tone.

Forcefully putting his mouth on mine while grabbing my hair to keep me in place. The way he had said it reminded me of Haku and I was wondering if he was mocking me. His kiss was forceful and distasteful, making me hate every second of it. I open my eyes to try and stop him but when I see the kunai he's holding up, I start to panic. His mouth leaves mine for a second and I see his sharp teeth smile down at me. I can't move out of his grip, so I let out a scream in frustration but his mouth silences me again.

I see him move the kunai above me and close my eyes in respond, waiting for the impact. His mouth leaves mine and I hear a strangled cry behind me.

Zabuza licks his lips, shaking his head to his enemy.  
'That wasn't very nice, we were saying goodbye.'

When I turn around I see Ibiki lying on the floor with his hand stuck in the wooden floor, pierced by the kunai. He lets out a painful scream.

Breathing becomes harder and I flinch when I feel Zabuza's hand around my waist, pulling me back to him.

'You can't leave!' Ibiki screamed.  
'I think I should, for your sake too,' he smirks, bearing his sharp teeth. He looks down at me and I suddenly wonder if the man I thought I had seen in him had been nothing but a role he had played. I didn't see much other in him then the lived demon he was so proud of.

'Sakura,' he simply says, knowing I hate it. His mouth is on mine again but this time I defiantly bite his lip.

'Feisty,' he hisses with a smirk, as if enjoying my reaction. Putting his cloth back to cover his face, I can still see his delight. Shoving me to the ground, next to Ibiki, my heart is about to burst out of my chest when he holds up another kunai, different from the one he had used before.

He gives Ibiki a nod. Hastily looking at the door before taking off and leaving through the back window.

I try to catch my breath but slowly start to hyperventilate. _Calm down, Sakura… We are alright!_

Yet I can't help it, I can hardly move. I can only cry. I'm shocked at what had just happened. Out of nowhere is had all been ripped from my hands while I could feel its weight leave my shoulders at the same time.

It was over.

'S-Sakura,' Ibiki spoke up. His hard expression had soften up and he gave me a sympathetic look. His voice is rough but he tries his best to calm me down. He hisses out in pain, his eyes begging me to help him get the kunai out of his hand but I'm paralyzed and simply stare at the sight while tears stream down my face.

'You're safe now,' he softly speaks up. 'I was wrong.'

I look up slowly recovering while realizing what Zabuza's last actions had meant.

 _Zabuza… You… tricked him into thinking I was… unwilling._

I open my mouth but close it again, not knowing what to say. We sit in silence for a moment. I try my best to collect my thoughts but my mind is chaotic, uncertain and tired. I wonder if Haku is still upstairs, if Zabuza knew Ibiki would come. I was confused by everything.

Trying to calm myself down, I move forward reaching for the kunai still stuck in his hand and bleeding out on my wooden floor. On autopilot I grab the handle and help him get it out. I grab a towel that was lying on the ground and wrap it around his hand. I hold my hand firmly on the wound.

'Sakura?' His voice is less hallow and to my surprise I see more human version of Ibiki appear. For some reason his pitifulness was most welcome.

'Sakura?' he repeated when I didn't respond. I just nodded, not sure what to do next.

When the door bursts open and reveals a tall dark man with a white porcelain wolf mask, I let out a gasp. I widen my eyes but my body can't find the strength to move away. It takes me a second to realize that this is no stranger.

'Kakashi,' Ibiki hisses. I feel him tense up underneath my hands. I can see him clench his teeth and wonder what on earth is going on.

'I told you to stay away,' he coolly answered. The tall silver-haired man stood up straight, his shoulders slouching slightly.

Ibiki surprisingly stays quiet.

'What has happened?' Kakashi asks, directing his question to me.

'I didn't come to harm her—'I already told you we did everything we could. He got away and we can easily conclude he had help.'  
' _Who's help_?' Ibiki snapped, as if he figured Kakashi knew who he was talking about.  
Kakashi however stayed unfazed by his outburst and let out a tired sigh, as if they had had this conversation before.  
'Sakura isn't a part of any conspiracy… Momochi is back in Kirigakure from what we've heard. Higher officials are to decide what his exact punishment will be.'

Ibiki stays silent, not answering to the information. Again I found it hard to read his expression.  
 _Why wasn't he telling him…? Of course! Saying he had seen Zabuza was practically confessing to their collaboration!_

Yet I felt confused by it all, their conversation had been so odd. What exactly had been the deal between him and Zabuza?

'I guess that solves it,' Ibiki muttered, averting eye contact.

'You had strict orders, Ibiki,' Kakashi started. 'You disobeyed and you have yet to explain what is going on here!'

'I…' I hesitate to speak up. 'I-I was getting attacked. Ibiki saved my life.'

'From who?' Kakashi asked, quirking up an eyebrow in surprise. He wasn't the type to easily fool.  
'Some thug looking for… drugs,' I lie.

Ibiki doesn't correct me or even pays attention to me. He just goes along with the lie, effortlessly. I was starting to wonder if there was any truth left in this world. Any justice or kindness. A heavy feeling overcomes me but I nod when Kakashi's eyes look for mine, confirming again that what I had just said had been nothing but the truth.

'He's no one—'but he managed to attack Ibiki?' Kakashi interrupted, this time around looking at Ibiki for an explanation.

Ibiki swallows, I see him hesitate for a split second. 'I'm still not at full strength.'  
'Then why did you disobey orders, Ibiki? What were you looking for?' Kakashi asked, his voice becoming slightly softer.  
Ibiki shrugs while asking me to let go of his wounded hand. Holding on to it himself, he got off the ground. I copy his movement and stand next to him and before Kakashi, feeling again rather out of place in the situation.

'I guess I wanted to be right so badly…' Ibiki muttered letting out a sigh of defeat

I almost want to quirk up an eyebrow to the false confession but remind myself Kakashi is unaware of what had just happened and I had to make the quick decision if I wanted to do the same thing for Zabuza as he had done for me… keeping him out of trouble. I stay quiet.

I just hoped he wouldn't run into any other members of Kakashi's platoon.

'I have to arrest you,' Kakashi mutters as if not liking the idea himself.  
'So be it,' Ibiki answers with a shrug and a smirk. I don't know what is going on here but it seems Ibiki isn't who he appears to be at all. I wish I could send Kakashi away so I could talk to him and get some sort of explanation. _Or maybe it's Kakashi who I need to talk to. I feel so confused._

'You are here by temporarily stripped of your title as commander until further investigation,' Kakashi starts in a monotone voice while stepping towards Ibiki and reaching for his arm. Ibiki doesn't protest but his unnerving grin sends chills down my spine.

'He saved my life, Kakashi,' I remind him. Though I'm not sure why I'm defending this guy.

'You are to come too, Sakura,' Kakashi suddenly says. 'I have orders to escort you to Konoha.'

'I told Tsunade I would be—' _Lady Hokage_ ,' he sharply corrects me. 'Asked me to safely attend your return to Konoha. I've spoken to your colleagues and they said it was no problem to take over your cases. Pack your things, I'll be waiting outside.'

'You can't just—'You are not pardoned from any direct order from the Lady Hokage herself, doctor Haruno. No matter who she is to you, you are ought to obey.'

I try again to talk myself out of it but he keeps interrupting me while annoying me with his cold behavior and dismissive answers. And instead of listening for even a split second he continues on, directing his attention back to Ibiki eventually.

I arch an eyebrow, noticing there was something going on between them. Some sort of rivalry. The atmosphere was hostile and full of electricity.

'Lord Inui wishes to speak you,' he says to Ibiki. 'You defied his personal orders.'

Ibiki crosses his arms, closing his eyes in thought. After a minute of silence, he lets out a hallow laugh. 'Of course.'

'I can't believe you are letting everything you worked so hard for go just because of one mistake…' Kakashi muttered while shaking his head in defeat at the man.  
'You know how fatal mistakes can be, Kakashi,' he snaps back.

I feel uncomfortable and don't know how to hold myself when they both coldly stare at one another in complete silence. I mutter that I have to clean up before going and tell him I should take a look at Ibiki's hand while I'm at it.

'We'll go to the hospital,' Kakashi answers dismissively. Before I know it, two ANBU-agents appear behind Kakashi, waiting for his orders. My heart feels heavy when I think of the idea that he might send them after Zabuza. Or find out about Haku upstairs by helping me "pack".

'You, come with me,' he pointed at the one guy on the left and then directed his attention the other one. 'You'll be staying with doctor Haruno, perhaps you can help her—'I'll be fine on my own,' I sharply tell him. 'You can wait outside,' I tell the guy without paying much attention to Kakashi or Ibiki. 'I'll be ready by the time you're back.'

Shutting the door behind them, I turn around and look at the mess in the kitchen. I let my back meet the door and rest my head against it, letting out heavy sigh. I suddenly have an overwhelming sad feeling come over me. I almost want to start crying again.

In hopes I was wrong, I run up the stairs and open up the guestroom door. The sun is brightening up the room and the scent of nature hits my nose. I slowly gaze through the room. The bed is neatly made and it seems no one has used this room in the longest time, yet the window was left open to let in some fresh air.

My shoulders drop and I drag my feet further into the room, hoping to see a note or something other but I find nothing.  
 _  
I can't let my emotion overtake me,_ I harshly tell myself, biting the pain away. I dragged my feet back to my own room where I was met with the harsh truth. Zabuza wasn't anything like Haku and my room still smelled like him. I let myself drop on the bed, letting my hand roam over the sheets for a moment. I sit there for a minute or so, trying to figure out what to do after the storm.

 _It's so quiet._

I slowly get up and grab some of the things I need while hoping I'd be able to come back and if at worse, I at least be able to come and get the rest of my stuff personally.

When I leave the dirty sheets behind, the broken table and the empty house I still feel as if I'm leaving a part of myself behind as well.

I close my eyes taking in the scent of my house while my mind reminded me of the memories here.

Not just Haku and Zabuza. I've helped so many people over the years. Friends, colleagues, villagers had drop by to talk, thank… sometimes beg for help.  
I had drank hot tea on cold nights and had early mornings all to myself in this house. I did whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. Free of rules, free of reason…

This was my home and I wasn't certain if I was ever coming back to my safe haven.

I held back a sob, not believing it had all come to an end.

With a heavy heart I close the door behind me.

* * *

Sorry it took such a long time to update. I had kind of a hard time and normally writing helps me but I guess I was too stressed out to focus on the chapter properly.

Well, I hope all of my hard work paid off and you like the new chapter! Plot twist much?

Don't forget to comment/review! Thank you for reading!


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. **  
**  
Chapter XIV

I tiredly rub my eyes when looking at the window. I hadn't slept well at all. Tossing and turning had been my ritual for the last couple of weeks and it was starting to take its toll on my body. I was starting to ache all over.  
Stretching out again, I slowly walk towards the window that looked out on one of the main streets of the village. My eyes mindlessly watched people passing by, hurrying through the rummage trying to get wherever they had to be.

 _I haven't seen these streets for such a long time…_

It wasn't a melancholic feeling that took me over. More kind of a familiar tiredness that seemed to follow me around wherever I went. I let out a sigh when thinking this might never go away again, as it was slowly becoming a part of me.

Thinking back, I now realize it had been one hell of a tiring trip. Both mentally and physically I had gone through so much suffering. I had hardly been able to keep up with their pace. Emotionally I had been struggling to leave behind a life I wasn't ready to say goodbye to. There had been so many silent tears…

 _And yet I hope… you both made it out alive._

It had taken me a day or two to accept I didn't want either of them to get caught. Maybe it was a bit ridiculous or an overreaction to what had happened but I didn't want to become the part that ended their story. _Their bond.  
_  
I even secretly wanted to see where they were now and where they'd be going in life. I hated the idea I would probably never end up knowing.

 _Maybe that is for the best._

Luckily Kakashi had been stubborn and was set on heading towards Konoha straight away, which eased my mind a little. Despite their weakened state that meant they had a legit chance of getting away safely. Though I didn't doubt their skills the slightest. Small conversations had given away how smart and well-though out their plans were. Deep inside, I knew they'd make it out. With or without my help. I just didn't know if there wasn't someone smarter out there that might be able to catch up with them.

Ibiki had been quiet. Mostly keeping what had had happened to himself. I didn't know what to make of it but I hoped he'd somewhat keep it that way.

Though I still didn't quite know what I'd be telling them myself _. Should I stick with what I got or should I come clean?  
_  
If so… I've had plenty of opportunities to speak up and I knew Tsunade would never believe me when I'd say I was too scared to do so.  
Making some sort of deal like Zabuza had said seemed impossible now that Ibiki knew, I didn't know what he'd be telling them and I could end up worse if got caught lying.

I felt my resolve crumble in my hands and my despair grow.

I had no idea what the outcome could be.

I wish I could talk to someone… _Someone kind_. Just to sooth my mind a little and make me feel… _good_.

I had expected to meet up Inui somewhere halfway but it seemed he was in too much of a haste to get back to Konoha himself. Apparently his arrival was awaited. Kakashi had explained he'd be filling in the position of his late mentor but a few necessary procedures were to take place.

Though from what I had picked up, there had been a change of plans since Kakashi had mentioned Inui had wanted to talk to Ibiki to settle the situation before any official ceremony took place.

I realized that for Inui it wasn't something that could be swept under the rug. He wanted to avenge his mentor, honor his death by justice. He still longed for the _truth_.

 _What if the truth is far more complex?_

Zabuza had been honest when telling me this went higher up.

I frowned when wondering in what type of web I had unknowingly tangled myself into. Every closet held a skeleton and I was becoming frightening of what was to come. Konoha wouldn't give me an easy way out. I hadn't exactly kept it simple myself. I had no one to ally myself with.

After all, I was still confused about what exact position Ibiki held in all of this.

On our journey over he kept giving me pitiful looks and even apologized. I almost felt a little sorry for not being honest with him but one word and I would be giving away everything I had kept hidden for so long.

It was time to let it be. I needed to let go in order to get away from it all. So it didn't matter who was doing right or wrong.

I gave myself a nod as I tried to settle things in my mind. I needed to come off as certain in front of Tsunade, only then I could perhaps make a deal.  
 _  
Ibiki would presumable get a simple punishment for disobeying an order…  
From what I gathered… Konoha wasn't as unaware of this operation as much I had thought.  
How can I even try to be honest when there is so much deceit!?_

Let it go, Sakura,

I sternly told myself. _All you need to do is get back home, were everything is normal again._

Zabuza is gone, like I had wanted. And Haku was… with him.

 _So I guess the only loser is me,_ I bitterly told myself. Snickering at my own self-pity, I tore my gaze off the noisy streets of Konoha and looked up. The weather was wonderful. A bright sun and a beautiful blue sky.

Opening the window, I take a deep breath of fresh air.

I could hear people happily chatting and saw no signs of true poverty in this beautiful village. Such a shrill contrast to what my eyes were used to.

I think ofmy dear colleagues and pretty much the entire village.

 _I haven't forgotten you guys_.

Luckily my hotel-room wasn't as luxurious as the view outside, which for some reason made me feel a little at home. At least here I wasn't completely out of place. I let my shoulders drop, staring into my hot cup of tea.  
 _  
I still feel so tired…_

With a sigh I abruptly ended my wallowing, deciding it was enough for today.  
No matter how I felt, things weren't going to change. I had to deal with the consequences of my decisions, no matter how unforeseen they had become.

Though I admit I never had thought helping some poor boy would get me in this position.

* * *

There is a long silence. The atmosphere is rather unpleasant and I can't help but let out another sigh, hoping that one of them would just speak up. Even if it was to say that they didn't believe a word I had said and I was found guilty of treason. But none of them said a word, as if they were all awaiting Tsunade's response.  
I could tell she didn't quite believe me but saying it here, in this room with so many officials… that would be sentencing me to an actual imprisonment.

Above all, she knew the foul play that would come at hand if it was inclined I actually had something to do with the murder. Or the one who was responsible for the operation.

It wouldn't even surprise me if they'd start claiming I had abused my privileges as a doctor and had been motivated by my personal beliefs to not follow protocol, making me the one who had actually "killed" the dear counselor.

The thoughts make my head spin but I tried to keep stern face, not letting my mask fall as easily as I usually did.

Right now, only Tsunade and Inui were the ones being able to keep me out of some hellhole where I didn't belong.

I hated having to depend on them so much.

If things weren't so complicated… And if I hadn't done the things I had done I wouldn't be in this position. I wouldn't be going mad by the insecurity and the doubt tirelessly swirling around me.

'Your statement is noted and will be a part of the ongoing investigation. I have no choice but to put you on off-duty for the time being,' Tsunade coolly declared. I could tell she was keeping her distance, not letting any type of emotion slip through her façade either.

Sometimes I wondered if we weren't just fooling ourselves by thinking we could hide our emotions like this. I knew her so well and she knew me. We could communicate without speaking a word.

I knew she wanted to talk. She could tell I was lying.

Truth was, no matter how much I hated the idea, I would have lie to her as well. Not just to keep myself or others out of trouble. Revealing what had truly happened would be for the worse.

It would be a manhunt and Konoha would lose Kirigakure as a an ally. It was all so complex, even politically it was all very sensitive. The less was known the better, how sad that may sound.

Pardoning the meeting, everyone got up but Tsunade herself. Her brows were knitted together and she kept the stern look on her face intact. Her brown eyes were boring into mine, making me feel slightly uncomfortable. I didn't know what type of conversation was about to take place.

One we certainly never had before.

I knew she would disapprove of a lot of the things I had done.

But that was simply because politically wise she was bound to reasons and rules and had no other choice to obey them. I knew deep inside, she hated them as much as I did.

The room was soon empty. Even Shizune left, knowing us well enough that we wanted to talk in private. With a small, uncertain, smile she greeted me when passing me by.  
Throughout the meeting she had tried to keep a straight face, though occasionally sending a worried look to me or Tsunade. Though Tsunade never responded to her, hardly acknowledging her presence.

The blinds were closed to keep out the bright sun, making the room quite dim. Yet I didn't need much light to see the look on her face. With a sigh she broke the silence between us.

'Is there anything you like to add, Sakura?' she asked with tired voice.

I think about it for a second. My eyes averting hers before finally returning to give a firm answer. 'No.'

'Are you sure?' Her tone is sharp and her eyes pleading me to open up.

'Yeah,' I mutter. I had told her a story without Haku or Zabuza in it. Meaning I had witnessed a murder and had seen a figure leave of who I was uncertain of. It could've been anyone. Even when seeing a picture of Zabuza, I said I couldn't be certain.

My heart was still beating erratically when thinking back at the picture being shoved under my nose.

'Morino is convinced it was Momochi, though now he seems to finally admit that perhaps he could be wrong. It is always a little unnerving at how people can change their minds so quickly,' she said mumbling the last part, as if not truly believing Ibiki's new statement.

Now I was completely confused to what his part was in this mission. If Ibiki was the one behind everything, why was he so keen on finding Zabuza at first? Now he was keeping him secret as well…

'What is going to happen now?' I ask her, wanting some clarity. I wasn't entitled to it but as her student I was hoping she would grant me it anyway. I hated all of the unspoken words hanging between us.

'You'll be off-duty for a while. Ibiki will have some sort of formal punishment. It all kind of depends on what Inui decides.' She stayed quiet, awaiting my response a little. I quirk up an eyebrow at her.  
'What do you mean?'  
'Well, if Inui doesn't confirm your story or decides to send Ibiki to an actual prison, we'll have completely different scenario.'

'Since when does it all depend on Inui?' I ask her.

'He's the only one who also saw the assassin. At first he agreed with Morino but days later said he wasn't certain about the identity of the man, since he was still wearing his mask.'

'I don't understand…' I say feeling utterly confused.  
'Inui doesn't think like Ibiki, meaning he knows what will happen should we declare that a missing-nin from Kirigakure has assassinated a high official from Konoha.'  
'He was angry at first,' I mumble suddenly understanding his shift in position. Inui wasn't naïve or foolish, it seemed he too had thought of the consequences.

'Better keep him as a friend,' she nods.

The icy tone was unnerving and I could tell she disapproved of Inui's sudden change, despite his well-reasoned motive.

Relief was still far away from where I was currently standing. I could tell there was something complex going on. She also obviously disapproved of me being so dependable on him with my story.  
'He's the one defending you tooth and nail. But if anything went different from what you said, I have no other choice but to take away your license as a doctor.'

She knew how much that meant to me and I could feel my body stiffen up.

 _Too late now, I have to stick with what I have said._ Yet I couldn't stop the feeling of instant regret. _Why was I dragging this on and on?_

A part of me wanted to come clean. It also irked me that Ibiki was only going to get a formal punishment given his position. I still found his behavior odd and couldn't quite make out if he was a friend or foe.

'What is a formal punishment exactly?' I curiously ask, not being able to help myself.

'Some time off, therapy and excessive paperwork,' she answered with slight annoyance. 'It is hard for a man like him to accept he has failed his mission. It is unlike him to behave this way, though.' She gave it some thought on why and how she could personally help him. I could tell she genuinely liked him.

Which made me feel even more confused. _…Was she unaware of the operation?_

'Stealing from the hospital is punishable,' she suddenly started. I wince when realizing some reports had made their way here to her. It wasn't just during the time Ibiki was in the hospital and I had _patients_ at home. I had done it before for other _innocent_ patients as well.

'So I'll add that punishment to your time off.'

'How long won't I be able to work?' I ask her, deciding to not dwell on the fact she knew. It's not that she would hate me for it, it is just simply a part of her job to set thing rights even if it had been done for good reasons. I wasn't above any law, like Kakashi had said.

'A few months.'

A heavy feeling overtakes me. _Well at least I wouldn't have to deal with ANBU…_  
But it would be tough. I don't know if it were the small things that I'd miss the most or simply the rush that came with taking care of people.  
And what would I do with all of that free time? _I won't know how to fill my days._

'I know this part is the worse punishment for you,' Tsunade starts. 'But it could end up being much, much worse.'

I could read what she was trying to say in between the lines. _If anything is revealed, if Ibiki speaks up…_ I suddenly thought of something. _Maybe he was afraid Zabuza would point the finger to him and reveal everything?_

'Despite of the situation, I am glad to see you.'

When I look up I see a genuine smile appear on her practically flawless face. I smile, nodding my head and telling her it was likewise, even given the horrendous circumstances. And just like that she turned into my mentor, my dear friend and guardian. Getting up from her seat, she came to stand next to me.

'Give it some time and it will blow over,' she quietly told me while placing an arm around me.  
'Thanks,' I smile, feeling suddenly very joyful. Getting up we give each other a warm, and much needed, embrace.

* * *

 _ **Six months later**_ _._

I stare at the people rushing through the busy streets of Konoha while calmly drinking my tea and letting my mind wander. I was bored with this life of too much time. I couldn't wait to get started on Monday, even if it wasn't exactly what I had hoped for.

Working in a private hospital… Taking care of high-militants, officers, more counselors or just plain filthy rich people. The higher circles exclusively. _What a drag…_

'Sakura!'

I look up with a smile when seeing the loudmouth rush to me, glad to see familiar friendly face in this huge village that I still had to adept to.  
As much as I loved the feeling of coming home, I no longer fell the same way about living here as I had growing up. I hated not knowing every single person, the rush and the strict protocols. The capital wasn't quite the same as some lone village in the middle of nowhere at the borders of the country.

'How have you been?' Naruto asks, grabbing a chair to sit next to me.  
'Good,' I answer with a shrug. No too bad but not too good either, I still wanted to go back home. The more time passed, the harder it seemed to get. Which was ironic because the opposite had been promised to me.

'I heard you are going back to work,' Naruto starts when I don't immediately speak up.  
I curse myself for ignoring him because of my troubled mind that was solely focused on myself and self-pity. I never seem to ask him how he was doing.

'Yeah, a private hospital…'

'Inui recommended you, right?' he asked with a grin. I smirk back and just nod.  
'I have job because of him,' I lightly answer, though still feeling quite the opposite. I had hoped to go back to the General Hospital but it seemed that was a little complicated. Though I had been cleared on everything, it seemed Konoha had other plans for me, thus making it impossible for me to make any decisions independently.

'He takes good care of you,' he said while nodding his head approvingly. 'But I think I would've done just as well, maybe even a bit better.'  
'Ha!' I response with a wide smile. 'But you… you found someone much better!'  
'Yeah,' he says obviously thinking of Hinata. Though he had matured quite a bit, it was cute to see him get so flustered by just mentioning the girl. I feel a little flattered at the thought I once did.

His smile however falls and I can see his shoulders drop in defeat.

'Though I might have to disappoint her a little.'  
'How so?' I ask.

'I have to go on a mission… a long one,' he mutters. I stare at people passing us by, unknowing of our troubles. How I wish sometimes to be nothing but a mere peasant, unaware of the heartache and hard work that came with keeping this place safe.

'She'll be fine, Naruto. She can take care of herself,' I tell him.  
'Yeah,' he muttered. I could tell something was up by the look in his eyes.  
'What type of mission is it?' I ask, hoping he'd just tell me.

It takes him a second to find the words.

'Sasuke,' he blurts out.

I let out a hallow laugh in response. 'Of course.'

'I know you don't share the feeling—'I do,' I admit to him and myself. I do care. 'I think… I think you are being a good friend. Much better then I ever was to him,' I wisely say. The words were genuine.  
I meant it and after all this time I somewhat was able to grasp what made them friends. _They had a bond.  
_  
I give him a small smile, Naruto was just one of a kind and I was lucky our paths had crossed.

And Sasuke… well, we were never meant to be.

'You still hate him?' he asks letting his elbows rest on his knees. I see him glance at me out of the corner of his eye.

'We're just… different.'

'No, you're not. You break rules to help people and he—'breaks rules to help himself.'  
'He's just on this tiring journey and needs to find his way back, Sakura,' he softly adds.

 _When did you become so mature?_

'He didn't have to… he didn't have to go,' I tell him, suddenly feeling angry again after all these years. I had left this place to leave these feelings behind and I had succeeded for the longest time and now it was all for nothing. I was back to the beginning.

I was stuck again.

'Is he the reason why you left?'

I shake my head. 'Not at all… I was just tired of the rules and how some people would get placed above others. Sasuke… was actually kind of like that too, now that I think about it. He always made me feel stupid.'  
'He was just raised differently.'  
'Clan rules,' I sigh, finding it a poor excuse.

'Let's not dwell on the past, soon you'll be helping people again,' he tried, knowing how my standpoint was on this all and how much I hated it.  
'But will I be helping the right people?' I ask.  
'Aren't _you_ always helping the right people?'  
'Touché,' I snicker in response while he smirks. 'I don't know… these last few months have been the weirdest of my life. As if I'm actually not living _my life_.'

'It's going to get better, Sakura,' he softly says while placing a hand on my shoulder. He gives it a light squeeze and I simply nod in return, though not feeling have as certain as he was.  
'Kakashi is coming with me,' he suddenly added. 'He seems to understand it, the feeling. The need to set things right and not to simply give up on a comrade…' he muttered.  
I could see he was feeling a little uncomfortable. 'It's all so very complex,' he added. I nod, finally understanding the situation much better than years ago.

It wasn't easy to let go and just give in.

It's strange that with all that has happened, I now understand years of my life I hadn't understood for so long.

'You do whatever you think you should do,' I tell him.  
'You think…' I see him swallow nervously. 'You two will ever get back together?'  
'Nope,' I simply respond, not having to think twice about it. I was over it. I was over him. Nothing in this village could keep me here.

Meaning I still wanted to flee this village but I couldn't and I was slowly accepting that… I place my hand on my heart, feeling it ache at the idea.

'Is Lord Inui the reason why you are so certain?' Naruto coyly asks, snapping me out of my despair. I smirk, not being able to help myself.  
'Maybe.'  
'I really do think he'll take good care of you.'

I give him a look, arching an eyebrow at his serious expression.

It was weird to hear him being so mature. Back in the academy I sincerely thought he'd never grow up. We had gone our own ways on such a young age but he never stopped bugging me with being my "friend". I don't think I ever told him how grateful I was he kept sticking around, no matter how much I told him to leave.

'You've both achieved much these last few months,' Naruto continued, sounding a little impressed by it all.  
'I wasn't going to come back without some bargains,' I sharply said, being proud of myself for not just letting it all pass me by like I had initially thought of doing.

Sure I had to keep low as a doctor but I had stayed true to my humane ways by thinking of ideas to send aid to struggling villages and setting up fundraisers to send supplies to several hospitals all over the country and personally getting involved by what those supplies should be. I might've not been active lately but I was still a very big part of the medical world. And slowly getting back into the good graces of Konoha is higher officials.

And yes, I had to thank Inui for that because without his position I wouldn't be able to do the things I had done so far.

'You've toughen up, Sakura,' he snickered while sheepishly scratching his head.

'I had to,' I smile, letting it sink in that I indeed had changed a great deal.

'I'll miss you,' I admit to him when he gets up to leave.

'Don't marry until I get back…' 'Naruto!' I say smacking him on the shoulder.

* * *

It was lovely. As always.

'So do you think you could join me?' Inui asks. Still a little shy from time to time when asking me out. I nod, saying I didn't have much standing in my agenda these days.  
'You will soon,' he answers with a smile, obviously referring to my new position..  
'Yeah,' I aversively answer while adding a simple shrug. I was still not feeling quite sure about it. Keeping my eyes on the beautiful scenery outside, I enjoyed the music in the background and the beautiful clear night that was illuminating the garden.

I still wasn't used to the luxury, the fine dining. I felt awkward at times for being here. It was such shrill contrast compared to the life I had left behind. Sometimes it all felt like dream.

 _Here. Now. Then._

An image of Zabuza flashes before me. I see, no almost _feel_ , his hands on me.

Startled, I block out the image while wondering why I was still letting it wander free in my mind in the first place. I take another sip of the wine, hoping the alcohol would numb me. I tried to never think of him but like every demon, he came to haunt me from to time. Mostly during some unguarded moment like now.

'So if I come with you, you'll suggest my idea for the new schools?' I ask him with a coy smile.  
He smiles back, knowing I'd bring it up. 'Certainly. I have no other choice.'  
 _  
_I take hold of his hand and he holds on to mine. I stare at it for a moment before looking up.

All that happened, none of it mattered anymore. It was swept under the rug and though I never thought I'd say this, it was for the better. Everything seemed to be going in the right direction. The suddenly even seemed the end of the war was finally at sight.

 _It couldn't be undone so all that could be done was to let it be._

We get up and decide to go for a walk. I look up at the dark sky and the full moon. It had taken some time to but I had managed to find my balance in this place that felt odd. I had found the things I used to love in Konoha again. _I can't believe I had forgotten how beautiful the nights in Konoha could be._

The night wasn't even cold or drafty yet I snuggled closer to Inui.

'I don't want you to just come with me,' Inui suddenly blurted out, halting us.  
'What do you mean?' I ask quirking up an eyebrow.  
'Don't take this the wrong way,' he starts, placing my hair behind my ear so he could take a better look at my face. 'I just don't want you as my _dear_ friend anymore.'

I frowned in response before realizing what he was talking about.

I shyly look down, knowing this conversation was going to take place one of these days. I just had hoped it wasn't today. Or tomorrow.

'I want more from you then just being my partner in certain projects,' he continues, leaning in. His lips move against mine as he continues. 'We've achieved some amazing things these last few months and I certainly don't mind what we have but it is something rather unclear at the moment and on the long run… I want you in my life, Sakura. All the time.'

I feel a warmth spread through my body.

When our lips meet, I forget everything.

Letting go, he gives me a clouded look. 'You don't have to answer but… don't forget. Everything I've done for you, is only for you,' he continued. It was very much like Inui to tell me how much I meant to him. I had longed for so long to hear that from someone.

Someone who _wanted_ me, _needed_ me. _Cared_ for me.

'We could do so many more things together,' he added, nuzzling his nose against mine. 'We can change this country, Sakura.'  
 _  
You want to change the system? Get in and work from the inside out._

The demon's voice startles me and I almost jump at the memory.

I look up into Iuni's blue eyes, holding on to him a little tighter.

'I believe I can but only with you by my side,' he continued while embracing me and pulling me closer and closer to him.

 _You are everything I've ever wanted but…_ I close my eyes and start to ignore the angsty voice inside filling me with doubt. _Maybe it was time,_ I sharply tell myself. _It's been months and I was still none the wiser to what was going on or what exactly had happened._

I quickly analyze the last few months that had been filled with ups and downs. Though the place wasn't perfect, the man before me practically was and I had everything I once dreamed of... I was finally making a difference with someone at my side who felt the same way.

I couldn't do half of the thing I had done without his help.

 _We were about to change everything._

I see pair of brown eyes flash before my eyes.

I open my to look back into Inui's blue ones, feeling different then before. As if I had finally been relieved from all of the weight of the burdens that had been slowly placed on me over the pass few months.

I think it was time to let go. _  
_  
To let the memories slowly fade into oblivion.

* * *

I feel this was kind of a transition chapter since we got to see a little bit of everything; Tsunade, Naruto, Sakura's past, Inui's affection...  
I'm working on the next chapter and it is… going to be quite the twist, I think. Can't wait for you guys to read what is coming next!

As always, thank you for reading and don't forget to leave a comment/review!


	15. Chapter 15

Note: I just want to point out that a certain amount of time passes between the scenes, meaning this isn't all happening in one day. Enjoy! 

* * *

Chapter XV

 **2 years later**

I could never get it right. _Ever._

I let out an annoyed sigh then proceeded to curse at the fact that I couldn't do such a simple thing!  
'I never struggled like this when I was younger!' I tell my reflection. 'When did it get so hard…?'

 _Stupid hair._

Trying not to ruin the almost perfect bun I had created I gently push the white flowers in. I hear one crack underneath my fingers but it is already halfway in. Cautiously I let go and when it stays in place, I let out a sigh of relief. It is everything but perfect.

'I don't care,' I grumble to myself. 'It _looks_ nice.'

It certainly didn't feel nice since I always ended up using too many pins. I was going to have a huge headache by the time this evening was over but I'd least I'd look the part I was going play. I give myself a quick approving nod before grabbing the light blue purse off the table and rushing out of the house. I quickly get in the carriage that had been waiting for more than half an hour.

Inui hated when I was late and I didn't really have a proper excuse to justify it today either. Telling him I had decided to take a nap and had lost track of time would be considered very unprofessional from his point of view. I guess I understood that since he rarely had any _free_ time.

Also, this was one of the few evenings we could spend together for the next couple of weeks to come. It had been so hectic lately and it seemed the agenda wasn't going to ease up anytime soon.

I just wanted a nice evening together.

I jump out of the carriage and quickly run into the huge building. I have to compose myself when entering and take a glimpse in the window to make sure everything is just right.

Entering through the huge gate, I feel a little uncomfortable when walking in by myself. But the wary feeling disappears when I see him.

I smile when seeing him look up with those big blue eyes of his, still giving me a startled look whenever I dressed up like this. I think he knew I hated these type of parties and secretly kept doing it to make me feel better. It did help a little but I still felt out of place at times. But nevertheless I was happy to attend. After all, there was plenty of people here I owed thanks to and I would now have the chance to properly speak to them and thank them in person.

'You're late,' he whispered in my ear after I greeted him.  
'Sorry,' I mutter back.  
'It's ok,' he smiled wrapping his arm around my waist when several people came over to greet us.

Soon it became a group of people that slowly surrounded us. All interesting, well-established people that were in interested in my life and doings. I sometimes felt the need to pinch myself so I could actually belief I was living this life.

I remember dreaming of this when I was just a young girl; being popular and well-known. And because of my intelligence and having, of course, the practically perfect man at my side.  
I squeeze his hand, hoping my hand wouldn't pass through it and it would turn out all to be a dream.

A reassuring squeeze reminds me that it is not.

'Congratulations on your engagement!'  
I could only smile, mainly because I was feeling overwhelmed by the attention. It wasn't like I had ever craved this childhood dream but somewhere along the way it had just happened. And it was a million times better then I could've ever imagined. I wasn't just _some girl._ I was a very well-known, no longer frowned upon doctor who had managed to realize some amazing projects and earn plenty of respect.

The last year had taken such drastic turn. And even though I had witnessed it at first hand, I still couldn't believe it. The war was finally coming to an end. For the longest time it held felt so endless and now, with everyone's signature under the peace treaty it was becoming a solid fact.  
Of course there was still a lot of matters that had to be dealt with but at least no huge amount of civilians were suffering or any large group of shinobi were still send on death missions that would make little to no change on the grand scale of things. All war related missions were currently ceased.

Inui and I had somehow managed to do what we had set our hearts on years ago, each in our own way of course. But now that it was finally starting to take form, Inui found the perfect ending to all the heartache was a union. I was reluctant at first, not really feeling certain about spending the rest of my life with him…

I feel him squeezing my hand again, sending me a smile when I glance up. I can't help but geniunly smile back.

But it was moments like these that made me disagree with the doubt in my heart.

Without hesitance, Inui guides me through the crowd. In search of some place private, were we could actually talk for a minute. We halt along the way a few more times, just to say hello and have some small talk.

We had been so busy the last few weeks. Well, especially Inui. It had taken hard work and plenty of high risk chances to get it all done. I knew not everyone always agreed with his thinking and sometimes I didn't quite agree with him myself but he always seem to be know what he was doing.

Even now, when excusing us for having to need a private room for a moment. He did so charmingly and convincingly it was hard to refuse him.

It also didn't seem to matter to him where we were or what we were doing, he never hid his feelings for me.

When the door shuts behind us he doesn't wait too long to pull me close to him, his mouth immediately finding mine. A longing, gentle kiss to remind me of what I had been missing out on.

He gives me another smile while placing a loose strand of hair behind my ear. 'You look beautiful.'  
'Thank you,' I smile. 'And you,' I say taking a step back to eye him, 'look very handsome.'

'Aren't we the couple,' he snickers.  
'Just perfect,' I say while echoing one of our spectators.

Smiling in response he twirls me around, nodding approvingly at the blue dress.  
'Sorry, I was running late…' I mutter. 'You know how all girls spend too much time in the bathroom!'  
I added a convincing smile to my little lie.  
'I know but do try to be on time next time.' 'I'm rarely late!' I snap.  
'When it is something _you enjoy_ ,' he smirks. 'Which are definitely not parties that _revolve_ around _you_.'

'I'm here, am I not?' I point out, grabbing his hands and wrapping them around me. He just nods.  
'So _when_ are we getting married?' he asked also echoing one of the guest.  
'Soon,' I mutter while trying to distract him by kissing him lightly.

'How long will this Naruto guy begone?' he starts, growing more aggravated by the subject. I let out a sigh, tired of the amount of times I had to explain this to him. He didn't seem to understand how important he was to me. I let go of his hands and he lets go of my body. Stiffly standing before one another, we avoid eye contact.

'Let's go,' he simply said, not wanting to ruin our evening by starting the same argument we had last time. I could tell he was annoyed but I ignored it, feeling rather selfish tonight. I didn't want to deal with it.  
'Next month there will be a gathering much like this,' Inui starts when opening the door. 'Prepare for the vultures lurking to try and get an invitation.'

'What type of gathering?' I ask nonchalantly while nodding at a few attends noticing us.  
'Big things are awaiting,' he whispers, sounding excited. 'More than one Kage will be attending.'  
'Oh,' I simply said in surprise, not really certain how I should react to this new information.

The evening went by too fast and the little nap I had taken this afternoon had made no difference to the fatigue I was feeling. Dancing, wining, dining. Endless conversation about everything and nothing.  
Sometimes it was all so very draining...

I throw my things on the couch and let myself fall into bed.

'People talk too much,' I mutter.

I hear Inui laugh in response. He's pouring himself a drink. When he turns around he gives me a smirk.  
'What?'  
'I've been thinking…' he starts. 'When exactly is your friend coming back?'  
I let out a groan. _Not this again…_  
He hold up his hands, signaling he means no harm. 'Relax!'  
'What about Naruto?' I simply ask being a bit more direct then him.  
'Perhaps he is not returning because he doesn't want to get married himself, hmm?' he said, referring to his relationship with Hinata.

'Shut up,' I snicker, finding the idea absolutely ridiculous. 'He just wants Sasuke to come home with him. Speaking of, have you given it some thought?'

With a stern look he nods. 'I told you about that gathering, did I not?'  
 _  
How could I forget? It was all everybody could talk about._

'It isn't just some fancy party. Well, I mean the one you'll be attending will be but on the scheduled dates there will be meetings concerning a few… problematic cases that are withholding some of the Kage to take things to the next level.'

'In other words, some things that happened off the record but are well-known?' I ask, sitting up.  
Smirking at how I put it, he nods again. 'Exactly. Not all of it concerns off the record missions, some really were given but we are trying to find a way around it. This includes the Uchiha's case.'

'I hope you are successful,' I start, slowly getting up off the bed to walk to him. 'Else I'm going to have to keep postponing our wedding.'  
'That is a shame,' he smiles when I walk up to him.

When his lips touch mine, I can taste the alcohol that awakes some long forgotten dark memory. I widen my eyes in respond, startled at where my mind was bringing me. Placing my arms around him, I tightly hold on to him while blocking out whatever was trying to find its way into my head again.

'Does this mean some other cases will be… _pardoned_ as well?'

It was thin line we were both walking on. A subject we tried to avoid most of the time but neither of our stubborn personalities ever could. Oddly, it was the same case that brought us together.

He doesn't respond but empties his drink instead. I can feel him stiffen underneath my touch. I still didn't know what exactly he felt or thought about this particular but mostly personal case. He would never open up about it.

Until this day, I was none the wiser.

'Morino.'

Ah, a name that had become a taboo over the years. He resented him so much yet he had never personally told me why but I assumed it was because he, deep inside, knew the truth.  
Yet for some reason, he didn't want acknowledge it or simply dared to tell me what he even simply _suspected_ himself had happened _._

But I knew. I knew the truth but could never say a word. If I did, I'd lose it all. I would lose everything. Including the man I was holding onto.

'Sakura, why do you care so much about what has happened after all these years?'

'Because you are so keen on keeping him off duty when it is so obvious…'  
'What is _obvious_?' he snapped, getting annoyed by this conversation. I just hold him in place, making sure he understands that I'm not going to back out of this. Or let him go because of this touchy subject.

'It was inside job and you know it.'

'He was the one who proceeded with the order,' he sharply says. I can hear his heartbeat increase, even after all these years, he was still hurting. 'Hedidn't get what hedeserved!' he snapped, repeating the same words as always.

Punishment. Suffering. Pain.  
 _  
Hadn't we had enough of that already?  
_  
The entire case had been covered up because more answers only led to more questions and eventually Konoha would hang itself by keeping the investigation going. Until this day, the death of the old councilor remained unsolved. The so called assassin was never found, making it obvious who was guilty of the murder.

To some it had grown obvious over the years what exactly had occurred, others were still in doubt.  
But Ibiki Morino's reputation had been slaughtered and Inui had made sure he ended up permanently suspended. However, there was never enough evidence to put him behind bars.

I bit my lip at my knowledge. There had been an assassin and I had let him escape together with his young companion.

I shut my eyes, trying to block the memory but found it hard to do so.

Instead of confessing, even if it was just partly, Ibiki had stayed put on being completely innocent.  
I remember his statement crystal clear during the trial. I hated the pitiful looks he would send me when no one was watching, probably thinking I had been abused during that time.

That was the last time we saw each other.

I never had a chance of ever speaking him again. Inui had made sure of that. He shielded me from the man with all of his power, thinking he was out to harm me. Even if it was almost two years ago.

But over the years… I knew deep inside Ibiki Morino had been nothing but a pawn as well.

'If it is true, shouldn't he be off the hook? All he did was doing his job,' I softly tell him.  
'So you are on Tsunade's side?' he asks, grabbing my chin so I'd look him in the eye. His blue eyes coldly stared into mine.  
'He said higher officials were aware of a planned assassination,' I sharply answer. 'Tsunade didn't even object to that or claimed it was a speculation from his side!'  
'She only said nothing because she feels bad. She doesn't want to worsen his punishment.'

'Tsunade wouldn't be on his side if it weren't for a good reason,' I tell him. Though I had never been able to figure what that reason was myself nor had she ever explained why the councilor had to die. It wasn't her style in my opinion but she had confessed in between the lines that Ibiki wasn't supposed to get punished for it.

I could tell she felt guilty towards him. She had been doing everything she could to get him off the hook. That included ignoring me for the most part since she had never been able to figure out why I was so keen on keeping my secret and, in her opinion, let an innocent man suffer for it.

'Why are you bringing this up after all this time?' he repeated, this time on aggravating tone. Pushing me off of him, he turned around to fill up his glass again.

In all honesty, I didn't know why I was so keen on holding on to it either.

'I thought we should be aware of what is coming…' I simply said, trying to calm him down. Placing my hands on his shoulder, I tried to bring him at ease again. Softy massaging him, he let out a sigh of relief. I smile victoriously and wrap my arms back around him, placing my chin on his shoulder.

'I just miss Tsunade. I thought maybe if this case could ever get solved, we could… reconcile.'  
'You're not with the right man for that,' he mutters.  
'Yeah,' I nod, knowing perfectly well what he was talking about. It had spiraled out of control the last year and even though we, the Shinobi in whole, owed Inui a lot, I didn't agree on this matter either.

I still believed we very much needed a Hokage to watch over us and not a selected group of councilors. Shinobi knew shinobi. It was simple as that.

'Is that the reason?' he suddenly asks. 'You keep postponing everything?'  
'I… I don't know.'  
'At least put on your engagement ring,' he continues. 'It all wouldn't be so complicated if maybe you did what was expected of you.'

I let go of him, feeling more drained then before.

'I have to go,' he says turning back around to give me a light kiss on the forehead.  
'Where to? We haven't seen each other decently for over a month—'I don't have meetings to ensure what nutritious meals the children at school should be having, I have meetings about matters of life and death.'

I swallow the bitterness I feel in the back of my throat and I don't respond when he kisses me goodbye. He mutters a cold apology and asks me to stay awake until his return.

'Since I do like sleeping with my fiancé once in a while.'

'Don't count on it,' I snap at him when he closes the door. I throw my purse at it, while screaming out the hate I was feeling inside.

* * *

I smile when listening to the young boy talk. It was one of my favorite things to on my long list of expected duties, visiting schools. Seeing the bright colored classes and the endless grateful looks on their young faces, made me feel so good.

It made me feel… _alive_.

Nodding at the young children's ideas and thoughts, I hoped I was able to fulfill their hopes and dreams. As I walk out of the classroom, I get greeted by plenty of people, showering me with attention and gifts. More than I can carry. Accepting one of the many flowers waiting to be given, I eventually manage to walk out of the school.

Being guided through the village, I halt when standing in the middle of the small village.

The market and villagers of here reminded me much of a place I once called home.

And I remind myself I have yet to take that one trip back to the outskirts of the Land of Fire... back to the small village I had once left behind.

 _I remember being so keen on going back…_

I hope they weren't too angry at me for not returning more quickly. Perhaps a few memories had held me back but more so... all the opportunities that had come my way. Some had been too good to pass on.

I bite my lip when I think back to the fight I had with Inui, reminding me I should really let it go. It was something I had told myself to do years ago but never had been fully able to do. I fumble with the long braid resting on my shoulder, while casually walking through the streets.

I ignore the ANBU agent following me around, letting my mind drift back to the past.

 _I wonder where you are now… Are you happy? Are you still running?_

None of it matters, Sakura,

I hush myself. _They forgotten about you and you should forget them. Besides there are other things at matter… like Inui._ I let out a sigh. _I wish I could talk to someone. I feel so lonely._

'Miss Haruno?' 'Doctor,' I correct him, irked by the fact people called me that more often these days.  
'It is time to go. We have another meeting in—'I'll be there in a minute,' I snap. My shoulders drop in defeat, feeling tired again.

* * *

I wait at the door, hoping she wouldn't dismiss me by saying she was too busy. She had done it before, taking out her frustration on me for something my significant other had suggested.  
'Come in!'

I let out a sigh of relief, slowly opening the door. Peeking my head through to see what she was up to I see stacks and stacks of paper that hid her. But I could see her blond hair peek through here and there between the piles.

'Tsunade?' I ask with some hesitance.

'Here!' she yells back. I can tell she hasn't even looked up yet.

Moving through the maze of stacked papers, I finally manage to get to her desk. She holds up her hand before I could speak up again, clearly signaling me to wait a moment.

'Done,' she then said throwing the file on another pile next to her desk.

'You have a lot of work… Can't anyone help you out?' I ask with concern when looking around.  
'Your fiancé could suggest less paperwork instead of more,' she snippily answered. I give her a hurt look and instant regret went over her features.

'Not your fault,' she mumbled. 'Sit down.'

'Where?'

She takes a look around. There was hardly room to stand in her office for the moment. 'Go sit over there,' she points at the windowsill.  
'I have coffee,' I tell her showing the two paper cups.  
Her face softens up and she gives me a grateful look when accepting it.

'Thanks,' she said sitting down with a tired sigh next to me. We hold on to the warmth, enjoying the silence for a few seconds.

These moment were the only ones we had left from the past. It seemed these days we were always having some sort of argument. Either disagreeing on some matter or desperately trying not to let Inui's decisions get to us.

'What brings you here?'  
'I just needed to talk,' I softly answer while sincerely hoping we actually could.  
Glancing out of the corners of her eyes she places her hand on mine, reminding me I always could. No matter what was going on.

'I talk to Inui about… Ibiki Morino.'  
'I told you didn't have to,' she starts. 'I wanted to,' I answer, halting her speech. She simply shrugs, nodding her head so I'd continue.

'He is so stubborn on keeping him in this state of… political imprisonment,' I continue. 'He acknowledges the truth in-between the lines but defies the idea of actually letting this case go. Which I don't understand. Why is Sasuke getting such a kind treatment, when he has done so much worse? Did you forget he murdered Danzo?'

'I didn't,' she sharply points out. Taking a sip from her coffee. 'But Inui seems to have forgotten.'  
'He was just as close to him as he had been with his mentor,' I tell her, knowing how upset he had been when he had heard the news of Danzo's death.

'Sasuke is an Uchiha after all,' Tsunade points out. 'Always has been the clan of special treatment.'  
Upset, I shake my head not believing what I was hearing.

'Why are you so keen on getting Ibiki out?'

I feel so weird asking her this. As if I'm doing something wrong. I never question her.  
Maybe the question is actually more directed at myself…

'Is it… is it because Inui wants to depose you? Or at least lower the value that Hokage is currently holding?'

'Sakura,' Tsunade suddenly says, breaking the silence. 'I still, until this day, don't know why Inui is keeping this against Ibiki. There is only indirect evidence he was involved and beside the rumors, we have very little to hold against a Shinobi who has always shown us a great sense of honor and loyalty. _I_ want to restore that, it is Inui who is holding it all back.'

'What are you saying?'

'That I don't know if it is Ibiki involvement we should've investigated.'

 _Is she talking about me?  
_  
Widening my eyes in shock. I gape at her, not quite sure what to say at this revelation.  
This subject had only been brought up, after years of silence, a few weeks ago and I was already regretting that I had consented to the idea of just listening to what she had to say.

I felt a little manipulated.

'I'm sorry for what has happened but I'm not the one to blame,' I sharply tell her while getting up.

She hold her hands up, obviously trying to calm me down. 'I know,' she simply answers.

'Then what is it?' I ask her. 'I tried to meet you halfway, Tsunade. I asked him, just like you wanted me to do. I can't change his answer!'

'Sakura,' she slowly starts, thinking it through. I could tell she didn't like what she about to tell me. And I knew deep inside, _I_ was going to _hate_ it.

'You need to make up your mind, either be here or go be with your soon to be husband.'

'What are you talking about!?'

'I can't… talk to you anymore. He is the one trying to deprive me of my position and I know he is going to uses cases like that one against me. Saying I was aware of the assassination, when I wasn't. Sakura, he is framing me for things I haven't done. And he's doing the same with Ibiki.'

'Inui is stubborn,' I admit, 'but not unkind or hateful. He has done so much—'and it has benefited his position,' she harshly cuts me off, silencing me in the progress. 'When was the last time you did something you liked? You're not a doctor anymore. You a great person, Sakura, I'm very proud of all you have succeeded but when was the last time you _saved_ an actual life?' she asks me.

'I hated working in that hospital!' I argue back, not really like how things were either. But I had no choice, I couldn't stand the toxic environment and what I was doing today made me feel useful and happy.

'And who put you there?' she snaps back. 'Not me.'

Stunned at her words and the implications, I just speechlessly stood before her. The nagging feeling I had tried to ignore before came back, reminding me of what had been lurking inside.

'I'm so sorry for how things are going,' I tell her with a trembling voice. 'I never thought he would push the idea through and I have shown my resent towards it but I can't change the fact he is not the only one with this mindset.'

She simply nodded her head understandingly, giving me a pitiful look. I felt like she did truly understood what I was saying yet there was something she was afraid to say out loud. Averting her eyes for a second before looking back up to me, she eventually spoke up again.

'You can't have us both.'

'I know that!' I yell at her, stomping my foot in frustration. Drying my eyes before any tears could fall, I turn around to leave. 'I'm so… sorry.'

* * *

Combing my hair, I stared at myself in the reflection. I hardly recognized this woman before me. Flawless, long pink strands. A sophisticated woman who demanded respect and got it. Yes but not as the harsh doctor from years ago. That woman was gone.

The argument with Tsunade had awoken something I had tried to keep asleep for almost two years.  
 _  
Was I running from myself?_

I was so scared of being caught up in something I had ended up weaving myself into another world. A place where I, at times, could still feel out of place. I had blinded myself with opportunities and success. I had become one of the elite. The riches.

Placing the comb on the table, I get up and look around. This room was twice the size of any bedroom I had ever slept in. I didn't need any of this.

'Sakura?'

Turning around, I'm surprised to see him home so early. 'Inui.'

He simply smiled when walking towards me. Embracing me tightly, he asked me how my day was. His had been tiring, as always. I let my shoulders drop, feeling at ease suddenly.  
 _  
Don't I have everything I longed for…?_

'I had a fight with Tsunade.' The melancholic tone was hard to miss and I instantly felt more saddened when I had to say it out loud. I guess it was because it felt so final, so… _irreversible_.

'She's upset because she realize she is going to lose her position,' Inui started. 'She's just taking it out on you. Don't worry, once this thing is over and _she_ is over it, you'll two will reconcile.'

I think about it for a moment. It wasn't exactly that, it felt as if I was losing her. Our bond was put under so much pressure… it felt as if it was going to break.

 _Nevertheless,_ I think to myself _, he seemed to understand_.

Placing my arms around his neck, I pull him in for a kiss. 'Thanks.'

 _Thank you for telling me what I always need to hear… something reassuring and kind._

* * *

'You look nice.'  
'Thanks,' I sarcastically answer.  
'At least behave as if you want to be here,' he said while rolling his eyes.  
'As long as you know I'd rather be anywhere else in the world,' I hissed, giving him a furious look.

'How long are you going to punish me?' he asked as he let go of my waist. He stared into his glass of champagne before casually looking around.

I clench my teeth.

'This is not some form of punishment. You not only disappointed me, you are going against something I stand for.''Sakura, stop behaving like a saint,' he answered on a bored tone. 'Aren't you taking advantage of things yourself? Like asking for more funds for a certain project? You know as well as I Konoha isn't going to decline because it would publicly bring shame upon not only the village but the entire country.'

'I'm helping people in need, you are helping yourself,' I hiss. 'I can't believe you pushing this thing through. There is no country that will follow our example which, just like Tsunade has argued, will bring us in a weakened state. We'll become an easy target for other countries and will be back from where we've started, at war!'

'I have this all figured out. Next week will be the last week Konoha has a Hokage,' he argued back. 'But for tonight, with plenty of Kage to flaunt their greatness and share their thoughts, _she_ is still the Hokage.'

'You know how much this hurts me,' I tell him. 'You know Tsunade means so much to me…'

'But the power to change means more to you,' he snapped, silencing me with the stinging truth. 'And that is what makes us a great couple.'

'Then maybe we shouldn't be,' I tell him on a low tone, feeling the words burn inside of me. For weeks we had hardly had a spoken and if we did, it only led to this heated argument.

With a frown he walked to me, grabbing me and pushing me to him. His face was inches away from mine and I saw something I had never seen before in his eyes, something sinister. 'You're not going anywhere, you belong with me.'

'A-are you threatening me?' I whisper in shock, though not taken back by his words as much as I was by his sudden change in demeanor. I could blame it on stress but that would be a little too naïve for my age.

'Tsunade's situation could get worse,' he whispered in my ear. 'With all those war cases we have to deal with, she might be found guilty of negligence or abuse of power.'

Widening my eyes at his words we got interrupted by a servant telling us dinner would be served. Letting go of me, he told me how beautiful I looked in that long dark blue dress but I didn't respond to him. I simply kept staring at him in shock.  
'Just act normal,' he then added on an aggravated tone when he realized I wasn't playing along.

Taking my hand he guided me to grand dining-room where I got silenced by the massive amount of people attending this gathering. From Kages, Daimyos, high-officials to the most extraordinary Shinobi that had proven their worth during the war. Everyone with some meaning was in this grand ballroom.

Straightening my back, I ignored Inui for now. When I saw Tsunade I tried to make eye-contact but it seemed that she was keen on ignoring me.

I feel an overwhelming feeling of sadness take me over. Staring at the luxury of the room, the people talking, I suddenly felt very lonely again. Like I had been feeling for the last couple of weeks.

But just like expected, I played my role. Nodding my head politely while having small talk and trying to set up some new common projects. These new people were foreigners, which meant it all could become something international and perhaps even one day worldwide.

Yet my heart wasn't in it. I felt myself grow only as fraud, not as a genuine person anymore.

Glancing at my partner I noticed how Inui stays true to his role. He ignores my sour face for the most part and only talks to me when others are around.

During dinner we don't speak a word to one another.

Luckily the festivities were a great distraction. And like always, Inui found it a good excuse to leave me alone for the rest of the evening. He took off with the new Mizukage, someone who at least seemed to care for the future of the country and was working hard to change their current reputation.

Whenever it involved Kirigakure I tried to not let my mind wander to a certain person…

'All by yourself?'

Surprised by the cool voice, that had an eerie resemblance to the person haunting my mind, I turn my head and look up to see none other than Sasuke standing behind me.  
Quirking up an eyebrow to the fact he had bothered to come all away across the room to talk to me, I simply give him a somber nod in acknowledgement to his presence.

Not feeling overly confident, I decided to let him instigate the conversation. _He_ was seeking me out after all.

'Are you alright?' he casually asked.  
'I'm fine,' I answered. I wasn't quite sure what he wanted, or why he even bothered to ask me _how_ I was but I wasn't in the mood. My confidence was at a low point and I didn't feel like being reminded of people that had made me feel bad about myself.

It didn't seem to bother him that he was just oddly standing next to me. Not even asking me if he could sit with me or ask me to dance. Not that I wanted to. But still, the sight must've come off as unusual to everyone surrounding us.

'I see you've been by yourself for most of the evening,' he then started.  
'Does that bother you?' I snippily asked. I always had assumed seeing Sasuke after all these years would have some sort of impact on me but it seemed my melancholic state made me immune to his cold personality.

He stayed quiet, holding on to his stoic mask as always. Without asking or even speaking another word, he pulled up a chair to sit next to me.

'I never thought I'd see you here,' he started.  
'Where, Kohoha?' I keep my eyes on the dancefloor, not feeling the idea of looking him in the eye and actually talk. 'You didn't make that much of an impact to make me never come home again.'

 _Well that was kind of a lie… But he indeed had nothing to do with the fact I had come back._

'Here, Sakura,' he calmly stated.

Intrigued by his answer, I can't help but turn my head and look at him. His dark eyes stay unfazed by mine but it seems he needs to get something off his chest.

'I thought you hated it,' he starts. 'This place of… _smoke and mirrors_?' He nods his head to a few people I know all too well. 'I remember you disliking the idea of being treated differently depending on your status in our society.'

'Because _you_ threated me differently,' I blurt out, though knowing he wasn't talking about us. 'You made me feel as if I could never be good enough for you, no matter what my occupation, status, wealth, whatever it was that you valued at the time. None of it was ever good enough because I wasn't from a certain Clan or had family name that was widely known.'

'I apologize if I made you feel that way,' he solemnly tells me.

I shrug at his cold-heartedness, seeing it didn't bother him what had caused me so much pain when I was younger, when we should have been living a more carefree life at such an age.

But I guess after all this time, it didn't matter.

Now that I was older… sure I could handle it all a little better and I guess with age comes a certain status but still, he never made me feel valued throughout our time together. The fact he had just left and said a simple thank you instead of an explanation, said so much about how he had felt about me.

'I see you got quick pass back into the higher-circles,' I snap at him, hating how I was still dwelling on our past relationship.  
He doesn't reply to the remark, staring at me with the same coolness as before. I never could get to him…

'I don't think you belong here, Sakura. You never did,' he suddenly said. Placing a hand on my shoulder, I widen my eyes at his bold, arrogant statement. 'You care about what truly matters and make the difference in a way most people can't. You don't have to pay off your guilt with money, like some in this room have to do.'  
I simply snicker in response, not believing what my ears were hearing.

'I think you should get out while you still can.'  
'And I think you should leave,' I snap, taking a hug gulp of my glass of wine. When he doesn't budge, I get up myself. Leaving the glass of wine and Sasuke behind me.

Moving through the room, in hopes I could somehow get out of this rotten place, I bump into a few people. Muttering half apologies, I snatch another glass of wine from one of the tray passing me by.  
While drinking I look around, wondering if Sasuke had indeed a point.

I wasn't where I belonged. Or did people just like making me feel out of place?

A flash of memories come before my eyes, reminding me how people liked to manipulate my weakness.

Letting my head drop in defeat, I let out tired sigh. I was so tired of… everything that was me.

 _Great, now I'm becoming depressed!_

I ignore the few people that were trying to make eye-contact with me, looking around in the room while awkwardly standing by myself. I could see a few bored Shinobi standing at the sides, slouching or leaning against the wall. As much as it was an honor to socialize with the elite, that did not mean it was an honor for them to socialize with mere… _soldiers._ I always pitied theones who got an invitation since I knew what type of boring evening they had ahead of them.

Yet when I was feeling like this, they were always the easiest ones to talk to. I think they liked telling the story of how they got here and were grateful when someone actually listened to them.  
I stare at the amount Shinobis from various countries, a sight that had been unthinkable a few months back. Well, at least there was something to feel good about tonight.

I halt when one of them catches my eye.

'W-what…?' I have to blink twice when I see him. I widen my eyes when he looks in my direction. A servant comes to block my vision. 'Miss Haruno—'Doctor,' I snap at while pushing him to the side.  
'Lord Inui would like—'I'm busy!' I snap again, while searching for the person I had just been staring at. He was gone! He had been leaning against the wall near the balcony just a second ago!

Bewildered at the idea of him being here, I look around in search of him. I can't find him but I know…

I'm certain it was him!

* * *

Who? Who? Who?!

Sorry for the long wait! First I was sick and with the holidays I never got the time to re-read this chapter and publish it. I'm sorry if my grammar and mistakes are annoying. English isn't my first language and I've gotten a little rusty I suppose… I apologize but I'm grateful you keep reading in spite of it.

Thank you all so much!

I just want to remind you that there is NO CHAKRA in this story, this takes place in an AU.

Comment/review!


	16. Chapter 16

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

* * *

Chapter XVI

I immediately move to where he was standing. Passing trough the crowd of Shinobi I get to where he had been standing but he was already gone. I look around me but I can't find him. A mix of overexcitement and strange fear fill me up. I hastily run out on the balcony but nothing. As if he had vanished into thin air.

 _Gone._

Hurrying back inside, I ignore the stares of the Shinobi on me who notice I'm behaving odd. People walk up to me to talk but I pass them by, uncharacteristically brushing them off. Ignoring the gasps, I keep searching for him. I eventually halt in the middle of the room turning around to scan every corner. But I couldn't find him anywhere. He had truly disappeared.

'What are you doing here…?' I whisper to myself. A pit of fear inside of me started to grow, wondering what meaning his presence held and if it was an omen to what was to come.

Suddenly worrying about who could be his possible target, I glance at a few important figures until my mind suddenly makes the assumption only a mad person would try to get in here to attempt a murder. _  
_  
I was in room full of formidable Shinobi, Kages and everywhere around the building there was ANBU-agents. I was losing my mind to think he was here on a mission.

Placing my hand on my chest to calm my heart down, I take a deep breath. I place my drink on a trail passing me by, deciding I had enough. _I needed to focus_. Suddenly my somber thoughts were forgotten, I was determined to find the man and talk to him.

I casually walk through the entire ballroom in careful search of him, passing a few lounge rooms and even getting some odd glances for my obscene curiosity when I stood in the doorframe a little too long. Annoyed at my failed attempts, I let my shoulders hang in defeat. I was starting to wonder if I had imagined him. Perhaps the alcohol had been playing tricks on my mind.

Feeling flushed from all the excitement, I let out a tired sigh before deciding to give myself a bathroom break to freshen up. I felt like a mess and I probably looked at one too.

Somberly I walk into the restroom, feeling mostly annoyed with myself.

When I see my reflection, I can't help but question myself.

Did I just imagine him to relief myself from the pressure and the stress?

 _  
_My mind flashes back to Inui. Tsunade giving me the cold shoulder.  
 _  
What am I doing here…?_

The old me would splash some cold water on to her face and strengthen herself with some hard words of wisdom and determination. But I feel too deprived to even attempt that.

Also, it would ruin my perfectly done makeup and hair.

So instead I just pinched my cheek a little and straighten my dress. I just wanted this night to be over.

 _Like tomorrow is going to be any better._

Raising my eyebrows at my reflection, I shake my head at the vicious voice. _I could always cheer myself up on dark days._ I almost felt the need to laugh at my own misery but decided I didn't want anyone to think I was going truly mad. So I smiled at the elder lady standing next to me. She compliments me and I do the same for her. _And all is well again…_

With another sigh, I let the restroom door fall shut behind me.

Walking back to the ballroom with a heavy heart I try to order my mind. _I wish I could talk to Tsunade… Lie in Inui's arms without worry…_

Oversensitive from all the emotional stress, I halt when hearing a peculiar noise. I look around for a minute to then notice it probably came from what appeared to be the coatroom. It was dark and unattended.

Hesitating for a moment, I take a step back and peek through the small hallway full of coats.

My body freezes while my eyes widen in shock.

There _he_ was. The man I had been looking for. I hadn't imagined him. He casually was leaning against the wall. Playing with some small change, obviously trying to catch my attention with the ringing noise it made. I take a glance at it before looking up to him. When our eyes meet he bears his teeth, giving me his signature smirk. He nods head, signaling that I should come inside.

Looking around to see if no one was around to see me do that. No one. I determinedly walk to him.  
My heart was beating loudly. My knees were trembling. I felt uncertain, not sure what his exact intentions were. When opening my mouth to question him, he places a finger to hush me. The rather innocent action made me feel embarrassed. I felt an immediate heat rise up to my cheeks.  
Mirroring the action on himself, he tries to make it obvious he was listening in on something.

Trying to somewhat focus, I tried to do the same. But I couldn't focus unlike before everything was a blur now.

When hearing a door open somewhere nearby, he grabs my hand and pulls me along. I wasn't quite sure if I should protest or not but it seems I can't help but simply gasp at the unexpected action. Walking further into the room of narrows halls made of hangers and coats, which was starting to resemble some sort of maze I let him guide me. I was feeling numbed by the sudden encounter.

'What are you doing here?' I whisper when we finally halt. He only answers with a smirk, before looking around again. I suppose his tall figure was an advantage in this room. How on earth did people find their way in this mess?  
I see him looking around for a moment, being able to look above the hangers. Grabbing my hand again, he walks through another several halls before halting again.

Were we running from someone?

When we finally halt, I realize we are somewhere halfway in the room. A small square space, presumable in the middle of what is probably a huge room. I glance around a little before noticing I can hardly hear the music playing anymore. I bite my lip when I look up to him, unsure of what he had planned.

'Fancy people's coats hang closer so they don't have to wait too long,' he snickers while letting go of my hand. I frown at the remark, uncertain what to make of it.  
He walks up to on of the many hangers and grabs something out of someone's pocket. I almost want to remark on him stealing another's belonging before seeing it was pack of cigarettes.

I quirk up an eyebrow.

'I forgot,' he snickered. His amused reaction implied he was telling some sort of lie. It took me a second to snap out of it and realize this was all irrelevant.

'W-what are you doing here?' I ask him trying to use a firm tone. However the tremble in my voice wasn't hard to miss.

'Attending a party,' he dryly answered while lifting his one hand as to make it obvious.

'Zabuza,' I felt my breath stagger when saying his name out loud. It had been taboo for such a long time, even in my head. To simply think of him…

'I mean it. What are you doing here? Are you on a mission?'

Lighting up the cigarette, he gave me a devious look. Inhaling the tobacco before slowly blowing the smoke out, he eyes me up and down before answering. I feel uneasy when seeing his brown eyes roam over me.

'The Mizukage did say to behave,' he muttered, acting as if he only now understood what she exactly had meant when saying that.

'Mizukage?' I echo in confusion. 'Y-you're here as an actually Shinobi of Kirigakure?'

I guess the surprise in my voice was hard to ignore and again he snickered at my baffled reaction. Giving a grand gesture, as if he had been exposed. 'I've straighten my ways!'

For a moment I wondered if he was drunk but his smirk made me realize he was just playing with me.

'Where is… where is Haku?'

'Too young to attend,' he immediately answered, this time using a more serious tone. Adding he was to participate the upcoming chuunin exams and needed to train.  
I nod and remembering the excitement that had come over the people when hearing the news of Kirigakure entering the exams as well.  
It would be the first time in a decade almost all five Shinobi nations would be attending. Kirigakure being the longest one absent. It had been huge deal just week ago and it still felt a little surreal.

This news however felt a little more than just surreal.

'I thought you…' I take breath, trying to compose myself while wrapping my brain around what I hearing.  
'I've changed,' he said. As if he had determined that a long time ago. The firm voice left no room for arguments but the deceiving undertone was contradicting. It sound as if he was mocking his current situation.

Taking a few steps towards me, I'm suddenly reminded by our huge difference in heights. I do however take a moment to look at him, noticing he looks much healthier than I had ever seen him. He actually looks handsome in his uniform. _Kirigakure's official uniform,_ I note _. So he's not lying?_

We simply stand before each other in silence for what felt like the longest time. I'm too speechless to talk and it seems Zabuza is fascinated by the patterns on my dress.

'Since when do you smoke?' I blurt out when he blows smoke into my face.  
Amused by my reaction, he explains he does it occasionally. 'But I do think my former doctor would disapprove.'  
'She does,' I snap. I don't know why I'm so easily aggravated by him, it after all was nothing more than a little joke. I guess I was annoyed by how familiar he was behaving. As if no time had passed or nothing had changed at all.

I feel flustered, excited and uncomfortable. This man had become this unnamed creature in my head who I would talk to, question or simply tell him to take good care of the kid. _Haku._

'And Haku is ok with being in Kirigakure—'He was never a missing-nin, just boy that went missing and nobody cared about.'

The cold words of truth silence me, taken back by how harsh their reality was. Or at least had been.

'Is he doing well?' I ask more calmly.  
'What do _you_ think?'

First I was startled by the quick answer, thinking I had asked the wrong question but when looking up he gave me an amused look. He hadn't meant it unkind. I simply smiled when realizing I knew the answer. Of course he was doing well, he was probably outsmarting everyone.

'I don't understand,' I whisper to him. 'You'd never go back.'

Placing his arm around my waist suddenly, he takes his cigarette out of his mouth and brings my face closer to his. Shocked, I stay still and just swallow the anticipation of what _could_ be coming.

'I couldn't ask you to dance earlier,' he whispered. 'What would everyone _involved_ say?'

I swallow, realizing my heartbeat wasn't just high because of the fear I felt for him. I place my hand on his chest to try and keep some distance but I put hardly any pressure on it. I faintly remember having done this before.

'What do you mean? Is that why you are back in Kirigakure?' I ask, hearing a more obvious tremble unleash itself in my voice. 'B-because you killed the old councilor?'  
'I was in jail when the councilor was murdered,' he immediately answered without even a simple blink of hesitance. Firmly believing his own lie, his eyes stayed on mine. Waiting for some sort of response to it.

Suddenly twirling us around, my heartrate went up while I held on to him. My feet almost left the ground and I was reminded by how physically strong he was. His eyes held something dark. And for a moment I feel delirious, as if this meeting is an illusion.

He did not only look different in clothes.

 _He_ was different.

A part of me was afraid what meaning this meeting held, thinking he might be out to get me after all this time. My breath staggers when my back meets the wall while he remains before me, like predator holding on to its prey. I almost want to start running.

 _But where to?_

The cutting question make my shoulder prematurely hang in defeat and I simple let him be. He doesn't move, smoking his cigarette further down while staring at me. His brown eyes bore into mine and I uncomfortably look away, trying to think of something to say or do.

The need of distraction was quite helpful because I took notice of an important detail on his uniform. It was shining on his chest. The emblem of captain. When he notices I've seen it, he sends me another smirk. As if proud of the little discovery I had made.

Licking his lips before speaking up he at same time touches my shoulder with his hand while holding the cigarette. I can feel its heat on my skin.

'How is that even possible?' I idly ask.

'Well, you certainly took my advice to the heart, Sakura,' he said. His voice saying my name gave me shivers that I couldn't suppress. I pushed my back into the wall to straighten myself.  
Maybe it was a response to my memories of him. He said it in a such particular way too. No else said it like he did.

' _You_ went straight for the top,' he mutters. I feel him closing in on me and slightly touching my hair with his mouth.

I knew he was talking about Inui.

 _You want to change the system? Get in and work from the inside out._

'I-it's not like that,' I tell him though he hadn't said a word. My breath wavers when noticing his little actions are definitely having their affect.  
His hand goes slowly over my arm, much like a soft caress. It lingers here and there making me crave it to continue.

'I don't care,' he solemnly answers, giving me a shrug.

Lowering his gaze, our noses meet and I'm reminded of how we parted and those last few hours we had spent together. I had always belittled them, telling myself it all meant nothing but now that he stood before me, I was beginning to doubt myself. His hungry brown eyes reminded me of much, much more.

'Though, I do think he might've not been the best one to pick,' he added. 'Getting rid of the head of your nation's army, is a little… rash. I don't think you'll get what you want by getting rid of what has made you great.'

 _Ah, sharp words_. Sharper than any kunai. I was suddenly reminded of his brutal honesty and how he was never easy on anyone, no matter who it was he was talking to.

Yet today, I didn't mind. I kind of yearned for it, even if it was set to hurt me.

Some blunt clarity wasn't too bad for the moment but...

'Shut up,' I suddenly blurt out. I didn't want to talk about Inui or Tsunade. 'Tell me. Tell me where you've been.'

He smirks at my reaction before letting out a low chuckle. Taking a long drag from his cigarette, he scratches his chin in thought, contemplating on what he should answer me. Blowing the smoke out, he gave me an odd look. Eying me from head to toe before locking in on my eyes again.

I don't waver or avert them. We stay in silence for a moment, as if both in deep thought.

But I knew he was playing some sort of mind game with me.

I found it all so odd. The way we just found each other… Not once had I ever imagined of encountering Zabuza attending at a high-parliamentary meeting that was disguised as a celebration of the end of the war.

As a high-class Shinobi of Kirigakure nevertheless, invited for his incredible contribution to his nation and people. He was attending as an honoree man.

'I can't tell you all of that in just a few minutes,' he suddenly answers while continuing his light movements. He touches my hair again, making me flinch because of the electricity hanging between us. It takes me a second to realize he is lightly caressing it. I frown at him and his actions. Feeling a uncomfortable by them and perhaps making me even feel a little uncertain about myself.

It was him, the demon of my mind. But I don't recognize him. He wasn't like this.

'You're acting… different,' I mumble.

Closing in the gap between us even more, he comes much closer then before. I can now feel his breath on my lips. Sometimes even lightly touching me when speaking.

'Isn't everybody _acting_?'

Widening my eyes at the remark and especially because I can sense he's holding back to kiss me. His eyes longingly stare into mine, as if wanting some sort of signal before continuing.

Surely he had not changed that much?

I give him a light frown in response.

Just like anticipated, he then decides to make the bold choice himself. Quicker before I can stop him, he places his hand on my waist. Lowering it before pulling me closer to him. I let out a sigh and feel myself weaken. Maybe it's the alcohol but suddenly it feels as if the room is spinning and I have to place my hand on his chest, this time to hold my balance.

Or is it him that is spinning me around again?

'Zabuza…'

'Sakura,' he simply answered while still not kissing me but just lightly teasing my lips with his. It takes me second to realize his hand is going over my hip and it is _me_ who is responding to his touch.

His mocking expression fades. Giving me a more serious look, he stared in question at me.

'Don't you ever get tired?'

I knew exactly what he meant, so I just nodded my head while mindlessly following his movements. Placing my hand over his arm, I feel some sort of electricity go through my entire body.

'Let's take a break, Sakura,' he whispers. I can feel him smirk against my lips and I only wonder for a second who's resolve is crumbling faster.

Moving my hand slowly upwards, I let it rest on his shoulder while I wait for him. I refuse to be the first one to give in. Yet I can't help but lure him out.

'I've missed your scent.'

When the warmth of his mouth hit mine, I shivered again. The awful taste of smoke lingered in his mouth and it was not something I had ever tasted before. The alcohol was familiar and rather faint since I was guilty of drinking it myself. I mirror the need, the tacky and unapologetic sloppy kisses.

Going with my hand through his short hair, he lets out a groan. Pressing himself against me and deepening the movements. I see him flick his cigarette out of his hand before sliding back down and grabbing my leg up.

I'm reminded of how much different he is. A little more vicious. Vulgar. A real demon at times.  
But the fact we give in and let it consume us so easily tells me we've both changed.

It seemed he had become a combination of both persona's, never letting his guard truly down but too needy as human to not give in to wanting me. And I? I can't help myself. Its making me walk down a darker path than I had ever walked on before.

I forget everything.

It takes me only a small moment to realize that was the point.

His hand goes higher and I respond more passionately, remembering I hadn't been touched like this in a while and therefor desired it all the more.  
I also would be a liar if I'd say Zabuza didn't have some sort of effect on me. We had this odd electricity that was hard to ignore. I guess it was safe to say we both had been craving it deeply. His words were suddenly making more and more sense.

We always seem to find each other on the worse moments.

He lets out a moan when feeling me. I throw my head back, enjoying it far too thoroughly. His mouth finds its way back to that sensitive spot I have, making me moan in respond. He eventually slows down but only to then abruptly halt his movements. I let out a disappointing sound and try to protest but he ignores me and softly lets go of me.  
My feet meet the ground again. My chest going up and down, trying to catch my breath while hoping it would also have some effect on him.

I curse his willpower when he only responds with a small kiss and backs away. He licks his lips again, not hiding his arousal. I swallow when thinking of where this could lead to. I try to compose myself but can't help but struggle.

 _What was with me?_

The faint voice disappeared as quick it had come. My head was still spinning too much to think clearly.

'I'm staying in the Raine hotel. Third floor, room nine. Last door on the left.'

I gape at him. He didn't honestly thought I was going to come to his room, did he?

'We can talk there,' he explains. 'I'll tell you everything,' he adds with a smirk while his eyes stay on my body.

Not quite sure how to respond to his suggestion, and knowing his promise of knowledge held much more than just that, I get up off the wall. He had the worse timing. _Or the best._ I felt flushed, alive and more then willing to follow him up on his offer.

But it was a little complicated given my position.

He still held a devious smirk on his face when walking towards me, offering me a hand to guide me back out of here. I wanted to halt a few times, just to continue what we had started.

A million questions needed to be answered and all I wanted was to be numbed by his touch again.

When he halted, he surprised me by grabbing me by my waist again. But instead of what I had anticipated, he easily turn us around. Placing me before him so I'd be the first to leave.

'You go first,' he whispered, while coming a little too close and lingering a little too long.  
He simply gave me a hungry look before letting go of me. Almost pushing me out of the room, I try to compose myself a little but feel transparent. I want to walk to the restroom again but see a crowd of women hanging before the door. Not knowing how I looked, I turned around to avoid confrontation.

Peeking at my reflection in the windows, I noticed my hair was only slightly loose but otherwise I looked fine. Perhaps a little flushed. I could still feel the heat inside of me. My heartrate had yet to slow down.

I was feeling so much at once. The excitement that I might finally find out what had happened to the two and the idea that they were actually safe was a little surreal. Though it felt bittersweet when realizing all the lies that were attached to this strange reality.

Still, I wanted to know how Zabuza and Haku had ended up back in Kirigakure.

'Ah, there she is!' I'm startled when feeling Inui's hand on my waist. He turns me around to introduce me to some people. He's suddenly in a wonderfully good mood and seems to completely forgotten our arguments from the last few weeks. It takes me a second to adjust and play along.

We talk a little but I find it hard to concentrate. Seeing Zabuza brings back many memories. I'm reminded of a time where I wasn't such a great liar. When I couldn't play any type of _role_. Not even for some high politician.

I feel some sort of shame come over me when thinking of our moment in that room. And how I was still feeling now that I was outside and it was over.  
 _I wanted him_. No, I needed _more_. It was kind of ironic to think that given our radically changed lives, we still craved the same warmth. I bite my lip at the thought, mostly ending up questioning my own life.

'You are glowing,' Inui suddenly whispers in my ear. I practically jump at husky remark.  
'Oh?'  
'Too bad,' he says moving his head away from my ear while shaking his head. 'There is a reception that I need to attend. I won't be home early.'

I already know where this conversation is going. So I tell him what he wants to hear.

'It's fine, I know you are busy,' I answer with a smile. 'Besides, I think I'm done for the evening.'  
He answers with a smile. I only notice know how fake it is. He places one of the loose strands of hair behind my ear. I knew he did'n like it when it wasn't neatly tied up.

'You do look a little… flustered. You must be exhausted with all those trips you took last week.'  
'I am,' I answer, trying not to blush more when thinking of the real reason.

We part ways and as I leave, so do many other guest. As I walk out, I can't seem find Zabuza anywhere. Again it seems he has disappeared into nothingness. As I am amazed by his skills I'm guided by agents to my carriage.

The entire way home I can't help but think of my strange encounter. My stomach is knotted itself up and my uneasiness grows.

When I'm home an ANBU-agent awaits me. I'm informed security is lower than usual because of the party. Konoha had insisted on using all available forces and since I was not of great _political_ importance, that wasn't a complete surprise. But once Inui would be home it would be a complete squad guarding our house again, he informed me. I just nod at the only agent, telling him I could take care of myself if needed.

If anything, I was glad to see less in black uniformed men surrounding me all the time. They made me feel nervous and uneasy. I still disliked them, even if they were there for my own safety.

I try to not think of giving in to the idea of seeing Zabuza again.

Instead my mind thinks of Haku. Maybe one day I could see him again!

Rumors was the exam was going to take place in Konoha, if so I might see him then.

Washing the make up off and giving myself a much needed cold shower, I try to let it all go. But it seemed whenever I closed my eyes I was reminded of what happened just a few hours ago. It was past midnight and I knew Inui wasn't going to come home anytime soon.

I tried to ease my mind. Calming it with the facts I did know. Zabuza had changed and Haku had some sort of home in Kirigakure. At least that's what he said, which didn't necessarily mean it was true… If anything, it sounded like an obvious lie.

 _Great now I'm conflicting myself!_

I'd see him again sometime. Maybe tomorrow or some other day. Unexpectedly like it had been today. _But was it unexpected for him too? He seemed to know I was going to be there…_

I turn around, lying on my stomach and held on to my pillow. As if I was holding onto someone dear.

 _What if he isn't here tomorrow? What if this was my last chance to talk to him?_

I can't wait for who knows how long again. What if this opportunity would never rise again? I had secretly always wanted to see them again. Just to know how they were doing.

I bite my lip at the thoughts. I didn't like where my head was going with this.

Everybody is either out or sleeping by now… No one would notice. I'd never get a chance like this again…

With an aggravated growl I throw the blanket off of me and get out bed. My feet almost touch the ground. Wavering at the idea of what I was about to do. _If I got caught…_ I bite my lip at the thought.

Could I trust Zabuza?

 _After all these years…I'm sure he wouldn't. Besides he was in a different place and had no reason to betray me._

Those words fed my morbid curiosity and without any doubt I place my feet firmly on the ground beneath me. The polished wooden floor doesn't even crack underneath my weight. Grabbing something comfortable to wear, I still make sure to make little to no sound. Though we'd never had agents inside the house, I wanted to take no risk.

Taking the back door, I cautiously open it. Looking around, I see no one. _Good.  
_ The wind was blowing hard, making the cap of my coat fall off and reveal my too obvious pink hair in the dark night. Grabbing it and putting it back into place, I then hurry through the garden. Finding the old rusty red gate, that was once used by servants ages ago, I try to escape through there. I wince when it screeches while I open it.

The wind makes it hard to decipher but I can hear him coming. The _ANBU-agent!_

I try to run to the other side of the house but he's too quick, so I jump into hiding.

I felt like a real shinobi again when waiting for the agent to move around. There was only one agent around, something I could've easily handled when younger. But I admit I had gotten spoiled over the years and have gotten as rusty as the forgotten gate.

Nervousness and anticipation weren't helping me either. The thrill of what I was doing… I hadn't felt like this in two years.

A more stubborn part of me was in deep denial.

But the genuine voice, that knew no one could hear, admitted that perhaps what I was doing was a result of all the things that had happened. A rebellious act towards Inui. _No, I don't agree!_ A nod to Tsunade. _Yes, I was hiding something._

Though neither could ever know.

 _Also… I just want to know. I want to be selfish for a moment. Know what Haku was up to, how Zabuza got to this point._

I decided to ignore the little nagging voice telling me other more mature things too. The burning feeling inside got cooled off by the wind passing me by. I shiver more in response then I should and hurry out of the garden when the agent goes the other direction.

I swallow when standing before the Raine hotel. And how was I suppose to get in without getting seen? I couldn't just get in there and say I'm here to see Captain Momochi. I wince at the sound of his new title, finding it odd and a little inappropriate. He hardly deserved such a title. Or any honor at all.

Again my curiosity pushed me passed my limits and when I see the entrance for personnel, I run to it. Luckily someone just enters and I'm able to catch the door. Holding some distance to not get caught, I wait around. It takes me a while to figure out where to go.  
I can feel my heart beat loudly in my ears and go through my entire body. I try to calm myself but it isn't until I see the elevator I can let out a breath of relief.

Pushing the button, I then go into hiding again. I didn't know if anyone would be coming along for the ride.

It seemed luck was on my side because the compartment of the elevator was empty. When it opened up, I rush in and, like a mad person, I push three.

I keep my black coat in front of my face and my cap, despite being inside, stays on my head.

With shaky legs I quietly walk through the dark hall. It so quiet that every sound I make seems to be too loud. I suddenly realize that this hall is probably resided with full fledges shinobi of Kirigakure.  
I swallow at the idea but firmly walk to the end of the hall. Standing in front of his door, my conscience catches up with me and asks me what the hell am I doing here.

I feel my hand tremble as I turn it into a fist, ready to knock on something irreversible and dangerous.

My mind was driving me slowly mad with voices and fears. Questions that were slowly becoming riddles and reasons that I kept using as mantra to calm myself over and over. When my knuckles hit the wood, everything turns quiet. My body even relaxes, as if knowing I wouldn't be able to undo what I had just done. There was no going back now.

To my surprise a quick answer awaits. I hear the lock open. Taking a hesitant step back, I'm relieved to see his face when he opens the door. His expression is hard to read. I can't tell if he surprised to see me here or not. Opening it with a small gap, he waits for me to enter through it.

When I pass him by I smell alcohol and a hint of cigarettes. He holding a glass of something that reeked of hard liquor. I feel so uncomfortable that my eyes stay on the ground. When he shuts the door, I almost jump.

My heart is beating so loud, it is deafening me. The lump in my throat makes it hard to breath. I can feel cold sweat unleash itself all over my body. He walks around me a few times, as if taking me in.

 _What the hell am I doing here?_ I ask myself again, this time more harshly then before. A tone I should have been using earlier, before I got here.

He eventually halts standing right before me. He doesn't move except to drink from his glass.  
I can feel his eyes on me.

Aware that I am still a grown person, I have the courage to take off the cape and loosen up my coat. I want to open my mouth and explain why I had taken him upon his offer but I was at a loss of words. My dry throat wasn't helping either.

'I…'

I try but I can't even find the courage to look him up the eye.

In a predatory matter moving before me, I cautiously take a step back. Zabuza's eyes stay focused on mine when I finally look up.

Pushing me slowly towards the door with his tall figure, I let out a yelp when I hit the door. I can hear him take a deep breath before placing the glass on the table next to us. I intensely watch his movements. Swallow when I see his hand reach for me.

'I…' I try again, shaking my head at his thoughts. His bare chest isn't helping my clouded mind either.

'Who cares?' he whispered in response when lifting my chin so my mouth meet his.

He is soft but hungry. Slowly making me forgot why I had convinced myself to come here. Pushing me into him, my feet leave the ground again. His arms snaked around me and I mirrored his movements. In a tight embrace he holds onto me and we start were we left off.

I give into my cravings and the real reason why I had dared to come all the way out here. Feeling his skin underneath mine, his response… I can tell. Or at least I like to think so.

He too had craved for this. Or do I even dare to say? He had kind of missed it as well?

Our entanglement of need.

I could tell in the way he touched me, kissed me and lingered a little too long on certain places. As if reminiscing certain memories.

Had I been on his mind too?

I guess it explains why we couldn't help ourselves. And I guess we could both simply sense it… we weren't back to where we had left off just mere hours ago, we were back to whatever we had left off years ago.

I let my hands slide of his shoulders.

Even though I'm still quite curious, my selfish need is more urgent and I can't ignore it.

'Sakura,' he let out a sigh when we part for air. His brown eyes held something different, something I had never seen so clearly in them before. _Need_.

When I try to answer him he silences me with his mouth again. I try a few more times before eventually letting go and giving into him and my own need completely.

My mind slowly became numbed again.

I let my hand roam over his body, enjoying the touch of his skin. While realizing I had missed this type of thrill over the pass years. I block out all the memories, thoughts and reasons.

And admit the secrecy made this all the more thrilling.

* * *

comment/review!


	17. Chapter 17

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

* * *

Chapter: XVII

I take a much needed deep breath. Oxygen had been deprived of me the last few minutes.  
My eyes simply space out, staring mindlessly at the dresser in front of me. His shirt and jacket were sloppily placed on it and cluttered with some other stuff. I feel a bead of sweat roll down my neck.

His arm is around me and I can feel him touching my hair softly. I feel his heart beat underneath my ear.

I can't remember us being so close. _Did we ever cuddle afterwards?_

Not that I can remember clearly. _Yes, we did. A little._ ButI don't feel an overwhelming certainty to ease my mind and make me fully relax in our embrace. Yet I didn't want it to end.

My hand goes over his chest to his neck, holding on a little more intently. I even press myself against him. He responds with a slight hum of approval, even daring to nuzzle his nose into my hair.

I don't think we were ever been as affectionate as we were now.

Which made me question everything a little bit more.

'How come you're here?' I ask. I'm surprised how hoarse my voice sounds. I guess the fatigue of the day was taking its toll on me.

'Long story,' he muttered.

'You said you would tell me.'

He lets out a low groan before squeezing me closer to him. Deciding to ignore my question, his hand travels over my back. It was still damp from sweating and the featherlight touch makes me shiver in reaction.

'Cold?'  
'I'm fine.' I snicker in response to his attempt at distracting me. I mutter I was simply still cooling off.  
I move my head up to look him in the eye. He response with a satisfied smirk.

I smirk but I had enough of our charades. It's late and we don't have much time left.

Sure, I had my selfish reasons for coming here but I didn't want to leave without any answers to my burning questions.

Even at the risk of being caught, I wouldn't leave without them.

I give him a hard look but he simply keeps smirking, knowing what I had on my mind and how keen I was on getting it. I don't flinch and after a few failed attempt to distract me he eventually lets out a sigh.

'Stubborn…' He doesn't finish the sentence but I can hear the beginning of a word with the letter b start in his throat but die halfway out. He shifts uncomfortable but I hold on to him. I keep waiting for him to start. I wasn't going to repeat myself again.

'Part of the deal,' he unwillingly admits. 'A longshot that I didn't think would happen but it did.'  
It takes me a minute to comprehend what he was saying.  
'You wanted this?' I ask in surprise while moving my head up to take a better look at him.

'It's complex,' he answers with annoyed sigh. I don't think the sigh was an answer to the question I asked but more so the situation that he found himself in. I frown. I couldn't tell if he was content with being captain or not. He wanted this, did he not?

'So you… wanted to be a shinobi of Kirigakure again?' I ask. I can't seem to be able to hide my surprise.

Though it doesn't cause any turmoil to the calm, almost serene atmosphere that was hanging between us.

I can't recall him being so quiet. Then again, I too was in no state of arguing either. _Too tired_.  
Or maybe Zabuza had less to hide this time around. I actually hadn't expect much of an answer out of him.

'Yes and no,' he answers with a shrug. When he sees the look on my face he seems to realize I wasn't satisfied with his answer and needed a little more. I was a little surprised to see it having an actual affect on him.

'I was promised a high position,' he then clarifies. 'But with Konoha chasing the "assassin", I was facing the choice to either accept what they now offered or going to prison.'  
'Kirigakure willingly offered you a position?' I ask in confusion.

'Konoha knows,' he points out, aggravated because he remembered telling me this already. Though perhaps back then a bit more cryptic then now.

'I don't understand. Did you want to go back to Kirigakure?'

With a sigh, he finally explains his personal situation.

'Kirigakure wasn't doing too well during the war. Many losses and awful strategy choices made by the government and the then current Mizukage. Konohakure, being the more powerful village, promised a solution to the village. I was approached by a…' he became little hesitant but eventually continued, 'a high official with the idea of me getting rid of their _filth_. And in trade, Konoha would get rid of ours. This way either village wouldn't get involved in political policies or be guilty of treason.'

 _So both parties were involved and came out clean… Ah, war was the perfect excuse for many things._

'Of course, it wasn't a nice little trade. I was tricked and suddenly I became the target that had to be disposed of, at any cost. Kirigakure was already been taken over by _another_ government, so the deal was off. But they offered me a other position instead.'

'Why did they bother to do that?'

'Leverage,' he answered on a sardonic tone. As if it still amused him to this day. 'I know who hired me, which is great to hold against Konoha, since the high official is still alive. Kiri had to ensure some certainty against Konoha, so it does by not getting caught killing an official shinobi of Kiri during the time of peace treaty.'

'So you're stuck,' I point out in disbelief.

'Nicely put.'

I slowly get up off his chest, placing my head on my hand in thought. I stare at him. His brown eyes look a little dull, as if the devil inside of him had been silenced. He still held something harsh. A hidden turmoil of resentment and hate.

Softly touching his cheek, he stays unfazed. His brown eyes glance at the gesture before looking back at me.

'Haku's doing well,' he suddenly says. He gives himself a nod in agreement. I raise my eyebrows at the sudden abrupt change of subject but listen to what he has to say about the boy.  
'He only started the academy a year ago. And since he had never been to school before, he had his work cut out for him. Kiri wasn't going to give him slack either. Especially because he was my student. Little respect was given to a nameless, unpromising child… but he pulled through.'

I nod but feel myself tremble when I see his smirk. Eyes flickering. I could suddenly see him. _The demon._ Unexpectedly looking well and alive. _  
_  
'I'm going to take them down, one by one… from the inside out. Remember, Sakura?'

His voice was smoother, slithering with venom and hate. Startled my hand leaves his cheek while my body freezes in his arms. I shiver again but not out of delight this time.

'That would mean war again, Zabuza,' I quietly tell him.

Bearing his sharp teeth when his smirks widen, he moves underneath me. Turning us around, 'I don't care. I live for war, blood…' he mutters while he closes the gap between our mouths.  
'Zabuza…'  
'It's personal. The rest of the world doesn't care, Sakura.' The certainty in his voice reminded me how sharp his truth was. I knew the rest of the world didn't care about the turmoil in other villages, as long as the world was seemingly quiet.  
Meanwhile his hand was traveling more down. I let out a sigh when feeling featherlight touches. Taking it as a signal to continue, he let out a groan in my ear when feeling me.

How can cruelness and sweetness be so close to another?

'Besides, it going to take patience,' he continues in my ear. 'Don't worry, _your_ hard work won't be ruined in the process.'  
I just nod, suddenly not being able to think straight or care about his ulterior motives. I knew this. I knew who he was and what he wanted. And I knew Haku was going to follow him wherever he went.

'So tell me,' he whispers using a different tone then before. 'Is Inui not the man everyone says he is?'

I could hear the sarcasm all too clear and took it as a hint of jealousy from his side. Especially when his caresses grew more intense, keen on proving his point. I didn't bother to lie.

No, Inui wasn't like him.

Zabuza had something I liked. Something a little… vile, that made me feel better about myself. I had learned that along the years. When I caught myself thinking of him.

I simply let out a gasp in response. I didn't know why I was doing what I was. My life wasn't in ruins.

It wasn't all that _bad_. Some had much worse than I. I was just in a very political relationship. The passion was rare but there.

But I guess I just needed him again to make me forget a little. My hand touches his and I emphasize I don't want to stop nor talk any further. Zabuza confesses of imagining this. Imagining me.

'I'm here until the end of the week,' he says between sloppy kisses when traveling down my neck.  
'I-I can't,' I mumble while using my hand to guide his mouth back to mine. Its long and needed and I forget what I was about to reject to. It's he who decides to break our connection.

'Well, I can't come visit you. _You_ have too much security,' he says while snickering in response to all I was doing. My hands travelled over his arms and neck. His expression was victorious, enjoying it thoroughly that I was reacting the way I was to him.

'Zabuza, that's insane,' I mutter at the thought of the dangerous idea.  
'We both want it,' he simply answers. 'Besides, my plan is going to take a few more years. I have the time and the…' he lets out a sigh when getting on top of me. Holding onto the both of my hands with his, he kisses me again.

Our bizarre relationship is going to take us both down, I think to myself in that moment.

'I imagined this for years, don't you tell me you haven't,' he roughly whispers in my ear.  
'I… have,' I confess with a blush.

Trying to straighten my clothes, I glance in the mirror. I look like a mess. Hair sticking to my face, make up smudged... I would need a shower before hitting the bed.

I just hoped Inui wasn't home yet…

'So, tomorrow?' Zabuza asks, not hiding his amusement when I snap my head around to look at him.  
I glare in response, telling him it is impossible. He simply shrugs, empties his drink and finally stops slouching against the wall. Handing me over my left shoe that I had been searching for, I snatch it from his hand and hastily put it on.

'I don't know why you think I'd take such risk,' I mutter when getting up. He grins widely while standing before me as I get off the bed. I try to leave but he block my way with his tall figure.

'I need to go! Do you want me to get caught?' I angrily ask him.  
'Of course not,' he answers on a dull tone. I shove him to the side with all my might and with a huff, I pass.

Grabbing the door handle without looking back, I hear him move behind me. I halt, wondering if I should bother saying goodbye. Turning my head slightly to him, he gives me his usual stoic expression in return. The blank canvas only aggravated me more.

Turning my head back around to finally open the door and leave but yet I halt again. Actually, I feel myself frozen on the spot. A few questions were still swirling around in my head. Now that I was out of his bed, it was so chaotic inside of me again.

I had been able to silence these voices for so long, yet one glance and I was back to where I had once been.

'I just have one more question,' I confess. I face him and await his response but his wearing a mask that cannot be deciphered. I took it as a sign to simply ask him what was on my mind.

'Why did they approach you?'

His brown eyes stay on mine, unfazed by the question. He shrugs at first, as if not certain on answering the simple question.

'I still had some ties in Kirigakure. It wasn't a secret that I wanted to get back and take over the position of Mizukage.'

'Really?' I asked, realizing I knew so little of this man that the rest of the world saw as a notorious assassin. It made me feel naïve and foolish but I pushed away the negativity growing inside and tried to focus on what was at hand.

Not wanting to get into detail, he waves off the idea of telling and explaining the entire story.

'Believe it or not,' he answers on a bored tone, 'picking me for the job, _that_ was a coincidence. There are plenty of men like me roaming this world.'

'And Ibiki Morhino?' I then ask. 'Was he a coincidence?'

'You said one question,' he pointed out.

'Zabuza,' I sigh, feeling annoyed by his little games. I tighten my hand on the handle but for some reason don't turn around and leave.

Lazily walking towards me, he halts only a mere inch from my face. I stare out before me, not quite sure if I wanted to look him in the eye. Looking up from his chest, I see a devious smirk on his lips. His tongue flickers out to wet his lips before speaking.

'Tomorrow, perhaps?'

'Why are you so keen on getting me caught?' I angrily ask him.  
'Why are you considering coming back?'  
'I want answers!'  
'You got plenty.'

I roll my eyes. 'Well, I still have more! Zabuza—'You know, you never called me by my name as often as you do now,' he suddenly pointed out.  
'I have called you by your name—'No, it used to be all… nameless and soundless.'

'Are you on drugs?' I sincerely ask.

He laughs. A hollow, creepy laugh I've heard before. I fidget before realizing I'm stuck between him and the door. Noticing my distress, he adds to it by closing the small gap that had been between us. In one motion he snatches me up and I'm at his height, my feet dangling above the ground. I take a sharp breath. My eyes widen when staring into his, noting I had seen them before.

He was still very much the demon I had made him out to be.

'I'm bored,' he simply answered. 'I have to behave,' he growled while his mouth flew to my neck. 'Follow orders, have a routine…' He nibbled on the soft flesh of my neck. A sigh escapes my mouth. I try to compose myself but can't seem to find the willpower.

'I'll answer your questions,' he said in between kisses. 'If you,' Placing one higher in my neck. 'give me,' placing a kiss next to my ear. 'You,' he said pulling back before reaching almost my mouth with his.

I stare him in awe. So it wall all a game to him.

'Why?'

He takes my bottom lip in between his lips. I can see something dangerous flicker in his eyes. Something he had earlier hidden. Or perhaps I had mistaken it for something else. Lust, longing, hunger…

'Because I still get off on our memories,' he bluntly stated. I wince at the vulgar language, realizing I had minimalized the memories of his behavior in my mind. Perhaps even romanced it a little to make myself feel better.

'So you just want to get laid?' I plainly ask him.  
'So do you. But you get something more out of it.'

I bite into his lip but it doesn't have quite the effect I had hoped for. He simply laughs at my reaction and after some struggling he grabs my wrists and puts them above my head. I wince and understand how weak I am compared to him. I can't move my hands out of his iron grip.

'I'll tell you everything you want to know.'

I stare at him for a moment. I can tell he's being honest but at the same time I don't understand why he'd bother doing that. I guess he thinks he doesn't have much to lose.

The confusion I was feeling on why he wanted this deal was evident on my face. The frown was even giving me a slight headache and our gaze seemed to last forever. But he didn't give in, he didn't show me his cards.

It was I who eventually broke the eye-contact.

Slowly letting me go in response to it, I feel my feet meet the ground again. The warmth his body was giving mine evidently disappeared as he left. Something mind and body seemed to be regretting.

Stiffly placing my arms to my sides, I dare to look him in the eye again.

'Don't think so highly of yourself. You don't have anything I want,' I angrily blurt out. My temper getting the best of me and unleashing venomous words I didn't mean.

'Then let's hope your curiosity gets the best of you again,' he simply answered with a smirk.

I throw him a disgust face before turning on my heels and opening the door with a determination to leave and never see him again. What I had thought and felt before seemed ridiculous now. He was still the same sick demon.

As I move, my hand is taken hold again. With a force he turns me around and as I open my mouth to angrily respond to him, his mouth silences me again. Reminding me of what we had had earlier.

My confusion only grew. At him and myself.

The way he left my lips, as if he wanted hold on to the taste of them. It left me stunned for a moment.

'Until we meet again, Sakura,' he said while slowly closing the door. Disappearing from my view, I gaped at the wooden door before realizing I had to get the hell out of here.

* * *

Thrilled to be home and see the bed empty, I hurry to the bathroom.

Throwing all of my clothes into the laundry, as to get rid of all the evidence of what happen. I undress myself and get in the shower to get rid of the scent of smoke that was still lingering in my hair.

When the steaming hot water touches my skin, I let it all sink in. My heart was still beating rapidly and I questioned my own motives over and over. Scrubbing his touch off my flesh, I blamed myself for letting it happen. I was in a luxurious situation and I had behaved foolishly tonight.

Drying myself hardly off, I put on a silky nightgown before getting into bed. I put my wet hair into a bun. My mind keeps me awake for a little while before eventually giving into darkness and letting me rest.

When I wake up the next morning, I realize I'm still alone.

I get a note from Inui, who had decided to stay at the hotel because of the late hour and because he didn't want to wake me.

* * *

I had pondered about it over and over.  
 _  
Maybe he was sick. Or maybe he lied and really was on drugs…_ I shove the thoughts to the back of my mind. _Or maybe I was trying to delude myself into thinking he wasn't half as bad,_ I sardonically add when I catch myself trying to make excuses for him.

With a sigh, I throw my pencil on my desk not being able to focus on my job. I couldn't concentrate. My mind kept wandering back to Zabuza. I wanted to figure him out, I wanted to know his true motives.  
 _  
I want to finally know what is going on, damnit!_

With a huff, I got up from my desk. I decided I needed some fresh air.

Walking in the streets of Konoha, I realize how high security still was. On every corner there seemed to be a shinobi on guard. I imagined this was hard on the civilians as well. Everything was different, every move got questioned.

 _Except what you do. It doesn't seem to matter anymore. Ever since you got with Inui, everyone got off your back…_

I halt at the thought. Standing on the bridge, I lean over the ledge to look at myself in the reflection of the water. I still didn't quite understand the person I was seeing. I thought I was in control but...

Why I had decided to after Zabuza and do what I did, was a mystery to me. I was trying to run from things but… I shouldn't have to run from things that were supposedly making me happy.  
Inui, projects I was in charge of, the respect and money that came with it all. I had everything I wanted yet I had been willing to throw it all away for one night with murderer. What was wrong with me?

And Zabuza… he was acting so strange.

Maybe he really is on drugs… When it comes to Kirigakure, nothing could surprise me. It

had a long history of tormenting, drugging and asking simply the impossible of their shinobi. They still had odd ideology of what made a shinobi who he was.

I bite my lip at the idea of something. I did indeed not know much about Zabuza or at least how people saw him. _  
_As a doctor I could pry in personal documents of shinobi. But only of those from Konoha…  
I knew ANBU had files about other shinobi, especially those noted into the all-known black book.  
But that meant sneaking in and…  
 _  
Argh, that was just impossible! What am I thinking?_

I stop the bizarre train of thoughts and try to focus on what was important. Tsunade's words unwillingly came back to haunt my already restless head. I had to make a choice.

 _When was the last time I saved a life?  
_  
An uneasy feeling grew inside of me. Zabuza hadn't bothered to hide his intentions. He said it was because of his new lifestyle. It did feel like he was running from something too.

What if everything he had said about Haku was a lie? What if he wasn't alright? Or worse, dead?

It wasn't like Zabuza to talk about Haku so… openly. He had sounded almost affectionate when speaking of him, even showing some proud.

But he had confessed that he was still holding on to his original plan to take them all out…

The uneasy feeling inside grew bigger and my chest was starting hurt because of it.

He had promised more answers...

The case of Ibiki Morino was still bothering me too.

* * *

I admit it had something thrilling. And Inui made it easy for me too.

Or maybe he was even less around me as I thought.

We hadn't seen each other since the party, not being able to come home early this evening either. Bored and slowly going out of mind, I had given in to the idea.

With a sigh I await for the door to open and reveal his sharp teeth, smirking at my weak personality.

I had told myself determinedly though that I wouldn't give in before getting some answers.  
Of course my body wasn't on the same place my mind was and I could feel a tingle here and there.

My legs trembled when he opened the door, revealing the same man from yesterday. Patiently awaiting me, drink in one hand and a very evident look in the eyes that did not hid his intentions.

I swallow and reconsider my thoughts again. Concluding in mere seconds I was behaving foolishly again.

Grabbing my hand, he guided me inside. As if he was aware of my inner turmoil.

He didn't rub my decision it into my face. His smirk however was a little victorious.

'I want to know more than a few things,' I tell him on a strict tone. He simply nods in response before taking a sip from his glass. He knew the first question however he simply stood straight before me, reluctant to tell me.

'If you're not going to talk, I'm leaving.'

Immediately taking actions to my words, I turn around but as quick as he was, he stood next to me. Holding onto my waist and placing a firm hand on the door to stop me from opening it.

'Don't be so hasty,' he said in a low voice. 'You can _act_ however you like, though.'

Lowering his mouth and pushing me to him, I feel his lips on my neck. I'm a little startled at first, again surprising me with how badly he wanted me. I couldn't lie, it was flattering and gave my ego a much needed boost. Slowly turning me around, he pushes me against the door. Again I'm stuck between him and the door.

I can't remember more than mumbling a few words before his persuasive manners got him what he wanted.

He was slowly caressing my back, following the length of my hair. I didn't know how much time I had this night, Inui hadn't said when he'd be home. But he was never home before midnight, though. So I did have some time left.

'Do you like it?' I ask when I feel him twirling my hair around his hand.  
Pulling it lightly so I move my head, I feel his face come next to mine.  
'I have no care for it.'

I smirk in at the expected answer.  
Inui liked my hair longer. It looked more feminine and… _Stop thinking about him.  
_ Yet my mind can't help itself and note another crucial man in my life had once favored long hair above my short hair as well.  
 _  
Why did men care so much about the length of a woman's hair anyway?_

At least Zabuza wasn't interested in such trivial matters.

'So will you talk now?' I asked on quiet but firm tone.

'Ibiki Morino,' he starts with a tired voice. His hand when over my hip, touching my naked skin all the way to my shoulder. Slowly turning me around, he gives me an appreciative look.

'He wasn't supposed to survive,' he admits. I can hear some aggravation in his voice, as if he still cursed himself for not being able to kill him.

'So he didn't have anything to do with it?'

Shaking his head in response, he admitted he couldn't finish him off because he had underestimated him.  
'I was in no condition to kill him afterwards. I was already fortunate to be under your care afterwards.'

I frown at the remark, as it almost sounded like a compliment.

'Are you sure you aren't on drugs or something?'

I lean on my elbows and take look at his eyes, particularly more to the width of his pupils. A little big but not say he was on something.

He laughs in response to my reaction.

'You are acting odd, you do realize that don't you? Yesterday you started talking about Haku. This is all so unlike you!' I point out, nodding my head to where his hand was resting. His thumb softly caressing my hip.

'And one moment you hate me and the next you're underneath me,' he sharply answers.

A little stunned, I can't find the right words to get back to him. So I simply roll my eyes at the comment. He answers with placing his mouth on my shoulder. Kissing me was a great distraction and I had to admit I wasn't very immune to it.

'We both know why we are here, Sakura. We need some relief, something other than playing pretend.'

'Why?' I ask him again while slowly lying my head down on the pillow. I place my hand on his hair, softly caressing it. Its short and prickly but I don't mind. He seems to like the kind gesture, keeping his head into place before slowly lying it down on to my chest. His naked form resting against mine.

He doesn't answer my question, though. But I know deep inside, he doesn't have to. Unlike earlier this day, I am able to admit to myself that I hadn't imagined my reasons from yesterday. I knew all too well why I was giving into him.

'Haku is alright, isn't he?' I then ask, hoping my doubt would completely disappear with the right answer. 'Yesterday you were so open about him. Usually you are so cruel and distant…'

'I know you care about him.'

The coldness in his voice didn't hide how he had only talked about Haku to keep me interested. Knowing I would listen because I cared for the boy. I didn't stop caressing him however. My other hand travelled over his bare back to his shoulder. I pressed him closer to me.

He then continued on about his former mission. I could tell he had miscalculated some things and hadn't expected the man who had hired him to be more devious then him. I could hear the clear dislike in his voice while at same time he seemed to hold some sort of envy for the man. As if being able to appreciate his dubious motives.

'He got a lot more than he had aimed for,' he then says. 'He is playing Konoha like a puppet.'  
He looks up to look at me when saying that. I quirk up an eyebrow in response, realizing I might know this person he was talking about.

Zabuza's eyes held something dangerous.

'I still want my revenge,' he admits. 'I don't let myself get used by anyone.'

I could hear something venomous come through again. And though he was still calm underneath my touch, I could see the demon lurking deep within.

It was slightly scaring me.

Not the man on top of me but the thought of how all of this had happened without anyone's notice. This man appeared to be unstoppable and I was starting to question every political incident in Konoha. I soon realized I did not only know the man but had probably talked to him, perhaps once sat next to him…

'But don't worry, I think the end is near for him,' Zabuza suddenly said.

I ask him what he means by that but he only shrugs in response. I worry for a second but realize he isn't in the position to get entwined in our business again.

Placing the long strands of hair above my head, our noses touch and he stays hovering above me. Leaning onto his arms, I touch his muscles wondering why he went out of his way to get me into his bed. Sure we had a history but that wasn't sufficient to take such high risks.

'Why this, Zabuza?' I ask him while softly touching him.

'I don't get to have women like you, remember?' he smirks at the memory of our conversation. 'Never quite as soft or as delicate as you,' he mutters as my mouth touches his. I suckle on his lip, making him groan in response to it.

I feel him move behind me, getting out of bed. When I get up and look at the clock I see it is almost midnight. I had to go.

When Zabuza disappears to the bathroom, I finally seem to be able to think clear again.

So ANBU was only partially involved. I bite my lip at what this meant. I had nagging little voice pointing out something very prominent. Why didn't I dare to ask him?

Who was this man he was talking about?

I convinced myself that he simply wouldn't reveal such crucial information.

I shut my eyes and stop the wave of questions overwhelming my mind. Dismissing the idea of generally just thinking, I get out of bed. Mindlessly I walk to the bathroom door. Knocking on it, I wait a minute to hear an answer. When it takes too long I simply open the door.  
I can hear water running. He gives me a surprised look, thinking I perhaps had already left.

I get invited into the shower. His hand guiding mine to him.

I knew this wasn't healthy. Numbing my mind as much as I was. I knew this would all come back to haunt me eventually.

* * *

The third night and I had one more question but didn't dare to ask it.

'He told me he wouldn't be home early,' I softly say.  
Zabuza didn't seem to be in the mood to talk yet it was him asking the questions.  
'Why not?' he asked as he reached for his drink.  
I shrug, not quite remembering his excuse this time around. 'He didn't say.'

'What did he say?' he asks before taking a sip. 'I mean, it's seems you didn't say much to each other this afternoon.'

'He never tells me where he is going or what he's planning on doing…'

Lunch hadn't been so relaxing. It held felt like formal meeting of some sorts. I could tell Inui wasn't with me either, his mind seemed to be elsewhere.

'Well,' he smirked 'you should figure it out. At least for this week.'

I smirk in response and when he crawls on top of me, I surrender immediately.

It has been like this nonstop. Yet like always, my curiosity got the best of me. Halting his movements, I mumble I'm thirsty. To my surprise, he gets off of me and refills his own glass. Handing it over, I scrunch up my nose reminding him I don't like the taste of alcohol.

Persistently holding the glass under my nose while not saying a word, I see how he is daring me to drink it.

'Water would be nice,' I simply say.

He doesn't budge and keeps staring at me with a playful look in his eyes. Clicking my tongue at the idea of proving him I could drink it, if I wanted to. My usually stubborn mind crumbles and I snatch it out of his hands and drink it in one take.

The burning feeling in my throat went all the way to my stomach. I can't help but make disgusted sound when I taste the aftertaste. He simply laughs at my behavior, grabbing the glass out of my hand before I dropped on the floor.

'Definitely not thirsty anymore,' I say when I feel how my entire mouth is numbed by the drink.  
'I am.'

Pressing his mouth against mine with such a force, my head fortunately lands on the pillow beneath me. Tasting my mouth with his tongue. I eventually have to stop him.

'I need to breathe.'

He simply smirked in response while continuing to taste me.

'I was allowed questions,' I mutter against his lips.

With a groan he stopped, annoyed I hadn't forgotten that little detail of our deal.

'What do I do with Ibiki?'

He frowned at the question and for some reason I start explaining my situation to him. I explain how Tsunade wanted Inui to stop going after Ibiki. How they were both angry at me for not picking a side openly. I would always stand with Tsunade, no matter what. And I missed talking to her. Of course, I didn't tell him that.

But I did explain Inui was the man I was with. If I wanted to continue to change the future, he was the man I was to be standing next to.

It seemed I was stuck, much like him.

To my utter surprise, Zabuza listened. And he actually looked kind of interested. Though vividly mocking both Tsunade and Inui's weaknesses and ridiculing my importance to them.

'You're smart. Tell me you have an idea on how to get him out of this position?' I ask when he's done.

'The answer is clear,' he shrugged. 'Now stop being such a whiny woman. It doesn't suit you.'  
'I'm not whiny!' I angrily yell at him.  
'Come on, Sakura,' he snickered in response. Pushing me down the bed, he held me in place when I tried to struggle out of his grip.

'You're not feeling too guilty,' he mumbled against the skin of my cheek. His voice was soft but held something harsh, not trying to conceal his true nature. 'Have you even thought of Inui at all?'

I feel a stab in my heart, realizing what he meant by that. I had given it some thought but I admit not as much as I should've. But it didn't feel like I didn't love him or cared for him. It had all just gotten so complex over the last few months. There was such a great distance between us for the moment…

'We're not that different,' he continues. 'We both use people and in the end, we find the need to seek comfort in order to feel better.'

'I don't want to use him,' I confess. 'I just don't know if I can simply walk away from him.'

I hated how weak that made me sound but I was aware of the consequences. I doubted Inui would just let me walk away without explaining myself either. Not now. Not when he was so close to getting Tsunade out of the picture. So many people seemed to think I was on his side when it came to the debate.

It ached my heart to even think of the idea. It hurt myself knowing he was about succeed.

'But I need to find a way to stop him,' I tell him. 'So tell me how.'

* * *

I tried to calm my erratic breathing.

Suddenly reality sunk in and curled myself up into a ball.

 _What am I doing? Why am I letting myself getting manipulated by Zabuza? Why am I even giving myself to him so easily? Why aren't I feeling more guilty towards Inui?_

I tried to block out his voice inside my head.

I take a deep breath, hoping to calm my stressed out body. A tension starting in the pit of my stomach was overwhelming me. Holding my hands before me, I see how they unstoppably tremble.

I bit back the feeling, the need…but I couldn't stop myself.

I let out a sob.

Suddenly tears streamed over my cheeks profoundly. Thinking of all the wrong decisions that got me here in the first place. I had dug myself into a hole that I now knew I couldn't get back out of. Ever.

I hadn't come here to settle down. Being this woman wasn't a part of the plan.

I felt confused about who I was and what I was still doing here. I had tiptoed around so much I had forgotten who it was I wanted to avoid.

Today, seeing Naruto for the first time in years made me realize that. He looked so utterly confused at me, wondering where the woman was that he left years ago. I felt my heart break when I told him I was fine. I was _happy._

I could see the disbelief clearly on his face but didn't budge on telling the truth.

When had I become such a good liar?

Haku's smiling face came before my eyes.

I never wished so badly to be back in that little village, with war surrounding me and hunger in the pit of my stomach. I wanted to run and leave it all behind like I had years ago. No ANBU, no council-meetings, no nothing.

Hadn't I come back because I missed Tsunade?

Why did feel like I still hadn't spoken to her in years?

I hear the door open behind me and turn around to the opposite direction. Placing my bedsheet over my face, shielding it from the man coming in the room. I don't want to see him.  
I feel the bed shift when he gets in. His hand searches for something. I flinch when he touches my hip. Settling at my waist and he then pulled me close to him.

'Are you awake?' he whispered.

I lay still. Perhaps a little too still.

'I know you are…'

I swallow. My weary mind settles down and clarity suddenly comes to me. How uncaring Zabuza might've been, he had a point when I said I wasn't behaving like myself.

And perhaps he had rubbed off on me a little… Or maybe it was consequence because of the world we found ourselves in? We were surrounded with people using on another…

However, I had promised myself to never be whinny or dependable on anyone. And I had become who I wanted because of one person and one person only, Tsunade. My mentor.

Someone who was a part of me.

I guess it was time to be honest…

This person wasn't me. I wasn't the type to abuse power or position. I despised people like that.

 _I'm out of excuses. Ibiki is innocent. Haku is safe. Zabuza is close to being untouchable… And I?_

I was no longer in a weak, fragile position.

Suddenly the goal of my old mission was clear again. I had succeeded. I had lifted myself out of the position I had held during the war. I was known as a reliable, kind person and people no longer judged my actions during the war of not letting anyone suffer, regardless of their heritage. In fact, I now got applauded for it.  
 _  
I shouldn't let Zabuza get under my skin so easily. I have_ _been myself at all times. But I do admit I have been running from something again…_

I don't know how that vicious voice got in my head and held me hostage for the last month but suddenly I found the strength to fight it off. I dried my tears and told myself to start a dreaded conversation I had postponed for too long.

Suddenly I feel Inui's mouth in my neck and I flinch in response again. Getting up and away from him, he gives me a startled look. Or so I assume. As I click on the light next to our bed, it reveals more of an upset then hurt man. His simply stared at me.

I realized he too had changed over the years.

His blue eyes didn't look half as kind as they used. More cold and distant. Or perhaps my infatuation was slowly leaving me, seeing him a bit more for who he was.

I swallow, uncertain on how to start this conversation.

'Inui.'

He doesn't say anything in return. I see something different in him, something I can't quite put my finger on. Its almost as if he knows what has been going on inside my head.

'I…' _I don't know how to put this in words.  
_  
'Sakura, if this is about Tsunade again,' he start with an aggravated growl. 'I'm going to shorten this conversation in matter of minutes, do you hear?'

'Do you miss him?' I ask him instead.  
'Who?' he asked confused.

'Your mentor.'

He shrugs before throwing my words back at me. 'I guess time heals all wounds.'

'No it doesn't,' I answer to his indifference. 'That's just something people say to comfort others. Eventually we all learn it doesn't. Time doesn't take away the pain. But because we hold on for so long thinking it will, we manage to live long enough to give it a place,' I explain.

He doesn't seem to understand what I'm saying, making my temper get the best of me. He wasn't as sensitive as I always made him out to be.

'You don't miss him. You _are_ him,' I snap at him, trying to get through him. I get out of the bed, feeling the need to take distance from him.

'He's dead! What are you talking about?' He yelled as he too started to get angry. Getting off the bed, his blue eyes stared wildly into mine. He didn't seem to understand the point nor what I was trying to tell him.

'Do you know why he's dead?' I ask him with a shaky voice as I try to keep myself calm.

He shook his head, letting out a hollow snicker at what I was implying.

'Have you been talking to Tsunade?'  
'No.'  
'Then where is this coming from?' he asked.  
'Tell me the truth,' I ask him.

'Never thought the dead of a man, you despised, would haunt me until this very day!' he spat while walking towards me. 'The never end dread of that case, you're constant interference lately! And your dear mentor who doesn't seem to be able to let it go either! Which is ironic since neither of you disliked the idea of him being dead. It is more the how that bothers the two of you.'

'You speak so disrespectful of him,' I point out. I take a few steps away from him when the nagging feeling inside is freed. A dreadful thought that had been lingering in the back of my mind pushed itself forward.

He snickered again, finding it all very amusing. 'I can't believe you are defending him.'  
'I'm not, I'm trying to find out who I've spend the last year with.'

'Sakura, why do you always have to make everything difficult?' he asked on a sincere tone. 'I'm the one who cares for you.'

I wavered for a second, uncertain of what I was accusing him of. His hand reached out for mine. Without permission he took it from me and softly placed it on his chest. At first I was reluctant but eventually ceased struggling. He placed it on his heart.

'I love you,' he softly said. 'You know, that right?'

Quietly he walked to me, placing his arms around me in an embrace. I felt the warmth of his body but couldn't relax. I stiffened up when his hands roamed over me.  
Grabbing them I tried to make him leave my skin but he forcefully keeps them in place.

'I just want you to be my wife,' he suddenly said. 'When I saw you, I knew exactly the role you'd play. My wife,' he continued. 'You are perfect.'

His mouth searches for mine but I violently turn my head away.

'What are you talking about!' I yell while trying to get him off of me.

Abruptly turning me around, he tried to kiss my neck but I shove him off me. He hardly flinches. Groping me, I angrily try to stop him again. Pulling his hands off of me and screaming at him to stop it.

I note no ANBU came around to check on me and I instantly felt betrayed again. The false feeling of safety was ripped from me.

Struggling in his grip, he finds a way to subdue me by crossing my arms and holding me in lock position. A deathly grip on both of my wrists makes me stop trying to move around. I let out a hiss of pain before getting angry again. 'Argh!' I growl. 'Let go of me!'

'You are going to be my wife, Sakura. And we are going to stop going on and on about what happened years ago,' he muttered in my ear. 'Like I said to Tsunade, you don't want to be the accused of getting the old man killed? There is so much I can accuse you of; negligence, personal reasons, a traitor… You weren't exactly in the best position back then—'I am now.'

'What I give, I can take back,' he hissed in my ear. I stiffen in his arms.

'Isn't it ironic?' he then whispered, sounding almost affectionately. 'What I once said to Tsunade I am now saying to you. So let me ask you the same question as well, do you want _her_ to get blamed?'

I take deep breath of air when hearing that while realizing I was the reason Tsunade wasn't going after the man responsible. _Tsunade knows it is you_ …

'At first I only wanted you so I could use you against Tsunade but then I looked at your file,' he breathed in my ear and I tried to move my head away from him but it was useless. 'And I realized you were so much more. A beautiful, kind-hearted woman.'

A bittersweet taste came in my mouth when hearing what I always had wanted a man to say to me.

'It was a win-win for me,' he explained. 'Though I do admit the assassin nor that commander was supposed to get out alive. But that is why I had picked you, just in case something went wrong and I needed something to hold against Tsunade.'

I angrily struggle against him. Pushing his arms off of me, I wince when he tightens his grip on my wrists.

'I knew how much you loathed the system and you fell so easily...'  
I hear him let out a deep breath, as if he was relieved. 'I'm glad I no longer have to lie to you,' he sweetly whispered in my ear. I close my eyes when hearing him talk, noting I can no longer stand his voice.

'I thought you wanted to make the world better!?' I spat. His betrayal nauseated me.

'I had to learn early on how the world works, Sakura. But I'm not going to bore you with another sob story. We have heard plenty of those,' he coldly said. I'm assuming he was referring to stories I had told him when visiting certain villages. My heart aches when I realize he never cared for any of them.

I try to get out of his arms again but this time he harshly shoves me on to the bed. Turning me around and getting on top of me, he tried kissing me but I push his face as far away from me as I could. I hadn't fought in such a long time but it seemed he knew my every move when I tried to land a punch on him.

'I'm not stupid. I know how to defend myself to a certain level,' he said while holding me in place again when I had dared to lower my defenses.

I screamed, kicked and behaved like a madwoman but he didn't budge nor did he get angrier. It was clear he was waiting for to calm down. Using a soft voice to hush me, almost behaving as if he was comforting me.

'I do mean it,' he said looking up from my shoulder when I finally gave up. 'I love you.'

I just stoically stare at him. Emotions are foreign to me at the moment. My feelings towards the man have vanished. The old sentiment that was making me hold on to him was gone.

'Nothing has changed.'

I shake my head at those words but he ignores it.

'I have been right before, Sakura,' he says. 'And I will be right again. In the long run, it is all for the best. Didn't all become better when the old man died too?'

I understood he was talking about Tsunade again.

'You're corrupt,' I tell him.  
'Compared to what?' he snapped. 'The righteous world we live in?'

'Why would you do this to me?' I then ask him, feeling self-pity overtake me for an instant.

'Because you fit into my plan,' he plainly said while rolling his eyes. 'Because we make a good couple!' he added in seriousness.

He said it as if it was obvious, as if we indeed fitted perfectly together.  
And I guess I had deluded myself into thinking that too.  
Well, I mean got tricked into thinking that. So perhaps nothing had been real and therefor no genuine feelings had occurred.

I try to hide my feelings, not letting the sadness or anger take me over.

Acting up on what he said, he placed his mouth on mine again. Kissing me lightly.  
He retreats his lip, giving me a frown. 'You taste like… alcohol?'  
I tried to keep a stoic face while cursing myself for not brushing my teeth. I had just taken a shower and tiredly put myself into bed. I had felt so drained after my time with Zabuza—I wince at what I was thinking.  
'I couldn't sleep,' I mumble not sure what to use as excuse for it.

His expression is close to unbelieving but to my surprise he simply gives me small smile. He kisses me on the lips again before going more down to my neck.

I can't stand his lips on my skin. And I can't stand his touch anywhere on my body. But realizing what this man was capable of, I decided to play it smart. In this house, nobody would help me anyway.

I closed my eyes when I feel him groping me. Blocking out the sickening feeling. Going with my hands through his hair, I try to halt him. I feel his hot breath on my stomach through my nightgown.

I try swallowing the bitter feeling in my mouth.

'I-I can't,' I bring out. I'm still in shock and I have to force myself to sound normal.

He doesn't listen at first.

'No, I-I can't. I'm on my period…' I quickly mutter.

He stopped with a sigh. Coming to lie next to me, he caressed my face affectionately. His blue eyes looking fragile again. 'I could never hurt you,' he said looking straight into my eyes, 'willingly.'

* * *

Well, that was a lot of explanation, a whole lot of emotion and a bit of a twist here and there!  
I admit I'm feeling a little uncertain about this chapter but knowing what is to come, I think we're good!  
Thank you for always being so patient! And thanks to some of you for taking your time to comment/review! I really appreciate it and can't deny it is really motivating.

comment/review!


	18. Chapter 18

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

* * *

Chapter XVIII

Putting my hair in a bun, Inui comes to stand behind me. I see him smile at me in the mirror.  
He had been kinder to me. As if glad to finally been ridden of that heavy burden he had been carrying around. He kisses my shoulder while greeting me.  
I couldn't say he was different, he was still the same man. Perhaps a little more open then usual since he was not hiding his intentions anymore.

The countless love declarations I had received since last night to make me forgive him and perhaps just forget what he had confessed made me squirm inside. I felt thorn between being his fiancé, Tsunade's student and just being plain Sakura.

But it couldn't be helped, fix or forgotten. I could feel something had broken inside of me.

I guess I wasn't as free as I deemed myself. I wasn't in control at all. He had even said so himself. I couldn't walk away from him.

'I won't be home early tonight but tomorrow I'll try to be home for the evening,' he softly said in my ear making it sound as if I had been begging him to stay. The insinuation would normally make my blood boil but it seemed I was still in too much of state of shock to react properly.  
'Have nice day.'

I just solemnly nod while noting he doesn't seem to mind my state of mind much as he leaves without looking back once.  
When I stare at myself in the mirror, I see hollow green eyes and tired face.

* * *

I knocked on her door again. And again.  
I let out an aggravated growl when realizing she wasn't going to unlock it. 'Open up!'  
'Miss Haruno—'Doctor!' I correct the guard.  
'Like I said, Lady Tsunade is not present,' he calmly answered.

I kick the door, letting all my anger out. 'I need to talk to her!' I yell. 'I need you!' I scream at the door.

'She isn't present for the moment,' he repeated.  
'I know she is,' I angrily answer. 'She is _somewhere_ in Konoha but not in her office, not in the hospital, not out on some meeting or event,' I sarcastically state. 'She nowhere to be found apparently but she is present in the village!'  
'Lady Hokage has a lot to prepare with the change coming next week—'I've been running around the village for the entire day trying to catch her but I just can't find her and I need to talk to her! It is very important!' I rant. 'It actually has something to do with next week!' I desperately add.

'I sincerely apologize!' he stated, bowing deeply to show his regret.

I hung my shoulders in defeat, knowing the man was only doing his job and following orders. I glance at the door again, knowing Tsunade was inside. I could feel it in my bones. Besides, I wasn't stupid. I had heard correctly!  
Coincidentally my ear had caught a conversation between two Shinobi for an urgent meeting with the Hokage when I waiting in line to grab something to eat. I had ran after them straight to the tower but had been stopped by some guards. After wasting enough time, I got to pass but as I went up the stairs the two Shinobi passed me by. Hurrying up to catch her, once up I had been told the Hokage had already left again.

Impossible of course but who was I to say the man was a liar?

'I need to talk to you,' I tell her through the door. I hoped she was listening.

With a heavy sigh and more heartache, I turned around to leave. I get startled by a familiar face. Kakashi Hatake. His cool brown eyes always look kind of hazy, as if he was never focused. But I knew better.  
Suddenly my mind made an assumption, wondering if he was a part of the conspiracy. I warily take a step back.

'Doctor Haruno,' he greeted me with mild surprise. 'How have you been?'  
'I'm alright,' I answer, sounding a lot more quiet then before. I felt a little unsure when standing before him. Suddenly I was questioning everyone and everything.

'I'm fine too,' he sardonically said when I didn't react. Quirking up an eyebrow at my behavior, I stammer an apology. I was so caught up in my own thoughts, all I had done was give him a cold, questioning stare in response.

I sheepishly look him in the eye before looking back at the door, in hopes of still getting an answer from Tsunade. I guess she was keen on never speaking to me again.

A thought crosses my mind and quicker before I can think it through, I fire a question at him.

'What are you doing here?'

It came out harsher then I had wanted. I curse myself a little, not have wanted to come off so aggressively. Though he is no longer wearing a porcelain mask, he does well at hiding himself. And I still had no idea how the lower half of his face looked.

'I'm here to bring in my report,' he sullenly answered. 'Why else would I be here?'  
'Lady Tsunade is not present for the moment,' the guard piped in.  
I turn around to give him an angry look. I had been hoping Tsunade would be foolish enough to expose herself if Kakashi would knock on the door.

'I'm aware,' he said to the guard. 'I was to give it to you.'  
'Oh,' he hesitantly took it from Kakashi's hand.

'Do you two think I'm an idiot?' I finally snap at them. I had enough of this.  
They both give me puzzled look, as if not having an idea of what I was going on about.

'Fine!' I scream while I angrily turn around on my heels and leave. If she didn't want to talk to me, she didn't have to!

But with every step I took my heart crumbled. A part of me was secretly wishing she'd come running after me. All I had wanted was to let her know that I knew. Perhaps avoid all the problems heading our way but she seemed keen on not wanting to speak to me.

 _Have I lost her?_

I felt like breaking down and crying when I realized she had made my hard decision for me. I was with Inui.

I flee the Hokage's tower while wondering where I should go now. I suddenly felt so lost.

'Doctor Haruno!' Kakashi yelled from behind me. With a sigh, I ignore him and I keep walking. I could hear him catch up to me, pleading me to wait for him.

'Sakura!' Kakashi spoke up from behind me. He halted me by putting a hand on my shoulder.  
'What?' I tiredly answer.  
'Lady Tsunade is preparing her arguments against the final decision of disposing some of the Hokage's duties,' he calmly said. 'She needs to focus.'

'I need to talk to her,' I firmly told him, trying to not let the emotions overtake me. I tore myself down with the idea that now I knew how she must've felt for at least a year. Not being able to reach a person you loved so dearly…

'I'm sure she'll see you when the time is right,' he kindly said.

I quirk up an eyebrow at his answer. He always made it me feel as if he knew more.  
Again my mind is in a frenzy at the idea of him knowing things I that didn't. Did he know about Inui? Had he known all along?  
I was uncertain on who's side he was on. And suddenly I was aware no-one could be trusted, which made me feel even more alone.

'Have you seen Naruto yet?' he asked, trying to start a conversation when I wanted to walk away again.  
'Yesterday.'  
'How was he? Glad to see you again, I assume?'

'As always, loud and obnoxious.' Though it may have come off as cold, I meant it affectionately.

But in all honesty, he looked more like depressed at seeing me in the state I was.  
I let out a sigh and shrug when Kakashi's eyebrow quirks up.

A gloomy smile appears on my lips when I realized it had been him who had made me realize that how I had been living was wrong. Unfortunately I had figured it out too late.

 _Though I suppose it could never been an on time thing to begin with._

I was still stunned by the idea that nothing had been coincidental in my life. It had all been planned out before I had even thought of it.

Kakashi seemed to have gotten to known Naruto quite well because he instantly laughed and agreed.

'Naruto is quite the…' I could tell he was trying to put it kindly. 'Knucklehead?' I said.  
'Exactly!' he nodded with a smile. I politely smiled along.

An awkward silent hung between us and I mutter an excuse to go home.

'He was a little surprised when I told him about how _we_ met,' Kakashi suddenly said.  
Getting my attention with that remark, I gave him a puzzled look. What was he trying to do?  
He didn't budge on answer my unspoken question.

'I was surprised too,' I sincerely answer. 'It seemed I was the only one, though.'

Another blank face as reaction to what I said. With a hallow snicker, I look around me and wonder if I'm dreaming. It was all so unclear and hazy. Sometimes lovely, sometimes frightening. But never quite touchable enough to make out if it was real.

'Speaking of the devil,' Kakashi spoke up. His mask shattered and I could catch a glimpse of his usual self.  
'Naruto!' I greet, glad to see him. Perhaps the only person I could speak to and help me. Why hadn't I thought of him earlier?  
I realized I had to miss him a little too much the last couple of years and forgot I could always count on him. An emptiness was suddenly filled again.

'Hey Sakura,' he greeted me unenthusiastically.

I feel my heart crumble at the shallow response. My shoulders hang in defeat, knowing already how this was going to go.

'Maybe we can go eat something together?' Kakashi suggested. 'Ramen perhaps, Naruto?'  
'I could eat,' I said. I had abandon the line I had been standing in earlier to try and catch Tsunade.

When I looked at Naruto, he averted his eyes and kept his on Kakashi's.

'Actually Kakashi, I was wonder if you wanted to do a sparring-match?' he asked, ignoring me for the most part. Kakashi seemed to pick up on my state of mind but kept quiet. His eyes kept going back and forth from me to Naruto.  
Naruto seemed keen on ignoring me and Kakashi's reaction to his distant behavior. 'I could really use it.'

'Well, I'll be leaving now,' I softly said.

'Maybe some other time, Sakura,' Naruto suddenly said. He gave me a hurt look, as if he didn't want to do this but had no other choice. It took me only a second to figure out this had to with Tsunade's situation. Naruto had never hidden his desire to become Hokage. In fact, it was all he ever talked about.

'Good luck,' I tell him. I wasn't referring to the sparing-match. I sincerely hoped they could find a way to stop Inui.

* * *

Having enough of my bad day, I decided to cancel every meeting I had and made the excuse of not feeling too well. Getting undressed to take a nice hot bath, I tried to figure out how to reach Tsunade. I was in so deep.

The hot bath was soothing but not nearly enough to take the tension away. I was on edge too, every sound was too loud, every look of a stranger had a meaning. Everyone had a motive.  
Everywhere I looked, I saw a glimpse of another trap. ANBU surrounding me took me back to the days I couldn't stand being near them. Inui had praised me so much for my hard work, had turned around how I had come off during the peak of the war that I had been blinded by what his true intentions were.

Yet, a small part of me still hung on that it had all been real. His feelings were genuine and we had been happy. For a while at least.

When the doorknob turns, I get startled and cover myself up. Though it wasn't necessary since I had put in scented soap that caused an overload of bubbles. To my utter surprise I see it is Inui. He was rarely home in the middle of the day.

'I was going to have an early dinner with you,' he said smiling at the sight of me. 'But it seems you have something planned already.'

I didn't respond. I simply gave him an indifferent look. He seemed to pick up on my odd behavior and gave me a worried look. Slowly walking to the bath, I almost feel the need to jump out and flee the room.

Crouching down before me, he affectionately puts a hand on my cheek.

'I know that last night was a lot,' he whispered. 'but I promise you nothing has changed.'

I don't want to aggressively push away his hand, so I just softly place mine on his and slowly take hold of it. I give it a light squeeze, as if I understood what he saying.

'Are you feeling better?' he asked with a concerned look in his blue eyes. He came off as sincere but I couldn't help but still feel betrayed. A part of me considered forgiving him since no one seemed to want me around anymore but him.

He softly let go of my hand and grabbed my chin. Pulling me closer to his mouth, he gave me a light kiss.

'Try to take care of yourself,' he quietly said. 'Next couple of weeks are going to be hectic again.'

As the warmth of his lips left mine, I could feel a part of something that had seeped into my heart slowly leave me. I suppose it was my love for him. I could feel something ominous coming my way.

'I talked to Naruto but it seems he is… not thrilled to attend our wedding. So I'm afraid we've postponed it for nothing.'

My mouth goes dry. I try to find the words or simply the strength to speak up. _Say something, anything. Say something, Sakura!_

'I know you are probably disappointed but…' he paused, placing his forehead against mine. 'I promise you, I'll take care of you.'

I still stay unresponsive. Even my mind stops working and I let his words overwhelm me.

His hand slowly leaves my skin and as he stand up before me, I see the same man everyone sees. A high-official, demanding respect as he is the one with more power.

'I want you to be more home,' he suddenly says. 'I miss you too much.'

I wince at the idea of being trapped here all the time.

'We don't see each other as often as we should.'

If I could erase last night, that would've sound so lovely. And if it hadn't been for Zabuza's vicious voice running havoc in my mind for the last week, I would believe him in a heartbeat and perhaps, in order to save our relationship, happily applied to his idea. I was such an easy victim to his lies because I willingly believed them.

My unresponsiveness doesn't seem to affect him much as he continues talking.

'Also I don't want you to ever be around people that don't stand behind us.'

I knew who he was referring to and understood he was slowly trying to isolate me from others. I guess he realized he might lose me, in spite of having a hold on me.

'You can't do this,' I finally speak up, shaking my head.

'I do what it takes, Sakura,' he harshly answered. 'Don't forget that.'

I knew it was a treat. Without further ado, he turned around and bid me ag ood evening. Leaving me and my dwelling thought alone again. Inside, I felt horrible and I couldn't feel my heart anymore. Just the angsty, torturing feeling of sadness and pure pain.

I let myself sink into the bath and briefly ponder if I should come back up for air.

Instinct is stronger than my weak mind and I eventually gasp up for air.

His words had seeped in and like venom drained me from energy. I was trapped and alone.

I was exactly where I didn't wanted end up being.

Scratching my skin with my nails, I tried to fight off the nauseating feeling inside. Faces haunt me and words make me shake my head. I wanted it to stop. I wanted to run away again… but I knew I never could.

I sat in the tub until the water was cold and my nose no longer picked up the lavender scent. I wasn't as numb as I wanted to be. When I look out the window I see how the evening sun has already left us and darkness was settling in. Getting out of the water, I dry myself off while a simple thought sparks a sudden need I can't suppress.

Sitting in front of the dressing table, I stare at the woman before me. Combing my hair, I let my mind wander to a certain person. It wasn't much of heavy decision, I had made up my mind last night. And the night before. And before.

But this time I was more aware. So I walked to my dressing room and picked something I normally wouldn't. Perfumed myself, soothed my skin and tried to look as radiant as I could.  
I put on the black cloak I usually wore and left for the first time without hesitance or even thinking of the idea of getting caught.

Being rebellious as always, I ran to the source of what Inui had meant but did not even know of, someone to comfort me other than him.

* * *

It feels as if I'm tranquilized. I swear even the hall I was standing in was spinning and at the same time it felt soothing to be here. I knew the door would open. I knew he'd want me. I knew I was about to get numbed.

Just like I had anticipated, the door opened. Although this time revealing a fully dressed Zabuza. It looked like he had just got here himself. His smirks while telling me to come inside.

I'm slow.

Perhaps I'm already somewhere else in my mind.

'You got lucky, I might've not made it tonight.'  
'You were in trouble?' I ask, surprised by my own worry. I wasn't ready yet. This was all I had for the moment and I needed it to survive.

'Just a meeting,' he answered. He tells me to take a seat but I awkwardly stay put in the middle of the room. My eyes follow his movements, throwing his jacket on to a chair while walking towards the liquor cabinet he loved so dearly. 'Do you want a drink?' he nonchalantly asked.

At first I want to decline but I eventually tell him yes.

He turns his head at the answer but doesn't give me much of a surprised look, as if he already knows I now know too.

He hands it over and I stiffly accept, suddenly feeling a little uncertain on how to hold myself. He smirks at my reaction before lazily sitting down on the coach in front of me. He wordlessly suggest to come take a seat next to him but my feet firmly stay put.

'Why didn't you tell me about Inui?'

There I had said it.

An amused look took hold of his face and he simply snickers before drinking from his glass. Giving it some thought he eventually gives me an unsatisfying answer.

'I told you to stay away from him,' he coldly answers.

'You never—'I believed you once saw him for who he really was,' he stated. ' _Just like everyone else he likes deluding himself and others into thinking he cares,'_ he said mimicking my voice.

The memories flooded my mind and I was brought back to the night I first crossed the line. I remembered how dark and gritty the room was, much like the outside world surrounding us. It made me unwillingly understand that I had block out so many memories over the past years. I squirm a little at the memory.

'You were smart, Sakura.'

 _I just foolishly thought you were jealous all this time. I've romanced our memories so much to make myself feel better. To escape reality. While falling for your mind traps by taking your advice._

I stare straight into his eyes.

You have me exactly where you wanted me all those years ago, at your mercy. Just like Haku, I've become dependable of your wicked affection. You turned the world upside down. Or had it always been that way and was I now only aware of it?

Zabuza's eyes leave mine and go over my body. I knew he couldn't see pass the basic black clothes I was wearing. But just like that night, I felt transparent to the man.  
Slouching in the couch, he lazily looks at me while drinking. 'Any bruises this time around?'

I wince at the memory of how rough he had been back in the day. How much he scared me back then and seemingly enjoyed it too.  
We had this prey and predator game, were we both switched places from time to time. A mere two years and we had forgotten all about it. Well, at least I had. I suddenly saw how vivid alive it still was in Zabuza's mind.

I stare into the full glass of whiskey I was holding.

He reaches out to take it from me, already finished his own. I take a few steps forward and carefully hand it over.

I wish I had to wit to question him more but in all honesty, I had gotten all my answers.

So instead of indulging in our usual game, I decide to skip that part and simply take off my t-shirt in response. The cold surprises me a little, aware I'm usually at a point where I need to get my clothes off because it is burning my skin.  
Like expected, he gives me an appreciative glance. With a smirk, he looks at how I take off my lose trousers too. Standing before him in something I had only worn once and never fully got the chance to show off in or receive the hungry look I was now getting.

I feel strangely in empowered.

I see him swallow and he sits up straight when I walk towards him. Lightly touching his face, he closes his eyes in respond and welcomes me when I get closer to him.  
Straddling him, I slowly put my hands on his chest. I can feel his heartbeat. He takes a sharp breath and I feel his hand on my back. Pulling me closer to him and his obvious arousal while letting out a groan.

'You smell so nice,' he muttered against my skin as I get closer to him. I smile at the comment, getting reminded of an odd conversation we once had.

Unlike any other time, it is I who take action. Hungrily kissing him, tasting the alcohol on his tongue and pushing myself as close to him as I could. I feel the coolness of the glass he was holding against my leg. As we part for air, he slightly slouches again. His eyes going over my body again, as if he wasn't quite sure if he was awake.

We stare at each other for a moment. Aware we are, for the first time, on the same level.

After he takes a sip from his drink, I grab the glass and take a small sip myself and eventually put it down on the ground. The small movement gets an reaction out of him and he doesn't bother hiding it. Both his hands travel over my body while I respond with the same feverish action, helping him take off his shirt.

Then I saw him again. The half-man, half-demon.

A little vulgar at times and sometimes a little needy just like any other human.

It wasn't until now I understood he was right, we were alike.

I believed my own reality, like he believed in his. I had numbed myself and willingly thrown out all of my "good" morals to get what I want. And so had he, he had turned his back to his true self to get back into the system. We had both deluded ourselves into thinking we could outsmart others and finally rise above them.

Our obsession had blinded us.

I had wanted to believe it so badly. A good, genuine person and a better world.

And for a while, it had worked. But there had been so many red flags and now there was simply no denying it. And it seemed I couldn't go back either.

'You hurt yourself?' he asked with a hoarse voice, pulling me out of my thoughts.  
He touches the light scratches on my arm. I don't answer the question, I simply stare at them myself, unaware I had cut so deep with my own nails.

He places light kisses on my bruised skin and I affectionally go with my hand through his hair.

When our mouths meet again, our actions are more intense and I feel myself letting go.  
Unlike any other time, I was more willing, more certain of myself. And I wanted him to want me. To crave me.

I wanted him to never forget me.

* * *

I nuzzle in his neck, kissing it lightly while catching my breath. My hand travels over his arms, touching his shoulders lightly before holding onto his face. Getting slightly up from his chest, I place my mouth on his again.

'You should fight with Inui more often,' he remarks once my mouth leaves his and travels down his neck.

'We didn't fight,' I answer. 'He seems to think I just need to get used to the truth. That my love for him is as deep as his is for mine.'  
'It's not?' he asked with mild surprise.

'I guess I always hoped it would end up being that way,' I mutter as I stop and look at him. It was some type of revelation for me too. I guess all the lying made me be dishonest with myself as well.

His brown eyes are kind of hazy and he seems to have a lasting smirk on his face. _He looks content,_ I note to myself.

'Well, I don't mind whatever is going on inside of that pretty little head of yours,' he says while teasing my bottom lip with his mouth. His hands travel over my back while slightly pressing me down on him.

'What is going on inside your pretty little head?' I ask teasingly.

'Hm,' he let out a low growl. 'Well, if it weren't for all the exciting things to happen, I'd scratch my headband and leave again.'

'What is going to happen?' I ask with a frown but he distracts me with mouth. Placing my finger on his lips to stop him, I repeat the question.

'I'm might get what I want,' he said.  
'The position of Mizukage?' I ask in surprise.  
He laughs while shaking his head at my ridiculous assumption. 'Getting a better position,' he explains.  
'Oh… Well, I guess hard work does pay off sometimes.'  
'It certainly does,' he nods while obviously dismissing the idea of continuing this conversation. I can tell he isn't in the mood to talk but like always I can't help myself.

'If you scratch your headband, you can forget everything you've worked for. Besides what would you do with Haku back in Kirigakure?' I curiously ask.

With a sigh, he turns us around. Placing me softly on the pillow, he tastes my mouth before pulling back. Resting his head against the palm of his hand while he looking down at me.

'He'd come after me,' he shrugged, knowing it would be as simple as that.

'Then take me with you,' I suddenly blurt out. I surprised myself while Zabuza simply grinned at the idea. Meanwhile a little voice inside of my head goes off, telling me I've gone crazy.

 _Think about it,_ I tell myself. _There isn't much left here now. Everything is corrupt, just like Zabuza had once told me. And I had wanted to prove to him the world wasn't like that, that it wasn't all that bad. But I only ended up showing him my own true nature. The only thing I ended up proving was that his words had been the truth.  
_  
'My personal healer,' he muttered while making patters on my stomach. 'Not a bad idea.'

'Was this a part of your plan?' I ask when I feel his hand travel down again. _Had he known all along I would falter so easily? He used laugh at me, as if knowing I was as weak as the rest of the world._  
'I already told you, no,' he answered using a more serious tone. 'Getting severely injured, to then let that little runt tell me he knows a doctor, only to see it is a beautiful woman in a rather flimsy dress… I can promise you that was not a part of the original plan.'

'I wasn't planning on an emergency when I went into bed that night,' I point out while he continues touching and kissing me. I sigh in response to his hand while my mind blocks out all the memories.  
'I could tell you were cold…' he muttered in my ear. 'And after that all I could think of was how I could keep you warm.'

I could feel him smirk against my ear. I lightly punch him on the arm and tell him to stop. He gets back up, finding my reaction quite humorous.

'Moment ruined by your filthy mouth!' I state when he looks at me with a playful look in his eyes.

He kisses my shoulder. 'You used to be a lot more resistant. Easily offended too.'  
'Well… you were always vulgar and sleazy.'  
'But it eventually got you in my bed,' he pointed out. I open my mouth but close it again when I realize he is just messing with me.  
'It was _I_ whodecided to get into your bed,' I answer defiantly.

'So,' he starts looking down at my body. 'Why have you decided to haunt me a little more?'  
'What do you mean?'  
'Ah, common Sakura,' he snickered at my pretense of innocence. 'You didn't come here with pure good intentions.'

'I wanted to get _dolled_ up,' I jokingly said. He let out a laugh and gave me an approving nod, finding the humor in it.

'No, I just wanted to forget everything… even if its only for a night,' I truthfully answer. Strangely and to my utter surprise he nods understandingly. We're somewhere between an embrace and the start something other. His breath tickled my cheek while my hand caressed his face.

The room is rather dark and the smell isn't exactly fresh, the odor of alcohol, cigarettes and… well sex hung in the air. I'm strangely reminded of my old house. And I briefly wonder how much Zabuza has thought of our time there.

I realized that no matter what excuses he used to justify his actions, he was still taking a huge risk being in this room with me.

But I wasn't foolish to think I was the sole reason for him being here.

'Are you trying to get yourself into trouble?' I ask him while his mouth goes below my collarbone. He seems softer in his doings while taking his sweet time going lower. 'So you can _scratch_ your headband and leave again?'

He abruptly stops but his lips stay on my skin. It is still for a moment.

'Perhaps,' he says finally speaking up. Maybe I'm more sensitive but I feel as if he has much more need to touch me. He caresses the shape of my waist and eventually lets his hand rest on my hip. The simple movement has a unusual electric effect on me.

'I needed some release,' he muttered. 'Whatever the result end up being, I was fine with.'

For some reason I found it sounding like a compliment. He wanted to come for me, in spite of knowing better. He could've easily just start doing his job badly. I guess he too liked the thrill of meeting again and again.  
And after all, before high society had decided to change us into puppets, we were nothing but mere unnecessary burdens they had wanted to get rid of.

In a way we had always been connected, I suppose.

Oddly, I also now understood we had unwillingly entwined in each other's life. No matter how much we both claimed our relation, if we could call it that, was purely physical… we got underneath each other's skin. It had started with the simple need of explaining how we saw each other, of how our vision of the world was.

'And you?' he asked. 'What are you planning on getting out of this?'

'I don't think the results could get any worse,' I mumble as he continues his previous work. His sharp teeth grace my skin from time to time.

I get reminded by our earlier conversation where he insisted I was holding on to something. No, his exact words were that I was holding back on being human. That nothing was good or bad, it was all a blur. Only know I was no longer resistant to believing and I finally accepted he had a point.

Boldly he tells me that too while putting his lips back on my skin. I can feel him smirk again.

I look down, seeing his brown eyes glint excitingly in the dark. I smirk back. _Let him think he's victorious_. I could still see him.

His little human inside.

* * *

I hurry back inside, noticing a lot more agents present at the late hour. Sometimes I question how on earth I haven't been caught yet. I rush through the halls of my own home, as if someone was trying to come after me. The adrenaline makes me a little delusional. With a dash I enter the bedroom and lock the door. Just to be certain.

I'm relieved to see a dark empty room greet me. I immediately start my new routine.  
Undressing myself as I walk towards the bathroom connected to the bedroom and running the water for a nice warm shower. I throw the clothes onto the ground and start combing my hair.

I smell only a faint scent of the lavender anymore. I contemplate on washing it or not. But my mind remind me how easily the nose is fooled, just because I did not pick up on the scent anymore did not mean Inui wouldn't.

As I look at myself in the mirror for the second time that day, I see someone else.

I see a spark of fierceness inside of me again. I had been too passive the last few month, letting certain things pass me by to avoid confrontation. I saw my little outburst with Zabuza as nothing but an act of defiance. Perhaps a little rebelliousness to keep my old self alive.

 _You sneak into a hotel-room to sleep with a murderer but can't find a clever way of getting to talk to Tsunade. She should know that you now know. That she no longer has to spare you from the hurt, that you can plot against him together. Like it should've been in the first place!_

Why did I let go on for so long?

I turn my back against my reflection, ceasing the heavy questions. I let out a sob at how pathetic I have been behaving.

 _Zabuza is a nice distraction but after tomorrow, it's over. No more running around._

I hear the unsettling sound of someone trying to open the door. Grabbing a robe to cover myself, I anxiously stare at it. Uncertain if I should open it or not. To my horror, it seems whoever it is doesn't need my approval or the key. I hear the door unlock.

I frantically look around for something to defend myself. Seeing Inui's razorblade as the perfect weapon, I grab it and hide myself behind the other, still closed, large door.  
Whoever it is, doesn't waver when entering. I hear heavy footsteps come straight towards me.

I swallow, while patiently waiting for whoever it is to appear. For a small fraction my mind assumes it is Zabuza coming for me. When I see black hair coming pass the edge of the door, I halt my move to strike out and immediately attack.

Inui's gives me a solemn look. His blue eyes stare at my figure and my odd behavior and for a moment I can't seem to react. Or better actually, how to properly react to this situation.

'Inui,' I mutter in surprise. It takes me a second to realize I'm still holding out the razorblade. I slowly put it down while waiting for him to react. He crosses his arms and leans against the doorframe. Closing his eyes in thought.

'What are you doing?' he simply asked.

'Taking a shower,' I mumble.

'I believed you had a bath earlier,' he said. 'Soaked in it for hours from what I've heard.'  
'Well, I got sweaty,' I answer.  
'Why do you lie to me?'

I let out a hallow laugh in response and shake my head at the stern expression he's wearing. _He can't be serious!_

'Because you've been always honest with me?' I venomously ask.

'You know, Sakura you've always known my political position,' he started. 'It's not like I've lied about who I am—'you killed your mentor,' I snap and lose my temper at the ludicrously of his words.

I tighten my grip on the handle of the blade.

'And he was not missed,' he coldly answers. I can't help but flinch at the response. It was such contrast compared to how he usually reacted when we would talk about the past.

I couldn't sense any emotion in him.

He takes a few step towards me. As he stand before me, he lightly touches my hair.

'My beautiful… soon-to-be wife,' he starts with a small smile. 'What have you been up to?'

Although he said it lightheartedly, I could sense a threat underneath. He twists a lock of hair around his finger. He bring it to his nose, lightly sniffing it before getting closer to me. Unfazed by my angry scowl, he nuzzles his nose against mine. I pull away.

'You've been wandering around?' he quietly asks. 'Every night your hair smells wonderfully but a little odd since I know you find it a drag to wash it now that it so long in length.' His words send shiver down my spine, feeding the nauseating feeling of getting caught.  
'A scent of something odd hangs in it now,' he continues touch my fore head with his lips. 'Yesterday you denied me. _Lied_ to me.'

Suddenly I can feel his arm snake around me and push me closer to him. I have to stop myself from not using the small weapon resting in the palm of my hand. Sensing how on edge I am, I try to calm myself. I swallow the fear suffocating me slowly.

'I know when you're not,' he pauses for a moment, ' _accessible_.'  
'What a disgusting way to put it,' I snap, not being able to hold my temper again.  
He snickers at my outburst. 'However you want to put it, it was a lie.'  
'You are just as vile and patronizing as your dear old mentor!' I yell at him. 'You seem to think everyone is underneath you!'

'You're my wife—'I'm not your wife!' I hiss forcing his blue eyes to look into mine. He smiles while placing my hair behind my ear. Kissing my forehead. I push him off of me. We struggle for a moment, going back and forth. I keep the blade behind me, making sure he can't grab it. Or I didn't end up accidently using it.

'You think you can run from me?' he yelled grabbing hold of my wrist and twisting it lightly. It hurt but nothing I couldn't take. 'I have enough people to follow you around,' he whispered.  
'Let go of me,' I icily tell him, having enough of this madness.  
'You think you and Tsunade can stop me?'  
'Let go of me,' I repeated more angrily.

'One of you is going to end death if you both stubbornly keep proceeding.'

Unable to help myself I lose all self-controle and suddenly with just flicker as a warning, the blade is pressed against the skin in his neck. We're close and I can feel his breath against my face. He doesn't waver because of the action. His angry snake tongue continues its rampage.

'Are you going to become like all those murderers you fight against?' he viciously asked. I press in the blade deeper, drawing out blood.  
'Well, maybe. If it is for the greater good, why not?' I tell him, while seriously contemplating about the idea. The solution was in the palm of my hand, one quick fierce motion and it would all be over.

He smirks at my threat, 'Do you know now how it feels to be one of them? To be driven to the edge?

I halt. Swallowing the burning feeling inside of my throat made out of pure anger. For a moment I think of a few faces that I never understood why they had committed the crimes they had. I even think of a few uncommon cases but mostly mind goes directly to Zabuza and Haku. Had someone driven them over the edge?

'You know I'm not horrible person,' he suddenly starts, snapping me out of my thoughts. 'I do understand how the world works. And perhaps it is your naïve, extremely sweet personality that doesn't seem to grasp it but you cannot win with kindness.'  
'Shut up!' I hiss but he stays unfazed and continues on the same tone as before.  
'I'm planning on giving second chances but I need to get rid of the shinobi's old ways of thinking first. All this honor is making people suffer unnecessarily.'

My heart skips a beat, remembering thinking that once too. And a part of me still did.  
So much was based on rules, tradition and teachings that seemed impossible to live by. Some were long overdue and it was what fed peoples mind and sometimes drove them mad.  
Men like Zabuza… Some of it was the root of frustration, anger and ended up leading to nothing but pure hate.

Freezing on the spot at the thoughts, he senses my hesitation. Easily grabbing hold of my hand, his grip is so harsh that it only is matter of seconds before I let it fall out of my hand.

'Sakura, you can't just leave,' he menacingly adds. 'You can't just leave everything behind.'

My hand starts trembling. 'Let go of me,' I tell him again when I feel him tighten his grip on my wrist.

'Imagine how the people, who have put so much faith in you, would react should they hear you are abandoning everything they stand for. You have become a steady person who people depend on. A face with a meaning.'

His words echo in my ears while his intense gaze make makes me crumble. I sweat and the room starts to spin. I slowly begin to fight back again, giving him a weak push. I hate how his words have the wanted affect he searching for. I feel guilty, weak.

'If you leave my side, not only will you regret it but everything you have ever done will simply fall apart and fail,' he threateningly added.  
Grabbing hold of my body, he pressed down to his trying to make me calm down. Acting as if I were nothing but mere child.

The patronizing tone and actions was making me furious but I tried to not let it get to me.  
I had to play it smart, keep myself calm and then leave. I can halt for only a minute but when his face gets to close to mine, my instincts kick in. I shake my head and try to get away from him.

'Calm down!' he hisses.

I feel tears escape. Inui always knew how to get underneath people's skin. A skill I admired once, thinking the way he used his words made people understand the views of others. Always carefully put but precise, words that would one day change the world

He wipes away the tears away with his free hand and gives my cheek a light kiss. Hushing me and telling me it was going to be alright.

'I admit the beginning of my career wasn't as sincere as I make it seem,' he quietly said while holding on to me. 'But every word, move and promise is. I do want to make the world a better place. And I believe it is with you—'you think I was politically a good match,' I spat while moving my head out underneath his chin. My abrupt head movement is inelegant and in response he grimaces in pain.

Clenching his teeth in frustration, he stayed quiet knowing I wasn't quite finished.

'If you don't have the heart to begin with, you'll never will. You can't make honest promises if your word doesn't mean a thing!' I scream at him. Our awkward embrace irking me every second of it.

'I know you'll get over this,' he started on a softer tone. 'You're just having a hard time letting go of Tsunade. But in your core, you and I are the same.'

I stay quiet, hating how he does have a point and that we do have the same visions. And I guess, deep, deep inside, I knew that maybe he did have a point about the position of Hogake. But not in this lifetime, not while I was alive. Not when I was the Hokage's apprentice.

Maybe things were going too fast. Even for me.

 _Just how weak are you?_ _What a pathetic reason to stop him. There are a million others reason why you should stop his idiotic idea!_

'If it wasn't Tsunade, Sakura… Would you stop me?' he quietly asked while trying to reach me.

 _No._

I don't respond, passively standing in his arms.

'I love you,' he whispered while his mouth goes for mine. I reject his intimacy, feeling disgusted by the idea. He lets out a sigh, regretting my reaction. I stubbornly keep my eyes on the door, I can't stand the sight of him.

'I forgive whatever it is you are doing behind my back,' he then suddenly says. 'I don't know who you are meeting in that hotel since no-one in Kirigakure is willing to talk. It seems they are quite fond of the new Mizukage…' he muttered the last part as in afterthought, as if it didn't seem to sit him well.

I quirk up an eyebrow at the comment. Glancing out of the corner of my eyes I take a look at him.  
His cool expression is hard on me since I'm accustomed to see his soft, sincere blue eyes stare back at me. He seems distant and I feel my heart break inside when I finally admit to myself that not having his love is hurting me.

When he moves my chin to look at him and place a kiss one my lips, I reluctantly pull back.

'Get over it, Sakura,' he then said.

The frustration and hate took over and I could no longer keep my temper in check.  
My forehead meets his and with a surprised yell he finally lets go of me. I grab the razorblade lying on the ground and with a shaky hand I hold it out.

'I… I…' I can't bring myself to say it.

Holding on to his nose, that was bleeding heavily, he glared at me. Grabbing a towel to keep the blood from flooding, he asked me for help.

I stare at him in shock. Didn't it matter to him that I hurt him? That I was angry with him?  
'Please, Sakura,' he asked. The tone of his voice was much like the one I was used to hearing. Warm and a little bit needy perhaps.

I felt so foolishly played.

I lower the razorblade and place it down on the sink. It take deep breath before reminding myself who I was. I'd always be first and foremost a doctor.

* * *

It was goodbye.

And perhaps I was looking for someone to unleash all my anger and hate onto. I compared to last night, the last thing I wanted was to forget.

 _I always assumed Zabuza and Haku's presence had influenced my life when in reality us meeting was nothing but a mere coincidence. Even Zabuza had said so himself, if it hadn't been for Haku saying he knew a doctor that could help, we would've never met._

A small, weird part of me was grateful for the unusual meeting.

 _But if it hadn't been for Haku, I wouldn't have been so desperately looking for a affection. I would've perhaps chosen to not follow Inui…_

I shake my head at the thought. _Blaming me for the death of the old man had always been a part of the plan._

Meeting the assassin and his accomplice however wasn't.

I let out a sigh when I stand before the door. Wondering if anyone has followed me and who knew of my affaire in the hall. I found it unusual that Inui had allowed me to leave me by myself, even though he was home for the evening. As if convinced everything I did was harmless to him.

However, none of it mattered. I was indeed not going anywhere. I was stuck. Much like Zabuza, I got what I wanted but… _not really._

With a heavy heart, I finally knock on the door. I briefly ask myself what I'm doing here again and rebuke I should've never set foot in this hotel in the first place.

 _I am earlier than usual…_

Impatiently I knock on the door again.

My heart begins to beat erratically when realizing that there was a chance that no one would be answering. I don't want to say his name or wait for anyone to come and see what the ruckus was all about.

Desperately I reach for the doorknob. When a clicking sound is made, I let out a gasp. Slowly I open the door, holding my breath. To my surprise the room is neat and I see his personal belonging still into place. _So he hasn't left yet._

I feel relief wash over me.

I quietly call out his name but no answer. The room is obviously empty. I tell myself to wait even though being here alone made me feel nervous and uncomfortable. I guess at the same time I wanted to leave as quick as I could but I told myself to wait for at least five minutes.

Curiously, I go through his stuff. Nothing personal. Nameless, meaningless things only a true shinobi could carry with him. I halt when my eye lands on something out of place. Grabbing it I take good long look at it, as if to make sure my eyes weren't deceiving me.

 _This is mine._

It was one of my old medicine books with my personal notes in it. Reading quickly through the pages made me reminisce. Suddenly I wanted to take up my life where I had left if off in that little town. _  
_  
Even with the unfortunate houseguests.

I smirk at the idea of teasing him with this book. _Why does he carry it around with him?_

When I hear the door open behind me, I get startled.

'Good, I figured you tried to get in before leaving,' Zabuza muttered while he entered the room.

Turning around, with the book behind my back, I want to open my mouth to make a witty remark but stop before a sound can leave my mouth. I gape at the sight before me.

I seemed to have forgotten how the color red comes in many shades.

Closing the door with a loud thud, he smirks at my shocked expression. I take a step back when he comes near me but my back immediately meets the closet behind me. I swallow when comes closer. Taking off his bloodied jacket and throwing it on the ground, he stand before me.

'What did you do?' I asked him.

He tilts his head. Eying me like he usually did but his eyes held a gleam in them that worried me deeply. Suddenly the fear I once felt came back to haunt me.

'Quit early so I could see you, Sakura.' His voice made me get chills all over my body.

'What did you do, Zabuza?' I ask him again when takes another step towards me.

Standing tall before me, his hand reaches out to touch my cheek. I let the book drop out of my hand.  
My eyes widen at the bloody clothes, the tainted medal on his chest. The headband spattered with the same red substance that seemed to cling on him everywhere.

'Who did you kill?' I breathlessly asked.  
'You're always asking me questions you already know,' he answer with snick.

My eyes widen. ' _I still want my revenge.'_ I take a sharp breath at the memory of what he had said to me two nights ago.

 _'But don't worry, I think the end is near for him._ '

'N-no,' I stutter not believing what I was seeing.

Taking his shirt off and his headband at the same time, he throws it on to the jacket in pile behind him. Without, all the evidence of murder was already gone. Placing his arms on to the closet behind me, I stare at the bare chest before me. I see light scars here and there. I swallow the lump of emotions in my throat, trying to think or talk. _Or simply just move!_

I gasp for air again instead.

Trying to catch my breath, Zabuza slowly tries to undress me. 'Don't,' I weakly tell him. He only takes of the black cloak I wore over the pass few days and throws it on the bed next to us. I aimlessly stare at it for a moment.

I feel him coming closer and he places his mouth next to my ear. 'You were my alibi,' he quickly whispered as if confessing a secret.

When I look up at him, he gives me a wink before grabbing my chin and kissing me.

I try to push him off of me but he doesn't stop until I hear the door behind him open with a forceful blow. Zabuza slowly turns around, grabbing me by waist and pulling me close to him. I quickly look at him in shock before looking at who has entered just entered the room.

His familiar brown eyes staring at me startle me so much I can't seem to move a muscle. Zabuza needs to hold me up.  
He doesn't seem too shocked at seeing us but then again he's never very expressive. Yet I can't help but let his name escape my mouth. 'Kakashi?'

* * *

Ah, cliffhanger because… I'm evil. It is as simple as that.  
I hope Sakura's emotional struggle came out well. I think it gave the chapter quite some moments of suspense. And as you can see, we have not run out of twists just yet!

Comment/Review!


	19. Chapter 19

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

* * *

Chapter XIX

'Doctor Haruno,' Kakashi said on a cool tone. Taking a deep breath, as if regretting the situation he found himself in, he then politely asked me to come with him.

'Why?' I blurt out. I can't seem to think straight with everything happening so fast. Zabuza keeps pulling me closer to him, almost as if he was trying to be affectionate. Shocked, I figure out these two seem to know each other. Though I'm utterly confused, I can't figure out if I want to confront them at this very moment or not. I look up at Zabuza for answers but his face stays indifferent. Although I can see him trying to suppress a devious smirk. I feel chills run down my spine.

'I'm afraid I have some bad news,' Kakashi then started.

I frown, pretending to not know what he was about to say while hoping deeply that he wasn't going to confirm what Zabuza had already told me. I prayed for it to be another lie from his deceiving mouth.

In the background I hear other doors open up and suddenly there seems to be a bit of a commotion in the hallway. Feeling panic overwhelm me, I take a step back only to end up resting in the arms of the assassin. I tried to keep my head cool and my heartbeat steady.

'What do you mean?' I ask though knowing the answer. I guess a part of me was still holding on to a little piece of fragile hope.

'A murder took place just a few minutes ago…' he answered on a low tone. He threw Zabuza a glare and I could catch out of the corner of my eye Zabuza had to resist the urge to tauntingly smirk back.

'Lord… Inui is the victim. My condolences, doctor Haruno.' He bowed his head at the mention of his name in honor while I couldn't seem to move a muscle.

I couldn't believe it. I just gaped at him and back to Zabuza, awaiting a few clear answers on what was going on. But neither reacted to me. Both were keen on continuing this little play. I swallow, wondering when this web of lies was going to let me go.

Realizing they were both in on it, I take a deep breath to stop myself from hyperventilating and letting the situation take complete control over me. When I finally gather the wits to move, I free myself from Zabuza's grip.

I don't move towards Kakashi either. I can hear some shouting in the hall. With a bewildered look I try to catch what is going on. Kakashi explains people are supposed to come in for questioning.

'We can do this discreet, Sakura,' he kindly said while being a bit more familiar by using my first name to speak to me. 'Nobody needs to know you were here.'

I quirk up an eyebrow in utter confusion. When I turn my head around to look at Zabuza for answers, he just gives me a reassuring nod.

 _I was his alibi._

I look back at Kakashi with questioning eyes but he firmly keeps his act going. Even when I look at the pile of clothes of which some of it is covered with blood, he ignores me. _He knows_.

'What is going on?' I ask in a whisper. 'I'm not coming unless I get some answers.'  
'Go with him quietly, Sakura,' Zabuza cuts in. 'It's going to be alright.'

I snap my head at him. 'I'm not going anywhere,' I hiss. 'Start talking!'  
'Quiet!' he hushed me, obviously afraid someone was going to hear me and their little play would be over.

But for _me_ everything was over. Kakashi knew I had been with some heartless murder. Inui's killer. I felt sick when thinking that. The urge to vomit came over me and blackness came before my eyes but I managed to fight it off. _Not now._

I instead turn around and let myself drop on the bed. Sitting in a state of shock, I stare out before me. I wonder if I had ever fooled anyone or if everyone had just ended up fooling me.

'Go with him to see Tsunade,' Zabuza said while placing a hand on my leg. I flinch at his touch and push his hand off my knee. He simply snickers at my reaction but relentlessly keeps up his act of personally caring about me.

Wondering why he'd behave this way, I end up looking at Kakashi only to see him nod in reaffirmation to Zabuza. Confirming my suspicion I take a sharp breath. _These two are in on it together?_

My rational mind reminds me of what Zabuza had just said minutes before Kakashi had barged into our room.

I bite my lip.

 _I don't have much of a choice._

Slowly getting off the bed, I await Kakashi's instructions. He tell me to wait for a moment, disappearing into the hallway to only come back a mere minute later. Zabuza informs him there is a window in the bathroom we can use to discreetly leave.

'You're a cleared,' Kakashi says monotonously when passing Zabuza.

'Of course I am,' he snickers.

I turn to give him one last look. He only smirks at me, seemingly delighted at all that was happening.

It was all going so fast I hardly had the time to comprehend what had just happened, the news of Inui still hadn't fully sunk in. We hurry through the streets that are swarming with black, green and other official uniforms. The village was in chaos yet we managed to discreetly maneuver ourselves to the Hokage's tower.

Irrationally I can't help but think for a moment I that he'd be him sitting at Tsunade's desk, waiting for me to explain myself. But this was about Inui's murder.

 _He's dead,_ I remind myself. Yet I can't give any emotional reaction. My mind wasn't certain. Everything felt so surreal. Even when we stood before Tsunade in her office.

My heart wanted to flutter and sink at the same time when seeing her fiery amber eyes.

She seemed so calm, collected and simply awaited for me to sit down before her. Hesitantly I looked her in the eye, feeling much like my younger-self again. This was the woman who taught me so much and for the moment I felt like I had put her teachings to shame.  
I feel so small seeing myself in her oddly colored eyes. Today wasn't the first time I didn't recognize the person starring back at me.

Yet I had stubbornly kept going with my pursuit for… _for what actually?_

Some warmth? Acceptance? …Love?

All lies.

I bitterly swallow the truth, feeling something burn inside of me. Something that was violently consuming me.

 _Hate._

Tsunade stays quiet, lowering her eyes in thought before speaking up. My confidence crumbles and I'm left in shambles. Overwhelmed by shame, guilt and the unknown heading my way. A gasp escapes my mouth when she finally speaks up. The fierce reality pulls me out of my dwelling. I understand how unpredictable the situation is. For a small moment, my faith in her crumbles too and I dare to question her.

But my heart desperately holds on.

'You are hereby,' she pauses for a second, showing some distress. A frown was on her otherwise flawless face, aging her slightly. 'You are hereby no longer a suspect of the murder of councilor Inui.'

'Excuse me?'

'Witnesses saw you enter the hotel and your…' again she halted, uncertain on how to put it. ' _Partner_ confirmed you were with him.'

'My partner?' I echo, feeling confused again. So this was some sort of conspiracy against Inui?

Not only did I feel low, I suddenly thought less of the world around me. I was disgusted at the display. To witness so much hypocrisy, betrayal and dishonesty was something I could hardly take for the moment. I wanted to scream, kick, hurt someone so they understood the pain inside. I felt frustrated and angry but I didn't move a muscle. I was numbed by shock.

Just passively sitting, waiting for the next act to start.

'I understand this a shock to you, Sakura—'Spare me,' I interrupt her. 'Spare me the lies.'  
'I know this must come as a shock and I genuinely wish you my condolences,' she monotonously continued.

'He is not my partner,' I tell her, hoping she'll believe me. Though I'm not certain on why I still want to convince her of my own truthfulness when looking at her stoic expression. She is no better than me I suppose.  
'Do not worry about your… _private meeting._ We will be discreet.'

'Yes, please,' I harshly answer, feeling my temper get the best of me. Taking short deep breaths to stop myself from jumping out of my skin, I give her a harsh glare. I can see her flinch for a moment.

I had reach out to her! It didn't have to go this way. Why did she do this?

I feel a tear prickle when realizing I had seen Inui for the last time this morning. A part of me was in denial. It wasn't possible. It couldn't be. I place my hand on my mouth, trying to stop myself from screaming it out.

'I would like to ask you a few more questions,' she continued, trying to keep her tone as cool as possible.

Protocol questions that she hardly dared asking me. Did he have any enemies? Who? Did I suspect anyone?

She knew the answers to those question and how she was capable of asking me, was something I couldn't quite understand. It was her. _She_ had done it. _She_ had ordered it.

I gave simple answers, noting that when I did give a snide remark it did not get written down in the report. Like a candle, I eventually burned up. Feeling bitter and well… beyond tired.  
At this point, I was waiting for it to be over. Solemnly staring at the random strangers asking me personal questions. I wasn't even offended when they showed me disrespect. It didn't matter because I no longer desired it.

I didn't want their approval. I just wanted to leave this place.

Tsunade kept making eye-contact, never backing quite down even when a question got hard to ask. I didn't know why she did it. Maybe she thought I was still hiding something.

'That will be all,' Tsunade finally said. She excused herself that she wouldn't be present at next meeting. 'If you don't mind,' she calmly said, 'I'd like to be there for my student in her time of need. Losing a loved one isn't something you should go through alone.'

The investigation team gave her a bow out respect, politely stating that they no longer needed her assistance and that she could attend more important matters for now. A group of men that worked personally for the higher council gave a stiff nod of understanding but did what they were told.

I gaped at her, unbelieving of what she was saying. When the room was cleared it stayed ominously quiet between the two of us. I waited for her to react. Whatever it was she was planning on doing, I was ready. I couldn't get surprised anymore. I was done.

Instead of talking she got up from her desk. Somberly staring out of the window for a few minutes before turning around to look at me again. I remained unfazed, staying seated in the chair she asked me to sit on. Without saying a word she walked to me and looked me in the eyes before placing her arms around me. Pulling me in a tight embrace that shook me. She mumbled something inaudible at first. Or maybe it was my heartbeat deafening me.

'I'm so, so sorry, Sakura,' she said between sobs. I placed my arms around her and answered her embrace, holding her as tight as I could.

Suddenly a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I could finally react. I found emotion inside of me again. I started to cry.

* * *

'I want you to know,' Tsunade started, finally speaking up after a long silence. 'I never wanted it to get to this point.'  
I have to swallow when feeling the burning ache inside my heart. I still felt torn between loving and hating Inui at the same time. I knew her so well, I knew she didn't want to do this.

'He had it all so well-planned and for a while,' she let out a tired sigh and let her shoulders hang in defeat, 'I thought everything was going to work out. That he had idea's that were beyond this era and would perhaps elevate us somewhere new. You seemed happy—'you should've told me,' I interrupt.

I take her hand and give it a light squeeze. At first she looks at me in surprise before narrowing her eyes at me.

'You should've told me too, Sakura,' she started using her usual strict tone. 'Why did you not tell me about Zabuza?'  
'What was there to tell?' I asked her.  
She shrugged in response while letting out an aggravated growl. We fell silent again. The both of us staring out the window.

'I guess nothing,' she eventually admitted. 'But you should've told me anyway.'

'Did you know it was Inui?' I ask. 'From the beginning?'  
'No,' she shook her head. 'I had a hunch, though. Some things didn't add up and I always trusted Ibiki more than him… but I was in a tough position back then too.'

'I'm sorry,' I tell her again. I've said it so much I feel as if the words have lost their meaning. I wish I could do something to prove her their worth, to show her I meant it. 'I'm so sorry for everything.'

'We both got caught up.' I feel her hand go over my head, a loving gesture I had missed for so long.

'But,' she said, halting her move, 'why… why Zabuza?' she asked me again, unable to let it go.

I let out a deep sigh, uncertain where to start. So I just start at the beginning with some innocent boy asking me for help. Giving her the real version of what happened years ago. I stutter when admitting I got caught up in things I shouldn't have.

'I suppose I was… jealous. I craved for something much like what those two have. Someone who will follow you wherever you go… And then Inui came along and I guess I wanted to see him be that person for me. I wanted it so badly, I ended up fooling myself,' I tell her. The words explain a feeling I had carried with me for a while and now that I had said it out loud, it felt more genuine and acceptable. I felt relieved of it.

'Seems you are that person for him,' she noted. Her expression was a mix of sympathy, perplexed and finally being able to understand something she hadn't before. I quirk up an eyebrow at her remark. I wasn't quite sure how to take it, she had ordered to kill the man who seemingly did love me. She was contradicting herself…

'Please tell me everything,' I plead when realizing I was still only half in on certain subjects.

She takes a deep breath, mumbling she doesn't quite know where to start.  
'Ibiki had always claimed it had been Zabuza Momochi. Though he admits a lot of it didn't add up. For instance when the assassination exactly took place. He and Zabuza we battling it out when the man throat was slit.'  
'You knew about Haku?' I hesitantly asked.  
'Just now,' she bluntly answered.  
'Please, Tsunade! He is just a young boy—!' Halting me with a hand, she said whatever would be said now would never leave these walls. Besides, she coolly said, she knew all too well about Zabuza's ways. Going after Haku would be useless at this point.

'When we asked Kirigakure, they claimed he had turned himself in a year before and had atoned for his crimes and treason. We couldn't accuse them of being liars, since we didn't know it for certain ourselves. And starting a new war, wasn't on our list either. However when we earlier this week saw his name on the guestlist, we knew we had to seize our chance. Kakashi had been appointed to follow him around… However I didn't expect you to…' she halted for a moment. Her amber eyes look straight into mine.

'I don't know why myself,' I mumble while lowering my eyes in shame.

'Anyways,' she said starting on a firmer tone again. 'We approach him personally when we noticed he wasn't leaving his hotel-room much and Inui's men kept seeking him out. I figured something was off and with everything going on… I felt desperate to put an end to our crumbling nation.'

'You talked to Zabuza?' I ask in shock.

'Kakashi did,' she clarified. 'We, well I, offered Kirigakure some political favors. Something I'm capable given our current time of peace offerings. Kakashi approached Zabuza for the job but that didn't quite go as planned…'

Visibly swallowing, I could see her discomfort. Not sure what I was about to hear, I put a reassuring arm around her shoulder.

'He asked for more than a higher position…'

Confused at where she was going with this, I tried to stay calm. Yet I could feel my hands tremble, so I pushed my fingertips into her skin. Desperately holding on to her.

'He asked me for your hand in marriage.'

I freeze. My brain doesn't quite comprehend what she has just said. I let my arm drop from her shoulder and stare in bewilderment out before me. I couldn't think, so I just gaped at her. Hoping she would tell me what hell she was talking about.

'Like I said, seems you are that person for him.' Repeating what she had said earlier, I only know understood the meaning behind it and the him she had been referring to had not been Inui.

'He's lying,' I blurt out. 'Zabuza isn't like that.'

She nods in agreement, 'I'm aware. But I had my back against the wall and Kirigakure was happy to comply to his demand. Imagine not only having the Hokage's student but a strong political pawn to add to your nation. You've very loved and known all over the world. I can't deny Inui gave you something I personally always felt you deserved, recognition.'

Again I was torn by what she was saying. The part of Zabuza and Kirigakure still hadn't made its way to my brain yet. I felt immobile physically and mentally.

'You said yes?' I ask her when realizing she hadn't told me how she swiped his demand off the table. She got off her chair and kneeled down before me, as if begging me to forgive her for what she was about to say.

'Sakura, you have to understand… there is so much he did that you don't know of. Inui wasn't the man you made him out to be. You were right about that,' she stressed while grabbing hold of both of my hands. 'This wasn't easy for me and I didn't want to give in but I had no other choice.'

I simple stare out before me, letting the words wash over me.

'I also realize I have to accept the consequences of that decision. Knowing that once you abuse your power to get things done your way, it is the end of true leadership. So I will be retiring next week. _That_ is the big announcement next week.'

I blankly stared at her, even when she was kneeling before me with pleading look in her eyes that begged me for forgiveness. My mind couldn't comprehend all the overwhelming information she was pouring onto me.

'I also realize you might think I've betrayed you but I haven't. I still have a few tricks up my sleeve.' She wanted to smirk at first but seemed to overthink the idea, aware that her current position in our relationship did not allow it.  
I was listening though. It was breathing that I was barely still doing. I felt so faint.

'With everything that has just happened, I don't think it is a bad idea for you to leave for a while. I told Zabuza you couldn't just get married out of nowhere. You would first have to officially meet.'

I'm not quite certain where she is going with this but the coy look in her eyes told me she had figured it all out.

'But first, how do you truly feel about him?' she suddenly asks before revealing her true plans.

I take in a sharp breath. Struck by the sudden question. I feel uncomfortable. Not that I haven't ever told Tsunade private matters before but never things I was so ashamed of.

'I-I don't feel anything towards him…' I mutter. 'Not emotionally.'  
'Are you certain?' she pressed. 'You took an awful lot of risks for him.'  
'I did that for Haku. Though I didn't think it would end up getting us in this position. Tsunade!' I try to hold back a sob, 'this job is everything for you! Why would you do this? We could've outsmarted Inui—'He had someone important on his side. I know it feels as if you are responsible but you are not. Besides, Kakashi will make a great Hokage,' she firmly answers.

I lightly squeeze into her hands, knowing she was putting up a strong facade to make me feel better. Yet whenever she revealed something, I felt a little bit more like foolish little puppet. I felt so insignificant in this world. As if I was losing my grip on reality.

'It is I who should be held responsible,' she then added. 'I made some bad decisions.'  
'You did great,' I say while shaking my head at her deterring tone.  
'So did you,' she said with a smile.

Giving her a warm grateful embrace in return, I hold on a little longer then I should. Feeling like a child again, I try to imagine ourselves someplace different. Where the gritty truth isn't awaiting us outside.

'So,' she says, sitting next to me. 'This Haku kid, he sounds real special.'  
'He is,' I nod. 'Kind and smart but I feel like he is… carrying a lot of hurt inside of him. I don't know, I just care for him without being able to give a good explanation. I guess I just wanted to make his life a little easier.'  
'I know how that feels,' she says nodding her while giving me a look that explained it was I who she was referring to. 'Sometimes you just connect.'  
I nod in agreement, glad that I'm finally able to talk to the person who understands me.

'So,' I then start. 'I feel you still have a few tricks up your sleeve, Lady Hokage…' I start while trying to accept the idea of having to go to Kirigakure.  
'Give me some time and you'll be back before you know it,' her tone was determined. 'Unless you don't want me to?'  
'Why would not want to come back?' I ask, letting out a shallow snicker.  
'Haku,' she shrugged while using a playful tone. 'Or Zabuza.'

I shake my head at the idea. I still didn't fully comprehend what had just happened and what was going to happen.

'You really think he only asked me… to get in a good position?' I ask her, the idea had still not settled into my mind. It didn't fit. It didn't make sense to me.

'I don't know. Why don't _you_ figure that out when you are there?'

I solemnly nod while knowing the undertone she meant was unlikely to be true. Zabuza was not that type of man.

My heart, hands, feet. Everything feels heavy. I'm beyond tired and I have this ache inside of me that makes me want to scream out in pain…

'I feel so… emotionless. Cold. I'm so afraid, Tsunade,' I whisper to her. Her fiery amber eyes saddened when looking into my eyes.  
'Grief,' she told me. 'That is what you must do or else you'll end up burning yourself with those other emotions lingering inside of you.'

* * *

It was all a blur. It was all black. Tears, pain, fear. I never seem to be able to hold on to one thing enough to fully experience the feeling. The agony of the days that had passed seemed unreal. I never thought a human could feel so much at once. I had cried. Screamed into my pillow. Evaded sleep.

Today had been his burial. I had managed to play my role out just fine, holding on to the grieving part of my heart. I was scaring myself at how well I could evoke a feeling. How easily I could forget the blonde woman standing by my side was responsible for his death.

Staring out of the window, I watch the rain pour on it. I've been sitting in this chair for a few hours now. Darkness was settling in but I couldn't find the need to move. I wasn't hungry. Tiredness was a steady feeling in my body but sleep never relieved me of it.

I stare down at the black dress I'm wearing. My hands aimlessly lying in my lap.

I see blood on them.

Shaking my head at the illusion, I mutter to myself it's not real.

It isn't the first time I imagine I'm seeing blood on my hands. With a sigh I get up and walk to the bathroom. I'm thirsty.

I wasn't at home. I was in some hotel-room. Everything felt foreign and the pressing question of what I was still doing here lingered in the air constantly. I stare at hollow green eyes in the mirror and question myself again. Unable to stop myself, I cry again. Crumbling.

Falling apart on the cold floor.  
 _  
What type of person am I? I am never truly sincere. Not even in my own mind._

I felt betrayed by the man. A horrible feeling to endure. Yet… _Why am I grieving for a man that never had my love?_ Why did I miss him so?

Hours before his dead I had slept with the man that would have his blood on his hands. And I was going to meet this man again and look him in the eyes _.  
_  
I hated myself so much. _I am disgusting._

And even now, I even dared to wallow in my own self-pity, reminiscing that this all had started with a simple human need. _Recognition, trust, love_. A bond I had yearned for so badly. Something I was still yearning for inside, more then ever.

Was I never going to get a grip on things again? Should I just run?

I try to stop myself from crying but I can't. Unable to hold in the suffering I scream. My entire body trembles and shivers. I can't stand the person I am today. I get up on my feet. Holding on to the aching heart inside, I take deep breaths. When I notice of the woman in the mirror I turn to look at her.

With a fist full of hate, I hit the mirror. When I finally seeing real blood on my hands, I feel at ease.

* * *

A short (or normal seize?) chapter full of emotional turmoil. Next chapter will be up soon!


	20. Chapter 20

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

* * *

Chapter XX

'It is going to be alright, Sakura.'

I wished with all my heart I could believe her. Really. But I just couldn't.

Instead of telling her of my doubt in faith, I give her a short nod. I glance at Naruto standing in the background. I didn't know if he exactly had known what they had been planning on doing but he had been keeping his distance for a while now. I could see guilt in his eyes and for moment I wanted to walk over to him and tell him it was alright. We we're going to fine.

But it wasn't going to be alright. And I was dead tired of lying.

I was utterly confused about how I felt. At times the anger and frustration inside of me were consuming me violently, other moments I was numb.  
It was a feat for me to still be able to stand tall and simply breath. As much as I didn't want to leave, I couldn't stand the idea of staying either.

Everything felt foreign now.

Political acquaintances had now become complete strangers to me, friends and foes seemed to have blurred and I no longer felt the need to be kind towards the needy. I wasn't capable of giving anymore.

I watched the world move around me. Swallowing the fear inside. I walked to the carriage bringing me to a new unknown place I already dreaded going to.

I was still in midst of progressing everything. I didn't feel ready but Tsunade had explained she couldn't postpone the meeting any longer. She had managed to stretch until Kakashi officially became Hokage.

But a month wasn't much for a deep wound to heal.

'Sakura,' Tsunade said. 'I'll becoming in two weeks to "visit". That's all you have to hold onto. Do you think you can do that for me?'

A bitter taste came in my mouth. It was the poison of my mind that wanted to lash out to her and blame her for all of my agony. But in truth, I was the only one to blame.  
I just nodded again.

Pulling me in a tight embrace, she whispered for the millionth time it was going to be alright.

'If you don't feel well…' she paused. I could see in she didn't quite know how to put it. Shoving a bottle of pill into my hand, she explained that if I felt… bad or had dark thoughts it was no shame to take a medication to ease your mind. 'Like all wounds, it needs time and patience to heal. Sometimes a tranquilizer helps, even if only a little, Sakura.'

'I'll be fine,' I monotonously say while holding onto it. I had no intent on taking it but I stared at it for a second. Without saying much I turned around and got in.

I waved goodbye, trying to force a smile on my lips. But it seemed my body had decided to stop obeying my commands. With a solemn expression and another reassuring nod, I told her my mentor goodbye.

Sitting by myself, it sunk in I was going to have to face Zabuza again. Over time, my hate from him had grown. I had foolishly let myself get played by him and it scared me that he wasn't finished torturing me just yet _. I don't know if I'll be able to control myself when I see him…_

When the door of the carriage opened again, I hardly looked up. No one I personally knew had taken it upon themselves to ride with me. After a long ride, we'd have to go by boat. It would be a long journey.

I suddenly feared what my mind would do to me. I let out a sigh and throw my head against the back of the couch I was sitting on.

Staring at the green view of what was still a part of Konoha. I glance down at my lap and open my hand, staring at the bottle of pills again. _Maybe I should get ahead of things…_

'Is there anything you need before leaving, doctor Haruno?'

The dominant deep voice shook me awake and with a snap of my head I looked into the man's direction. His familiar brown eyes send me in a state of shock.

'I-Ibiki,' I gasp. He only nods and gives me a cold smile in return.

'Are you ready?' He then asked. He behaved very formal, as if we had no past that tied us together.

I just nodded uncertainly while questioning if it was safe for me to be with him. A million scenarios went through my head. I had harmed this man, even if it had happened rather unwillingly and a little out of my control. His life had been a hell for years now.

I knew Tsunade trusted him but… I suddenly was wary of what could be happening. _Another trap!_

I didn't trust anyone.

'Are you going to kill me?' I blurt out.

He frowns at the question but I assume my impassive expression gives him little to no answer. He shakes his head in respond.

'Why do you think that?'

'To get rid of me…' I murmur at first, afraid to say it out loud. 'Revenge,' I eventually say more clearly.

'I have no need to harm you, Sakura,' he calmly states. We finally start moving, yet I feel frantic about this long trip with a man that has little reason to be kind towards me.  
I can't find the words to speak, even my body is having a hard time evoking any type of emotion. I was almost ready to welcome any form of punishment from him. Already accepting my new fate.

'Although,' he suddenly says, 'I can't say I haven't thought about it. I don't believe you deserve the treatment you are getting. But like Tsunade has said, it is all futile now. We need to end our bloody ways.'

I fearfully swallow, feeling the coward in me squirm under his cold glare. Uncomfortably I shift in my seat. Though we couldn't be further apart from one another. He was sitting diagonally from me.

'However, I do think that Kiri is the prison you deserve. I don't know how long your sentence will be. According to Tsunade not too long.'

'Is that why you decided to accept this mission?' His words had cut but it felt relieving, just like when I had cut myself with the mirror. The red marks on my fist were still visible, I didn't bother to hide or take care of them. Perhaps I was finally getting what I deserved...

'I wanted to see you one more time,' he admitted. His brown eyes held something odd in them. I had gotten so used to looking down when people were talking to me, that I now had to fight the urge to the same thing. I figured I owe him the respect to look him in the eye when he was speaking.

'I worried a lot about you,' he continued. 'I thought you were held against you will. And I believed in that theory until… a few weeks ago.'

I bite my lip. Not being able to help myself, I stare at the bottle resting in the palm of my hands. No medicine could make this horrible feeling go away. Not even as a doctor I could believe that.

'You'll be reunited soon.'

I felt a burning feeling inside of my chest at the thought. It was hate again. Pure all-consuming hate.

The entire ride we stayed silent. Time going agonizingly slow.

* * *

Feeling sick, I got out of the bed. The entire time the boat had been going side to side. Even though they had promised steady weather, the sea was not at ease. It had rained all day and now the wind was interfering as well. I couldn't sleep.

Dragging my feet, I decided to get something to drink. We we're traveling with small group but it seemed only Ibiki was aware of what I had done. To everyone else I was still a person that I couldn't bear to be anymore, the seemingly innocent kind woman who helped others.

Their kindness salted my wounds and for the most part I seemed to ignore their antics, making them slowly grow a grudge against me for being so uncharacteristically mean. I had heard some say to blame it on the grief, but I knew better.

The boat was rocking and I had to hold on to the wall to not fall over. Quietly I walked into the tiny kitchen, existing only out of two cabinets and a small stove. Grabbing a glass of water, I try to find some calmness in the ruckus.

'Can't sleep?'

With a gasp I turn around to see Ibiki stand behind me. He seemed to follow me wherever I went, always catching me by surprise whenever I thought I had managed to escape his eye.

'I didn't mean to wake you,' I quietly answer, knowing he had gotten out of bed to follow me.

'It is my job to secure your safety.'

'I'm just drinking water,' I shrug, not understanding where he was going with that remark.

He stays quiet for a moment. Like always his brooding expression was hard to see pass and I uncomfortably shifted when he came to stand next to me. The silence was deadly and I regretted getting out of bed. His cold stare was hard to bear. And the constant moving around didn't help. Our shoulders kept contact most of the time but I had a harder time then him keeping my feet grounded. When I lost my balance he grabbed hold of me.

'I spend more than two years beating myself over the fact I hadn't been able to help you,' he quietly started. 'Imagine the shock when Kakashi told me you had seek _him_ out during that party.'  
'I never… wanted to betray you,' I answer. My heartbeat increasing dramatically. I felt so afraid. 'But I didn't know on whose side you were for the longest time either,' I add not using a too kind tone.

I curse my temper trying to shield me. He doesn't let it get to him.

'Tsunade does always portray you as a victim,' he snidely remarks. 'You seem to believe the same thing.'  
'I'm aware of my mistakes.' My reaction is overly emotional and have to fight the tears whelming up. By reminding myself I have to be quiet for the others sleeping, I manage to keep it in.  
'I don't however believe both of you have the same vision. You mostly see yourself as a victim of your own decisions.'  
My head snaps up when he says that and his cool brown eyes remain unfazed. Looking me straight in the eyes before lowering his gaze to my hand. I was unaware I had grabbed the bottle of pills with me.  
'He really got under your skin didn't he?' he asked me. The question made me shiver.  
'I wasn't going to…' I start but halt, not quite sure if I was being honest with myself again. I swallow at the idea of what I had unconsciously thought of doing with these. Take one and get better or take several and be done with it?

Gently grabbing the bottle of pills out of my hand, I stare at how he slowly brings it before his eyes to read the description.  
'I don't think you should take one so late in the night,' he simply stated.  
'I…' I don't know what to say or do. So I simply stare at the man.

'You know, he never betrayed you,' he suddenly says.  
I frown, not quite sure who it is he is referring to.  
He smirks at my confusion. 'Never once stated how you two met and what your relationship was.'

 _Zabuza._

'He isn't a rat like some…'

 _Inui._

'Your heart is in the right place, Haruno. Don't question yourself so much.'

The revelation of Zabuza not betraying me doesn't do much to me but I try to look more calm and composed. Again, I couldn't manage to fool a trained man like him. He snickers in respond while explaining he does understand our relationship is anything but romantic. He then sends me a look of pity.

'If anything he's going to exploit it as much as he can.'  
'I won't let him,' I shake my head at the idea of just letting it all happen without a fight. I could feel my sadness slowly turn into anger, something my mentor told me to not allow to happen. But I couldn't help it, I could feel it build up inside of me.  
'You are just tool to him,' he viciously adds. 'And maybe being that is your punishment. So it seems my anger towards you has turned into pity again.'

Seeing as how I'm visible shaken, he lets out a sigh of regret. Telling me to forget what he has just said. We collide when a strong wave hits us and I have to hold onto him for a moment. As I hold on to his clothes, I realize things could've perhaps turned out differently if we had only trusted each other a little bit more.

I cling onto him. Brave enough to look him straight into the eye.

'I'm so sorry,' I tell him. 'I really am.'

Not so s shocked he stares back at me. His expression soften and he surprises me with a more human reaction then I had expected. Placing an arm around my shoulder, he gives me somewhat of a hug.  
I respond by wrapping my arms around him. I feel a hot tear escape my eye.

'Like I said, your heart is in the right place, Haruno.'

* * *

 _'Give it a week. Maybe two. I need find a good excuse to visit. Or maybe not. After all, now that I'm retired it is my time to do whatever I want. I can finally use my false promises of once visiting. I've always wanted to see the land of Water! Haha!'_

 _Her flawless face turned a bit more devious. When I asked her what else she had planned on her so called trip, she only giggled. Poor Shizune had a frighten look on her face while whispering through her teeth she was afraid Tsunade was going to spend her entire pension in one night._

 _I smiled at the two. Feeling a fluttering inside of my chest. A small feeling that echoed loudly throughout my body. I felt strange to smile or feel happy._

 _Catching a glimpse of my dear friend sending me a worried look. I place a hand on his shoulder, telling him he was not to blame for this situation. Naruto gave me a sad smile in response. We had never talked about politics and we were not going to start now._

 _'Tsunade knows what she's doing,' I tell him reassuringly._

 _'Of course I do!' she loudly added._

 _I pray you certainly do, Tsunade,_ I tell myself when thinking of our conversation a week ago.

I remind myself of the victorious look in her eyes, the certainty that shone in them. Just because I couldn't see through the darkness, didn't mean I had to lose my faith completely. Yet a venomous voice created havoc in my mind. It was all still going too fast in my opinion.

Here I was, standing in the middle of a new village. Smaller then Konoha but far more vicious. I received odd looks and my appearance stood out. Uncomfortable I turn around to look at Ibiki but he keeps his expression stoic and his eyes on the man before us.

'I apologize, doctor Haruno but the Mizukage was called away for a urgent meeting. She wanted me to tell you that she regrets not being able to welcome you personally but shall seek you out some time soon.'

'T-that is quite alright,' I tell him. I still feel utterly uncomfortable and I'm not quite certain how to act. How much did they know? Was this man involved? Tsunade hadn't mentioned the Mizukage at all.

'We will guide doctor Haruno through our village,' he told Ibiki. 'But perhaps she would like to rest a bit first?'

I shrug while mumbling I do feel tired. I give my eyes the chance to take it all in. I was surrounded by tall buildings. People passed us by but it wasn't nearly as busy as Konoha. The streets weren't exactly clean. A bit poverty around. And above us rested a dull grey sky that reminded me of a place I once called home. The air however was nice and fresh. I take deep breath, allowing myself to like this place. It wasn't the worse environment I suppose. There was even a bit of green here and there. Just nothing blooming… yet.

'Goodbye, Haruno,' Ibiki spoke up. Interrupting my thoughts, I let out a small gasp and turn around to face him. We hadn't spoken much since that one night. But suddenly the idea of not having him following me around, sadden me. It had become something reassuring.  
'You are leaving?' I ask. No one has informed of what exactly was going to happen.  
He bowed his head. 'Lord Hokage told us there would be no need for us to stay here with you since this a personal trip. Staying here is your own choice, after all.'

 _When had I ever said that!?_

Stunned at his little speech, I didn't respond much when he bowed his head and announced they would be leaving immediately. He did however spared me another look of sympathy before turning around and leaving me.

I watched until they became nothing but black dots in the far distance. I let out a sigh, realizing I was all on my own now.

'I'll take those, doctor Haruno,' the shinobi politely said already trying to take hold of the luggage I was holding. I rise an eyebrow at his brash behavior.

 _I don't have much of choice now, do I?_

I hand over the few bags I had come with and followed the man. He was rather quiet and I couldn't call it much of a guide, since he rarely spoke up. We walked in silence, while I took in my surroundings.

I would never find my way around in this village, everything look pretty much the same. I had crossed a market, a few bridges and grey buildings surrounded me wherever I went. I admit their style held something unique but I couldn't help but think there cylindrical buildings were a bit odd. The height also covered the view of the beautiful mountains in the background and overshadowed everything surrounding them.

Stopping at another tall building, he politely asked me to wait for a minute. Standing all by myself I was immediately approached by a young child. Not older than eight or so. A sharp stab in my heart reminded me of another young boy and suddenly a thrill overwhelmes me.

 _Haku is here. Somewhere in this village…!_

Just as the young boy, dressed in nothing but rags, was about to open his mouth the man returned. Scared by just the mere appearance of the man, the boy ran away before we could talk.  
I felt a wave of disappointment come over me.

'Sorry about that,' he muttered. 'Those pest can't seemed to get solved.'  
'He's just kid,' I tell him, not minding the boy's approach.  
'Aren't they all?' he coldly answered while shrugging. 'Come on,' he then said nodding his head towards the door.

We enter a rather nice looking hallway. It wasn't luxurious but I imagine it was better than most houses around here. After an endless walk of stairs, we finally arrive. Opening the door, he places my bags inside and graciously shows me the room. It was more of a… loft, I suppose. Everything was just in one big room.

'Have nice stay, doctor Haruno,' the man said.

Before I could ask him any more question he closes the door and to my utter surprise I hear the lock click.  
'Hey!' I yell at the man but I can hear him walk away from the door. 'What is the meaning of this!?'

Realizing I wasn't going to leave when I please, I let myself drop against the door. I almost want to start crying again but remind myself tears would not help me. I stay put for a few minutes, letting it all sink in. I stare into the room. It is nice.

I frown when I see the bed. It looks ruffled.

Turning my head slightly I catch a bookcase behind the corner. Slowly getting up, I walk to the other side of the room. I see a desk, scrolls, piles of paper and books piled up before a completely filled bookcase that took in half of this side of the room. I gasp when I something grotesque standing beside the desk.

It is a sword.

A large sword. Bigger than me. Whoever wielded it must have enormous strength.

 _I've heard of this one, I think. I believe it is one of the seven swordsman's swords?_

Walking up to inspect it more closely, I see how polished and neat it looks. _Must be an attribute._ The shimmering of the blade have something eccentric, almost hypnotizing. Like a child, I can't help myself and have the need to touch it. It feels cool. Again, I can't get over how enormous it is. Just realizing that I have to look up to see the handle, remind me of that. When I look back down I see a pair of cool brown eyes stare back at me in the reflection.

Startle I turn around to see none other than Zabuza.

'Do you like it?' he asks with a snicker. 'Doesn't have that affect on most women.'

'You!' I yell. 'What are you doing here!?'

'I live here,' he answered with a delighted smirk. 'Not a very polite way to greet your host.' _  
_'What!' I scream, horrified by his answer.  
'Where exactly did you think you'd be staying?' he tauntingly asked.

'A hotel!' I scream at him. I get annoyed when I see his smirk widen at my reaction. He's looking much like his demon self again. And I get a feeling he's enjoying the panic he sees running through my body.

'Why bother?' he shrugged. 'You would wind up in here, anyways.'  
As despicably as he was, he dared to even nod to the bed behind him.

Losing the battle of self-control, I launched at him. His outrageously disgusting way of talking was more than I could bear for the moment. I supposed my built up hate was another adding source to the extreme violent outburst.

'You're nothing but a vile, disgusting man!' I scream at him. I manage to hit him here and there but only because he allows me to. He catches my fists with ease and is seemingly angered by my outburst, hold them tighter than he should.

'Easy there now, Sakura,' he hisses.  
'Did you plan it!' I ask him. I had been asking this question over and over in my head and only his rotten mouth could provide me with the answer. 'While you were sleeping with me, did you plan his murder in your head? You are so sick, Zabuza!' 'Stop that,' he hissed again. 'You really are a demon from hell!' I spat at him.  
Having enough, he slaps me in the face. I gasp out in pain and when his hands lets go of mine, I hold on to it. Staring at him in shock, his expression darkened.  
'Don't act like you hadn't thought of it either. I did you favor by getting rid of that guy—'he wasn't just some guy!' I scream again.  
'The love of your life,' he sarcastically added at my grieving expression. Widening my eyes at his cruel talk, I lose it again. I can't help it. Again I launch myself at him, screaming and kicking him all I could.

He simply laughed at me, turning us around to avoid a few of my kicks. I hated this man so much. This vile creature had seeped its way into my life and now was just laughing at me, taunting me.  
'Don't worry. Haven't you heard? Now I'm the love of your life,' he then adds with cold laugh.  
I somehow manage to slap him in the face and then spit on it. The anger I had held inside for months now was taking complete control of me, I was beyond myself.

'You're nothing,' I hiss. 'You're worse than scum!'

Furiously he wiped my saliva off his face and with the back of his hand he hits me again, this time sending my flying on the bed. My vision blacked for a moment. With a groan I tried to get up but his hand around my throat pins me down. My hands reach for his but have no effect, he doesn't even loosen his grip one bit when my nails scratch on his knuckles.

'Not exactly the welcome I was hoping for,' he angrily said on a low tone. 'But we'll talk later.'

Harshly shoving me deeper into the matrass before letting go, he glared at me before turning around. Walking towards the large sword, he grabbed the handle and lifted the blade onto his shoulders.  
Though I was still recovering from what had just happened, I half get up to look at what he was planning on doing. Standing tall, with the blade shimmering behind him, he gives me an ominous look.

'I have to go.'

Only now I felt frighten by him. Swallowing in response, I wince when I feel the pain my right cheek where he had hit me.

Without a word, he turned around and left. I keep my eyes on him until he walks through the doorway and closes the door loudly behind him.

I let myself drop into the bed when I hear the door get lock again. My heart was beating erratically and I the searing pain on my cheek was making my vision blurry. I almost black out again. But my mind keeps me awake. Yet I eventually gave into the feeling of closing my eyes. I silently start to sob.

I was in his house. I was imprisoned in his personal hell.

Unable to control my emotions, I can't stop the tears from coming. Like a pitiful woman, I start to cry loudly. I couldn't hold it in any longer.

'Sakura?'

The young voice was light and kind. And I'm so startled, I immediately stop. Slowly getting up again, I see a young man standing in the middle of the room. He's wearing a typical shinobi uniform of here and has a handsome defined face. He smiles at me when our eyes meet.

A familiar kind smile. One that was all but fake.

I smile back.

'Haku?!'

* * *

Thanks for reading!


	21. Chapter 21

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

* * *

Chapter XXI

Getting off the bed, I walk to have a better look at the boy. I wince in pain when I smile at him. Seeing me place my hand on my cheek, he frowns only now noticing the new bruise.

'What happened?!' he asked, already looking concerned. Meeting me halfway, he halts when standing straight before me. I don't know what to say. We awkwardly stare at eachother before he breaks the ice by placing his hand on mine and lightly touching my cheek.  
'Did you two have fight?'

A feeling of sadness overwhelms me, realizing that perhaps Haku was unaware of everything that had happened up to this point. I had no idea what Zabuza had been telling him or what story he had made up to the boy. I couldn't stand the idea of lying anymore but I had no idea how to handle the situation either without upsetting Haku. I had just gotten here and now I finally got to see him again after such a long time...

'Zabuza hit me,' I simply answer.  
'Why?' he asked with a frown, obviously not understanding the man's motives.

'I hit him first,' I explain. _What am I doing? Making excuses for him?_  
Feeling a little unwell, I lower his hand from my cheek and try to keep my balance. Sensing I wasn't alright, Haku guided me to the kitchen. Making me sit and giving me a bag of ice to hold against my cheek. We stay silent for a little while but I don't mind, I don't know if I want to ruin our reunion with harsh reality.

'I thought you'd be happy to be here,' he suddenly says. Startled by the comment I look up.  
Unlike before I now take a good look at his face and saw how much he has matured. Still a young boy but not a child anymore. Underneath his youthful features I could see the man he'd one day become. Handsome. Still a little too pale but well fed and fit. He had grown so much. Only a few more centimeters and he'd be taller than me.

I ignore his question at first, examining him a little better. He gives me a shy smile before turning his head the other way.  
'I always hoped too see you again, Sakura.'  
'Me too,' I immediately answered. 'I just didn't think it be under these circumstances.'

Confusion once again takes over his features and he bites his lip in thought.  
'Perhaps some tea?' he suggests.  
I'm taken back to a time long ago and while reminiscing, I nod with a hum. 'That'd be lovely.'

Haku comes to sit next to me while pushing the hot teacup before me. I feel a little awkward sitting next to him, he's no longer a little innocent kid. Well, he had never been an innocent kid.  
I swallow at some awful memories that resurface. I bite the inside of my cheek, wondering where to start again. I shrug when I fail at trying, I can't seem to bring out much other than some nonsensical sentences that makes the confusion grow on his face.

'You were engaged before,' he instead of starts. Obviously trying to figure out what had happened and what could be the problem.  
I let my shoulder hang in defeat while shaking my head. However was I going to start this conversation?

'He's gone now, you don't have to worry about him anymore.'

Even though he meant well, it had sounded so cruel. As if I had pleaded with Zabuza to murder him, as if I had hated the man. _I did at times,_ I then admit to myself. _Mostly towards the end. But never had I wished for his life to end…_  
The memory of the night that I held out a razor at his neck came back to haunt me.  
 _At least I think. I guess I still don't know how I feel about him, even after his death.  
_ I let out a sigh at the thought.

'You know Zabuza better than that,' I then start, sounding a bit more harsher then I had intended. 'I didn't ask for him to do this…'  
'Inui was a horrible man,' Haku coldly answered. I'm surprised by the crude remark and his knowledge of Inui. I stare at the boy, who hardly seems fazed by my grief. I suddenly found him looking a lot like the man who had trained him and I warily take some distance from him. Our elbows no longer touching casually.

'Inui was the man that hired us years ago. He asked me to kill Zabuza so I could work for him,' Haku revealed. His tone of voice was foreign to my ears. A cold unkind type of maturity could be heard clearly.

Shaken up, I don't know how to respond to the new information.

'He wasn't who you though he was. And I'm sorry for not telling you at the time. I guess I thought you'd figure him out quicker or maybe… I underestimated him,' Haku continued, now using a much softer tone. He obviously seemed upset about how things had gone.

'I didn't know he had asked you to do that,' I speak up, not knowing what else to say.  
I hated how my voice cracked mid-sentence. I still did understand how I was feeling. I was angry and upset but at who or what I didn't know. I just wanted to scream at times.

Taking my hand, Haku gave it a tight squeeze. A reassuring gesture that we had not lost our bond or held me responsible for anything at all.

'What has Zabuza told you?' I ask him, trying to hold back my wicked emotions. I swallow the lump and tell myself to be stronger but I can't seem to find the fierceness I used to have inside of me at all times. I felt so drained.

'You two saw each other at a party,' he casually started. I wince a little, knowing it went all a little more complex than that. _Though I suppose that is correct in some way too._  
'You and Inui were engaged and coincidentally you found out more about… who he truly was. On your own, I believe.'  
'You just made it sound real simple,' I snicker while wishing it had gone as flawlessly as he had just said it.  
'I'm sure there was a lot more emotion to it,' he smiles. Acknowledging his lack of sentiment when talking, he gave my hand another squeeze. I squeeze back, feeling at ease around him again.  
Perhaps it was the new distraught information that had disturbed me. I try to push it aside for now.

'Why did he do it?' I ask him. 'Zabuza.'  
'I don't know,' he shrugged. 'You would have to ask him that yourself.'  
'He will never answer to me.' I let out a hollow laugh at the idea of having that conversation.  
'Well, I think it is obvious why,' he says. 'He wanted you out of Inui's claws. He owed you that much.'

That struck a nerve. Never had I thought of it that way.  
'He wasn't all that bad,' I argue back, unconvincingly. Inui had never truly mistreated me.  
'Did he ever hurt you?' Haku asked. 'Threaten you?'

I shrug, remembering that one night again.

'I did,' I confess without thinking it through.  
'So you did know,' he pointed out while not judging my behavior. 'You knew who he was.'  
Probably clever enough to figure out my behavior was a reaction to him. Inui.

Our eyes meet and the atmosphere becomes heavier. I'm not quite sure how to respond. Or perhaps I can't remember how to think clearly anymore. Everything was becoming a blur.  
Every image that crossed my mind mostly involved the past.  
Was I angry that man I had thought murdering myself was dead?  
Or because I couldn't handle that all our memories would crumble to pieces and mean nothing…?

'I had never done that before,' I quietly admit to him. Threaten a person, yes I was guilty of that. But meaning it? Actually considering hurting someone? No.  
'I'm not myself anymore…'  
'Sometimes we get challenged.' Haku's placed his arm around me, making me feel more aware of where I was. Suddenly realizing it was this boy I had turned my entire life around for. Glad to finally found someone to hold onto, I pull him in an embrace and don't let go for the longest time.  
And he never tries to let go, only when I undo my arms around him.

 _He was always wise beyond his years._ I briefly wonder about his past again, pondering how he got this point as well. _My own journey here had been so tragic, I can only guess what his story is…_

'Haku,' I start. I hated how I was holding back a sob while shamelessly loading my emotional luggage onto him. I had no right to do so but I had no one else to turn to and I wanted someone unbiased to guide me. It was so dark around me that I couldn't find my way around it.

'I never wanted… I don't know why… I wanted to kill him.' I loathed the hot tear rolling over my cheek.  
Haku's brown eyes stayed on me and with his right hand he wiped away the tear.  
'I still love him for some reason,' I mumble not understanding how I was still capable of doing that. _Perhaps I never had the love I was supposed to feel towards him but… I do not hate him as much as I should be doing.  
_  
'I know how that feels,' Haku whispered. 'I killed my father because he tried to kill me but until this day, I still love him very much.'  
Widening my eyes at his blunt confession and his stoic expression when telling me, I let out a gasp. Again I was at a loss on how to respond. Do I comfort him or get away from him? I knew he had killed before the old man but I had never thought it be in such a horrible context.

'Why?' I asked quietly while feeling a little bit of shame come over me. Outing such obscene curiosity was just plain disrespectful.

'Kirigakure used to have a caste system. Well, it still kind of does,' he added in afterthought. 'Now it simply is no longer recognized by the government but it still stands.'  
The hollowness that could sometimes linger in brown eyes faded and I finally saw a more brutal emotion in them. Sadness. Regret.

I place my hand on my heart, suddenly understanding what had been causing turmoil inside. Hearing it and then seeing it in his eyes, feelings that were once foreign to me more clear.

'My mother… had lied about her lineage and,' his breath got stuck in his throat. 'It be better if I died. Minutes before he killed my mother, she had begged me to promise her that I'd live... So when he came after me, I had no choice. I hated him so much for the choice he was making, that I felt it justified mine.'

It clicked in my head and suddenly the blurriness from before became crystal clear.

'I was alive for the longest time but not much more then that. I felt I was slowly fading away.' His voice sounded empty, as if he had transported himself back to those days. An overwhelming sadness washed over me. The torn feeling, I knew it all too well.

'When did it stop?' I asked, longing for it myself.

'When I met Zabuza,' he simply stated. Our eyes meet again and I can see myself in his. Shining brightly out of proud and happiness. 'He gave me a chance and did not care about who I had been or what I had done. He saw who I could be and what it would mean to him. Suddenly I had purpose in life again.'

'Zabuza,' I skeptically start but he cuts me off.  
'Is the one who finally made the emptiness go away. I felt so alone, betrayed. Before my father tried to kill me, he said he loved me. But people who love you, don't hurt you. Right?'

I nod, understanding it all too well.

'I felt torn for such a long time.' The words made me gasp in response. 'I had kept my promise to my mother but I had done something terrible. I hated myself and him for it.'

I bite my lip to stop myself from saying anything.

'It fades, Sakura,' he suddenly said. 'The hurt fades. And the emptiness will disappear when you find a person willing to fill it up.'

A somber smile find its way to my lips. Though I'm still unable to grasp what this boy had gone through. I had often felt he sounded too old for his age but now I finally understood how that came to be. Taking a deep breath, I tried to understand that this, complicated grief, was something that I would have to find my way through.

 _At least I'm no longer alone…_

When looking at Haku's expression I could tell he seemed to regret his openness towards me a little. Grabbing his hand, I give it a reaffirming squeeze like he had done to mine. I then placed a light kiss on his forehead.

'I'll hold on,' I mumble onto his skin. 'Thank you for telling me.'  
'You can love and hate one at the same time…' His tone was different, as if he had just recently concluded that himself. 'Maybe that is what family is truly is.'  
I nod in agreement. 'I guess it kind of is.' _  
We both have stories pushing it to the extreme but I do understand what you are trying to say..._

'I can't deny that I'm very happy that you are here now, Sakura,' he said moving his head up. His brown eyes held something heartwarming, as if he had longed for me to be here for the longest time. The heavy feeling from before is suddenly lifted and I feel like I can move around more freely again.

'Are you alright being here, Haku? After all that has happened here?' I ask with concern, when the realization dawned upon me that this tragedy had taken place in this very village.

'I grew up outside of this village,' he explained.

 _You're still a kid. You are still growing up…_

The thought was heart wrenching sad but a reality for many. I make note of it to do something about it one day. Perhaps once I find my energy again.

'And wherever Zabuza wants to be, I'm fine with that.'

I feel a little stab in my heart, a mix of jealousy and worry fills me up. Chewing on my bottom lip, I speak up without thinking.

'How… how is he?' I can't help but find myself become more curious about the two. Now that I knew Haku's story, I suddenly felt the need to understand more on how their bond truly was.

'He's content.' The formal answer made me snicker. I guess there was no other way to put it when it came to Zabuza. Taking the cup of tea, that was no longer hot, into my hands I take a sip from it.  
Commenting how it tasted good, Haku explained it was a specialty in the land of Water. A mix of herbs that only grew on their lands.

Speaking of the land. 'It a little bland now but once spring comes around, it is actually quite nice. Though I suppose it will be not nearly as warm as it is in your country.'  
'That's fine,' I shrug. 'I'm not that fond of the blazing sun on my skin.' _Too pale to ever get a nice tan.  
_ 'I thought about making you a traditional meal to accustom to your new home?' Haku shyly starts, finally changing the subject to something much lighter.

I wince at the last part but tell him I'd love to cook something together with him. I suddenly realized I had whole new culture to explore. Kirigakure had such complex history and I'd be lying if I claimed it had never interested me.

'How have you been, Haku?' I then start. 'Do you like it here?'

Excitingly he starts talking about the academy. I'm not surprised to hear him talking about his classmates and seemingly making friends. I knew he'd betray them in a heartbeat should Zabuza ask him to but at least now he had a chance to talk to other people but his crude sensei.  
Haku also admitted that Kirigakure's teachings had been nothing new to him. Sometimes he was rather bored with classes but nonetheless he had learned some valuable things, he added on a positive note.

'How about we start that meal?' I say when our conversation falls silent. 'It is almost noon!'  
'Sure!' he smiles. 'But I already kind of went grocery shopping…' he added in embarrassment.  
I simply laugh at his innocent confession. I jokingly replied that was my least favorite part to do.

A more grown Haku is shown to me and I kind of have to take step back at times. I don't know if it is because of time passing or because of our just recent conversation but… He is more open this time around. Freely telling me what he disliked about this country while adding all its perks and beautiful traditions. I could tell he genuinely liked living here. I was also convinced he was more appreciated and felt less out of place here then when on the run with Zabuza.

Or maybe he had just matured a lot and I was imagining things.

'I think Zabuza is quite pleased with his new position too,' he suddenly says.

'Oh, what did Zabuza get out of this?' I ask on a bitter tone. Haku ignored my reaction and I suppose we would never see eye to eye when it came to the man. I guess I was too emotionally invested to be able to grasp their relationship subjectively, no matter how curious I got at times.

'He is now the leader of the Seven Swordsman of the Mist.'  
'What a title,' I dryly response.  
'It is his rightful place,' Haku point out using a high tone of respect.

'And he needs me to…?' I don't finish the sentence out loud but a fuming voice in my head spat at how he truly viewed me. My temper had to be kept in place when just thinking about what he had said earlier. I wasn't his property nor was I a child infatuated with him.

'I do believe he means well,' Haku said on a soft tone.

I let out a sigh. 'I just need more time,' I mumble in response to his hurt expression.

Stopping what he was doing, he turns around. He's only slightly shorter than me but I already feel a little intimidated by his appearance. Eyebrows knitted together he gave me a hard look.  
I halt what I was doing too, wondering if I had offended him that much. I didn't mean bad, it was just…

'I'm sorry, Haku,' I blurt out.

He shakes his head and dismisses my apology. He was not angry with me.  
'Sakura, I guess what I was trying to tell you earlier… Don't let go of the memories you have.'

* * *

I bite my lip. I doubted this collection had been picked personally by Zabuza, it was too diverse. I was convinced it would hold more gruesome books too if that was the case. Letting my hand wander over several of them, I halted when I touch book I. Gently pulling it out, I let my eyes wander over the cover. The lettering had faded and the title had become a little unclear but inside it was still very readable. The pages had just turned a bit yellow.

Deciding to start with this one, I look around the room to sit somewhere comfortable only to conclude this house had no living-room space. I let out an aggravated growl. Throwing the book onto the desk, I let myself drop into the chair. Becoming more curious, I go through his things but found nothing interesting. Just the start of some reports.

I found it odd to read how Zabuza had led his team through a successful mission. To me he had never been any type of honorable shinobi, always an assassin. Yet when I started to read I could see a certain precision and a surprisingly respectful manner of explaining complicated matters.

 _I'm probably not supposed to read these… well, he shouldn't have locked me in here then!_

My mind drifted back to Haku, who had to go because he still had some studying to do. He had stayed with me for almost the entire day. It was nine now and I was becoming slightly nervous at the thought of Zabuza coming home.

I was secretly hoping he'd been unexpectedly been summoned for a mission that would take up several weeks. But Haku said he'd most certainly be home tonight.

Haku's tragic story kept repeating itself in my mind and I found myself thinking many of painful memories of my own. I halt the train that was a one way track. Instead I tried to lead my thoughts elsewhere.

I however couldn't deny his story had made me view Zabuza differently too. The way Haku had described himself; he sounded a lot like a poor, bothersome boy that no one was willing to pay attention to. But Zabuza had seen something in him no one else had.

I wanted to call him selfish but Haku had rejected the idea, telling me he didn't have to take care of him. After all, at first he did have to feed him, teach him and then train him and so on. It had been a long progress. And it hadn't happened over night and Haku had claimed he wasn't always a good student. When he was younger he got easily distracted.  
Though I was certain Haku had always a very alert student, whatever age he might've been at that time.

It didn't help that he had said something else about Zabuza too. An insinuation that he had meant well.  
Despite his wisdom, it seemed Haku had yet to figure the man out. I guess I refused to believe this portrait he had portrayed of him.

With a sigh, I look through his possessions again. I never seem to be able to catch anything personal about Zabuza. For a moment I ponder what _his_ parents were like. _He had parents.  
_ The thought struck me as odd. I think of my own and figure the circumstances hadn't done our relationship any good. They had always been very fond of Inui, so I suppose my behavior was abnormal to them. But whatever I said or did, they were fine with.

But at times I wish they'd be more vocal about how they truly felt…

Having enough of going through another person's belongings, I get up off the chair and leave the desk behind. There isn't much to do and I already had searched the entire apartment. I wasn't really looking for anything, just plain curiosity.

Since I had no other choice, I walkover to the bed with the book in my hand. I can't deny the blanket on me feels nice, it's pretty cold here compared to Konoha. Little sounds were a unsettle at times and much like a child, I had to convince myself it was nothing.  
When I heard a new noise, I sat up straight. Reminding myself Haku was just downstairs and all I had to do was stomp my feet so he'd hear me. Or at least I hoped he did. I had pleaded for him to not lock the door but like always he had ignored me and followed Zabuza's orders.

At first startled a by the sound, I then realize it was raining outside. Sleeping right underneath the roof made it sound louder. Finding it soothing, I snuggling deeper into the covers and try to focus on what I was reading.

* * *

I'm cold. I have no idea where to turn on the heat in this damn place! He had a fireplace but no wood. He didn't even seem to own a lighter.  
I had noted I hadn't seen any ashtrays around. There was no smell of tobacco either. _Maybe he only smokes outside the house…_

Not that any of it mattered, I was freezing. Getting deeper under the covers, I do recognize another scent. His.

Memories flooded my mind and I instinctively want to jump out of the bed. I had sworn myself to never get in his bed again and here I was. Sure he was not around but his scent was. He had slept here.  
 _  
He would sleep here tonight…_

Angry as I was, I was too cold to run around aimlessly in the apartment. I had a feeling he wouldn't be coming home actually. This was another game of his. I was certain of it.

Having found some extra blankets, I tried to warm myself up. I had to fight off sleep, not wanting to be vulnerable should he come back. But darkness won and eventually I became unaware of my surroundings…

I groan when waking up. Slowly opening my eyes, I note it is still dark except for the one light I had left on when falling asleep.  
I guess the trip had exhausted me more than I had thought. So much I had not been able to stay awake. I was still feeling very tired, so I assumed it was still the middle of the night. Slightly pushing off the blankets covering me, I note the air was much warmer now.  
 _  
Maybe Haku turned on the heat?_

When I feel someone move behind me, I freeze. Realizing who is lying next to me in bed, I can't find the wits to jump out. Feeling drowsy, I try to keep still and pretend I was still half asleep and unaware of his presence. Small movement make me realize he wasn't lying down next to me but getting ready to go to bed. I hear some noises of clothes getting discarded. Swallowing at the assumption my brain makes, I try to lie as still as I could and keep my breathing even.

 _It's not like I can run or anything…_

When he lies down, I feel the blanket, that I had wrapped around me at one point, slide off of me. Taking some for himself before silence finally returns. I almost want to let out a breath of relief but manage to stop myself just in time.

Now that I was more awake, I was aware of the ridiculousness of my own behavior.  
I wanted to yell, hurt him. Not lie still and be afraid.  
When he did not move towards me, I understood he was going to sleep himself and leave me alone.

So perhaps I should do the same thing.

However now that I was awake, my mind was working again and my erratic heartbeat kept me from becoming calm enough to fall asleep again. My mind screamed to not dare to fall asleep next to him. Feeling conflicted about what to do, I almost want to squirm. The blankets from before feel too hot now and I can't stand it but don't have courage to move again. I know he would then be certain I wasn't sleeping.

Not being able to stand the heat any longer, I dare to move the second cover off of me and keep the lighter blanket on me. Closing my eyes out of relief when I again did not get caught.

It was quiet and yet I couldn't sleep. I thought of the kunai I had found and placed underneath my pillow. That was just out of precaution.  
But should I hurt him, I'd lose Haku... Especially now that he told me why this man meant so much to him. I'd betray him much like his parents had.  
Haku was to the only one who seemed to understand me. I wasn't ready to say goodbye again and the idea of him hating me, was more than I could stand.

Again I was conflicted by emotions and troubled bonds that would lead to nowhere. _What if this is all just a part of a plan again?_  
Unconsciously I let out a sigh. Tensing up when realizing what I had done, I bite my lip in response.

 _Nothing._

'What exactly are you doing?' he asked, snaking his arm around my waist and pulling me to him.  
Defensively I try to push his hands off of me but like always I forget how strong he is.  
'I've missed you in my bed, Sakura.'  
'I haven't,' I hiss while trying to still get him off of me.  
'Are you sure?' he asks on a low tone, nuzzling his nose into my hair. His tongue snakes out and I move my head around to make him stop.  
He simply snickers in response to it and waits for me to stop struggling before turning me around and pushing my back onto the matrass. His face is close and he looks me straight into my eyes. I knew the look lingering inside all too well.  
His hand lets go of mine and slowly travels over my arm to my shoulder. Tickling me when touching my collarbone lightly before going up and holding my cheek, that was still slightly bruised because of him.

'You missed it too,' he quietly says. Pushing himself against me to emphasize his words while softly caressing my waist line. 'You've been all alone. Nobody understands you…'  
He's warm and his voice sounds rough.

'I do have people that understand me. It is you I don't understand, Zabuza,' I coldly answer while feeling my body respond to his touch.

He smirks, noticing it all too easily. Unlike this morning, he was determined to not let it escalate again. Softly touching the bruise on my cheek with his thumb.  
'But they don't know how to make you forget,' he said while letting his lips touch mine. 'I do.'  
His mouth abandons mine and goes for a softer spot underneath my chin. Lightly kissing is, while loudly inhaling my scent.

I couldn't deny it did something to my body and mind. I was faintly reminded of why I had fallen into his clutches in the first place. _Aching loneliness._

'Don't do this,' I whispered. 'Please stop,' I half-begged while he continued his simple movement. Ignoring me, Zabuza only intensifying all he was doing. Squirming underneath his touch, I questioned myself why I was allowing his words to get to me again.

Reminding myself of the kunai, I make a decision. I allow myself to let go and react to his touch.  
Meanwhile my hand was traveling up to grab the weapon hiding underneath my pillow.  
Having to lift my head to get it, our foreheads touch. His breath tickles my face and I halt for a moment. Letting myself get caught up in the moment. I almost want to kiss him.

'Don't deny me,' he roughly stated while pulling my leg up. I let out a bit of moan to response to it but quickly recover.  
Pulling out the kunai, he seems unfazed when seeing the weapon. I place it against his neck but he doesn't move away from me.  
Instead of responding, he only takes a slight distance to look at my body. I hated how his hand kept rubbing my outer thigh while slightly tugging at the hem of my pants.  
Hungrily looking back up, I felt something turn in the pit of my stomach. While hating how he was simply ignoring the obvious treat pressed against the skin of his neck.

After a long stare, he finally does react. Pushing his neck against the kunai, I let out startled sound. And somehow allow him to get close enough so the kunai touches my neck as well.  
Letting go of my thigh, his hand slowly travels over my entire upper body all the way to my hand holding the kunai. He didn't grab hold of it or even put any pressure on my hand.  
He just placed his hand on mine.

His mouth lightly touched mine, obviously contemplating the idea of speaking before kissing me.

'Why?' I bit out, despite getting swayed by his movement.

His tongue lazily touches my mouth, asking for entrance. When I don't respond enough he stops.

'Imagine if you weren't in my hotel-room,' he muttered against my cheek. 'Imagined if it was someone else…'

At first I didn't fully understand. I admit my mind was a little too clouded too. Noticing he made himself more clear when I did not say anything back.

'You wouldn't be in this bed,' I can feel him smirk against my skin, 'but you also wouldn't be still breathing,' he crudely explained.  
Searching for my eyes, he awaits my response. His eyes have something demon-like again, enjoying this far too much.  
 _  
If it hadn't been him… it would've been another assassin. One that wouldn't have waited for me to leave the house…_

Kissing my throat to emphasize what he was telling me, I feel the kunai slip between us away at the same time. Untangling my fingers on the handle, he then rose it into the air and threw it onto the ground.

'I made them an offer they couldn't refuse, Sakura.'

Realizing what the deal now truly held, I slowly lowered my guard. When his mouth touches mine, I'm taken back and let go. I don't feel like being angry anymore. I realized everything is already so well planned out, that this might be the only thing I have control over.

He didn't give any crude reaction to the fact I was slowly giving into him. Instead he surprisingly became more fervent, feeling his hands everywhere on my body.

When my mind fell still and left my body in its own control, I simply copied his movements.

I didn't dwell any longer.

Though, for a brief second I do dare to notice something I had ignored before. I didn't know if the feeling I got out of our interaction was still to be considered numbing… I felt more alive than ever.

* * *

Hmm, what are Zabuza's true intentions? Is there another plan?  
Next chapter is almost finished! Thank you for reading 😊

comment/review!


	22. Chapter 22

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

* * *

Chapter XXII

When I slowly open my eyes, I realized I slept far too deep. I have a slight headache and I don't want to get up. The bed is too nice and comfortable to leave.  
My mind suddenly reminds of _how_ I had fallen asleep. With a groan I bury my face underneath the covers. Feeling ashamed at how easily I had given in and let his mouth get to me.

 _Actually, we have hardly spoken…_

Startled by a sudden hand on my thigh, I shriek and get up. Understanding I wasn't as alone as my drowsy head had assumed, I sit up straight. Leaning on his elbow, he gives me a smirk.

'What the hell do you think you are doing!?' I ask him on a furious tone. I was mostly mad at myself for giving in and thinking I'd feel better. Today was another day and I wasn't content to be living it.  
'The same as I was doing last night,' he dryly answered. Shaking his head at my angry expression. He mutters underneath his breath he isn't in the mood for _this_ again, obviously referring to my rage directed towards him.

'Stop it,' I hiss when he reaches out to touch me.

With a sigh, he turns around and let his head rest on his arm. Lazily staring at the ceiling, keen on ignoring the look I was sending him. Eventually getting annoyed with the silence and distance, he grabbed my wrist and pulled me towards him. Ignoring the covers I had wrapped myself in, he tries to make me hold on to him but gives up after I keep pulling my head away from lying next to his. Cursing him doesn't seem to faze him much and I admit I could've put up more of a fight but he did eventually cease his action.

Staring at me out of the corner of his eye while still holding on to my wrist he then suddenly turns us around. I can't find the energy to yell or scream, feeling not only powerless against him but just too damn tired to put up a fight. I had slept well but it seemed I was still drained of my energy.

'Are we going to start this again, hm?' His taunting tone annoyed me but not as much as he shamelessly placed his mouth on mine. My lip were dry but he didn't seem to mind that much. Traveling lower with him mouth, I can't help but squirm a little. I'm reminded of last night and grow slightly weak. I curse my pathetic nature but just when I'm about to try and seize control again he halts just below my ear to whisper something.

'You want to know why?' His voice is low. A little vicious like I remember in my early memories of him. He's going to be crude and sadistic, I can hear it in his voice. And when he looks up and I see his eyes, I know it's that demon inside of him talking.

'I hated you.' He spits out the words. 'You and your righteous little mind, balancing on society's approval. Helping those who you deemed worthy.'  
'I've never been like that,' I answer with a stern voice, convinced of my own truth.  
'No, you were different,' he agreed, sounding more calm. 'I'm the demon of the Hidden Mist,' he whispered against my lips. I feel shiver run down my spine but not the kind that bring pleasure.  
I notice my hand is trembling in his. He locks his entirely around mine to keep it still.

'And you a good, capable doctor. Probably capable enough to heal the severe wounds I gave my victims…' His eyes steadily stayed on mine. I felt as if he was looking into my soul. He was in search of something, an emotion or a certain reaction to what he was about to tell me.  
'I was the murderer and you helped people, remember, Sakura?' he viciously hissed, getting angry again. I vaguely remember one of our many fights of which I had indeed pointed that out.

'When I saw you that night,' he let out a sigh while nuzzling his face against mine. I could hear him take a deep breath, taking all of me in. 'I just wanted you in my bed.'  
'I know, you are always very blunt about your intentions towards me,' I stiffly reply. I can't help but feel a rush go through my body, still somewhat flattered that I could make a man feel that way. _I'm pathetic._

'I believe the offer was simple but I…' he smirks against my lips, 'I wanted a little more.'  
'Me,' I shrug, still not understanding where he was going with this.

'You're at my mercy,' he simply said. 'You are no longer superior to me. You now fully understand how it feels to have limited choices…' His lips hovered above mine, barely touching. 'And _you_ almost became a murder, Sakura.'  
I swallow at the tension between us. The words cut deep and I'm aware I have indeed fallen.  
His hand lets go of my hand. Placing it behind my back and pushes me into him. The small sounds leaving his mouth, have an effect on me that I can't control. 'And now the only time you feel human is when I'm inside of you.'

'Is that how _you_ feel?' I cuttingly ask, not letting him completely cloud my mind.

His smirks before harshly kissing me.

* * *

'Tsunade would never allowed me to get killed,' I point out as he puts his clothes on.  
He snickers at how I blatantly I start the conversation again. I've once again wrapped myself in the covers and it seemed to amuse him how I pretend nothing has happen. I wish I could wipe that grin off his face.

'No, she would not,' he agreed. 'But she had little to no choices and most agreed not including you was hard task.'  
 _There had been others? Tsunade had considered other men for this mission?_  
'Wasn't he keen on spending more time with you?'

The question got me off guard and it takes me a second to realize that even that hadn't been sincere from Inui's part. I had foolishly assumed it was because he didn't want me to be on my own anymore.

'Your presence was his safety guarantee,' Zabuza explained. He buckled up his belt and put on the standard jacket of this village. 'We had played with the idea of you being home for the longest time because of that. It would get him off guard.'  
Shocked, I don't even notice how he's gotten quite close to me. Leaning on the bed, he continued revealing the truth.  
'Deal was that I'd have you and would not only provide an alibi for you but a guarantee of your safety.'

Speechless, I don't stop him and let him kiss me. Closing my eyes in respond to the deeper interaction than I had anticipated, I have to hold on to him for a moment. He growls before parting again.  
'I'd rather be here but some of us have to work, you know.'

I'm still too stunned to provide a witty comeback but I know all too well he's making fun of me. So I just lightly slap him on his shoulder.

'Jerk.'

'Changed the heating system so you'll be warm tonight,' another kiss, 'but today I won't be as late as last night.'

I realize it was going to be a long day being stuck here all by myself. Haku had said he'd try to come over but had some urgent assignments to do.

So I snake my arms around his neck and sneakily hope for him to stay and pass my time. He gives in for a few minutes before letting out another growl and parting us. He gives me a smirk in response to my sly action.

'Tonight.' Without saying much else, he walks out the door.

I let out a sigh and let myself drop on the bed. _What is wrong with me?_

I didn't feel like sitting around, just waiting for time to pass. Not liking the idea of overthinking and dwelling on memories and thoughts again, even with the new information is possessed, I use the opportunity to catch up all the sleep I had lost over the past couple of months.

As I make myself comfortable and try to fall back asleep, my mind wanders in all direction. It isn't until the last moment I realize Zabuza had kissed me goodbye. I block out the thoughts following and try to ignore how my ego revels on how much he wants me.

* * *

I had slept pass noon, taken a long shower and now I was trying to pass time by reading again.  
I admit the literature wasn't exactly something I'd normally read but I got to know my surroundings a little bit better. Kirigakure's history wasn't exactly rich, more like disastrous and repetitive in the most tragic way.  
It did however made me understand Zabuza and even Haku a whole lot better.  
I had hated the war that had just recently ended but for the shinobi of Kirigakure, war had beenan ongoing thing for generations. I don't think Zabuza had ever experienced a time of peace before.

Things were looking up, though.

I had heard great things of the new Mizukage and that Kirigakure was making great progress in becoming a much better country in a whole. Where exactly Zabuza stood on that I had no idea, though. He never said word about how he felt towards this place.

 _Still, I wonder what he thinks of the current Mizukage's work._

Having enough of reading, I throw the book aside and decide to take a small break.

I bite my lip in thought. Maybe because of my conversation with Zabuza or maybe even just the book I had been reading but I could finally feel myself taking some distance from Inui and even a little bit from Konoha.  
I tried to become a subjective person again and perhaps see that not all root of evil wasn't residing in Konaha. _Perhaps betrayal is simply human nature._

Being all by myself gave me some peace of mind. I felt I could put certain things back into perspective. Yet being locked up here was driving me slowly mad at the same time. It also made me aware that I was still a part of a plot that was long from being over.

What the hell was Tsunade going to do?

 _I'm being kept as a prisoner and it doesn't seem like Zabuza has any intention of letting me go just yet..._

I feel a spark inside of me at the thought. _Maybe he has truly taken some sort of a liking in me?_

Though I doubt it was a kind one. I was probably just his favorite victim for the moment.

His confession had come off as odd at first but at same time I thought it was kind of typical for him to do. After all, he was vengeful person. A demon. Born to hunt and haunt.  
And I had at times rubbed him the wrong way but never had I thought he would take it this far…

 _He hadn't hidden that the opportunity had just represented itself and he had taken it._

For a moment I try to think of a what-if situation but conclude that last few years nothing could've gone differently. There had been no other choices, those had only existed in my mind.

The only thing I could truly wonder about was, what if I hadn't been Tsunade's student? And therefor Inui hadn't taken an interest in me? I doubt I would've ever come across him or Haku.

I let out a sigh, getting reminded of the life before all of this. My mind shows me a glimpse of an old relationship I had, making me feel much like I was feeling today. Torn. Lonely.

 _I suppose it is my faith to never live a comfortable life. I pick the wrong people to live with for that…_

Getting up from my seat, I walk towards the large window and take a look outside. I enjoy the view, liking how I could just spy and watch what people were doing without them ever knowing. I grin at a few sceneries, noticing life here isn't any different from where I have been in the past.

As I try to enjoy the moments of pure silence… A nagging little voice of what is next to come ruins my lighthearted mood.

I think back to what Tsunade told me and before I know it, I'm holding the medicine she had given. _Just in case._ Reading the prescription again, I decide that perhaps it was better for me to start taking something to help me get over things. I had all the answers. Well, sort of.

I was going to lose my mind while staying here for another two weeks. _I need to become strong again. Independent._

Most of all, I needed to get a grip on my erratic behavior.

Without thinking twice, I take one pill. I had enough of doubt lingering in my mind. Hiding it in my bag of clothes again, I feel slight hesitance come over me when thinking it through.  
Dismissing the feeling, I try thinking of something to distract myself with.

For a moment I consider unpacking but I decided against the idea, presuming I wouldn't be staying too long.

So I instead I walk back to the bed and resume my reading while the rest of the afternoon goes by slow.

* * *

Luckily for me, just when I though I was going to lose my mind, Haku comes through and threats me to an early dinner.

'I'll put some aside for Zabuza,' he lightly says while taking a plate.

I just shrug it off, not really caring about the man's hunger. I feel little conflicted though. A part of me wants to hate him but… I swallow at my perverted mind. _He's infected me with his horrible mind._

'How was your night?' Haku suddenly asked.

Turning beet-red, I sputter out fine while avoiding his eyes. Of course he meant it innocently, asking me if I had been able to catch some sleep in my new home. I flinched at naming of this place. This wasn't my new home. Haku however was thrilled by the idea and I almost felt a little bad for wanting to leave.

Not that I had a clue where I'd be going should I'd be able to do so.

'Yes, it was a little cold, that's all,' I answered, being able to look him in the eye now.  
'Oh, yeah. Zabuza probably forgot… He's never much around these days.'  
'You miss him?' I ask without thinking.  
'Yeah,' he says while giving a shrug. 'But it's better this way, don't you think?'  
'I suppose,' I nod. No more running, lying or killing to live should be considered a much better life. I just wasn't so convinced of Zabuza's good intentions.

'Were you able to talk last night?' he then asked nonchalantly while handing me over glass of water.  
'Yes.'  
The short answer doesn't sit him well. He gives me a mischievous look.  
'Or did you not talk much?'  
'H-Haku!' I choke when I realize his innocence is misleading. Putting the glass down, he gives me a smirk. I mentally not he is indeed no longer a young innocent child.

He snickers to my reaction, finding it truly amusing. Holding his hands up when I give him an angry look, he apologizes before I can yell at him.

'I do believe,' he quietly said on a more serious tone. 'He is very… fond of you.'

I don't immediately respond. I had the same thought earlier but it had definitely been in a more sarcastic manner.  
'He isn't the type,' I dismissively tell him.

'I don't know about such things…' he mutters. 'But just like you do, Zabuza dismisses the idea.'  
'What idea?' I ask, now having my full attention.  
'The idea of him caring about someone.'

'Actions speak louder than words,' I suddenly say out loud. I wasn't quite sure who I was telling it to, him or myself. My bitterness revels at the idea. _Of course I can make man like him want me but not the man I imagined my life with.  
_ Surprisingly, I suddenly feel my hate for Sasuke boil up again. It spoils my appetite.  
Men like Zabuza and Inui, with ulterior motives, those I could make me want me. But not a man I wanted for years. No, for him I had to change everything I was.

Until I figured out I couldn't and left that life behind.

Suddenly dark thoughts clouded my mind and I seemed to regret every life decision I had made. I angrily look at the bag of clothes, knowing I had hid the medicine in there. Blaming it for not taking immediate effect on me.

Haku seems unaware of my inner turmoil and light-heartedly changes the subject. He stays for more than an hour and we talk about random things. Revisiting my own days at the academy when he asks me how things went in Konoha. I end up feeling rather devastated when remembering how I had always envisioned myself being and how I now actually turned out to be.

 _The mistress of a murderer._

When he sets out to leave, I ask him when I'll be able to go outside. He doesn't respond much and eventually says he doesn't know what Zabuza's orders are, making it sound as if it had been his superior's idea. I remark that I doubt Zabuza has gotten actual orders to imprison me.  
Giving me a slight smile when being discovered, Haku shrugs it off and says he assumes sometime soon.

* * *

Absolutely bored out of my mind, I throw the book with an aggravated growl on the ground. _Book III._  
 _  
How many more?_

As I was lying on the bed, I was looking upside down at the bookcase. I counted four more left.  
In Konoha I had felt trapped too but at least I had my own stuff to pass time with. I had my own books, a diary and some other things to keep me busy. I hadn't brought any of it with me, simply because it hadn't been possible. Biting my lip, I get off the bed. I had enough of lying around and doing nothing.

But there wasn't much I could do here except reading. I had sneaked around and searched through pretty much everything I could to try and find something interesting or personal of Zabuza.  
I don't know why I bothered. Maybe it was my obscene curiosity to finally discover something of the man that no-one else knew about. And perhaps use it against him should the opportunity present itself.

But I had to conclude that it seemed Zabuza's place had come with furniture, probably because the man didn't owe a thing when coming back here. So all I found was bland decorations, books and food supply. It was all very basic, nothing indicating who the man truly was.

Bored, I walk to the bathroom. For a moment I play with the idea of taking another shower but decide against it. Staring at myself in the mirror, I note how skinny I am. At least my face is looking better. I guess sleep got rid of the tiredness surrounding my eyes. Brushing my hair, I realized it is now longer than ever.  
I smile at the length, it was right above my hip. I had dreamed of this as a kid. _Probably thinking I'd feel prettier._ Ironic how I was feeling quite the opposite.

I flinch when I hear noise coming from the other room. The bathroom is the only place with a door, so I have second to gather myself. Taking a deep breath, I open the door and cautiously stand in the doorway.

Zabuza throws a bag on the floor and places his sword against the wall. Rolling his head around to relief pressure, he simply nods when catching me in the corner of his eye. Without speaking he walked to the kitchen and grabbed the food Haku had set aside for him.

I quirk up an eyebrow and then realize he and Haku had probably spoken before coming here. Quietly I walk closer to him.

He ignores me, grabbing a drink while heating the food up. Sitting down at the kitchen table, he doesn't even bother to acknowledge my presence. Boredom makes a person do strange things but I wasn't taking it too well. I had waited all day for some company and Haku's had been too short in my opinion.

'How was your day?' I quietly ask.

He halts his movement, food dangling before his mouth before giving me a surprised look. 'Fine.'  
I roll my eyes at short answer. Uncomfortable, I stay behind him and he doesn't bother to look up.

'How was yours?' he eventually asked.  
'Boring!' I let out aggravated growl at the ridiculousness of asking that. How did he think my day had been?  
'You don't say,' he mutters uninterested.  
Remembering what he had said this morning, I make another frustrated sound with the back of my throat. 'Of course, this is what you had to endure during your stay in my house. I'm not injured and it wasn't me who didn't allow you to go outside!'

'Silly woman,' he snickers. 'I'm not trying to replicate that time or anything.'  
'Then why are you keeping me trapped in here?' I snap back.  
'You've been here one day,' he shrugs at my overreaction.

Annoyed at how he made a well point, I try to hide it and focus my attention on something else. I slowly make my way to the actual kitchen area. Leaning against the counter before him. He smirks at my behavior but stayed quiet.  
'Did you like it?' I ask him, nodding my head to the food. He nods and simply tells me it was nice.  
Drinking the glass of water out in one take, I ask him since when he started drinking plain water.

'Get me a drink,' he answers when hearing my annoyance. 'Get yourself one too.'

Turning around with a huff, I open the cabinet were I had seen several bottles of sake. I hear him snicker again, commenting how I had managed to find my way around quite well in just a day.  
'I had nothing else to do,' I snarl while grabbing his glass and filling it up. I remind him that I don't like alcohol all that much.

'It's very relaxing,' he says on a lazy tone. Slouching in his seat, he takes a second to eye me. Noting I'm already dressed for bed. His eyes stayed on my bare legs. I keep a stoic face but inside I feel a little victorious.

'Not as cold as last night?'  
'Better,' I answer. I purposely make it sound a bit sultry.

The tension isn't exactly something unkind, we both now what is hanging in the air. I realize he wants me to make the first move. His brown eyes are wide and he has a look in them that is all too familiar.

'You don't smoke anymore?' I ask him.  
'Bad habit,' he said after taking a sip of his drink.

Placing the bottle on the table, I give the man a long look. Wondering what he could be planning. Sure I could make myself believe that he had somehow warmed up to me but as I had experienced and seen the world, that seemed very unlikely to be true.

'Doctor told me to quit,' he then said with a grin.  
I hated how the playful tone makes me smirk. I tried to fight it off but give up when seeing his reaction to mine. He looked different with every step I took towards him. When my hand reaches out to touch his cheek, he takes a deep breath.  
'I always listen, so…' He pulls my waist closer to him and lets out sigh, enjoy the warmth my body was giving. 'So she doesn't get mad.'

Without warning, I grabbed hold of his hand and untangled myself and got onto his lap. Straddling him, he let out a surprised gasp but his hands easily find their way to my hips. Pupils going wider when my mouth comes closer to lightly touch his. When I finally kiss him, he lets out a low moan in my mouth. Enjoying my assertiveness, his hands wander over my back. Pressing me into him, I respond similar with soft a moan of my own.

I had spent the entire day on thinking of how my life could've gone, wasted hours and minutes contemplating. Restless emotions had come and go. I wanted my mind to stop working.  
There was a few things I had control over. Zabuza's attraction to me allowed me to have control over this small moment.

* * *

When I wake up the next morning I feel an arm around my waist. Thinking about our position, I realize I'm holding on to him. With some effort I manage to open my eyes. Looking up from his neck, I see his eyes are still closed and note by the way he is breathing his actually still asleep.

Taking in his features, I smile. Remembering I already had this thought before. _He is not too bad looking when he isn't smirking or frowning._  
Glancing at the window, I see the sun is coming up just now. _It too early…_ Well, for Zabuza I suppose it was time to get up. But not for me, I had the entire morning to sleep.

Lying my head back down, I nuzzle in his neck and enjoy the odd embrace for a bit longer. If I could play pretend a little longer, I wouldn't turn down the opportunity. The feeling of being wanted and loved was something I've always secretly craved for the most, especially at this point in my life.  
Though I was well aware Zabuza wasn't the person to bring me those genuine desires, I'd like to think for the moment we were exactly just that.  
Numbing my mind when it dares to think what this day could hold or the next one. I held on a little tighter.

I can't deny I'm a little surprise when I feel the arm around my waist tighten. For a small moment he goes along with it, trying to imitate what couples do after a long night like ours; cuddle.

But as to expect, his inner demon is hard to control and it can't help but taint the serene moment. Pressing me up to him, his hand tilts up my chin and leads my mouth to his. His kisses are lazy and long. Any other man would annoy me with the sound our mouths were making but for some reason, it kind of turned me on and I easily give in to the suggestion of getting on top of him.

With a groan, and wordlessly, he continues. Meanwhile I can't help to try and catch a glance of his expression. He looks relax. Smirking when catching what I was doing, he responds by moving his hands over me and making me slightly whimper.

'I have to go,' he sighs when I again try stall him . 'As much as I enjoy your… _nymphomaniac_ behavior, I really have to go.'  
I laugh. Not being able to help myself I can't stop and it seems to contagious because I actually catch him laughing at himself.  
'Are make fun of me, woman?' he then asks while trying to untangle my hands around his neck.  
'I wouldn't dare,' I mumble when kissing him again.

Normally I'm not the type to make others late but I suppose I didn't care about his life enough to make a point out of it. I can't deny the control that comes with it is nice.

Fully dressed in gear and ready to go, he lets out an annoyed growl and pushes me off of him again.

* * *

A set of long days pass but thankfully Haku keeps his promise of visiting daily. By the end of the week he'd have some more free time and promised to take me out somewhere, though I should probably discuss it with Zabuza first.

I bite my lip at the idea. Wondering if I could just manipulate him into making me get what I want.  
I had start taken a full doses of my medication each day. One in the morning, noon and in the early evening.  
It did seem to help with the lack of energy I had been feeling but in the late afternoon I still needed to take a little nap. Or maybe that was just because of the extreme boredom I was experiencing.

I was still experiencing too many emotions, one moment at ease and the next I was watching shattered glass on the ground. I couldn't make up my mind on what I still believed or wanted.  
I was too suspicious about Zabuza's motives but not brave enough to confront myself and take off the mask I had put on and simply ask the man what he was planning on doing with me.

It seemed the little pill had not given me the control I had longed for.

I was still behaving erratic. Still being overly excited to see a man I had despised only a few days ago.  
But it wasn't like Zabuza felt like bringing up the subject and talk. No, he enjoyed our new relationship far too much for that. And whatever we did word, did not have much of a deep meaning.

Tiredly, I try to keep my eyes open as I feel his hand make patterns on my back. I could hear the rain loudly pour on the rooftop above us. It was all so soothing and nice. I let out a sigh of pure content.  
Kissing my shoulder, I hardly hear the words he's whispering in my ear afterwards.

'I'm enjoying this far too much.' His voice was huskily and sounded satisfied. I almost want to form a smirk and remark but decide against it. I was far too comfortable to start one of our usual conversation.  
Not like being ignored, he abruptly puts an end to my enjoyment by turning me around to face him.

He wasn't angry, as a matter a fact by his expression he seemed to be rather calm. He gives me a approving look before place his mouth on mine and let his tongue explore again.  
Whimpering in response, I place my arms around him to hold on. Already knowing where this was going again.

'I admit to taking this a bit too far,' he muttered against my mouth. I'm hardly aware of what he's saying, my mind already wandering off. I eventually frown in response.  
'You're perhaps more of a hazard to… _physically_ have around then I had originally thought,' he continued while placing his mouth on different places when talking. 'Maybe I should've just left you in Konoha and visit once in a while.'

'W-what are you talking about?' I ask, trying to keep my focus. It didn't help that his mouth kept traveling lower and lower. I squirm when feeling his mouth on my hip. I touch his hair while holding him into place. He stays silent. For some reason, my mask slips off.

'Do you truly want me to become your wife?' I ask while trying to catch my breath. I curse myself for letting myself get carried away so easily.

The serious question stays unanswered and for a moment he stops his movements.  
'No, you'd be a weakness to have. I don't have the actual time to take care of you. I admit I hadn't thought this part trough. All I had wanted was to piss off some officials, make it hard on your country and all while have you under my control in the process…'

He looks up. His brown eyes are wide and hungry again. I like it when his hands caresses my skin here and there, obviously loving how I feel underneath his hands.  
'I never thought of actually having you here,' he confesses.  
I don't know if I should get angry or not. A part of me states it no longer matter. I was here now.  
'And you always were horrible distraction. First in those skimpy nightdresses and now…' Another appreciative grin passes his lip before putting his mouth down. I groan, a little louder then I should.

I didn't want to hear it.  
 _  
Of course I attract the ones I don't truly want._

* * *

A few more days pass and not much changes. My "nymphomaniac" behavior continues and Zabuza appetite seems to never be satisfied. We rarely speak, letting ourselves go in whatever it was we had created.

I try to make myself better by taking my medication but not much changes. I figured it would take some time but I was growing impatient. I want to feel better _now_. And all I did was feel worse. Feeling embarrassed when looking at the mirror and thinking I had just slept with the man that killed the one I supposedly loved.

 _What is wrong with me?_

I hit the mirror with the palm of my hand. Hating how I was crumbling again.  
Haku had cancelled our plans for tonight due a mission. I didn't know when the hell Zabuza was coming. It was only noon, so at least not for a while.

Letting out a frustrated growl, I try to think of something to do. I'm tired but can't find sleep. Going through my bag, I find a bottle of sleeping pills. I walk back to the bathroom.  
Taking them with the other drugs isn't good idea, yet I open my palm and place the entire content in it. I take a deep breath, not trusting myself for the moment. My heart is racing.

Nothing is going to change… Should I just end it?

'What the hell do you think you are doing?' he yelled. Throwing the pills on to the ground while grabbing my face. Thinking I had already placed some in my mouth. Surprised I let out a scream while trying to tell him I hadn't taken any. Yet.

'How many did you take?' he yelled at me while turning me around to spit in the sink.  
'None! I didn't take any! I wasn't going to!' I tell him.

Angrily turning me back around, making me dizzy in the process, he violently shakes me.  
'What were you thinking?'

'I-I wasn't,' I stutter, trying to make sense of it myself. I had moment where I had felt much worse than I had over the last few days. Even today hadn't been that bad. Why had I just thought of doing?

'Never took you as a coward, Sakura,' he harshly says while taking a look at me to see if I had done anything else stupid.  
'I don't know why…' I mutter. A heavy feeling overwhelms me and I suddenly can't stop myself from crying in front of him. He seems a little startled.

'I just want to be person again,' I tell him. 'Not just a toy, or a fake lover… Or be a part of someone's plan without knowing so. I just want to be person again.'

Feeling desperate and unable to stand the blank expression he was giving me, I wrapped my arms around him. Waiting for him to do the same. 'Please,' I beg. 'Please stop this.'  
I guess the consequences of my behavior were catching up on me. I only dared to feel bad about myself. Low. Unhappy.

I let out a sigh of relief when I feel his arm come around me, his other hand holding on the bottle of pills. He throws it in the sink before wrapping his other arm around me. His breath staggering in his throat when he opened his mouth to say something. But Zabuza seemed to be speechless  
I listen to his heartbeat, holding on to him just a little longer.

 _Playing pretend again,_ I viciously remind myself.

Hearing someone enter the house, he abruptly ends our embrace and grabs my face. The kiss is unkind and not exactly what I needed for the moment but it only takes me a second to figure out this isn't what he wants to do. I have learned to read pass his cold brown eyes, telling me to obey for the moment. His hands travel over my back, to then push me into him.

'So that is what you forgot?' I hear a voice snicker. 'I thought it was your report…'  
'Shut up,' Zabuza snickered in response, giving the tall man behind him a look.

Taking a glance behind Zabuza, I saw a man that wasn't quite as tall as him but perhaps a little bit broader. Bearing his sharp teeth in amusement to my bewildered look, he continues to taunt Zabuza.  
'But that is a beautiful distraction, though.'

His tone of voice send shivers down my spine and I unconsciously take a step back. Stepping into some pills, reality abruptly awakens me and rids me of my state of delirium. I feel like an idiot.

'I'll be there in a minute,' Zabuza simply said, ignoring how the man was looking at me.  
'You should take her out, Zabuza. Or maybe not, I don't think I would either. Haha!'  
'I'm right here, you know,' I snap at the man.  
'Feisty,' he snickers in response. His eyes go from mine to Zabuza's, telling him to hurry up and stop wasting time.

'Go outside,' Zabuza commanded, slightly losing his patience with the man. He waits a minute before turning his attention back to me. I again take a step back but this time out of fear. It isn't until door is thrown shut he starts speaking.

'Don't be an idiot, Sakura,' he hissed. Grabbing my wrist he again shakes me. As if I was a child. 'I get it that you don't like your position at the moment but next week after your meeting with the Mizukage I assume you will have more to do than to just sit around and wait for me.'

'The Mizukage?' I ask startled.  
He lets out a sigh. 'I don't have time now, we'll talk tonight.' Grabbing me by my hair, he holds me into place, 'Don't do anything stupid while I'm gone, got it?'  
I shake my head while admitting I was behaving quite stupidly. 'Sorry,' I flatly say, not knowing if that word had much affect on him.

Without warning his mouth was on mine. Widening my eyes, I then see his are closed. Kissing me intensely, I almost give in and forgot what was making me so unhappy. _Was it really his touch, though?  
_ 'We'll talk tonight,' he repeated, leaving me breathless. I just nod, unable to speak.

When he walks out, I let out a sigh. When I see the pills surrounding me, I let out a cry. Hands shaking, I try to grasp what I had just thought of doing. This endless misery was driving me beyond a point I had ever thought of crossing. Realizing where my head had taken me, I start to cry again.

* * *

I get woken by voices. First I find them sounding a bit unfamiliar until I realize one of them is Zabuza's.

'Just shut up.'  
'What are doing?' Haku asked, sounding almost a bit angry at the man. 'You're not going to gain her trust by behaving this way.'  
'I don't want her trust,' he spat. 'Besides you don't understand, so shut up.'  
'What exactly are you planning on doing?' Haku then asked.

Groggily sitting up, I note how parental the boy's voice sounds.

'You need her trust if you want our plan to succeed.'  
My heart falters at hearing the words. For brief moment a vicious voice in my mind says I shouldn't have missed out on my chance earlier.  
I had flushed down the pills and the shun the idea of ever taking a pill to make you feel better.

But right about now, I would take just about anything to ease the pain.

 _Not you too, Haku…_

'You have work to do,' Zabuza dismissively said. 'Get started.'  
Haku let out a sigh but then obviously decided let the subject drop. He knew better than to push his sensei over the edge. His brown eyes widen when he sees me sitting up in bed.

'S-Sakura!'

'You're up,' Zabuza noted. 'I'll deal with her,' he said to Haku, now making it clear he needed to leave. Haku didn't budge, and to my utter surprise, he ignored Zabuza's command.

'Are you alright, Sakura?'

'I'm fine,' I answer with a shrug. It wasn't like I had done anything. I had just felt exhausted earlier this evening and had decided to take a nap.

'We'll talk later,' he said with a smile. 'I made ramen.'

'Yum,' I answer with a smile. Inside I can feel my heart bleeding, wondering if our light conversation had any meaning at all. He fakes me a smile and I fake one back. I see Zabuza rolling his eyes at our conversation but perhaps not picking up on an the façade we were both wearing.

Biding me and Zabuza a goodnight, he then returns to his old self against his sensei. Being overly polite towards him and deeply bowing his head while promising he would do his best on the task he had given him. I don't even bother to ponder what Zabuza had send him out to do.

When we're alone, Zabuza gives me an angry glare. Grabbing himself a drink before walking up to me. It's rather dark in the room and because of that I can see the cigarette in his hand.

'I thought you'd quit?' I ask him.

'Bad habits are hard to get rid of,' he mumbled. His eyes go over me, seemingly checking if I was alright. I guess finding me in the bed sleeping hadn't been really something he had been hoping for when coming home.

'I'm fine,' I repeat to him. I pull up the covers, feeling a little cold. Maybe it isn't actually cold I'm feeling, I guess embarrassment and uncomfortableness could explain the action much better. I avert my eyes when he doesn't respond to me.

Drinking his drink a little before coming to sit next to me on his side of the bed, I keep track of his actions out of the corner of my eyes. I'm not quite sure what to expect. He seems angry. But then again I had never seen Zabuza with a content face, at least not without his sadistic smirk.

Blank expression, cold eyes. I let out a sigh at the sight.

'I went through your stuff,' he bluntly stated. 'You take anti-depressives?'  
'Only since a few days… I thought it would help.'  
'Help with what?' he asked, smoking his cigarette. When the smoke hits me, I plead him to stop.  
'Hurt, grief… Everything,' I mumble. Never had I ever imagined having this conversation with him. 'Does it matter? I never planned on actually taken them and I threw it all in the toilet, so I won't be taken them again.'

'But for some reason you did,' he pointed out. He was eerily calm. I squirm under his sight when his cold eyes lock on mine.

'Why do you care?' I bit out.

'Idiot.'

The solid response makes me feel worse. Actually agreeing on the insult. I shrug it off, telling him to forget it and that nothing would've happened. His cigarette is already almost finished. I note it is probably the thing that is making him stay calm.

It doesn't entirely surprise me when he grabs my wrist and pulls me to him. 'If you ever think of doing anything like that again, I'll—'It'd be too late for you to do anything about,' I flatly answer.

Stunned by the reply he lets go of me again.

'The Mizukage will to talk to you next Monday.'  
'So?' I ask.  
'So now you know,' he answered on an aggravated tone. Emptying his drink in one take, he has a hard time keeping his temper in check. For a moment, I think the situation has effect on him.  
But I then realize he can't hurt me because I might end up with a bruise. My cheek was already better but could still be seen. By Monday it would be mostly gone and make-up could cover up the remains.

'You got me here,' I tell him, feeling suddenly the need to pick a fight with him. The immunity that came with this knowledge was dangerous. Not that I would exploit it too much. Just a little.

'Yeah, I did,' he answered on a low threatening tone, daring me to continue.

I actually didn't feel like fighting. I was too drained. Haku's voice kept echoing in my head.  
Not liking what I had heard, I redirected my mind elsewhere. Reminding myself that the last days hadn't been too bad.

Zabuza turned his back to me, finishing what was left of his cigarette. Reaching out to touch him, his head snaps around in surprise when feeling my hand on his back. I ignore the reaction. Putting my head on his shoulder. He looks at me out of the corner his eye. Staring for a moment, I place a kiss on his cheek. Something I rarely do.

He doesn't respond much to it but I can tell his expression softens. I don't know why but I feel a little victorious.

'What does the Mizukage want?' I quietly ask.

'She wants to talk to you about something involving your skills as a doctor,' he answered on a bored tone, not really caring about the whole matter. 'You'll like it,' he added, obviously knowing more about the meeting then he's willing to admit.

'So I should at least keep breathing until after the meeting?' I jokingly ask.  
He doesn't appreciate it, letting out a growl in response.

Not wanting to ruin whatever it was we had going, the sole thing I had, I decided to not let the matter of this afternoon dwell between us for too long. Getting off the bed, I turn around and stand before him. He doesn't give me his usual hungry look. Cold brown eyes full of anger answered mine.  
 _  
This afternoon I had probably almost ruined his perfect plan…_

Ignoring his angry scowl, I place my hands on his shoulders and worm my way on to his lap. For the first time being rather reluctant towards me coming closer to him. Taking the cigarette out of his mouth, I place it in the empty glass. It flickers up before dying completely. His eyes stay on it, trying to ignore my actions.

Placing my hand on his cheek, I turn his head around. I can see his resolve crumble. When I put my mouth on his, I don't know how his expression is but his respond is enthusiastic as always. Letting out a groan when I continued and pushed him down.

We part and I discard my oversized t-shirt I had been sleeping in. His eyes wander over my body before speaking up.

'Stop this.' Yet his body was conflicting his mouth, placing his hands firmly onto my hips and pulling me deeper into him. 'Stop distracting me with your body.'

'It is all we have,' I point out.

Zabuza stays quiet, obviously agreeing on the matter. However he eventually does sit back up, holding me to him. We kiss here and there but he never fully lets go and keeps the situation in control by doing so.

'I thought you wanted to leave Konoha?' he suddenly asks between kisses.  
I halt, giving him a stunned look. 'To be locked up in this room?'  
'I'm doing it for your own safety,' he explained. 'Meizu wouldn't shut up about you.'  
'Who?'  
'The idiot from this afternoon. He said it explained me going home instead of going out and drinking. I can't have people thinking I'm weak because of some woman,' he angrily spat.

I don't know to who his anger was directed to, me or the guy talking about me.

'You're not weak,' I simply tell him.

I kiss him again, liking how I played with his bottom lip before letting his tongue in. I can feel him losing his battle with control. Groaning again when I deepened my movements.

'It does seem I have lost some self-control,' he muttered, enjoying what I was doing. 'And you are exploiting it, you.. minx.'  
I laugh when hearing him call me that. When it came to women, he used odd words to explain certain things. I see him smirk in respond to me laughing.

'So are you still thinking of making me your wife?' I suddenly ask him. _That is a part of the plan, is it not?_

He halts, thinking about what to say for a moment. My hands seem to distract him but I don't stop, determined to make him talk.

'You'd be a hazard to me.' His voice wasn't very convincing and the answer conflicted my assumption of me being a part of the plan. To my surprise, he continues talking and even makes me reconsider my thoughts. 'I already have to hear things I don't want to be said about me.'

'So you are going to rid of me?' I ask him on a playful tone. Placing my mouth just underneath his ear, I feel his hand glide up on back and unhook my bra.

'But I admit this is a nice perspective…' he grinned while not answering my question.  
I smile before kissing him again. Feeling rather brave, I dare to do what had been on my mind since I've woken up.

'Why don't you let me in on you plan?' I whisper.

'I don't have a plan,' he muttered onto my mouth. I could tell he wasn't really feeling the idea of talking anymore.

'Yes, you do…'

Not denying it any longer. He looked down at my body before looking back up. Lightly teasing my mouth until I let out a small moan, he smirked against my lips.

'Just keep doing what you're doing,' he simple said while lying back down on the matrass.

* * *

Thanks for reading! Don't forget to comment/review!


	23. Chapter 23

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

* * *

Chapter XXIII

I let out a long sigh, feeling still slightly tired. The headache I was having wasn't helping either.  
A blurry vision of last night comes before my eyes. With a blush at the memory, I push my face into my pillow. Taking a glance out of the corner of my eye at the empty place beside me, which isn't much of a surprise. I lightly touch his side of the bed.

I hadn't been able to persuade him to openly talk about his ideas and plans.  
Though he hadn't denied I had some sort of effect on him, he had given no indication of what that exactly meant. Mostly blaming it on my appearance.

I snicker at the idea of someone finding me physically that attractive.

Startled by a sound of something in the kitchen area, I jump and half sit up. My eyes widen at the sight. 'Zabuza?'

With a bored expression he looks up. He gives me a nod while continuing his… 'What are you doing?'

'Making breakfast,' he curtly said, giving me a look for having to point out the obvious.  
The smell of baked eggs fills the air and I can't help but smile at the sight before me. He gives me an annoyed look but remains silent. I see a smirk lying underneath though.

'Are you going to eat here?' he asks, obviously referring to the kitchen.

I bite my lip, wondering if he'd bother to bring it here. It actually was in that moment I realized Zabuza had just made me breakfast. I feel very spoiled all of a sudden.

 _But how many times have I made his sorry ass breakfast?_

Ah, my temper… I hadn't felt this flickering of anger for a long while.

I had been too caught up in grief and sadness to give it any room in my life. Often asking myself what was the point of getting angry at something so insignificant. Maybe with time I would be able to find myself again. Inwardly I snicker at my silly attitude.

I respond with a shrug, not quite sure how to respond to his odd question. In all honesty, I didn't feel like getting out of bed just yet.

Without saying anything back, he eventually walks over with two plates. Scrambled eggs and toast, not exactly luxurious or hard to make but nice to get served early in the morning.

'Thank you,' I tell him. Something hangs between us, the atmosphere almost feels a little electric. Maybe it was because of last night or the fact that he was still around. I ponder for a moment if we had actually ever spent a morning together.

Seating himself on his side, he gives a shrug and doesn't make much of it.  
We eat in silence. It actually tastes quite nice. Much like how Haku made it.  
 _He makes it just like Haku does…. Or maybe it is the other way around,_ I then realize.

'How come you are still here?' I ask, swallowing the last piece of toast. I wasn't trying to be rude but I couldn't help asking.  
'I have the day off,' he mumbles, placing his own plate on the ground. He stretches out, seemingly having enjoyed his own cooked meal.

 _Of course you do get days off, just like every other shinobi…_ I felt a little embarrassed for asking such dumb question. I guess to me it was odd to see him live such a normal life.

'Any plans?' I innocently ask. He shakes his head while comfortable slouching into the bed.  
'Just going to stay in?' I then ask.

A small nod.

His brown eyes are focused on mine. I'm not quite sure what to make out of his behavior.  
Feeling thirsty and having missed a warm beverage with my meal, I tell him I'm going to make some tea for the both of us. Again he hardly responds and I briefly ponder if I have done something wrong.  
Grabbing the oversized shirt on the ground, I walk to the kitchen while putting it on.

It stays quiet the entire time and I catch Zabuza staring out the window from time to time. He seems to be lost in thoughts. Curiosity makes me anxious to ask him but I decide against the idea, knowing fully well he wouldn't confide in me.

 _Confide…_ I let out a sigh, rethinking my thoughts of yesterday. I had been feeling so lost and angry. I had been so tired of everything. All I wanted was some rest.

Taking a glance at the man again, I could tell I felt less anger towards him for some reason.

Grabbing the two cups of tea, I slowly make my way back to him. Placing it on the table next to his side of the bed, I walk around and sit down on the bed holding mine. I let it warm up my hands. It is still quite draft outside. We both stare out the window for a moment, enjoying the silence and the soft rain.

It was almost lovable our interactions. But there hung something in the atmosphere we both couldn't ignore. Something restraining us from being free with one another.

Something that could be considered a little regrettable, I suppose.

Suddenly the weather worsens. The rain is pouring again while the wind howls above us. The abrupt change, startles me. I quietly ask if Haku had to go out today.  
He shrugs, telling me he doesn't know what the kid is up to. I sense some distance between the two of them, as if being here had strained his grip on the boy a little.

Normally I'd feel something sort of a triumphant feeling but today it kind of sadden me that their bond was perhaps crumbling.

Finishing my tea, I note he has hardly drank from his. Placing it on the table on my side, I sit up again. He stares a little before reaching out his hand to me. Surprised by the gesture, I quirk up an eyebrow at him. He just rolls his eyes and presses to come lie next to him without saying much.  
Accepting his hand, I let him guide me to rest my head on his chest.

I don't mind the physical contact, exhilarated to feel someone for no other reason than to be close. Letting out a sigh, I hold onto him a little tighter. Imaging this has some meaning for the both of us.  
I feel his hand on my back going up and down.

I kind of hate myself for the spark it creates inside of me. Trying to ignore the feeling, I move my head up. His expression is soft, calm. I like how his brown eyes are looking at me. And for a moment I long for this to be real.

'You can trust me,' I blurt out. Again a feeling of desperation overtakes me and makes me lose my senses. But unlike yesterday, I wanted to take the chance this time. Make him truly understand.  
'You can confide in me,' I tell him more softly, getting closer to him. 'I just don't want to be betrayed anymore.'  
'I'm not doing anything,' he says. His voice sounds hollow, not convincing either of us.  
'You can do whatever you want,' I say while placing a hand on his cheek. 'As long as I can stay with you and Haku.'

 _Haku's words were still echoing loudly inside of my head and had truly shaken me._

I didn't want him to be one of the many people who just misused my trust and leave. Perhaps I shouldn't hope for people to be different or to ever change.. Maybe I instead accept them and hope for the best.

I just don't want to be fooled anymore. I don't want to be alone in the end… I want to belong.

'If you can give me the certainty...'

I let the words hang in the air but Zabuza's sole respond was his hand traveling over my back to only push me into him. As if he couldn't talk to me but only express himself physically.  
'I know you have a plan,' I tell him. 'I heard what Haku said.'

Finally, he does give me a reaction. A mumble that was hardly audible. 'I'll think about it.'

He silenced me with his mouth on mine, giving a much deeper kiss than needed. Melting in his arm, I respond vividly. I felt something inside of me letting go. Something I held onto for far too long.  
Breaking through a boundary I had put years up years ago.

Intensifying what we were doing, I let go of everything again. Enjoying his touch far too much to resist. The burning feeling of hate inside of me would always be overcome by what was between us, so perhaps that explained why I'd seek him out and let him in so easily.  
As eye-opening as that thought was, it doesn't faze me enough to stop and dwell on it for long.

* * *

'I wish I could take a bath,' I sigh. The soothing warmth would be most welcoming. It must've been freezing outside. I could feel it in the air.  
I hear him snicker underneath me. 'Spoiled woman.'

'I'm spoiled because I like hot baths?'  
'You are so use to having much space…'

'Have you ever seen my first apartment? You wouldn't be able to fit in it…'

He shifts underneath me. Slowly unwrapping me from him, he then sits up. I give him a pout, not liking the idea of the warmth of his body leaving me.  
'I need to go out and get something decent to eat…' he explains with a smirk at my expression.  
Looking out the window, I see the rain is still pouring and the wind still hasn't settled down yet.  
'I'd wait,' I dryly comment.  
Giving me a nod in agreement, he gets off the bed and walks to the bathroom.

Intrigued, I get up and follow.

The wooden bathroom is odd compared to what I'm used to. It's dark and kind of resembles a sauna but I can appreciate the material and the warmth it gives off.

 _It's much nicer in here,_ I note.

I then realize the heating is underneath the floor.

Zabuza doesn't say a word to explain himself and suddenly kneels down in the middle of the room. The shower is on the right and this tiny compartment gives little to no room for much else other than one sink. Feeling the need to question him, I shut up when I see him put his fingers underneath some wooden planks on the floor.

Only when he opens the floor hatch, I realize what he is doing.

'It's a bath!' I exclaim excitingly. _How innovating!_  
He simply widens his smirk at my childish reaction. 'When you don't have much space, you need to get creative.'  
'This wasn't your idea,' I point out on a dry tone. He snickers at my respond.

Surprising me when his arm sneaks around my waist and pulls me closer to him. He gives me a smirk.  
Suddenly aware of our shameless nudity and how I no longer deem anything he does or say as vulgar when we are alone. I note how easily I've grown used to his crude personality. His tongue possessively rules over mine and I let out a low moan when we part.

'You enjoy your bath... I'm afraid I don't have any special-floral-scented soaps in house, however.'  
I slap him on the chest, noticing his tone is haughty, as if I was indeed a spoiled child.  
'I'll settle for your manly wood smelling scent instead,' I smartly answer.  
Laughing at the remark, he easily shrugs off the insult. He then says he'll be taking a shower first so he can get something to eat while I bathe.

Not wanting to be by myself again just yet, I grab his hand and press my body against him. Murmuring I'm not hungry yet and it's too cold for him to go outside.

 _Can't we play pretend some longer?_

'You are exploiting me again,' he muttered against my hair while enjoying my antics. With a sigh, he gives in.

* * *

I grin at my foolish thoughts. _I mean, I didn't think a man like Zabuza could ever be comfortable in a bathtub but perhaps in Kiri the standard man is taller and so therefor so are their baths are bigger too...  
_  
I can't remember the last time I shared a bath with someone. I block out the few memories I had with Inui, feeling suddenly uncomfortable at the thought of him.  
Zabuza lets out content sigh, seemingly enjoying my idea of him joining me. I then realize without him in here, I'd have too much space.

Letting my head rest against his shoulder, I lay down comfortable. Feeling his hand touch my stomach. I touch his arm and then let my hand travel up and down.  
We had been silent again. Sometimes I assumed it was because we were enjoying each other's company.

I knew deep inside we wouldn't get much closer than this.

He wouldn't allow me and I wasn't willing enough to ever take it any further than this.

'What are thinking of?' he suddenly asks interrupting my thoughts. I shrug. 'Not much.'

 _You. Me. And I guess I'm trying not think of the man you've killed._

The question makes my mind wander off again. Before I know it, I have a burning question of my own on my tongue.

'Did he suffer?'

I've never been the type to be so blatant but sometimes my mouth was quicker than my mind and couldn't think things through.

I have no idea how his expression is but his body stays still. Calm. As if he had half been expecting the question.

'No.'

We fall silent again, not knowing how to continue this absurd conversation. I hold on a little tighter to his arm around me and take hold of his hand resting on the ledge. Closing my eyes, I try to imagine not feeling so conflicted and uneasy.

If the man we were talking about had been a stranger, would I be angry with Zabuza?

 _Because I know you have killed other men… and I have no resent towards you for them._

'Have you been with any other men?'

The question gets me off guard, I abruptly turn my head to take a look at him. His face is impassive but he surprises me by behaving rather affectionate. Lightly touch my forehead with his nose. I let out a sigh.

'There was one man before Inui…' I start. 'Sasuke.'

I waver, slightly losing my confidence to bore him with my past but his silence tells me to continue.

'We had a very complicated relationship…' I mutter. 'I had to be everything I wasn't. A prodigy from high-profiled clan. Have a much more… _dull_ appearance,' I can't stop myself anymore and spill it all.  
'I had to behave differently, act a certain way... I had been so infatuated with him, I blindly followed his lead. And then one day, he decided to just leave. He said "thank you" before leaving me. As if it to thank me for my hard work but it wasn't good enough…'

Until this day, I still got angry with him for treating me so indifferently. I had tried so hard to be mature, even when feeling childish jealousy. I had sacrificed so much for him…  
And never did I receive any feeling of love. We had absolutely no bond with one another. Just a shared past.

'I got so angry and everything in that village reminded me of him… Annoyed by everyone and all the stupid rules of how to be, I just decided to leave it all behind. I still like to think that has been my best decision so far.'

It's odd to be telling this to him but he seems to be listening, so I continue on.

'I think I grew up in _that_ village,' referring to the one where we had met. 'The poverty and need… I felt capable, helpful. I didn't have to act a certain way to please them. My mere presence was enough.'

Zabuza easily picked up on the regret in my voice, wording it sharply. 'But then you went back to that life…just with another man.'

Words sharper then any kunai. Even though my heart wrenches at the remark, I stay calm. Finally being able to see the truth without a blurred vision.

'I guess it was all easier when there was a distance…' _Konoha would always be my home_. 'But being away from it all, I enjoyed life a lot more. I tried to make it work by going back but it seems I'm not able to have both,' I mutter the last part, suddenly understanding a vital part of the problematic puzzle that was my life.

Zabuza stayed quiet while I continued to ramble on. It was almost as if I was having this conversation with myself, finally releasing everything I had been keeping in.

'Right now, I actually wish I could do the same again. Start somewhere new and find myself... But then again, in the end those who you grew up with are who made you. And I'd just be running from myself again. I do miss them when they are not around.'

To my surprise Zabuza gives an understanding nod. Clearly my words had had an impact on him. I briefly ponder if he too had missed people during his time away from here. After all, this village was _his_ home.

I catch how distractedly he caresses my hand.

 _Probably._

'So Inui won you over by reminding you of others?' he suddenly asked with a frown, obviously not understanding why I hadn't turned him down.

'Not really. But he made me feel different,' I truthfully answer. 'And I guess I had hoped I could be… the new me in my old habitat. But I fell into my old ways so easily,' I shake my head at what had happened. 'It had all just happened a lot less obvious then when I was younger and with Sasuke. I suppose Inui's betrayal was far worse than his… but it feels the same. It hurts.'

I fall silent, swallowing the lump of emotion while trying to control the pain in my chest. I squeeze his hand.

'I can't run from fate, can I?'

He shakes his head. I'm not sure if he's answering or is uncertain about the subject. We fall silent again and this time around, I can't bring myself to talk anymore. Lightly touching me here and there and with the calmness hanging between us, the feeling of relief washes over me. I like his little caresses and do the same. Aimlessly letting my hand go over his arm.

'What about you? Have you ever… been with someone?' I asked, knowing fully well that falling in love would be a taboo with Zabuza.

'No,' he immediately says while shaking his head. 'I've never had any sort of relationship.'  
'Outside of… I mean, family, friends?'  
'Not really.'

He sounds certain, not flicker of doubt. Yet I feel him tense up a little. I place a hand on his cheek, not willing to let him pull his guard up just yet. I only once in a while saw his more human side. Most of the time, he kept him well hidden underneath that demonic mask.

'Did you wish you had?'

I could tell I had caught him off guard. He gives me a look, undecisive if he should answer. I give him an innocent look but that doesn't fool him. He lightly smirks before giving me a more of averting reply then a an actual answer.

'I always liked pretty girls I wasn't allowed to come near to,' he snickered.

'Girls? Sounds like a longtime ago…' I jokingly reply, deciding to lighten up our subject.  
'They all turned into feisty women.'  
'And rejected you with good reason.' I dryly state. 'Again and again,' I then add.

'I was trying to compliment you…'  
'Feisty?' I then echo, suddenly remembering what he had just said. 'I thought I was a minx? Or was I more of a doll? I do have pretty head, though…'

'Are you making fun of me?'

By the sound of his voice I couldn't tell if he was still joking or becoming actually insulted by my lame imitation of how he had "complimented" me thus far. I turn around, glad to see his eyes flicker up.

'A little,' I mutter, placing my forehead against his. I bite my lip.

* * *

When he leaves to get something to eat, I'm surprised that I don't hear the door getting locked like usually. Intrigued, I get up from the bed and take a look. First to check and see if he's actually gone or I had perhaps misheard.  
When I see the key sticking in the lock that is flickering in the darkness, I quirk up an eyebrow. Making my way to the front door, I touch the doorknob and to my utter surprise open it.  
Peeking with my head out of the doorway to take a look in the hallway. I don't see Zabuza anywhere waiting to comment on what I was doing.

Closing the door, I couldn't help but smile while feeling as if I had finally been able to gain his trust a little.

And I sort of had to admit, he had gained mine to.

As the days pass, our deep conversations are seldom again. Mostly Zabuza comes home late and our relationship doesn't take the drastic turn of turning into something else. I don't think we allow it to become so either.

Not that I dared to think Zabuza cared for such things. He still came off as cold, rough and sometimes very demanding. However, he did allow me to leave the house once in a while. With Haku as my guide, of course.

The distrust I had felt towards the boy had evaporated in thin air when seeing him again.  
I simply couldn't think of him betraying me. He seemed too happy to see me. And so was I to see him.

So why would we ever hurt each other? It seemed unthinkable. If anything, I felt closer to him.

Yet I never dared to confront him.

He made no secret he liked the idea of me staying here with Zabuza. His constant pushing of us having an actual relationship was one of the few immature things I had ever caught him doing.  
When I explained it was too complex, he simply said we could keep it as it was. We didn't have to change anything.

I wish sometimes I could still behave so lighthearted.

But I'm afraid I had become slightly bitter. I still had dark moments and distrust haunted me.  
Still afraid of completely trusting them.

But I admit this village was nice. Something I hadn't expected. Haku's introduces me to people he has met and takes me to historical places. I don't necessary get treated differently but I do notice people staring at me. When I ask Haku about it, he simply points out my pink hair stood out.  
Giving him a look, he then added there had also been some gossip going around. About me and a certain swordsman.

I gave him a light push but he quickly claims it is nothing negative. Well, at least not for me.

I then realized why Zabuza had not been so keen on sharing me with the rest of the village and why he had instead first decide to keep me around as a prisoner. It seemed my mere presence provoked some reactions that he disapproved of. After all, he had a cruel reputation here and it seemed he wanted to keep that intact since that gave him a certain level of power.

I could see his internal struggle at times, but he would never willingly admit that their words got to him or that it actually effected his status. I felt that his idea of me having here, had not been going exactly as planned.

However, Haku said he had heard of my meeting with the Mizukage. When I asked him what it was about, he said he didn't know but expected it to be a political matter as it seemed most people knew me for projects and charities and not my "affair" with the swordsman.

I still couldn't suppress a blush when thinking that was what the people of this village were saying about us. _It wasn't anything like that…_

* * *

'Doctor Haruno,' a stern voice said introducing us. 'Her lady Mizukage.'

I found her beauty intimidating. I scold myself for behaving so childishly and had to take a second to recover and behave normally. Politely I shake her hand while in my mind I've already determined what type of person she was probably going to be.

But she proves me wrong, being rather witty and charming. At times she kind of reminds me of Tsunade.

So I feel right at home with her.

We decide to take walk in the village.

'I actually have a proposition for you,' she said finally getting to the point.  
I tensely nod my head, wondering what she had to say. It seemed only Zabuza knew but he had tightly kept his mouth shut, giving me mixed signals.

'That is why I called you here,' she said, using a more serious tone.  
We were casually walking through the streets, passing countless of people who greeted her with much enthusiasm and gratitude. We were off to a place she had yet to reveal.

'I know why and how you got here, Sakura,' she then sternly states.

I flinch a little, feeling a little embarrassed. Straightening my back, I just nod in acknowledgement. I wasn't going to dive into any type of conversation with her about what had happened. I didn't know what exactly she thought she "knew" about me. I wasn't about to give her some reaffirmation of the rumors swirling around.

'So during your stay, I'd like to ask you for a favor. Perhaps persuade you into staying here a bit longer.'

I quirk up my eyebrow. _You know I'm not planning on staying here?_

'Over the years our systems have become outdated. There is need for new teachers, new techniques…'

I nod understandingly, not entirely getting where she was going with this. When we halt, her eyes stay on the building before us. And I follow her gaze. Letting out a small gasp at the huge building.

'Can I invite you to take tour in our General Hospital? And perhaps offer you position?' Though she asked kindly, her tone was a bit aggressive. Implying she would not take no for an answer.

Flattered, and thrilled by the idea, I tell her I'd love to.

We walk around for a while and I note that they are missing some vital medicine and important basic supplies. I keep my mouth shut and stay polite. Only nodding to the complains said to the Mizukage standing beside me. I could tell it bothered her. But by the flicker in her green eyes, I could also see she was up to something to fix the ongoing problems.

'Sakura,' she then started. 'I was wondering if you wouldn't retrain some of our physicians and shinobi medic-students? When I was in Konoha, Tsunade told me about the policy of having at least one medic in a team. I'd love that but I'm afraid we don't have the right people, or at least not enough to make that idea come true.'

I slightly gape at the woman, flabbergasted by her offer. I hadn't been active for a while. I mean it wasn't like I forgot or anything but I had to get a little retraining myself.

'Tsunade said she couldn't come because of political restrains, even when retired…'  
'But I can,' I say, realizing that was what Tsunade must've said too. 'I haven't worked as a doctor for a while—'You'd get a chance to work yourself into the hospital and take your time to prepare classes,' she interrupted. Her tone was almost pleading but I could tell she was too proud to actual portray how urgent this was.

In reality, I don't have to think twice about it. The idea lights up my body and suddenly I feel relativized. Not just the idea of teaching but to work as an actual doctor again.  
For the first time in years I wanted to jump at the chance I was getting. I had always dreamed of these sort of opportunities to come my way one day. Teach what had been thought to me and share my own personal experiences.

However… I let out a loud sigh.

'I don't know if I can stay here,' I mutter, hating the idea of rejecting her offer. 'For so long that is.'

This wasn't something for a week, this project would take months.

'Tsunade has told me. I sadly have to tell you she is not going to be able to meet the deadline she had set.' Her green eyes averted mine for a moment. I could tell she felt a little worried about how this was coming off. But I knew Tsunade, she wouldn't let herself get intimidated so easily.  
'I know the reason why she can't make it isn't because of you,' I tell her. _I know the woman better than that._ Tsunade would have a good reason to be late.

She gives me a grateful smile and then casually explains Tsunade has some indebtment and some sort of bet going on in a village in the outskirts of the land of Fire. I halt her and simply roll my eyes at what my mentor had gotten herself into.

'I know why she promised to come get you out of here,' Mei then said.

I'm still not entirely certain how to start the subject "Zabuza" with her. I still kind of wanted to avoid this awkward moment at all cost.

'Despite rumors and reasons, he seems keen on having you around.'

I don't know if she meant that kindly or not. It seemed to be a cultural habit to hide your feelings behind a false smile around here.  
I give her a look, explaining without words I was not in the mood to decipher her coded ones.

'I'm aware he's up to something…but I'm afraid I don't know what his plan is either, Sakura.'  
I take a sharp breath, realizing this all is far from over.  
'But,' she then added on a more softer tone, 'perhaps if you stayed around longer or at least long enough, you could figure what is going on in Zabuza's mind.'

I'm a little shocked at how well she knows him. Understanding her indication quite well the first time, she adds to it by being a bit more blunt.

'The truth is Sakura, that nor this village or this world can face another tragedy. We need rest, peace and steady faces to lead us further. I'd like for him to be the example of a changed man. I want more of the missing-nins of our village to get a fair chance of redemption and returning home. But if he's planning another coup d'état…'

'That's why he left the first time around, right?' I ask, letting it all sink in.  
'I don't blame him. And I certainly can't say it was a small group that was disappointed by their failure.'

Her words linger on and we fall completely quiet, both lost in our own thoughts and doubts. Mei was much like Tsunade, placing a steady hand on my shoulder and asking me if I was still alright with the situation. I tell her I'm fine.

'How does this village see me?' I then ask. 'If I'm going to be a person to teach others, I need respect and—'this village is unaware of many things. I believe they mostly portrait the both of you as something very different from the truth. It is almost romantically unrealistic, really,' she snickered.

Her smirks falls and is replaced by a stoic expression. 'Good, you are here.'  
The change of tone and shift in atmospher makes me aware we are no longer alone.

I gasp when I see Zabuza behind me, kneeling and bowing his head when greeting the Mizukage respectfully.

I've never seen him act like a true shinobi. I could see in his eyes that he didn't like behaving this way but had no other choice. Mei's suggestion was echoing inside of my head.

Was he planning something again?

He seemed to be all by himself and quickly stood up when she nodded at him.

'You are relieved of your duties for today,' she said with a smile. She came off as charming and kind but I could see pass her façade. Calculated, powerful and unnerving cool even when under pressure.  
'That isn't necessary—'I insist,' she said, sounding almost offended by his rejection.

He swallowed and gave her a nod. He obviously refused to thank her and so stood before us in silence, waiting for me to join him home. Our eyes briefly meet before Mei starts talking again.

'Think about what I said, Sakura,' she repeated.

I don't know how to take it, so I just nod in agreement. When my eyes meet Zabuza's again, we nod in acknowledgment that is time to leave. As we bid her goodbye, she doesn't respond much to it obviously somewhere in deep thought.  
Ready to leave while keeping a certain distance between us, I follow as Zabuza turns around.

She then halts us again. 'Wait.'

I find Zabuza to stay surprisingly calm towards her antics. It seemed the woman had a few tricks up her sleeve, exploiting the situation a bit further to ensure the safety of her people she so hammered on earlier to me.

'I had just told Sakura about how I know having her around guarantees you your position but also jeopardizes ours, since you perhaps could be planning to use her against me.'

My eyebrow shoot up. _That_ last part she had never said a word of. But I suddenly understand her concerns a lot better. I look back to Zabuza but his silhouette stays unchanged.

'I have no intention of doing anything of that matter.'

'So you are still asking for her hand in marriage?' She cuttingly asked. I almost want to gasp out loud at how she blatantly she confronts him. I now saw a whole other side of her.  
Mercilessly striking like a snake, never sinking her teeth in deep enough to make him bleed but enough to set the poison free in his blood.

Seeing him tense up at the suggestion, I keep gaping at the two. He has his back turned against us. When I see him tighten his fist, I can tell he is using all his willpower to no leash out to her and lose his temper.

'If Sakura wishes to leave, we should not deny her plea, Lady Mizukage.'

It was almost unnerving how cold that came out. It suddenly became clear the two weren't on the best terms with one another. Yet I could tell Mei wasn't out to just get him, she was testing him.  
She knew as well as I he'd never marry me, at least not out of any form of commitment. I was a pawn in his plan to be used against her and she was baiting him.

But I think I can say that after all this time I did know him a little. He wasn't going to let himself get intimidated or manipulated by her. He possessed much more knowledge and experience compared to her in that department.

He again ignored the question that matter the most.

'You shouldn't care so much about my personal life, Lady Mizukage. I'm sure you have more pressing matters to handle,' he coolly said, finally turning his head to give her a look. His eyes then landed on mine. He gestured me to follow him, without saying another word to Mei.

I nod and bid Mei goodbye again, she simply answers with a wide smirk. I stare at her for a moment, I don't know who was planning what but they both had something up their sleeves. Again I was in the middle of something I was completely unaware of.

The little calmness and peace of the last few days evaporated and were replaced with the same draining emotions from before. As I turn around, her voice stops me once again. Zabuza is already out the door.

'Tsunade will be here by the end of the month,' she said, letting the smirk drop to take a more serious expression. 'Figure him about by then because I can't have him around if he hasn't changed his ways.'

I nod uncertainly, understanding that whatever I was going to say was going to seal Zabuza's fate. I swallow nervously at the idea while at the same time feeling torn on what to do should he confide in me.

'We'll see,' I simply answer her.

'So I'll see you Wednesday?' she then asked. Her voice wavered a bit, afraid I'd reject the idea completely now.

'Yes, of course,' I smile.

* * *

I walk behind him, having to hold a steady pass as he rushes through the crowds of people. He halts to talk to someone. A fellow shinobi. The man glances at me out of the corner of his eye.  
I halt too, not wanting to get too close. I was feeling upset and the idea of angering Zabuza was the last thing on my list for today.

I see him nod before taking a glance at me. After a minute or so, he starts to guide me back to the house. He doesn't wait around for me to walk next to him. It's clear he wants the distance we have.

Just in time we get inside before it starts raining again. The walk up the stairs is in silence but the distance is getting clearly smaller. When Zabuza unlocks the door, he lets me in first.  
It's isn't as cold as the beginning of the week but I feel the need to warm up. Throwing my coat to the side, I wordlessly walk to the kitchen to make some tea. Zabuza continues to ignore me, walking straight to his desk that was piled up with unfinished reports.

As I wait for the water to boil, I walk my way up to him. He gets to work, keen on ignoring my stare.

'What do you think of the Mizukage?' I simply ask.

'I think she's doing a fine job.'

The answer was straightforward and when he turned his head to look at me, I couldn't see any traces of taunting or sarcasm. He seemed to be giving his sincere opinion about her.

* * *

I've been so busy working on the next chapter, I kept postponing on posting this one. I hope you liked it, I feel like it is first chapter to have some actual romance between the two.  
Next chapter is almost finished and will be up soon!

Thank you and please leave a comment/review!


	24. Chapter 24

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

* * *

Chapter XXIV

'I already told you,' I start, 'I don't want to be betrayed anymore.'  
He quirks up an eyebrow but stays silent. He eventually turn his attention back to the reports on his desk. I walk up behind him, placing a hand on his shoulder.

'She is going to get you before you get her.'

I wasn't planning on letting her tongue manipulate me. How nice her offering might be and how good her will was for the country, I no longer felt the need to take such high risks for others. This was more of a personal matter really.

Grabbing my hand harshly at first and taking it off his shoulder he then loosens his grip and places it back. As if he had changed his mind on how to react. I move my hand away to the back of his neck. Unwrapping the bandages that were also covering his face. He awaits until I'm finished. I let my hands rest on his shoulders.

Grabbing both of my hands this time, he holds on to them for a moment. He looks up to me.  
Without his bandages I read him better. I now understand why he hides his face as shinobi.  
Slowly guiding me before him, I rest against his desk.

He brown eyes stare into mine for the longest time.

'I'm aware,' he quietly says. Getting up from his chair, he stands before me. Placing a my hair behind my ear before kissing my neck. I flutter my eyes such at the sensation.  
Feeling his hand around my waist pulling me towards him, I take a deep breath. When I look up, I see something different in his brown eyes. I wasn't quite sure how to read the emotion.  
But no longer feeling weak myself, I initiate to continue. Placing my arms around his neck to keep him close to me.

* * *

Something between yesterday and now had changed me. I didn't quite know if it was because of the Mizukage's open treat or Zabuza's little bit of honesty, but I no longer felt trapped.  
I still had opportunities to seize, people to meet places to go. I wanted to move forward. Wherever this would take me, I was ready.

His arm is draped over me and I reach out to the hand lying before me, softly placing it on my heart.

And instead of crumbling because of what had been said, I became more determine to figure indeed Zabuza out, but not to benefit her. I wanted to see for myself who he was and what exactly he wanted from me.

Stirring quietly behind me, I feel myself getting pulled against him. His breath tickles my ear and sensing I was awake, he sits up. It's still early morning and the sun has yet to rise.

The look in his eyes held something predatory. Sometimes it seemed whatever we emotionally couldn't handle, we physically took care of. I had to admit our relationship had become more intense.

'I have to go,' he groaned in between kisses and touches. I just give a small nod before continuing what we were doing. He doesn't get up and I notice that he's less controlling and aggressive lately, letting me do whatever I wanted. Sometimes giving in to whatever I was suggesting.

I don't know why I continue this. The freedom that this once came with this has long fled from us. I think even Zabuza knows that. I briefly ponder on how the next few weeks will be like.

Lying on top of me, his brown eyes wander over me before his mouth finds mine. Sometimes it feels as if we have an actually relationship. I dare thinking about being with him before my mind is numbed by movement.

* * *

'Sakura!'

I smile when seeing Haku's light mood cheer up the room. He seemed to be thrilled about something, bringing me a fancy breakfast and sweets for afterwards.  
'As a celebration!' he explained, happily sitting next to me at the kitchen-table. I just nod, already excited to spend the rest of the day with him. I of course happily accept the food.  
'What has gotten you in such good mood?'  
'You!' he immediately said. I raise my eyebrows, not understanding what I could've possible done.

'I'm signing up for your classes!' he then announced.  
'Word travels fast,' I mumble in surprise. The Mizukage sure didn't let anything pass her by.  
'I've always wanted this but only if you could be my mentor!'  
'Well, not everything is—'I know, it's still in an experimental phase but I'm alright with that. My tutor thinks it is a great idea, saying I'm the perfect person to become a medic. But I already knew that since you told me too.'

He sounds a little cocky so I snicker in response. I take note of how he said his "tutor", though obviously not referring to Zabuza.

'And Zabuza?' I ask, noticing how he was not mentioning him.

'He knows I'd jump at the opportunity. Why would he reject? He doesn't like scars…'

I can't help but laugh the last remark, while nodding my head in agreement. Sometimes he really was something between an adult and a kid.

'So you'll be one of my first students here,' I note, suddenly feeling very thrilled about the idea as well. Haku's excitement made it really sink in.

'Yes!'

'I didn't know you wanted to become a medic,' I say, not being able to control my smile. I could feel myself glowing inside. 'I mean I knew you took an interesting in it when you were staying with me but I never thought you'd actually take classes in it.'

Haku gives me a mysterious look as answer and before I know it he grabs my hand and tells me I need to see something. Guiding me out of the apartment, we walk down the stairs. Eventually halting at the small green door of his room. He invites me in. I quietly walk inside, taking it all in.  
It was a small space. More of a huge room actually. The amount of books this place held was enormous. I knew Haku loved to read and learn but I'm afraid with this collection he was going to need a bigger place simply to give it all a place.

'Haku, just how many books do you own?' I ask when seeing the several, some poorly made, bookcases.  
'Too many. But now that I have a place to stay I can no longer bring myself to read and then get rid of them. I can now go back when I doubt or simply reread them to understand the material better.'

'Well, you sure have a head-start,' I mutter when seeing some his textbooks. These were already quite complex.

'Over here,' he says when I turn to look at him. Not sure what he was up to, I come to stand next to him. There was a small, funny enough, pink bookcase behind him. He gestured I should take look at the books.  
Intrigued, I hunch down and as my eyes wander over the titles, my smile falters. Gasping in realization, I look back up to him in shock.

'How did you get these?'

'Ever since I met you, I have taken a real interest in becoming an actual medic. Zabuza went back to the house to get the books, so I could learn from them and your personal notes.'

' _Zabuza_ went back to get these books from my house!?' I gasp out loud, not believing what I had just heard.

'Well, he only took one or two the first time around but I kind of nagged him to get more books. For the longest time he used the excuse that we couldn't carry so much around… but one day, he told me he had a surprise!' His smile widens, explaining everything with the excitement written all over his face. The man he was describing in the story sounded so foreign to me.

I suddenly remember my own discovery a few months back. I guess because of the events it had blurred and I somehow end up forgetting about it. I had indeed found a book of mine in his possession.  
I take a deep breath, shocked, in awe and beyond comprehension I try to let it all sink in.

'He went to get these for you?' I repeat. I blink at the old books several times, unable to believe it.

'Well, he couldn't carry _all_ of them and said some were "stupid" and "lame" books for women.'  
'Hey! Novels are a good read too! And I like some variation, thank you!' I snap.  
'I'm sure he did not mean anything by it, Sakura!' he smiles at my reaction while seeming enjoying he could finally reveal this all to me. I didn't know why he had waited but I assume Zabuza had something to do with it.

'You read them all?' I then ask while getting back up.  
He proudly hums a yes. 'You can take them back, they are yours after all.'  
'Keep them, you'll need them,' I laugh. 'Wait, on second thought I could use them to prepare for upcoming lessons and so…' I mutter. I then flash him a smile, suddenly understanding how great this really was. 'You have no idea how much you've just helped, Haku!'

'Thank Zabuza.'

I freeze at those words, realizing that I indeed have to thank him for this. My shoulders drop at the thought, uncertain how to feel towards the man anymore.  
He always got under my skin but lately… he was getting under my… heart?

I swallow, placing my hand on it as I think of the possibility. I had come to know he was torn between two, a human and demon. I just never thought I'd be able to fight my way pass the demon to get to see the human. As I look at Haku, I realize he has always only seen the human part of the man.

'Why did he go out and get it for you?' I ask.  
'It was my birthday,' he softly answers. 'I was stuck here because of school and he was out on a mission.'

'So he was in my house?' I'm actually thinking out loud now, feeling slightly violated at the idea of him walking in without permission. Then again, his entire stay there had been without permission. He didn't need any.

'Yes.' The answer was simple but the way he had said it made something hang in the air and between us.

'Sakura,' Haku slowly starts. 'I do believe he is very fond of you.'

'What do you want me to do?' I ask him, becoming slightly aggravated. I was not sure where he wanted to go with this either.

'What do _you_ want to do?'

'How fond?' I instead ask, not willing to answer the question just yet. I was hardly able to grasp what I was feeling myself. I felt uncertain about it too. It was all too trickery and difficult with Zabuza. I was too convinced it was all a trap. Another plot twist.

'I think he has deeper feelings for you then he's willing to admit,' Haku kindly put it.  
'Don't say such things without certainty,' I sharply reply.

'I fear he might end up harming himself because of his unwillingness to admit,' he then said. 'I know you see us like we are, Sakura. You always saw the good in me, please try to do the same for Zabuza. I too have demon inside but you never paid any attention to him.'

'Yours didn't threaten me. He made it hard to be ignored,' I harshly say.

 _I didn't know the truth for the longest time and…_ Suddenly I understood that the root of Zabuza's path started here and his story was just as tragic as Haku's. _Was he trying to… actually make me like him?_

'Don't you want me to be happy with someone one day, Sakura?' Haku's voice enigmatic and sweet sounding. I can't help but grin at his attempt to make me see it his way, certain the question hadn't actually anything to do with him personally. But I guess he kind of made a good point. I bite into my lip.

I hated his little manipulative ways, mostly because they were so tremendously effective.

I let out a heavy sigh. 'Of course!'

He stays silent and I immediately understood his deceptive manner of making me truly understand what he was asking me to do. I let out another sigh.

Shaking my head, I give him a loving look before pulling him in embrace. 'You are such cute kid,' I mutter.

* * *

Using the kitchen table as my desk, I have it piled up with notes and idea's for the upcoming project. My uncertainty has vanished since my pen touched paper. Growing more determined to put my shoulders underneath it and make it an absolute success. I had requested the material of their current way of studying and was bewildered at how poor their current information was.  
Suddenly it didn't become a matter of willingness but a must. I wouldn't be able to turn around and leave, knowing in what state this village would be left in.  
I admit it would take more work than I had anticipated but the idea of being personally so invested made it all seem worth it. Haku had kindly returned most of my books too.

I had yet to talk to Zabuza.

I admit Haku's words echoed in my head and at times distracted me. But having this to do, I no longer dwelled on what had happened and what my current situation was.

I could feel myself taking back control.

I halt when hearing the door open, knowing he was finally home.

I had thought about ways to talk to him. Though we were physically quite close, their was still a mental border we rarely dared to pass. Quiet conversations did occur once in a while but never too deep. At least not like that one day we had spent together.

'How was your day?' I ask on a light tone when he comes to stand next to me. I see him frown at the use of the table. I assumed the piles of papers weren't an invite to cozily eat dinner.  
'Sorry,' I mumble, promising I'd clean up once I was done.

Noticing the books immediately, he glances at me out of the corner of his eye. Patiently waiting for me to start the conversation. I put my pen down, hesitant on what to do.  
Getting up, I ask if he wants something to drink while walking pass him to get a glass of water for myself.

Grabbing my hand, he halts me. Startled I turn around to only find myself pushed against the counter. Without a saying a word, he kisses me. Pulling me up and placing me on top of the counter, so I'd almost be on his level of height. He continues wordlessly and I for some reason let myself get pulled in.

Eventually, I halt to gasp for air. I quietly take in our position, my hands on his shoulders. His hands on my waist and thigh, his brown eyes looking pleadingly into mine.  
The way he looks at me makes me suddenly aware that I had yet to figure out how to read his emotions because most of the time I was clueless on what it all really meant to him.  
 _  
_My hands travel over his arms, intrigued at how just touching him made me feel. I wasn't planning on figuring him out for Mei or the sake of the village. I needed to know for myself.

You always look at me like you want me.

Pulling his face closer to mine, I continue what he started. Noting how his eyes fall shut when our lips touch. His hands can't seem to stay on one place and his behavior become erratic. Being almost vicious in order to please me.

 _But maybe you don't just want me.  
_  
I seemed to be able to see him more clearly when undressed, so I don't cease our actions.

Resting my head on his shoulder, I let out a sigh. My hair is sticking onto my back and I make a mental note to do something about it since it has been annoying me quite a lot lately.  
I feel his hand picking up the strands and putting my hair to the side. I involuntarily shiver in response to the cool air.

I smile at feeling the movement. Wanting to see his current expression, I sit up and lean on my hand to watch him. His eyes are kind of hazy. He quirks up an eyebrow at my odd behavior.

'Why did you go back to the house?'

'Haku already told you,' he answered with a shrug, not feeling the need to explain himself.  
'Yeah,' I nod. I bite my lip. 'Did you take anything else while you were there?'

Now leaning on his elbows, he clicks his tongue at the question. Slightly annoyed at being exposed, he reluctantly gives in. Though I'm surprised at his willingness, I try to keep my expression stoic.  
Without saying a word he gets up and walks to his commode. I had never bothered to thoroughly go through his piles of clothes, since they were neatly folded and I didn't want to expose myself by making a mess.

Getting a pile of clothes out and placing it on the top, he wordlessly instructs me to come next to him. Slowly getting up from the bed, I curiously walk to him but halt when seeing a familiar garment lying in the drawer. The lilac color stands out next to all the black surrounding it.  
My hand reaches out to touch it, suddenly remembering how soft the silk always felt on my skin.

I have to catch my breath at what the meaning is of this.

Roughly turning me around and snapping me out of my daze. His expression is harsh and I catch a glimpse of his usual vicious self. Perhaps angry he had exposed himself without a fight.  
Snatching the clothing out of my hand and throwing it on the ground. I gasp but can't immediately find the wit the respond. Again placing me on something so I'd be on his height, he lets his forehead rest against mine.

'There you have all your answers,' he hisses. He mostly sounded angry with himself. Taking short breaths, he slightly pushes his forehead against mine. Slightly trying to intimidate.

'I…' I'm not sure what to say.

His hands softly caresses my face before becoming more aggressive and quickly going down my neck and eventually touching my breast explicitly. He seemed torn on what to do.

'I also can't stand it when another man is near you. The mere idea of them touching you like I have, is more than I can bare.' He's speaking through his teeth, obviously trying to hold back the spite still lingering inside of him.

Pulling me by my waist closer to him, his mouth wanders below my ear. Kissing me here and there.  
'I'm just a very possessive man, Sakura.' His voice is chilling and I can sense a familiar viciousness that come through.  
'Possessive or obsessive?' I smartly ask. In result he lets go of my waist to land his fist into the wall next to my head.

'I'm not weak.'

'I've never said you were,' I sharply remind him. I knew this conversation was hard for him, it was too personal. Too close for comfort.

And in all honesty, I didn't want to anger him.

So I place my hand on his cheek affectionately. Much like he had started. The small movement does seem to calm him a little but he can't disguise the distrust. His piercing gaze is almost terrifying. But I was at the point of no return. If I back down now, I'd never get so close again.

'Why can't you just tell me?' I whisper, trying to keep the situation under control with small things, such as lowering my voice and steadily keeping my arms around his neck.  
'I already told you, I don't want to be betrayed nor do I want to betray anyone,' I pull him closer, something he allows me to do and I see his expression soften.

'Whatever is said between us, stays between us.'

Pressing my lips on his, I feel his tenseness slowly leave him. His muscles relax while following my lead, his arms snaking around me.

Pulling me up before letting me back down, I make sure the gap doesn't become too big, holding on tightly to his neck. Feeling his breath tickle my cheek, I give him a small smile.

'Haku kept nagging me to get those books,' he muttered. 'I got distracted.'  
For the first time I hear a heavy sigh leave his lips. As if I had burden him with something he couldn't make sense of and the weight had been slowly killing him. His mouth tastes mine from time to time, trying to mostly distract himself.  
'You had a book with you in Konoha,' I mutter while trying to maintain my focus on what was being said.  
'You're smart,' he vaguely answers. 'I always was a good student,' he explained. 'Knowledge is power.'

Short sentences that had little meaning to most but I knew it was lot for him. I just nod in understanding. Realizing this man had never seen me as less but actually held more of a grudge towards me because he believed I was better than him. _Smarter.  
_  
Everything that had been holding me back was now fleeting and I became more daring and less timid. Confidence was something I had been missing over the last few months but it was rapidly finding its way back. Straightening my posture, pushing myself against him while putting my arms slowly around his waist.

He lets out another sigh when realizing the loss of distance between us.

'What did you do?'

I shrug and shake my head, muttering I haven't done anything. 'You tried to get me in your bed, Zabuza.'

I note the shrill contrast of now and how this all had started.

The shame and anger I had felt because I had slept with him, while telling myself that I was in control and I could end it any given moment.

Only _now_ I was in control.

Shameless of being around him. Naked. No longer feeling guilty either.  
I realized was never going to make sense of everything simply because my mind wasn't wired the same as those who I had once, or still, loved.

The man in my arms was someone who I longed to touch. I catch our reflection in one of the windows. His tall figure ominously standing out compared to my petite one. My feet dangling frivolously next to his legs.

His hands travel over my waist, touching my ribs that were prominently sticking out. I was far too thin. Something he too had noticed, telling me I needed to gain some weight. Moving back down, touching the sensitive skin on my thigh before going over my legs and hooking under my knee to pull me closer to him.

'Tell me,' he whispered. 'Did you think of me?' His eyes glance down at the dress on the ground. 'I longed for your scent on me,' he confessed before loudly inhaling. I feel myself drawn into same kind of daze.

Closing my eyes when he gives one of his signature kisses. Never rushed or temperamental but lazily tasting every part. I didn't wonder if he knew what that did to me, I assumed by now he had figured it out.

'For now,' he said in between kisses. 'The plan is to keep you in my bed for as long as possible.'

In truth, I saw beyond his mask and suddenly I felt as if the demon had become completely transparent. I wasn't quite sure what to make out of these confessions. I doubt he was capable of giving me what I've always wanted but at the same time he had unknowingly said to me things I've longed to hear for years. My body was always a little too fervent in answering.

'And I'm willing to do that,' I tell him causing him to stop his movements. Looking a little confused at the hearing that, he awaits for me to explain myself.

'I can only trust you as much as you trust me.'

He smirks in response but I stay passive, wanting to hear an answer out of his mouth.

'I don't trust myself when I'm around you.' His voice was low, huskily. I tried to keep my focus.

'But you can trust me.' Grabbing my chin to make sure I was hearing him clearly. 'I wouldn't be telling you all this, if you couldn't.'

A feeling of victory comes over me. Finally I had beaten the demon.

* * *

Kind of short but I felt this was a good place to end it. Next chapter is finished so I'll be posting it soon, probably the day after tomorrow!

And thank you for your lovely (and sometimes quite hilarious) reviews! They all mean the world to me :)

Comment/Review!


	25. Chapter 25

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

* * *

Chapter XXV

I let out a sigh. Noticing suddenly how soft and comfortable this bed was. I stretch out, feeling well rested. And, for the first time, I wake up without the a heavy feeling pulling me down.  
A ray of sun blinds me on my left. Squeezing my eye shut and letting out a groan, I first want to turn around but the warmth on my face is most welcoming.

 _I've missed the sun._

I enjoy it for a bit longer before hearing someone in the kitchen move. Startled, I wrap the sheets around me to cover myself up and sit up with a gasp.

He smirks at my reaction. Feeling foolish, I simply smile before giving him a nod and mumbling a good morning.  
I don't comment on the fact he's making me breakfast again. I just smile, feeling content for some reason.

'You didn't clean up,' he said, pointing at the pile of papers still lying on the kitchen table.

I bite my lip. Feeling slightly guilty before pointing out the reason why I hadn't cleaned up yet.

'I got distracted.'  
'I know how that gets,' he answered while staring at his own piles of papers sitting on the desk, waiting to be send to the Mizukage.

'I'm afraid I have to get those done or else…' he ponders about it for a moment. 'Or else she is going to get really mad.'

'We don't want that,' I comment with a smile. Dragging myself out of the warm bed, I walk over to the bag lying on the floor. Grabbing something comfortable to wear, I put it on before joining him.

We're never quite affectionate. Giving each other a kiss for no good reason other than to engage in a certain activity had never occurred. Yet I placed my hand on his back before grabbing something to eat. As I let go, I feel his hand touch my cheek before placing my hair behind my ear.

'I have the day off,' he says while finishing his meal. 'Sort of.'  
'I have some work of my own,' I tell him with a shrug. I wasn't quite sure what to expect, last time we had just done nothing but… I blush at the thought, not letting my mind wander any further.

Zabuza stays quiet for a moment. Obviously something was on his mind. It took him a moment to voice it.

'You're looking forward to working here?'

'Sure,' I answer with a smile. I did feel excited to do something new and make myself useful again.

The answer seemed to please him as he gives me an odd expression of contentment in return. To my utter surprise, he gives me a kiss. Liking how spontaneous he was being I halt him when he pulls back, giving him a few more before letting go.

'I don't have to start immediately…' He mutters while placing his arm around me. Before he can, I squeeze my way out.  
'Oh, but I have to!' I answer with a smirk. 'Ton of work.'

To my surprise he snickers at my antics and reluctantly agrees that we should get an early start. Walking back to the kitchen table, I notice how he keeps his eyes on me. Not quite sure if he was agreeing on the matter just yet. With a heavy sigh, he walks to the other side of the room to actually get started.

Having taken my breakfast with me, I sit down and start making some notes on things I should pay attention to on my first day. I halt for a moment when realizing how absurd this situation was.  
Glancing back, I see Zabuza sitting down, lazily stretching himself out. Obviously reports weren't his favorite part of the job.

Thinking of last night, it was fair to say I was seeing him in a different light today.

* * *

After several hours, I had enough. I needed a break. With a sigh I roll my head around to release the tension that had built up from sitting crouched all time. Taking a look at Zabuza out of the corner of my eye, I note he was still writing. It was surprising how focused Zabuza was, not getting up once to get something to drink or eat.  
Taking a look at my own work, I nod approvingly. I wasn't doing too bad but right now I needed to eat something decent. I was all out of snacks too.

Biting my lip in thought of perhaps going somewhere to eat. Catching my own thoughts, I analyze what I'm doing. Or perhaps want to do. _I want to see more of him._

I frown at the idea before realizing curiosity always won me over.

This place was his home. Did he have a favorite restaurant? A place or house he had nice memories of?  
There was so much I didn't know and suddenly he became a much more complex man in my head.

Deciding on not to dwell too long about just _asking_ him the silly question, I resolutely get up off my seat and walk over to the man. Without thinking twice about what I was doing, I actually came to stand next to him and asked him if he wanted to get out to eat something.

To my utter surprise he ignores my presence at first. Crossing my arms I watch him finishing his report before acknowledging me. Throwing it on a huge pile to his right, he then with a sigh places his arms behind his back and stretches out like I had.

'What do you want?'

I shake my head at the rough tone. Placing myself on his desk, I ask him if he isn't hungry yet.

He shrugs.

'Well I am!' I announce, getting a little upset. I didn't function properly on an empty stomach.

He smirks. Or perhaps I see him give me half of a smile for the first time. His eyes are first on mine before they travel down, noting out loud that I was sitting on his next report.

'Oh?' I innocently respond, pretending to be unaware.  
His hand is suddenly on my knee, softly caressing my leg in the process. 'You're distractive…'  
Grabbing his hand, I throw it off of me. 'You are easily distracted!'

'You're no fun.'  
'Neither are you.'

His smirk widens at the respond.

'I thought we could go out to get something to eat,' I quietly start again, not sure how he'd react. The fact he averted his eyes from me, meant nothing positive.  
'Go someplace you like. What is your favorite food?' I ask, trying to persuade him by being upbeat and staying interested.

'It's probably better if we don't get seen together,' he simply answers.  
 _  
Well, at least he is being honest about it.  
_  
However, I couldn't stop my shoulders from dropping and show clear disappointment.  
 _  
At least meet me halfway, Zabuza._

'It just better that way. This village is… rotten.' His brown eyes bore into mine for a second before looking away again. I caught an angry glint hiding in his eyes.

'Why? Are there people planning on doing something…?' I couldn't stop myself from asking, thinking back to what Mei had told me.

He shakes his head dismissively, catching my undertone quite clearly. He however refrains from giving me an explanation. Distracting himself with the pen in his hand.

'I just thought you could show me around. Haku's sweet but I can tell he has little to no memories of this place…'  
 _And the ones he does have and told me about aren't exactly heartwarming. A six year old begging on the streets, eating out of the trashcan..._ I felt an overwhelming sadness just thinking about it.

He lets out a growl of annoyance. I flinch at first before realizing he was considering on giving in to my request.

'We can eat somewhere private…' He muttered. 'I know someplace _nice._ ' He echoes my tone and I can't conceal my delight. I smile before taking a glance out the window next to him.  
The sun was out too so it seemed like a wonderful, beautiful day to be outside and catch some fresh air.

'But we're not going somewhere where we—'Yes, yes,' I cut him off while jumping of the desk. 'No one will see me with you.'  
Placing a hand on his face to hush him, I see his eyes flicker up. Before I know it, I have a pair of arms snaked around me, pulling me down. Fervently kissing him back, I mumble I need to freshen up and get dressed before going anywhere.

'I did you a favor, now you do me a favor,' he answered, not letting me go nor loosening his grip on my waist.  
'I think you first have to do the actual favor in order for that to work,' I point out. 'And besides don't you ever get hungry?'  
'All the time,' he answered while pulling my mouth to his.

I don't know why but the answer makes me feel lightheaded. I block out all the doubt, enjoying whatever it was we had for the moment.  
Instead of rejecting the idea, I comply and take the lead. I enjoy the sigh blown in my ear and the clouded brown eyes looking into mine. Taking in his reaction, I feel a rush of excitement go through my body.

For a split second I want to stop because of shock.

I wasn't quite sure if this was still something I could easily walk away from. I felt a little addicted to his responses...

* * *

'It's nice,' I quietly say while enjoying the view. It had been worth the long walk. The weather had been wonderful and I admit I enjoyed our comfortable silences. I sometimes felt as if Zabuza was trying his hardest to make me feel at ease. The first charming act I had ever found him doing.

'It was worth trouble,' I nod. He simply smirks while enjoying the view himself. It had been quite the trip. We had gone to the outer side of the village, a place where I had never come when going out with Haku. I don't think he'd knew his way around here either. Zabuza obviously did.

I admit I didn't think much of it when we were at the haven. But once we started walking the dusty road leading to the mountains, I had to take it all back.  
Walking next to the water while the high grass tickled my knees. It had all been so quiet and peaceful. No people rushing or odd stares. Just a fisherman here and there.

I suddenly caught myself thinking of long passed days from my childhood. When my parents and I went on a trip to a place that resembled this one a lot. I remember the same long green grass and the smell of the sea surrounding me.  
A little abandon and forgotten but a real treasure to find.  
We would just sit in the grass and pick-nick while my dad would tell me stories of shinobi with great power who'd safe our wonderful village.

I remember wanting to become a shinobi like that. One that made a difference and people would tell stories of one day.

Or maybe marry one and take care of him with all my heart… because hero's deserved someone caring for them.

I place my hand on my heart, realizing it hadn't been filled with any feeling of love because of all of the complex emotions I was feeling today.  
I had frown upon those silly ideas once but lately I felt as I had been too hard on myself and perhaps had, unwillingly, placed myself in this position because I was too focused on seeing the bigger picture.

'How do you know this place?' I ask him. Turning my head, I note he sitting down on the bench. He was taking out the food we had brought with us. Though, I had already ate half of mine on our way over.

'I used to come here as a kid.'

The answer was simple yet I couldn't see him as a child. The breeze was a little too strong out here on the cliff, so I walked back and sat down next to him. I grab something to eat, feeling not quite fulfilled yet.

'You eat more than Haku.'  
'So?' I ask, quirking up an eyebrow at the remark.  
Sensing my anger, he held up his hand. 'You could use the extra weight.'  
'Thanks, I guess,' I mutter at the somewhat well-intended advice.

'Why did you come here?' I ask. The food isn't as hot as it should be but it's nice. I always feel like these little downsides are part of the trip. Not quite as when you stay at home but that was the whole point of it, wasn't it?

'When I wanted to be alone,' he answered. His attitude is a bit gruff, obviously a little unwilling to tell me such personal things. When he catches my amused expression, he swallows what he's eating to talk.  
'I found this place as a kid. I liked it. And growing up, I returned to it from time to time. It's been… almost a decade since I was last here.'

'You were out this village for ten years?'  
'Almost,' he muttered, seemingly reluctant talk about the time that had passed. 'I was never much home once I became a chunin.'  
'Exams were held here, right?  
'Until I ruined it for everyone,' he snickered with a cruel expression.

I frown.

'You don't know?' he asked with slight shock. The tone was almost mockingly. 'I killed everyone.'

Shaken by the crude answer, I turn slightly pale at hearing him say what had always been rumored.

'Why? Why did you do that?'  
'Because it was kill or be killed. If I wasn't going to do it that day, it would be the year after that. It was inevitable.'

Normally I would go off but I suddenly realize the monster in this story wasn't actually Zabuza. If they hadn't trained those kids to murder one another, he… I close my eyes at the horrible thoughts, realizing how many had suffered before him and what probably had happened in order for him to do such a thing.  
No one was a victor in this story. The past nor the future hadn't benefited from this awful idea.

Thankfully that was all over now.

'Have you always been alone?' I then ask changing the subject. I didn't want to dwell on it any longer. I didn't want to imagine any of it.

'My parents died a long time ago,' he gruffly answers. I can tell he somewhat is uncomfortable telling me all of this. But I want to know. I want to know more about him.  
And, though I don't know what his motivation was, he was seemingly allowing me in.

'War?' I distractedly ask, though knowing the answer.  
He only nods.

I sit closer to him, telling him I'm a little cold. But in reality I just wanted to be a little closer to him. Even if I was only comforting him in my mind, it made me feel better.

'I grew up alone and being in school, teams or even be a part of the swordsmen… was difficult. I couldn't trust anyone. So I longed to be alone at times.'

 _So you would come here…  
_  
Without thinking it through, I place my hand on his. To my surprise he flinches before letting me be.  
He was tense and a little reluctant but tried his best to allow me in. I decide to keep quiet and stop with the questions for now.

Suddenly it all fit.

His bond to Haku didn't seem so strange anymore. I realized this part of him, was the part Haku knew best. And I suppose it is hard to see the bad in someone you love. _  
_  
If I was being honest with myself, I was guilty of this too. I hadn't want to see the bad in Inui for the longest time. Even when facing him myself.

 _I still find it hard to give him a place in my heart._ I see his blue eyes come before me, quietly haunting me. _But at least you leave my mind alone most of the time..._

Catching a glimpse of Zabuza's face, I realized how close we were. I had unconsciously ended up leaning up against him. Mumbling an apology, I sat up straight again.

'I know understand how you and Haku connect,' I quietly say. 'So he knows about this place?'

He stares at me for a moment before shaking his head. 'No, I never had the chance to show him.'

'Oh?'

I note how he did have the intention of bringing Haku here one day.

'I had to leave and told him he could come with me. And he did.'

'You had life like him?'  
I don't know where that came from but I had blurted out the question before even thinking it.

'He's just a tool.'

A dismissive cold answer. His stoic expression no longer fools me and I suddenly was aware no one ever wore a mask, you simply need to get to know the person in order to truly see him. The distant look in his eyes told me he had indeed had a life much like him. He knew loneliness and longing.

 _Else you wouldn't know about a place like this…_

The sharp wind is a clear sign that spring is on its way but not quite here yet. It's time to return home and warm up. I enjoy last few rays of sun before it disappears behind one of the mountaintops.

The more I think about it, the more I seem to understand him. Zabuza sees Haku as anything but a tool. I believe he has a become a part of him but because of his youthfulness and easy influenced mind, Zabuza feels that he is easier to keep at distant.

' _Tools_ are a part of every shinobi,' I quietly tell him. 'I don't know a shinobi who doesn't have a kunai with him at all times.'

He frowns before giving an understanding nod. Yet I could see him question something. Instead of telling, he announced we probably should start heading get home.

* * *

Slowly, I found myself in a new routine. Days went by faster and before I knew it, I had found my rightful place in the hospital. I loved the clean smell. The white pristine linens.  
Becoming a real doctor again was the best decision I had made in years.

The moment I walked through those huge white doors, I felt complete again.

The wide range of cases and the endless appreciation when finding a solution. Simply saving a life.  
I don't know how I had dared to let go of what I loved so easily and had promised myself to fight harder next time. To never let go or give in to demands of a person unbeknown of what I truly lived for.

Lately I had my hands full, my mind occupied with ideas and at home, on the kitchen table, lied piles and piles of notes.

I don't think we ever ate at the kitchen table.

'Are you nervous?'  
'Not really, I smile to the young man's mischievous expression. I thinks sometimes Haku wanted me to break down, so he could help me back up.

'I'll be there.'

'Of course you will be,' I sharply answer. 'You are to be on time, like the rest of my students!'

He laughed, saying he wouldn't dare to be late. When the smile fell, his expression again become a little mischievous. I wondered what he had up his sleeve.

'Do you regret waiting so long?'

I raise my eyebrows at the question, finding it a bit silly of him to ask me. I place all the prepared material in a map and place to the side. I was never the type to rush a project.

'No, I needed the time to understand where we medically stood and how we could go on from this point out. I really had to do some research. The Mizukage said I could take all the time I needed. I'm starting to feel you are the only person disapproving of me postponing classes, Haku,' I teasingly state.

He smiles again. A genuine one. 'I'm happy whenever I'm with you. The longer, the better.'

I smile at his cute remark, sometimes he was still such a kid. Life had taken a certain routine and I realized time had indeed passed rather fast. The last three weeks had passed without hesitation.  
Spring was officially here and I loved how this village looked during it. The green vegetation on the rooftops, the dampness in the air in the early morning. It almost felt like living right in the middle of… a swamp. Or something like that.

'How is Zabuza?' he asked, interrupting my silly thoughts.

'He's fine. Shouldn't you know?'

'I feel he's kind of ignoring me lately.'

He said with such a wide smile I figured he wasn't really upset about the whole matter.

'He has been out on a mission,' I point out.

It had been strange living here by myself. But the time I had spent alone was most welcoming. I finally felt completely at ease. Though, and I'd never admit this to anyone, I had kind of gotten used to living with someone. So late at night, I had sometimes felt lonely.

But these days were over and now I was rarely alone. Daytime I was at the clinic and my evenings were usually spent with Zabuza.

Or Haku. I smirk at the boy when I see he wasn't going to let it go just yet.

'He's back now,' Haku sullenly said. 'But he hasn't contacted me.'  
'Oh, stop it!'  
'He spending all his free time at home… I wonder why.'

'You are becoming better and better at the subtle hints, Haku,' I snippily reply. I kept a smile on my face.

'Is it working?'  
'Maybe _this_ is why he hasn't talked to you yet?'  
'Auch, Sakura,' he laughs, breaking character.

I laugh in response, getting off the hard kitchen chair and deciding I had prepared more than enough.  
'Stay,' I tell him. 'We can eat together.'  
'That would be nice,' he says in agreement, getting off the kitchen counter.

As I catch my reflection in the window, I remind myself to finally ask him. Now perhaps.  
I've been so busy I kept postponing or ended up forgetting. And Zabuza wasn't really the man to ask.

I wrapped my hair around my hand, far too long and tragic to maintain. It was time to say goodbye.

I had been carrying it with me for an awful longtime too.

'Haku, could you do me a favor?' I ask. 'I want to cut my hair. Do you think you can do it?'

His brown eyes widen before giving a certain nod. I think shoulder length will do just fine.

* * *

'It's nice.'

Overtime the both of us have become greatly amused by Zabuza's gruff responses to our questioning eyes if the food was any good at all. When we snicker, he makes annoyed sound. Sending us a glare before ignoring us completely.

'I think I'm going to get another rabbit,' Haku suddenly announces.

I quirk up an eyebrow in confusion while noticing Zabuza stops eating to listen to the boy.

'I'm going to train him, like the last one. And I miss having a pet too.'

The way Haku said it sounded convincing but it kind of felt like a child asking for permission. His eyes stayed on Zabuza, who remained unmoved by his argument.  
I don't know why but suddenly I felt as if the pressure was turned on and I had been completely unaware of it.

'You always spoil those things too much. Their just tools, not pets.'

'Did I miss something?' I pique in, getting slightly annoyed.

'I used have a rabbit, we used it as diversion if the situation called for it,' he casually explains.  
Understanding my still utter confused expression he then explained it was used as a distraction or to track enemies. A little bizarre but I think I got it.

'Oh, how… _unique,_ ' I mutter. I glare at Zabuza for having a smirk. 'Did he have name?' I tried to be a little more enthusiastic about the idea and keep the conversation going.

'We just called it rabbit,' Haku answered without any emotion.

'Well, that's creative,' I say while rolling my eyes.

'Maybe you should,' Zabuza answered with a shrug. His expression look disinterested but I could tell he was actually kind of giving Haku his approval. Sometimes their strange relation was odd to see.  
I couldn't help but giggle at the sight. Zabuza threw me a glare while Haku gave me a confused reaction.

'You two are just… funny to watch at times.'

'I do not understand,' Haku solemnly said while glancing at Zabuza for help. He shrugged again, mumbling I was the weird one. It only made me laugh harder.

'Dinner was wonderful. Thanks for all the help, Haku,' I smile. 'I think I'm going to take a shower now. Tomorrow is a big day for me,' I announce while getting up.

Haku agreed on the idea and proposed to Zabuza that perhaps they could do the dishes.  
I couldn't help but giggle again when seeing Zabuza's reaction of bewilderment. By the look on his face, he wouldn't be helping much.  
I bid Haku a good night when he says he won't be staying much longer because he too had to prepare for tomorrow. 'Have good night sleep, Sakura.'  
'You too, Haku.'  
Zabuza doesn't respond to any of it, quietly keeping to himself.

It isn't until I hit the shower I realize how short my hair is compared to this morning. Oddly it feels as if I have literally taken a weight off my shoulders. I guess it was almost a symbolical thing to do.

Tomorrow would be the start of something brand new and I got nervous just thinking about it.

I smile at the quick turn of events, realizing that my dark depressive thoughts haunted me less every day. The distance of Konoha probably helped and I pondered when I'd be going back.  
Tsunade had yet to let me know when she was coming. Or maybe she would just show up out without warning. That was kind of her style.

Trying not dwell on it for too long, I get out and dry myself off. Catching myself in the mirror I notice I'm no longer too skinny. I look less fragile. The short hair makes my face look rounder. It's also a lot easier to handle, combing through it with ease.

I smile when thinking of Haku once having a pet under Zabuza's tutelage. I never took him as a man with much emotion but it seemed Haku really got under his skin at times. The thought makes something click in my mind.

I no longer seemed to find it impossible why these two had a bond. Haku kept Zabuza's human side intact and Zabuza kept Haku's demon under control. They were a perfect match.

When noticing I forgot to grab my clothes out of the commode in the bedroom, I put on a bathrobe.

As I open the door, I halt when hearing Haku hasn't left yet. At first I want to close the door again but his tone of voice stops me. I know I shouldn't but I can't help myself. I listen in while keeping the door slightly open.

'Are we still going through with it?'  
'Of course. It's a great plan and we will not fail.'  
'We?'  
'You,' Zabuza said with a huff. I heard Haku put the glasses in the cabinet while talking and couldn't properly hear because of the noise.

'…don't you think you should tell her?'  
'Tell her what, Haku?' I heard Zabuza's voice rise, getting angry with the boy. I tighten my grip on the handle of the door, afraid of what I was about to hear.

'Tell her all of how you feel,' he calmly said. 'I can tell you like her.'  
'She's nothing but a nuisance.'  
'No, I think she's angel,' Haku lightly answered. Peeking through the door without getting caught, I try to catch a glimpse of their expression. I only see Haku, who is dreamily is staring at Zabuza.  
Zabuza is just out of my sight, I can only catch his movements, shadowed because of the light above them.  
'We got lucky that night and you know it.'  
'We already did what we have to do. We're even now.'

'Then why is she still here?'  
'Some things you don't understand, kid. Once you're older—'I understand,' Haku coolly said while cutting him off.  
I had no idea if Zabuza was taken back but Haku hadn't exactly been hiding from me either that he understood what our… _physical_ relationship was.

'Sakura will jeopardize our plan. Once that project is over, she's going to leave. She wants to, she told me so herself,' Zabuza coldly explained, ignoring the grin on the boy's face.

'If you tell her everything she needs to hear, she'll stay. She likes it here,' Haku continued, ignoring the sigh coming from the older man's mouth. Clearly disagreeing on the matter.

'People disapprove of me having a… _woman_ in my house. They consider it a weakness, I've been called pathetic for it.' Zabuza's argument didn't sound convincing but I assume there was some truth to it. His status didn't allow him to have to some sort of relationship and I could assume some of his teammates would criticize him for it.

No matter what _we_ labeled it, the outside world would have the last word.

'Give yourself a second chance,' Haku quietly said while grabbing the door handle. 'And she will see that you're a good man, Zabuza.'

Zabuza didn't respond and I saw Haku closing the door without saying another word to him.

Waiting for a good minute or so, I get out of the bathroom. I tried not to make eye-contact with him, mumbling I forgot my clothes. I don't know why but I feel flustered. I hadn't caught their plan but I had caught something that perhaps wasn't meant for my ears to hear. I felt bad for listening in on their private conversation.

I respected both of them and I should've honored their discreetness and closed the door.

Seemingly lost in thought, I note I was just being undecisive for no reason. _Just pick something to sleep in_ , I angrily tell myself. With a huff I grab something out and place it on the commode.

I flinch when feeling a hand on my shoulder. Tensing up at first but once his mouth touches my neck, my eyes flutter shut. Placing my hair to the side, I feel his lips below my ear. I let my head rest against his shoulder, giving him a free passage to the rest of my neck.

Pulling me away towards the bed. He then softly places me on the bed, untying the knot of my bathroom as if I was a present. I dared to look him in the eye and oddly he wears a calm expression.  
Parting my robe until I was completely naked before him, feeling his hand slide slowly over my thighs to my waist. Normally I'd blush for being so exposed but I had gotten used to his style.

His mouth tastes mine before muttering something against my lips. 'Eavesdropping again, Sakura?'  
I still shivered when he said my name like that. It reminded me of something long ago. It's then when I understood what he meant when saying " _again"_.

I had done this before but back then, his touch made me shiver in fear.

'You wouldn't allow me near you,' he whispered in my ear. 'And now look at you.'

His hand shamelessly touched my curves before going back down and explicitly touch me between my legs. I let out a small moan, not being able to make myself stop him. I hear him sigh in my ear, thoroughly enjoying his privilege.

Somewhere along the line he lost his interest in trying to intimidate me or whatever it was he was trying to pull off. He knew I had heard them talk but remained silent about it, wanting obviously nothing more than to do what we always did.

Touched by the idea of him actually liking me as much as Haku claimed, I push him over. Draping myself on top of him. Placing my hand on his heart when kissing him.

I halt, my lips still touching his. When I opened my eyes I see his. Sometimes I truly think he wanted it too.

For it to be real.

'I think you're a good man, Zabuza,' I whispered. _You've changed my mind._

His eyes widen and for a brief moment he considers responding but instead he closes his eyes and begs my mouth to continue by lightly teasing my lips.

* * *

Comment/review!


	26. Chapter 26

**Note:** Sorry for the long wait! Because of some urgent work I had to do I had to put this story on hold for a week, even though this chapter was practically finished. I sincerely hope you like it! Next chapter is going to be the final chapter!

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

* * *

Chapter XXVI

It was a beautiful spring day and the sun gave off a type of energy that was contagious to whomever she reached. Like electricity it lights up my body and gives me a much needed confidence boost.

I wait in the empty classroom and ponder for a moment how on earth I was going to pull this off.  
My eyes go over the list of names. thirty-eight students. That was more than I had thought.

'Nervous?'

Startled by the feminine voice, I turn around only to see a striking appearance in the doorway. Mei always seemed to look stunningly fierce. As if nothing could touch her. It was something I kind of envied.

'A little,' I smile. 'But a good type of nervous, I'd like to think.'

'Yeah, well you're not dealing with a bunch of kids either. Once you are chunin, you are qualified for the classes. I didn't want anyone to waste your time.'

'Y-you have to be a chūnin?' I stutter. I hadn't thought about that at all. Of course that made a lot of sense but I just immediately thought of Haku. As far as I knew, he wasn't a chūnin.  
'But Haku said he'd be attending!' I tell myself out loud. I suddenly felt myself crumble inside.

'Yuki Haku?' Mei answered, apparently knowing who I was talking about. I quirk up an eyebrow in response.

It then hit me she probably knew his name because of Zabuza.

'Yes,' I nod, suddenly feeling uncertain. I stop leaning on the desk and start fidgeting with my clothes. I don't know why but the idea of Haku being here gave me some peace of mind. It kept me confident and calm. In my mind I had created the idea that I could just pretend to be talking to him, something that was quite effortless for me to do.

'He'll attend,' she said noticing my concern.  
I give her surprised look. 'He's not a chūnin yet.'  
'Yes, he is,' she said without hesitation. 'I passed him personally. It would've been a real waste to make him attend those exams.'  
'You can do that?' I ask her baffled by what I was hearing. Haku hadn't even mentioned it once!

'Well, once we start attending the exams with the other villages again, I'm afraid I will be no longer capable of doing that. But let's say he was the last one who was granted the status the old fashion way.' She gave me a wink and wide smirk, obviously very pleased with herself.

I simply nod while having an instantly relaxed feeling again. Smiling while feeling twice as confident now.  
Maybe it is also the sudden feeling of proud filling me up when realizing how fast this boy was going. I reminded myself to no forget to tease him about it later. _We should celebrate!_ I excitingly think to myself _._

…I wonder if Zabuza knows?

'Have you found out yet?' Mei asks as if knowing I was thinking of Zabuza.  
I was taken back by her bluntness. A small gasp escapes my lips and I almost want to shake my head, telling her no I had no idea what he was planning.

'I do think he has changed, lady Mizukage,' I politely tell her. I wasn't exactly lying. _But I'm not being completely honest with you either._ I sharp pain goes through my heart and I feel instant shame come over me.  
 _  
There is a plan but… I don't know._ _He has let me in his life, a little by little. Wordlessly most of the time. But no, he hasn't told me a word about what he's planning on doing._

The brunette gives me a nod in acknowledgement. Getting lost in her own thoughts for a moment. Her grin fades and I see lines of worry forming on her rather flawless face.

But I assume none of that matters to you. You have so many to care for…

I understood her worry. In fact the idea of someone possible threatening this time of peace made me nervous.  
And I was worried too, but not for the same reason… I didn't want him to lose what he had now. I didn't want him to run anymore. _I want him to find some peace too._

A feeling erupts inside of me.

Placing my hand on my rapidly beating heart, I swallow at what this exactly means.

'Sakura,' the sternness of her voice, made my head snap up. 'I know he's changed. For a man like that, it takes a lot of him to simply _ask_ for something.'

'To be allow back into the village?'

She smirks at my naïve conclusion, nodding before stating she wasn't exactly referring to that. She gives me a certain look to make me understand and I instantly feel embarrassed.

Aware of what she was talking about, I take a sharp breath. No matter how much he claimed it all meant nothing to him, she was right. Him wanting me to be here meant _something_.  
And perhaps it didn't have anything to do with any scheme he was planning...

'However,' she said disrupting my positive mindset, 'That doesn't mean I can be careless. If you can't give me the clarity I need, I'm afraid I'll have to go with the advice given to me and ignore my personal ideas about him.'

I could feel my heart grow heavy at the thought. I suddenly felt torn and the pure feeling from before was ripped from my hands before I hadn't even been able to touch it.

 _I promised no more lying_ , I reminded myself. Yet my mouth stayed sealed.

'We'll see,' she eventually said. 'I just came to wish you good luck and tell you I have a surprise afterwards.'

I try to smile, intrigued by what she could be talking about. However her expression gave no indication of what it could be. Bidding me a good day and shaking my hand resolutely, she then thanks me again for making the opportunity come true.  
I almost wanted to tell her that it was I who owe her thanks, that this whole thing gave my mind the peace it longed for.

Spending time here had made me feel so much better.

Getting closer to both Haku and Zabuza… made me feel like being part of them.

I suddenly felt a sharp pain go through my heart.

 _Why couldn't this last?_

As the class enters, I shake off my conflicting emotions and greet my new students. Happily smiling at the boy in the front row with the familiar brown eyes.

* * *

I let out a tired a sigh and let myself drop in my seat. Haku was wasting time, waiting for the rest to leave. I give him a grin. His brown eyes gleam deviously while not being able to suppress a grin of his own.

When the last student leaves, he slowly comes to me. 'You are truly a wonderful teacher, Sakura.'  
I smile, thanking him for the compliment while sheepishly asking if I hadn't come off as too strict or too easy. He shook his head, telling me I was close to perfection. I snicker in response but was truly flattered by the comment.

'But I'm afraid the only other true teacher I've had is Zabuza,' he then adds. 'So I have to admit you are by far more kinder then him,' he started. 'And much prettier too.'

'Haha!' I laugh wholeheartedly. This boy was becoming more charming and smarter by the day!  
A flash of the little kid begging me for help comes before my eyes. Blinking, I now see a young teen standing proudly before me. _You are sure going to be something when you are all grown up, Haku…_

But in all honesty, I was kind of glad it was over. First lesson were by far the hardest to teach and now I could finally feel at ease. I now knew I could handle this and I was actually looking forward to the next one. Practical lessons would have to get included soon too. I still had talk Mei about that.  
I quickly scribble it down on a piece of paper so I wouldn't end up forgetting.

My stomach turns into a knot at the idea of seeing her again. _Would I know more by our next meeting? Or would she have made up her mind before I could voice my opinion_?

Zabuza's face comes before me and I freeze on the spot, feeling completely conflicted.

'I have to go now, Sakura,' Haku announced while turning around. He gave me one of his signature kind smiles. 'See you later!'

'Hey!' I suddenly spoke up, waking up from my fearful mind state. Haku halted, giving me a blank expression while waiting at the door. I'm a bit at a loss to what to say to him. Suddenly remembering what Mei had told me earlier

'You didn't tell me you had become chūnin!'

His passive expression turned into one of embarrassment and proud.

'Oh!' He simply gives me a shy smile before mumbling a lame excuse and then claiming Zabuza was aware of his achievement.  
I give him a playful glare in response. 'And you forgot to tell me!?'

'I really need to go, Sakura!' He said while walking out the door in a hurry. He promised to talk later tonight when he'd come over to help make dinner. As he was about to close the door, I tell him to keep it slightly open. I needed some fresh air.

'We better talk tonight!' I yell as I see him disappear in the hallway.

Writing down a few more notes I had thought of during class, I halt when I hear Haku's voice in the distance. I hear him talking to someone in the hall. I peek up from my desk wondering who it was. Haku was extremely polite and I suddenly hear a familiar sharp voice.  
Opening the door with certain force, Tsunade walked in. Her fierce amber eyes were practically glowing.

'Sakura!'  
'T-Tsunade?' I ask in surprise. No one had told me she was one her way over!

With a proud smile she greeted me before looking around in the class.  
'Nice,' she muttered. 'Not exactly a small group to start with, hm?'

'No,' I laugh while getting up to greet her properly.

Without saying a word I pulled her into a tight embrace that she immediately responded to. Taking a step back and complimenting me when taking a good look at me.  
'You look great! I thought you'd be a mess. I'm sorry it took so long but… from what I've heard you've kept yourself busy.'  
'She asked and I had the time.' The sheepish answer doesn't go by unnoticed and she snickers while taking another glance at me.

Walking towards the desk, she sat down on it while starting to reminisce about her own teaching days. Remember it was one the more happier periods of her life. No stress or big decisions like when she had been a Hokage. Just teaching what she was good at, being a medic.  
When telling me I'd see it when someone would become just as passionate as us, I tell her I already seen a few remarkable students that I'd have to keep a close eye to.

We smile, both getting reminded of our own time together. Sharing a few memories that made us laugh, we talk as if no time has passed and nothing ever had stood between us.

 _Ironic how I once thought I had lost you._ Just thinking it made it hard on me to look her in the eye.  
Noticing my pained expression, she softened hers and suddenly reminded me everything was alright. That she was genuinely happy to see me.

Ah, sometimes our personalities would clash but we'd always pulled through.

I give her a grateful smile.

'So,' she then said when we fell silent. 'Ready to go home?'

I bite my lip while getting overwhelmed by feeling of doubt. This had been the moment I had been waiting for. But ever since the start of this project… I had forgotten so much. The need to get out of here and how I had ended up being here in the first place. It had all just kind of… faded away.

'Well,' I start. 'I just started my first day on this new project.'

Tsunade gives me an odd look before shrugging. 'You could let someone else teach, you don't have to do it personally. You've made the study ready to be taught.'

'But I put so much hard work in it, the fun part starts now,' I answer, feeling like a child that wasn't getting its way. I had looked forward to this, I had enjoyed myself so much this afternoon!

Hearing myself speak, I let out a long sigh. I had managed to run from this for a while but now I'd have to face it.

Did I still want to leave?

'I figured this was a bit more complex than assumed,' Tsunade laughed at my confused expression. 'I assume Mei did her part too.'

'Was this also a part of the deal?' I ask, hating the idea of the answer being yes.

Thankfully Tsunade shook her head but admitted she had expected something of a twist. It was unnaturally kindhearted of Kirigakure of going along with the idea of me staying here without getting something in return.

'They do need my help,' I add, trying to defend Mei a little.  
'I'm sure they do,' she nods. 'Konoha could need you too right now.'

A pang of guilt goes through my heart and shuts me down completely. Letting myself fall against the desk behind me, I sit next to her while I try to think of a good argument.

I can't possible debate that this was some sort of therapy for me. Konohagakure would never accept that.

'Do I have to leave?' I ask with a small voice.  
'No, not necessarily.' Another shrug is added and I'm starting to wonder where she is going with this.

Giving me a grin when I give her an odd look at her aversive answers.

'Let's go for a walk,' She suggests.  
'I've been here all day, I could use some fresh air,' I reply with a smile.

Nodding at our agreement, she then tells me she's hungry and could use a drink too.  
I let out a sigh and get up with her. I end up asking her just what she had been up to for the past few weeks and how come it had took so long for her to get here.  
Her beautiful face turns sour at the mention of it. Muttering something along the lines of certain men not being able to hold their liquor, that a drunk bet was never a good idea and that I needed to treat her to dinner since she was practically broke now.

* * *

'It's nice here.' Tsunade takes in the green rooftops and I hear her loudly inhale the scent of freshness surrendering us. I agree, saying at first this place didn't look too good.  
'But ever since spring, I find it more beautiful every day,' I tell her with a wide smile.

'So how are you, Sakura?'

The question wasn't to be answered with a short good. Her amber eyes bore into mine. Though the bistro is still rowdy, my ears feel like they've been deafened and I find it hard to keep my composure for a moment. I wasn't quite sure what to tell her.

I had been so caught up in my past, I hadn't actually been able to catch up with the present time just yet and dare to simply face my emotions.

 _I promised myself no more lies or secrets.  
_  
'I've been good. Really good,' I tell her in one breath. 'But I had rough time.'

'I know but I felt you needed space… or have _different_ people surrounding you.' Giving me a mysterious look before continuing. 'I always found his request odd. I know Mei has probably told you now of her suspicion of him but in all honesty,' she took sip from her drink. 'I could never place it in his personality.'

 _Him being Zabuza of course._ It feels strange to talk about him with her but at the same time I was glad I was able to do so. The memory of the aching loneliness all too clear in my mind and I didn't want to go back to that time at all.

'He…' _Has been good? Nice?_

He is affectionate when no is looking. And I times I feel like I can reach him but… we are not in some sort of love relation. We are just… together at times.

'He has been good to me,' I finally say. I see her lips curl up at the answer. Again taking a sip before speaking up. I could sense something was on her mind.

'Sakura, I don't know what his plans are. But I don't think you are a part of it. He isn't the type to engage in anyone. He doesn't care for anyone but himself.'

I shift in my seat uncomfortable.

'But I do find it odd he asked you to come here. Do you think he… has developed some type of feeling towards you?'

Holding my glass in my hands, I let it sink in. Staring at the clear water, wishing my mind could be in the same state.

'Just what exactly is your relationship?'

'It's… quite _physical_ ,' I answer with a blush.  
'Yes, I figured that out when I my ears caught the rumor of you sneaking off to his room in our very own village for everyone to see.'  
Feeling myself redden by the thought of people knowing I couldn't help but ask her just who knew about this. "A few" wasn't exactly a pleasing answer.

'None of that matters. Life goes on,' she shrugs.

'Where are you going with this?' I finally ask her.

Staying quiet in thought for a moment while staring into her own glass. Making up her mind, she grabbed it and drank it down in one take.

'I had two scenarios in my head,' she muttered. 'Either nothing would've changed and you'd still be a mess. Or you'd be yourself again, perhaps happier…'

'He isn't the reason…' 'But he is the reason you are here.'

'Where are you going with this again?' I repeat with a sigh while feeling a bit annoyed.

'How do _you_ feel about him?' She then asked, ignoring my aggravated expression. 'Do you think you can stay here? With what you have?'

I suddenly understood the looks she had been giving me weren't meant to be mocking or mean. She wanted to be sure. She was here for me and not in the name of Konoha or any other function she had served the world. Feeling slightly guilty before becoming overwhelmed with loving warmth, our bond was stronger than ever before. I give her a grateful look before thinking of answers.

'He'll never say the things I long to hear,' I mutter. 'It's ridiculous. We'd be embarrassing ourselves with this. We have already and for so long!'

'Exactly,' she sharply said. 'I'm here as your friend, Sakura. I'm not going to drag you out of here, so you can be miserable again but I'm also not walking away without the certainty that you won't be that here one day too.'  
'I don't have certainty with Zabuza,' I explain. 'He's too conflicted with himself.'  
'And precisely for that reason I gave you some extra time to figure that out.'

I fall silent and think about it for a moment. Realizing that without knowing his plan and revealing his true intentions, I was none the wiser about how my life here was going to be.

 _There would be no future here._

We hadn't spoken since last night and he had made it clear to Haku that he thought I wanted to leave.  
And I had thought that too for the longest time but now I wasn't so sure anymore.

'Give me one more night,' I tell her. I bite my lip while wondering if it would make any difference.

Nodding her head in agreement, she complies to the plea. When seeing the insecurity rise inside of me, she gives me a small reinsuring smile. I give her a look of a appreciation.

We fall completely silent. Thankfully dinner is served and we can eat instead of talking. Ordering a light salad with the idea of eating later with Haku and Zabuza, Tsunade goes all out.  
I've forgotten how much of a good eater she was. I receive a few odd looks while gently nudging her foot to make her aware of how she was looking as a former Hokage and a visitor.

Lifting up her eyebrow, she gives me a annoyed look. 'What?' she asked with a full mouth.  
'Nothing,' I sigh not being able to conceal a smile.

The whole scenario took the pressure off and I felt we could tackle some light-hearted fun topics now.

'How is home?' I ask.

'Great, I suppose,' she shrugs. 'With finally being able to travel again I haven't been around much. But I have faith in Kakashi.'

We talk a bit more. Apparently Naruto had become his usual self again at one point and suddenly wanted to travel after us and stop me from getting here. Agreeing on what a knucklehead Naruto was, Tsunade explained there was still a lot he wasn't aware of.

I assumed she was talking about the exact details surrounding Zabuza.

I suddenly missed him and though I longed to see him, my body did not respond to the idea.

'If…' _If what? There is no if._ I dismiss the negative thoughts, trying to focus on the future. 'If I don't stay here… Do you want to go travelling together?'

She smiled at the suggestion before it fell and she gave me a tired look in response. 'Yeah, well…' She let out a sigh. 'I'm kind of tired, really. I think I'm going home after this.'

'Oh.'

I suddenly was feeling a little disappointed. A perhaps a bit foolish too.

'You don't have to go, you know. You can finish your work here first,' she reminded me while trying to make me feel better. 'No one can stop you. Kakashi has pardoned the cases running and any accusations made against you. And technically speaking you didn't have much of a job to begin with.'

'Yeah…' Getting reminded of the tiring journey I had left behind me while realizing how bright this place was to me. When looking at Tsunade, I realize she saw that too. Back in Konoha I'd become a socialite again. Not a real doctor.

There is a moment of silence before her amber eyes meet mine. Her eyebrows frowning when seeing my green ones.  
'Does he have to say it?' She then asks on a more serious tone.

 _Does Zabuza have to say I have to stay?_

'

Not really,' I say aloud. 'But I don't want to look over my shoulder my entire life. I want to be free.'

 _Of doubt. Hurt. Insecurities. And no matter what this place offers me, if the people that I'm living with are going to infect my mind… I have no medication to fight it._

'It's complex.' Another deep sigh leaves my mouth.

Tsunade nods her head in agreement as if she had some experience in these type of relationships.  
I make mental note she has indeed loved men and lost them too. Tragically.

 _You probably feel lonely… just like me._

I see her lose herself in thought and staring at her drink and start to feel extremely guilty for always being so stuck in my own head and never considering her feelings. She too had suffered.

'Tsunade,' I quietly start while trying to think of the right words to say.

Her amber eyes look straight into mine, having a certain fierceness in them that made me believe that she needed to know something from me. Now.

'So when you say physical… do you mean like rabbits or…?' 'Tsunade!' I yell with red face. I look around to see if anyone had heard.  
'Are you drunk already?' I hiss.  
'No,' she plainly answered, though she signaled a waiter for another drink. 'Just curious.'

'We just have… good chemistry,' I politely word while feeling my blush deepen.

Her amber eyes give me an amused look. She enjoyed embarrassing others far too much. I shake my head at her, realizing she had just said it to rile me up.

'Sakura,' she then started on a serious tone. Grabbing my hand she gave it a light squeeze. 'Men like him were never taught to be _vocal_ … they were not allowed to think unless it was of a battle strategy. But their emotions eventually catches up with them, no matter how hard they train.'  
I stay silent, listening intently while slightly gaping at her wisdom.  
'And one day, you fall out of fuel and the anger that once drove you disappears. And only then there is room for other emotions.'

I take a sharp breath at hearing that. I knew how that felt but only since recently. Her words gave me a sort of epiphany, understanding it all much more than before.

'He can only express himself a certain way…'

 _Physically…_

'He's selfish…' she acknowledges before adding a twist. 'But a different type of selfish… He just wants you for the sake of having you.'

I get reminded of one our many nights together.

Knowing where she is going with this, I take a huge sip of my drink while shaking my head at her ideas.

'I'm a pawn in his plan… I can be played out well against the Mizukage.'  
'Plans and schemes are what make him who he is,' she answered shrugging while dismissing that was the true reason. 'He probably thought of it as he was going along.'

She hit the nail on the head. I swallow at the idea swirling in my head suddenly.

'You think he is… _in love_ with me?' I ask struggling to put him and _that_ word in one sentence.

'I don't think he knows,' she snickered. 'But yeah.'

'A different type of selfish?' I tell her disbelievingly. I wanted to argue her, telling her she was wrong. Get rid of the doubt inside of me with a few good points. But I felt as if I was out of ammunition.

Or maybe my mind doesn't want to pick up any weapon to fight the idea.

'He had no good reason to bring you here other than to have you around him. Just you.'

 _Just you._

It echoed loudly in my head.

'You also have that boy in common… You both are fond of him which makes you undeniable connected.'

My heart flutters while my mind slowly went wild from all the realizations hitting me.

* * *

I open the drawer with a certain harshness. I was feeling angry for some reason. I didn't want to do this but I didn't know how else to draw him out. Chewing on the inside of my cheek, I hold on to the few pieces of clothes I had grabbed.

When I hear the door open, I get startled and to my surprise it is the very man I had been thinking of.

'Zabuza,' I quietly greet him.

He gives me an angry look before throwing his things aside while neatly placing his sword on to the wall. Without a word, he walks to the kitchen. He does what I usually do when he gets home, boiling water to make some tea.

'How was your day?' His voice is cool. He standing with his back to me so I can't see his expression.  
He doesn't _sound_ angry.

 _This entire day has been about you. First Mei, then Tsunade. The teaching part was easy and passed by quickly._

'It went really well.' My voice sounds almost a little hollow. I place the clothes on the commode, feeling kind of foolish to make him feel bad in order to make him… be someone who he wasn't.  
Slowly walking to him while my mind was going slightly mad with ideas and thoughts.

'Have you seen Haku yet?' I tried to use a light tone but the waver in my voice betrayed me.  
'He's studying…'

Not really know what to say, I don't say anything in respond. Suddenly Haku being a chūnin seemed like such an insignificant detail. Tsunade's arrival was a brutal awakening.

Uncomfortably I stand behind him, noticing he doesn't turn around when he glances at me out of the corner of his eye.

'You're going?' he asked. It was short and rough. Sounding slightly angry this time.

'I don't know,' I simply answer.

That was true, it was genuine answer.

'It's a simple question,' he said while turning around. His brown eyes bore into mine and I look down at my hands fidgeting with my sleeve in response.

'I thought you wanted to go.'

'D-do… you want me to go?'

He shrugs, coldly stating he doesn't care. 'It doesn't matter what I think.'  
'It does to me,' I sharply tell him. That seems to stir something up inside of him but he doesn't show me what it exactly is doing to him. I can practically see him pull up his usual mask of coldness.

'Don't,' I immediately say. Giving me a confused expression in return, I take a step towards him. Leaning against the cabinets as he stands next to me doing the same. 'Don't do that.'  
Pointing at his face probably did not make much sense at first but he seemed to understand when I gave him a pleading look.

'I can't lie anymore, Zabuza,' I tell him. 'I promised I'd stop.'

He stays silent, not making any taunting remarks about my good intentions. I can see something brooding in his eyes. I can see the conflicts going on inside his head.

'I can't tell them you don't have a plan when I know you do.'

 _Final chance, Zabuza._

When parting with Tsunade I realized I couldn't stay here and play pretend either. After all, she had said emotions eventually catch up and it would only be a matter of time before I'd find myself guilty of _something_ again.

Deep inside, I knew I just had to walk away. It was simplest and easiest solution.

'There is no plan,' he coldly states.

His hand reaches out to touch my arm and comes to stand before me. Grabbing my chin, he guides his to his mouth. When we kiss, I get remembered clearly of what I was holding onto. Its intense, almost passionate. But mostly possessive.

Slamming his fist into cabinet next to my head, I jump before getting hold into place by him. Shaking his head while nuzzling his nose into my neck, I hear him inhale sharply. His mouth is warm and intoxicating. He gives me a few light kisses before he moves down. His mouth goes over my collarbone before halting at the middle of my chest. After a second of wavering, he goes further down. His fingers unbutton my shirt. Slowly placing himself on his knees as his mouth goes lower and his hands tighten their grip on my hips. I then look down at him.

My mouth parts at the sight in awe. It's almost lovable. The look in his eyes is something between lust and pleading.

'Stay, Sakura,' he whispers. I didn't know if he was just saying what I wanted to hear.

His brown eyes disappear when his eyes fall shut and presses his mouth against me. I feel his one hand leave to push up my skirt.

I halt him. Not letting it, lust, cloud my mind. Though my body disagrees at first, I can finally win it over but I have to use all of my willpower to do so.

'I need more than that, Zabuza.'

I hear him mutter something that was muffled because he kept his mouth too closely to my thigh. I feel his head toss and turn when my hands go through his brown hair.

' _Please._ '

It was hardly audible.

Struck by how he was playing this role of almost an desperate man, I slowly go to his eye-level. Crouching before him, I give him a long look. I still didn't know what this meant to him. I didn't want to wonder much longer either. I needed to know now.

'I'm going to need more than a plea.'

His hand snake around my neck and I do the same, holding on to him. I still can't tell if he's being honest with me after all this time. Or maybe I'm just too suspicious and disbelieving towards the idea he could be.

'What if you need to be alone?'

This wasn't about what he had told me. I obviously wasn't his teammate or his superior.  
But he and Haku was all I had here. I knew I could always count on Haku. But him… What if I started to annoy him after a while?

His mouth tasted mine. Eyes locked on mine. I lose myself for a second before pulling back.  
'If you go… I fear I'll fall into my old ways again,' he confessed.  
My eyes widen but before I could respond his mouth silenced me, as if silencing me took back the words he had spilled. I could tell he couldn't bear the idea of himself baring his deepest thoughts to me.

This physical thing was his best strategy to keep me away from him. It was personal but not enough to surpass his mental barrier.

I let my hands glide through his hair. Feeling his hands snake around my body. I feel myself getting slowly lifted me off of the floor before being pushed against the small cabinets. Locking me between himself and the wood, he steadily keeps me in place. Fluttering my eyes open, I see how his stay close.  
I instantly shut mine and decide to enjoy the kiss for as long as it lasts. Who knew what could happen next.

His hands go over my body before he slowly puts me down and ending the long kiss.

'There is no plan,' he repeated.  
'I heard you talk,' I remind him. 'You and Haku.'  
'Don't you have _plans_?' he sharply replies.

Stunned by the answer, I let it sink in. _He… has a plan for himself?_

'You mean like… in the future?' I ask in disbelief.

He didn't respond and his expression stayed cool, yet the frown appearing on his face explained to me it was a bit more complex. He looked uncomfortable by telling me this. Suddenly understanding how far we've come, I smile at him. Sending me a glare at the reaction I was giving him, I place my hand on his cheek.

He doesn't have to tell me more.

'I trust you.'

His hard expression faded and he mirrored my movement for a second before going through my hair with his hand and staring at the short strands slipping pass his fingers.  
Giving me a nod of approval he then lets out a sigh, as if something heavy had been lifted off his shoulders too.

I had said something he had longed to hear from me. The confession asked a lot of him, after all he was a man trained to keep secrets and only dismantle them from others.  
I couldn't ask him to be someone other than himself. I knew who he was and what he had done.

It took me a little too long to realize that I scared him as much as he scared me at times. I evoked things inside of him… no textbook had ever taught him. My heart swells at the idea. And I confess my head slightly too. I had longed to be this person to someone and now I finally was.

He just hadn't been what I had always imagined.

'Zabuza!'

We both get startled by the sudden eruption. Whoever it was, was banging on the door loudly. Clearly angry or upset.

Letting out a sigh, Zabuza lets go of me and gives me a shrug in respond to the sudden ruckus.

'Zabuza!'

Not hurrying, he slowly walked to the door. I quirked up an eyebrow and slowly followed behind him while adjusting my clothes again.

'Calm down,' he yelled back annoyed.

Opening the door with a certain force, Zabuza snarled what he wanted. Apparently he knew who it was. And so did I once I saw him. It was the man from... that very _afternoon_ that sill haunted me today. I had felt so stupid afterwards.  
I suddenly realize I had caught him talking to Zabuza several times now. He always seemed to be wearing a nasty grin or a glare on his face.

'What the hell do you think you are doing?' he hissed while giving me a furious look as well.

Surprised, I just give him a startled look before looking at Zabuza. His face had become somewhat unreadable. He seemed to be nervous. Glancing back and forth between the two of use.  
'I heard she's leaving!' he yelled. 'Are you going to let her go? Did you forget about our plan?'

Zabuza stays quiet before snapping at the man and telling him to be quiet. 'Do you want everyone to hear?'

Without permission he enters the house and closes the door behind him. Standing intimidatingly before Zabuza, he repeats the last question. 'She not going anywhere,' Zabuza hisses.

Confusion grew inside of me and I didn't want to believe what was being indicated right now without seeing Zabuza's expression first.  
I needed to see him. I needed to see his eyes and perhaps even hear him say it. Had I just let myself get caught in some sort of illusion?

 _Tsunade had told you to not romanticize him!_ I angrily reminded myself while fighting back the tears of disappointment. Mostly at myself, I was behaving so utterly weak again.

'Did you grow weak, Zabuza?' the man asked, unknowingly taunting me too.  
'Shut it,' the short angry answers had little to no affect on the evenly tall man who kept his cold eyes on Zabuza's.

Abruptly changing his attention from Zabuza to me, he sends me a glare. Suddenly he walks over to me. Startled and intimidated by his persona and appearance, I take a few steps back. My eyes anxiously go from his to Zabuza's who remained unresponsive to my fearful expression.

'Have you been using your magic on his head too? I mean I've noticed how distracted he can be by you can be but… have you actually gotten _inside_ of his head?' His voice was vicious as if an unsatisfying answer could only lead to a fatal destiny.  
'I-I don't know what you are talking about!' I shout in defiance having no choice but to halt when my back meets the kitchen cabinets again.

Not stopping until he was as close to me as he had been to Zabuza. I feel his breath on my face.  
For some reason I'm shaking uncontrollable but I try to keep my look defiant. Out of nowhere, he takes me by my neck and grabs hold of me. Before I know it, I have a kunai pressed against my cheek and my one hand is behind my back. Zabuza's perfect mask crumbles for a second and I see a flicker of concern in his eyes.

'You said you had the key, the right pawn to execute our plan perfectly. That it wouldn't be like last time!' the man started again. 'I'm tired of living in disgrace!'  
'Give it some time—'you're on that wench her side aren't you, Zabuza?' he yells. 'You think that woman is going to help us!'  
Zabuza let out a sigh while slowly making his way towards us. With my free hand I grab hold of his, trying to get the kunai as far as away from me as I could but it was as if the man was made of iron. He didn't budge.  
'The Mizukage isn't like last time… She actually has some good ideas—'I'm not taking orders from a woman!'

'I told you the plan was off!' Zabuza yelled back, clearly becoming aggravated with the man.

Too many thoughts were going through my brain to process everything properly, so I desperately tried to get lose and away from the man.

'Grown weak, Zabuza?' He started again, clearly taunting Zabuza effectively. I see Zabuaz's inner conflicts resurface.

Looking at the man, I see his tongue come out as if he was something inhumane. I could catch a glimpse of the swordsmen's signature sharp teeth.

Suddenly he pushes me to Zabuza and throws him the kunai.

'I'm not taking orders from a weakened fool either. Show me. Show me you haven't grown weak.'

Zabuza stared at the kunai before taking a look at me. I wasn't quite sure if I should back away or not. His cool brown eyes gave no indication but his body visible relaxed at being in control again. Ignoring me, he focused instead on the man again.

'I said I had a plan of my own and I wouldn't be needing you nor _her_.' Emphasizing how much I disinterested him by shaking his head coldly to me when saying "her".  
The man laughed before expressing his disbelieve while seemingly also demanding for them to continue.

'I don't take orders from you, you take them from me!' Zabuza hissed, holding out the kunai to the man.  
The man's expression went from angry to furious, 'You've grown weak!' he spat again. In a flash he launched himself towards me and as I want to scream in response the tall figure of Zabuza comes to stand before me. It was all happening so fast.

The man instantly calms down and for a moment I think the worse is over. It takes me a second to realize that it is shock that is on his face. His eyes widen when looking at Zabuza and slowly he looks down to his hand. I follow his gaze and suddenly see the metal sticking out Zabuza's stomach. I let out a distraught scream when seeing the blood stream out of the wound.  
Letting go of the kunai that was fully inside of the man before him, he muttered he hadn't expected that reaction. 'I was just going… to scare her—you a little,' he mumbled in disbelief to Zabuza.

Zabuza doesn't respond and when I see him stagger I rush to his side and try to hold on to him. His face is mix of surprise and confusion. Stumbling down onto the floor, I hold on to the wound. Accusingly look up at the man who was still in some state of shock.

'You've grown weak,' he finally said.

'Get out!' I scream.  
Stunned by my outburst, he looks at me. 'I didn't mean for him to get hurt, he jumped before you!' he angrily responded. Seeing the blood seep out of the wound, his tone changed drastically. 'Can you handle this?'  
'Go get help, you idiot!' I yell at him. 'Or do you want to spend the rest of your lives behind bars for murder!?'

Though visible annoyed by my reaction, he nods before running out of the room.

I wasn't too sure if he was actually going to go out to get help. He could just be thinking ahead and be planning an escape.

'Zabuza,' I quietly start. 'Stay awake!'  
His complexion is already pale and his eyes become a little unresponsive. Grabbing a towel to stop the bleeding, I start to scream for help. Haku should hear us.

'Zabuza?' I repeat, this time more firmly.

His brown eyes find mine and his gives me a smirk.

'I wasn't… the plan—'none of that matters,' I answer dismissively while trying to do the best that I can.  
'I'm not going anywhere,' I tell him.  
His smirks widen and his hand reaches out to touch my cheek. I affectionally respond to it, hoping this wouldn't be the last time. His brown eyes hold emotions I hadn't ever caught before.

'I was jealous.'  
'Of what?' I lightly ask, trying to keep the conversation going to keep him conscious.  
'I was jealous of Haku because I just wanted you to… care for me too. I wanted you to want me…'  
He hisses in pain and for a moment all I see his pained expression before he can continue with his confession.  
'I do now. I care about you,' I reuinsuringly tell him. _I care more about you than you think.  
_ 'I just wanted you to want me for no reason… because lets face it, there is no good reason to want me.' He gives me another smirk before lowering his hand onto the ground, falling out of energy and strength. I widen my eyes while understanding how deep my own emotions went for him.  
 _  
_'I'm bleeding all over you again,' he snickers when noticing the red stains on my blouse. I shake my head, not caring about such details. This wasn't like the first time. Not at all.  
'You've succeeded,' I tell him in a whisper, placing my forehead on his. 'I want you without any good explanation.'  
'Thank you, Sakura…'

I shake my head in disbelieve at what is happening.

'Don't leave me, Zabuza.'

* * *

Comment/review!


	27. Chapter 27

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

* * *

Chapter XXVII

I could feel the warmth of the sun on my hands. Stirring a little because I don't want to open my eyes just yet. I feel a light weight resting softly on my shoulders. A blanket. I smile at a faint memory passing my mind.  
I hold on to the hand resting in mine a little longer, hoping today would be different.

I then flinch at the cruel memories flooding my mind.

 _'Haku!' I screamed.  
I tried talking to him, keep him awake but his eyes had stayed sealed after thanking me.  
Though I was certain it had only taken Haku a minute to be at my side, it had felt as too long. I could see the life drain out of him and the blood loss become too severe.  
_  
I remember thinking it had all happened so… _stupidly._ So unexpectedly.

 _'Sakura…'_

I squeeze my eyes shut hoping the vision of Haku's pained expression would leave me.

Feeling a hot tear welling up, I try to withhold it. When failing to do so, I just let it drop on the sheet underneath me. My back ached from the hunched sitting position I had tortured myself with for the last two days.

I don't want to let go.

So I hold on to the limp hand a little long. I enjoy the ray of suns peeking through the curtain and lighten up the grim room. It was probably going to be a beautiful day today.

I let out a deep sigh. My shoulder tighten when realizing another night has passed.

Startled when I feel the hand move in mine. I look up to only to see his passive expression, eyes shut.  
It was probably just a spasm. But even that was good sign to me. I wrap my hands around his, holding it more closely to my face.

It was strange how only a mere twenty-four hours could change your entire mindset. All these years I had been so convinced of not meaning much to the man. All this time I had told myself I was capable of using another human being like so many had used me.

But it had all been in vain. Those thoughts were nothing but my mere imagination.

Though keen on keeping it for himself, I know saw every move he had made. Every time he tried to waver my steady mind, push me of the pedestal I had placed myself on. Telling me there was no good or evil. That we were all capable of the same things.

Looking back I now see how much he just wanted me to look beyond everything he was. How he just wished for a chance… For someone to care for him.

 _Or am I romanticizing you again, Zabuza?_

Suddenly his hand lightly squeezes mine. My eyes widen and before I know it, it slips out of my grip and places itself on my head. Giving me a short caress on my hair before it falls out of energy.

'Zabuza?' I softly whisper.

He doesn't respond at first but his eyes tiredly open. Sitting up straight, I'm not able to suppress a smile when looking at him.  
'Take it easy,' I tell him when I see him wanting to speak. I offer him some water but he lightly shakes his head.  
'You almost lost your life,' I tell him. 'You've been out for a few days. A little longer and…' I swallow the angry thoughts and reminded myself none of it mattered now. What-if scenarios never did.

He stays quiet but gives me a small, slightly forced, smirk. His hand signals me to come closer to him.  
I get up and while I feel the blanket fall off my shoulders, I smile when thinking of Haku this time around being the one to place it on me. Yet it is Zabuza who receives the grateful look, as it was he who had done so the first time.

 _Another signal missed._

I briefly ponder if I had ever truly thanked him for his kind gesture.

'It hurts,' he whispers in my ear when I get closer to him. Nodding my head I wordlessly turn around and inject some morphine in his infusion, knowing it would help ease his pain quickly.

'If Haku hadn't been around to help me… You wouldn't even have made it to the hospital,' I tell him using a far too strict tone. I guess I was mad that I had almost lost a man I didn't know I had in the first place. I take hold of his hand again.

'He hit a vital spot…' I mutter. There had been so much chaos surrounding me. For the first time, I hadn't quite felt like a doctor. I had felt the desperateness of losing someone dear. Something I had always feared but it was that same neediness that made me push through the operation and ended up being somewhat successful. The rest had been up to him.

'Il weed grows apace.'

His voice sounded hoarse. Weak. Tired.

'Ha!' I snicker while thinking of how many times I had said that exact saying myself.  
But I dismiss the lightheartedness and shake my head while explaining him that it hadn't been all that simple. He hadn't been responding to anything, not even some radical medication to wake him up from his coma.

'I begged for one more day,' I mutter while holding back a sob. 'If you didn't wake up just now…'  
'Don't be all… emotional,' he interrupts using an annoyed tone. 'I'm not dead.'  
'Obviously,' I answer with a smirk while being glad he was being his usual self.

Yet his hand pulls me closer to him and without talking, I place myself next to him. Softly placing my head on his shoulder while feeling his arm come around my shoulders.

I had waited for him open his eyes. To feel his breath tickle my skin again. To have his warmth around me.

I had reflected on so many things only to realize how deep we had dug ourselves in.

Walking away was easy but not what either of us longed for. I think that was perhaps the hardest thing we had to admit to ourselves.

It is silent for the longest time. I just let him be.

Surprisingly Zabuza isn't pulling up his usual harsh stoic mask. When I look up to him, I see his brown eyes staring down at me. For the first time I see my own emotions reflect in his eyes.

'You said there was no plan,' I softly start.  
Another long silence follows while he plays purposelessly with my hair. Trying to stall the moment of truth or perhaps simply find the right words to say.

'I changed my mind,' he eventually admits.

'…how come?'

'The longer I stayed here…' _Kirigakure._ 'the more I realized I belonged here. That I perhaps care more about this place than I was first willing to admit. After all, I didn't commit those crimes out of spite towards any _civilians_ …'  
'And so you didn't want to betray them again?' I whisper.

He shrugged but immediately winced in pain, the abrupt movement being too much for him.

'There was no reason this time around. Mei—the Lady Mizukage, actually listens.'

I can hear him having a bit of hard time accepting his own correction but respected Mei enough to overcome that.  
'She has good ideas and I can tell she genuinely cares for the people…' I hear him wince in pain again and eventually accept the offer to drink a bit of water.  
A good sign because this meant the morphine was working, I also assume he simply didn't have the strength to drink before.

'So you wanted to abandon the plan,' I start after placing the glass back on the tray next to his bed.  
I practically crawl like a cat next to him, not wanting to leave the comfortable place I had found.

'He… he doesn't mean bad. I understand his frustration and hate,' Zabuza quietly continues. 'I grew up in poverty and so did Haku… Every generation seemed to suffer the same fate and nobody cared. As long as we won, as long as we were victorious, the sacrifices didn't matter. The hate just rooted itself deeper with every generation that came after me and I made it my mission to make those responsible suffer and punish them for what they did to us…'

'But now you have someone tackling the problem with a different approach.'  
He stayed quiet for a second, reluctantly and almost hesitantly nodding in agreement.  
'She didn't have to pardoned my crimes but… she saw "potential" in me.'

I realize that must've been a hard thing for him to accept, to be recognized by a woman supposedly foreign to him. She didn't come off as someone who knew what type of man he was.  
But I assume Mei had seen things too and perhaps that was why she was so compassionate. Maybe she knew there was more than met the eye to Shinobi scratching their headbands and turning against the very village that raised them.

'He was angry for good reasons… I have been behaving like a fool,' Zabuza harshly stated. I could tell his behavior was something he truly disapproved of. I assume for him there was no worse crime then to show your emotions.

'You're not a fool.'

His silence told me he thought otherwise.

Not wanting to let it go so easily, I sit up. Placing my hand on his cheek, he stays unresponsive for the most part but I can feel his body relaxing underneath me.

'So… do I really have to marry you to stay here?' I ask on light tone. 'Or can I just stay?'

His eyes widen and I could tell his was utterly confused for a moment. Unsure of how to respond to this confession of mine. But in all honesty, I think I had unknowingly made this decision a while back…

After all, this man had saved me from myself.

I get pulled back to the memory of that afternoon, having one of the darkest moment of my life.

It had become a bittersweet memory in my mind. And I still felt uneasy at times when thinking back to it. But it turned out I wasn't as alone in that moment as I had thought. Though I felt he haunted me, it had been him to come and saved me. He had pulled trough were so many had left off.

'Don't stay… you'll only weaken my mind.'

His crude talking left me unfazed. So I smile in response and silence his wicked mouth with mine. Just a taste and we seemed to find ourselves in the same place again. I could see his eyes soften once more.

'Tell me about your plans, Zabuza.'

He takes a deep breath, pushing me closer to him so my head was back on his shoulder. I figured looking me straight in the eye and talking about the future was a bit much for him.  
'I think…' he takes a sharp breath, disapproving of how he was almost going to put it. 'Haku will become a great Mizukage one day.'

It was a statement. A solid fact.

I smile at the reveal of his plan. I have to fight off the feeling to give him my look of approval so I instead place my mouth against his neck and inhale his scent. 'Sounds like a good plan.'

'I'll guide him but he needs to work harder, though…'

I snicker in response. _Of course he does.  
_  
'I'll help you.'

The answer seems to shock him much like the earlier statement of me staying here but he remained unresponsive and quiet. Yet I could read his body language easily. I could feel it in his caresses, his fingertips touching my skin. _He'd like that._

I wonder why it had taken me so long to figure out what he had given to me without any reluctance, without thought of me being able to do so. _Reading his body_.

'Why did you thank me?' I then ask. 'What for?'

'Everything…. Mostly your warmth.'

Not being able to help myself I sit up again, making eye-contact. His brown eyes still have soft look in them and for some reason it makes his lips look inviting. When I softly kiss him again, his lips confess a piece of his puzzling mind.

'You're really mine…'

I just nod while nuzzling my nose against his. He halts my movement by placing a hand on my cheek and lifting my chin up.

'You looked so… alone,' he suddenly started. 'When I was in your house and we were by ourselves, I could see it in your eyes. You seemed to be so alone… like I was. And I… I couldn't stop thinking of _touching_ you.' The last part made his eyes roam over my body, as if relieving one of those moments.

I place a finger on his lips, trying to silence him. But he would have none of it, seemingly not minding he was behaving foolish once again.

'You turned me into your tool,' he added.

I frown at the words. It was a little harsh to hear but his honesty made me stop dead in my tracks.  
Maybe sometimes I did try to manipulate him. After all, I was just as human as him.

Right now I guess I was kind of trying to make him hold back, make it easier on the both of us.  
And perhaps because of what had been said earlier, I had been keen on making him as comfortable as he could around me… I didn't want to be another person restricting him.  
But I suppose in order to do that, I would have to let him be. He too was trying to adept to a complete new life.

I realize the road ahead was long and tricky.

Biting my lip at the thought, I remind myself to take it one step at a time.

'You're not my tool,' I say while shaking my head at the idea.

'Haku is mine and you are his,' he continued while ignoring my words. He didn't sound as himself and I briefly wondered if the drugs were doing something weird to his mind.

'I figured the more I used him, the more you'd stay around… me.'

I stay silent and in my head all the little things added up now. Slowly piling up, making me look at him differently then before. I had pondered plenty about what everything had meant during any encounter we had have and now it all felt as if nothing had been truly accidental.

It almost felt as if fate had brought us here.

I gasp for air when realizing I was finally hearing the things I had longed to hear.

Someone who wanted me.

'We're no one's tools, Zabuza.'

'Of course we are,' he bitterly answers. I can tell all the talking is exhausting him.

I shake my head again, telling him he's wrong. Yet I don't leave no room to talk anymore. And with a few kisses I manage to calm his mind and body. It's complicated and delicate, whatever it is we have.

I know the word _love_ would be a taboo and that the chance of him ever saying it, in any context, was non-existing. But I think I always knew that words meant nothing compared to actions and feelings. We shared a bond that no one but us could understand.  
Perhaps that was what I had always missed in all my previous relationship, proof of its existence.

Words were simply not enough.

I let out a relaxed sigh, feeling very comfortable with the idea of being here. Zabuza's hand stays on my back, affirming he's glad to have me here.

A light knock on the door wakes us up from wherever we are. Revealing his usual pale face, I smile at the boy who got us here.

'You are awake!' he happily exclaims while walking towards us. 'How are you feeling, Zabuza?'  
'Shut up.'  
'Better I see,' he quickly responds with his usual smile.

His witty response makes me laugh out loud and I can sense Zabuza's annoyance. 'Hmph.'

'Should I inform the others?' he asks already turning around to do so. I halt him, telling him to shut the door and wait a little longer. He nods but not without telling me that Tsunade and Mei were waiting for me in the hall. I answer I don't want to leave just yet.

Withholding the information of him being awake for a few more minutes wasn't going to ruin anyone's life.

I reach out for Haku's hand when he comes to stand next to Zabuza's other side. When his holds mine, he gives it a light reassuring squeeze like he always does.  
Zabuza grabs our hands, wanting to end the far too emotional gesture. I feel the pressure in his hand soften before abruptly ending our connection. Grabbing my wrist to lay down my hand on his chest.

'How do you always survive, Zabuza?' Haku snickers, ignoring the rather angry reaction from his teacher.  
Zabuza responds with a cruel remark of him having some actual use to him at times or so he had been told. Not letting his softer side show any longer he then asks Haku if hadn't been slacking or using him as an excuse to postpone any of their goals.

'Of course not, Zabuza,' he smiles, unfazed by his outburst.  
He then turns his attention to me, giving me his usual charming smile. 'Just take an angel by the wings,' he says answering his own question. 'Right, Zabuza?'

I respond with a blush, still flattered by the way he saw me. I mutter a faint thank you while hearing a growl come from Zabuza's throat. 'Stop acting like that!'

'Or are you still angry with me for that?' he asks Zabuza, who turns his head the other way.

Haku simply keeps smiling at me while I try to catch Zabuza's expression. I suppose my presence had strained their relationship at one point. And knowing him, he had tried to fight it off at first.

'Zabuza finds it a _very stupid_ name but I supposed the same could be said of Demon of the Mist,' he grinned. I ignore the glare Zabuza sends him and try to hold my laughter back.

'He'd never called you that,' Haku then clarified for the sake of his precious reputation. I simply laugh while feeling Zabuza's grip harden on my hand, disapproving of my reaction.

I untangle my hand out of his grip and slide underneath his hand, letting it hold mine more gently then before. Letting it be, his thumb softly starts to caress my wrist.

Looking up from the sight, I now see Zabuza looking at me. His brown eyes are practically locked on mine and I forget Haku's presence for a few seconds. His silence is most welcoming as I'm done talking or questioning his motives.

I suddenly find the peace I had been longing for so long and it overwhelms me a little.

I snap out of my daze when feeling Haku's hand on my shoulder. When I look at him he gives me a peculiar smile I have never received before.

I smile back while realizing the child inside was merely hiding behind the adult mask it had been wearing since the very beginning. Overly excited by what was happening, he gives me a grateful look. Audible thanking me for all I have done for the both of them. Zabuza remains quiet, pretending to not hear. Haku merely keeps smiling.

He then tells me he has to inform the Mizukage of Zabuza's awakening.

'Why does she care?' Zabuza snapped.

'Because she values your abilities as a leader.' Ah, the quick answer caught him off guard and for a split second I see a surprised look on his tired face. His expression softens when Haku says she told him so herself and that he didn't have to worry about his position as it was not endangered. Getting all of this recognition and special treatment was foreign to him but he tried his best to simply accept it.

'I heard you suggested to the Mizukage that perhaps we should create a plan to provide guidance to fallen shinobi. Therapy sessions or other treatment to make them adjust to their new lives. Lovely idea, Sakura,' Haku said to me.

'Thank you, Haku.'

'I'll be right back,' Haku announced while walking out the room.

'If someone enters…' Zabuza quietly started while glancing at the door.  
'I'll jump off the bed!' I jokingly answer.

Surprisingly, he gives me a smirk in response.

I swallow when still feeling my body tremble at the idea of what I was doing. I was still puzzling the pieces together and slowly accepted that the man of my dreams was not exactly who I'd imagined.

But that was the point of dreams; they were simply representation of what could be, presented by what we already knew in our minds.

It had taken some strange encounters and hard emotions but I felt ready now. I was ready for this life.  
Whatever was ahead of me, wasn't going to be easy. I'd still be finding myself searching for answers at times. And since emotion didn't come naturally for Zabuza, I'd have to invest a lot of myself into helping him find them.

My hand caresses his arm and I sit up again, looking him daringly in the eye. He had put up his usual cold mask, pretending to be uninterested in whatever I was going to say. I think Haku's cheerfulness had perhaps asked a bit too much of him and so he now reacted in his usual way, cold and uncaring.

But I was out of words. So instead I kissed him again.

Feeling his hands roam over my body before hissing in pain, he pulls back. Cursing his own body he mutters when exactly he was going to be fully healed.  
'Not anytime soon but…' I slyly tell him I could arrange something. He gives me a devilish smirk in return.

'Her lady Mizukage will be here shortly, she—'Haku halted when catching how we were entangled with one another. I could see faint blush on his cheeks before he regained himself.

'I don't believe that is an appropriate way of treating a patient, Sakura.'

Zabuza lets out a groan. 'When did he get so annoying!?'  
'I don't know!' I start laughing at Haku's cunning expression while making an incredible accurate point.

'Or will there be some sort of union soon, hmm?' He then asks while his smirk widens.

'Great! Now he has a _new_ plan for us,' Zabuza sardonically states. I frown for a moment before realizing he was talking about Haku wanting us to get together… officially.

'My plans always succeed, Zabuza. I've never failed you, have I?'

'Shut up!'

Smiling at their banter I suddenly feeling calm at seeing this very recognizable scene. I had been here before when I was younger. Suddenly their bond didn't seem as unlikely as it had always appeared to me. I was in a different position now, I suppose. Smarter. Braver. More capable.

'Get off of me,' Zabuza bluntly states, snapping me out of my thoughts. My smile falters and when I look up to see his eyes, I see conflict. I could see that demon flicking lividly inside of him.  
Headstrong, I vow to never ever let _him_ falter me again.  
Ignoring his harshness and the coldness lingering on his face, I brush off the hard words and reach out to touch him.

Zabuza lets my hand travel from his cheek to his neck, to finally rest on his heart.

'You don't have to put on that mask.'

* * *

 **The end.**

I've always wanted to write a happy ending for the three!  
I am genuinely sad that this story is over… I loved writing this, it was actually kind of therapeutic for me.  
I know this pairing doesn't make much sense but the truth is… I simply always loved the complexity of Zabuza's and Haku's relationship. I also don't want to pick popular characters for the sake of getting a ton of reviews. So thanks for giving this story a chance!

THANK YOU for simply reading, I truly hope you enjoyed the ending.  
And THANKS to everyone who took the time to review, I appreciated each and every single one I received. Special thanks to AngelIre for the lengthy review from last chapter (it made me so happy!) and Cruisegirl86, LovelessDarkness and "Guest" for being so consistent too! Thank you guys so much, you made it fun and inspired me to keep going!

Until next time and once again, thank you for reading!

Comment/Review!


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